Yesterday, an intrepid reader informed me that Cubscast.com had posted a podcast in which they announced the winners of their first-ever Strode Awards.
First, if you’re going to name an award after a bullpen coach, how can it be anything but The Gamboa Awards?
Apparently, I was up for three of the prestigious awards including “Best Cubs Blog”, “Best Comedy Blog” and “Lifetime Achievement Award.”
I’ll save you the suspense. I narrowly edged out Kermit’s Hire Jim Essian for best comedy blog, and was soundly beaten by none other than Carrie Muskat and her mailbag for “Lifetime Achievement.” I have no problem with that. The fact she can keep entire Hostess Cherry Pies in her hair bun is enough for anybody’s lifetime.
But I will tell you this, Kermit and I finished second and third respectively in the Best Cubs Blog category and I didn’t care that I didn’t win. It’s the no-talent assclown that I lost to that bothers me.
Guess who they deem the Best Cubs Blog? I guess the baloney sammich in the open probably gave it away. They gave it to Al Yellon and his miserably banal Bleed Cubbie Blue.
Bleed Cubbie Blue is the worst of everything about Cubs fans. Fer chrissakes it even has Cubbie in the name. Who would possibly put that into the title of anything by choice? He even spelled it in nearly the prissiest way possible. Hell, I’m surprised it’s not Bleed Cubbi Blue. Why not go all the way?
The reason Bleed Cubbie Blue won is because the Cubscast guys are impressed with the community that hangs out there. I’m impressed with it, too. I didn’t know that many shut ins were Cubs’ fans?
This is a society that uses money orders to buy things. This is a society that would like nothing more than to see the Cubs win a game they attend…unless the opportunity to see them no-hit by the opposing pitcher presents itself. This is a society that thinks Ivan DeFuckingJesus deserves to be on a 100 Greatest Cubs list that doesn’t also involve the words Who Should Be Hit By A Buick Roadmaster. This is a society that came up with the 20 most important home runs in Cubs history and most of them happened in terrible years in meaningless games. I guess it’s progress that all of them were actually hit by the Cubs.
It’s just such a strange little place. It’s as though people devoid of personality, original thought or humor all Googled “Cubs Douchebaggery” and ended up there. Hey, I’m not complaining. It’s nice to have them all in one spot. It’s like a rancher has herded all of the sheep with an extra chromosome together so he can drive them off a cliff.
But what really troubles me is when the media decides that Al is the spokesperson for all things Cubs. Like today in the USA Today when Al and his legion of nitwits were chosen to communicate to the country what Cubs fans feel about the potential of Wrigley Field having a new name. One purchased by a corporation. Unlike the one that a corporation currently has for free.
“Everybody I know will still call it Wrigley Field,” said Al Yellon, founder and editor of the fan website bleedcubbieblue.com. “Look at the large picture. It’s just a name. It doesn’t change my experience.”
That’s what you think, Al. When waxed paper wrapped sandwiches are banned, you’ll be bleating a different tune.
Here’s the best part. Look who was quoted next in the USA Today article. Proof that they were going down their big list of Cub Fan Simps for the article.
Local fan celebrity Ronnie (Woo Woo) Wickers agreed, noting some Cubs faithful are outraged “but everything’s a business these days. … Don’t let the name of the ballpark get you down. They still call it the Chicago Cubs.”
The only thing that bothered me was that the editor of the article obviously cleaned up a lot of it. Here is how it undoubtedly was written originally.
Local derelict Ronnie (Woo Woo) Wickers happily babbled, “but woo everything’s woo a business woo! Don’t woo let the name woo of the ballpark woo get you down woo! They still woo call it woo the Chicago woo Cubs woo! Hey man, woo, you got any windows woo you need washed woo? How about a tug woo?
Lest I be misunderstood, I’m not upset that Al won a prestigious Strode. Hey, I won one too and let me tell you the thrill of winning a pretend Internet award given by three guys who have obviously never done more than take a quick look at Desipio’s home page was pretty great. The only thing that bothers me is that people already have the impression that Cubs fans are slightly retarded, easily amused dopes who wouldn’t know the score unless you wrote it on their beanie baby. That’s a stereotype we need reinforced.
Guh.
That’s not very nice.
Fucking. Burned. Drew. Goodens.
So, beyond making my first trip to Cubscast, I learned that I hate all the other Cub bloggers.
So, fuck you Joe, Kurt, Andy, Ruz, Al, Kerm, and everyone else I forget. I’ve hated you forever.
So HJE was up for Best Individual Blogger? Heh!
They Support Julie!
And Carrie Muskat is a blogger?
why cant you just ignore yellons blog. why the hostile competition. who cares?
Wait a minute. The Cubs’ Coven ran out of the money? Shee-it! There ain’t no justice.
“How about a tug woo”?
Indeed. Tug away. I’ve got to get the this baloney sammich covered with mayo woo.
Wow! Internetz amateur blogger envy.
“I’m the true face of the Cubs. Why doesn’t USA today interview me?!?”
Is this a bad time to mention I’m asking Al to blurb my next book?
How does anyone win an award in which writing is involved when they do not use me in their blog. I am constantly annoyed that Carrie has decided that I am really not that important; much like blogs and awards for blogs.
Andy, I’m disappointed in you. This whole competition thing shouldn’t have to go on like this. I have a site and you have a site. I’ve earned respect from others because of my integrity, and my passion for the Cubs. I take a very professional attitude toward my blog, and that’s probably why it garners the respect that it does around the Internet.
Shame on you.
Yeah, shame on you Andy. Go to your room!
Thoughts. I meant thoughts not sentences. I know…I know…that is douchtarded of me. (I’m going with the retarded version of the word and not the bastard version)
Al, if you’re really disappointed in me, I just don’t think I’ll be able to sleep at night.
Oh he is Andy. He is. He ate his Oscar Meyer bologna with a very stern look on his face. I could feel the consternation from our separate twin beds.
Its too bad there isn’t a bus large enough to put all these clowns in and push them off a cliff.
There were a couple of Yellonesque dopes with their cleverly worded “To Hell With Zell” signs out in front of the park freezing their asses off. I hope they got tazed.
I made fun of the 20 greatest homers of all time on Al’s site and Al didn’t like it, so I stopped. I’m not so sure he has jurisdiction to make me stop at my site, though.
I think it all boils down to the fact that Yellon fancies himself as the expert and spokesman for all things Cub, when in reality a lot of stuff he writes about is stupid shit. He takes himself WAY too seriously and as a result comes off looking like a dumb-ass. I don’t really have anything against Al personally, but he makes himself an easy target.
Yes, and I’m a lefty.
As a White Sox fan, I would like to thank you for reminding me yet again why I would never be a flubs fan. And, thanks for making me laugh.
By the way, Al is a nice guy. Don’t bust his chops too much.
Don’t worry, Andy. I suspect a “Cadahia” in your future anyway.
I dunno Chuck, am I your best example of a blogger you like?
Kurt, Chuck FE Cochran was my real name. Malcom McDowell is my brother.
And Andy. Shame on you! Meet me in Ohio. Let’s have a debate about your tactics and your behavior in this campaign.
/sitting at home, picking nits out of my fur, realizing all at once that I had greatly overflated my influence in my own mind…
Your all a bunch of racits!
http://www.balloon-juice.com/?p=9802
Uh…hey Andy, did you realize that you actually did win a Strode Award for Best Cubs Humor Site? I know it’s hard to think straight today what with all the Bleed Cubbie Blue quotes in the papers, but still, I thought you might want to know.
We’ll be sending along some graphics that you can put up, openly mock, do neither, or do both.
Oh wait you acknowledged it in the last paragraph of your post. Sorry, I’m so used to scanning over homepages that I missed it. :)
We’ve had a few listeners mention your blog over the past couple years, and I readily admit that I haven’t delved deep into the message board (yet). Well anyway hopefully more non-guh-type Cub fans find your site because of our pretend awards. That was the goal.
Hey Lou, you douche, I think he said in the fourth paragraph that he won one of your shitty awards. You really can’t read, can you?
Ha. Good stuff.
hear, hear.
chuck–you obviously haven’t read for a while. they don’t support me any more (cry, cry).
funny… just like when there was a feud with ivychat over at bcb, he’s taken desipio off his cubs blogroll
wrigleyville23 has never been on, to my knowledge. no loss…
Shit, my screen name has “cubbie” in it. Why didn’t someone tell me I was gay for that?
we thought you already knew.