Before he played Eddie Harris in Major League and tried to teach Rick Vaughn how to put Vagisil on a baseball, Chelcie Ross played George in Hoosiers. George had some advice for Norman Dale that a certain soon-to-be-former Cubs starting pitcher should have taken to heart Saturday in Tempe.
Look, mister, there’s two kinds of dumb.ÂÂ
A guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon. And a guy who does the same thing in my living room.
First one don’t matter, the second one you’re kinda forced to deal with.
Jason Marquis got naked and barked at the moon in Lou Piniella’s living room. This won’t end well for Jason.
And, since most of us don’t care what happens to him, it’s going to be fun to see.
All of this is going to disappoint Kosuke Fukudome, old Fukkake was quoted a couple of days ago about how “smiling and shiny” Lou has been. Shiny Happy Lou walked out on Saturday after the Marquis du Suc said this.
“I’ve said all along I’m out there battling the hitters and trying to get better day by day. And if they don’t want me in the rotation here in Chicago, we’ll go from there.
“I definitely want to stay here. I signed here for a reason, but I also signed here to be a starter. I think that’s where I help the team the most, and obviously we’ll see what happens when it’s time for them to make their decision.
“So as much as I want to be here in Chicago and love it — I love the fans, I love the stadium — I also have a family to worry about, too. So I can take my services elsewhere, if that’s the case, and I can help another team in that capacity as a starter. My value doesn’t lie in the bullpen in my mind.”
Holy crap. Aren’t you the same jerkoff who was so great in St. Louis that you started the fluke World Series championship season as the third season and ended it picking splinters out of your ass on the bench and not on the playoff roster? You were in such high demand that offseason that Jim Hendry was basically bidding against himself when he inexplicably gave you a three year $21 million contract?
Since you broke out your “April and May–then it goes away” sinker last year, again, and threw up a second half of steaming turd starts last year, again, you should be offering to lick donut glaze off Jimbo’s fingers every morning. The only reason you have a job is because he was dumb enough to overpay for your sorry ass.
You do realize that Lou Piniella is your manager though, right? I mean somebody showed you a memo last year to that effect? You may remember him from all the times he had to stroll out in the fourth inning last year, grab the ball from you and thank you for taking a blowtorch to the bullpen again.
So did Lou’s response really come as a surprise? Honestly, the only thing missing was him trying to cram you into the baggage compartment under the bus.
I actually think Lou was pretty restrained in what he said about you and your clueless, toothless “demand.”
“Well, if that’s the case, he can go somewhere else. Win a spot in the rotation, you don’t have to worry about it. I’ve got seven starters here for five spots, you know? It’s a little bit too early to start talking about what he wants to do or not do.
“You know, that galls me about Marquis, it really does. I’m not pleased with that comment. We’ve had a good camp over here, everybody’s getting an opportunity. Go out and win a spot in the rotation.
“We’ve got seven guys here that are competing for spots in the rotation and everyone is going to be given an equal chance. After the first start of spring training, saying if I’m not going to make the rotation I’d like to go somewhere else?
“He can go somewhere else right now if he wants. How’s that?”
How’s that?
It’s the balls, Lou. The balls.
“I also have a family to worry about, too.”
What exactly happens to Marquis’ family if he doesn’t win a spot in the rotation? Sounds like he’s abusive. The cops should look into this. Maybe bring him in for questioning. And beat the shit out of him with a hose.
Me and six of my friends have all hooked up with Jason. He’s so cute! He talks about his wife a lot though.
Who are the seven? Z, Hill, Lilly are guaranteed. Then there’s Lieber, Dempster, Marquis (the holy [shit are they terrible] trinity), then Marshall? Because I would almost rather Marshall and Gallagher get those spots. If they don’t trade either of them, that is. I don’t think there’s any possible way any of the Lieber/ Demp/ Marquis trio posts better numbers over a full season than the two kids. Hell throw in Juan Mateo.
We suck worse than Marquis.
Lou will soon be asking Hendry to trade Marquis for me.
Lou apologized profusely today for “overreacting.” He said he really likes Marquis and they are ok.
Matt Murton sucks.
can hit. The same can’t be said for our CF or SS, so- advantage Murton. With all due respect to the Ozzie Smith fans and the Mazeroski people, a guy who can hit but can’t field is much, much better than a guy who has a good glove, even a great glove, but can’t hit a lick.
Marquis = useless sack of turds.
Lou = titballs.
Well played, Lou. Well played, indeed.
Guys from Staten Island are all idiots.
Who was the d-bag that Len was interviewing yesterday during the Cubs broadcast? He said something to the effect that “this Cubs pitching staff was the centerpiece of the organization?” Whoever he was, he obviously had been in the sun too long…And Muskrat’s comment about respect? She said she had business cards printed in Japanese so F-bomb could understand her. Maybe she should have business cards printed in English so the rest of us can.
Even I know that fifth-starters who suck shouldn’t run their mouths in training camp. And I could pitch circles around du Suc.
(BTW, Chelcie Ross is the man. If you’re looking for “redass side character in a sports movie,” he’s your guy. Don’t forget his unforgettable roles in Rudy and The Last Boy Scout…)
First half Marquis > Dempster > Lieber > a pile of manatee turds > Second half Marquis
Seriously, how will we live if Jason is at home all the time with us and the millions of dollars he has already made pitching half seasons. I mean, if we have to split that money one more way with him, we might have to share a place with Sprewell’s family. I hear he has much the same problem.
I’m on my way folks…I’m on my way…
Please don’t associate us with any of those names. Thank you.
Who the fuck am I?
I’m in Vegas baby! Offering up absurdly too good to be true Vegas packages!
Maybe it’s Sean Young you’re after?
Hey dudes, now that Corey and Jerry are on board, my team is almost complete. The Reds wanted me to play these young dudes but I was like “dude”!!
What a fuckbag!!!
Thank you, Lou.
Fuckin’ A, Cotton, Fuckin’ A.