Pitching matchup:
Brewers: Jeff Suppan, 0-0, 0.00 ERA
Cubs: Theodore Roosevelt Lilly, 0-0, 0.00 ERA
Shop the Desipio/Pointless Exercise Store
Pitching matchup:
Brewers: Jeff Suppan, 0-0, 0.00 ERA
Cubs: Theodore Roosevelt Lilly, 0-0, 0.00 ERA
Apparently we have already won the world series thanks to opening day. Haven’t you heard?
I’m a second starter?
Can all of our comments be questions today?
Possibly?
Practice?
If Donald is Duck, Pluto is a dog, and Mickey is a Mouse, then how long will Suppan last today?
What type of animal am I?
can i bat 8th today?
I just said that K Fuk should bat 3rd.
Do we have a report on the visibility yet?
Can I bat #9?
Does it appear Mike doesn’t get the question thing?
Brewers:
Weeks
Kapler
Fielder
Braun
Hall
Hart
Hardy
Suppan
Kendall
Cubs:
Theriot
Soriano
Lee
E-ramis
Fukkake!
DeRosa
Soto
PA
Lilly
Does Lou ever learn?
How’s my imaginary family doing back in good ole Orlando, FL?
Folks, how’s my imaginary family doing back in good ole Orlando, FL?
Will you guys let the surge work?
the surge?
1.
2. Fukudome
3.
4.
5. LeeRamirezSoriano
6. DeRosaSoto
7. Pee-Ay!
8. Theriot
I refer to the US’s strategy of increasing troop levels in Iraq in an attempt to reduce the fighting between Iraqis and foreigners who have gone to Iraq to foment unrest. I am working, just not as fast as some people seem to think that I should work (i.e. troops in today, worldwide peace tomorrow).
So when am I getting traded again?
The fuk do I have to do with the Cubs?
Can Fukudome hit four times in a row? Also, does Fukudome hit better because his strike zone is in metric?
Is today Question Day?
Over/under on Lilly glove-tosses today?
What the fuk does superimposed mean? Or the surge and Cub baseball?
Are you retarded?
Who wants to go cruisin?
Did they fix my typo yet?
Why does DK57 keep strumming my harp?
#26:
Yes?
Am I the same thing as ghey secks?
If we fix the typo, do the terrorists win?
Did it say “Ernie Binks”?
Am I scrappy enough?
How enough is enough?
#34 Not as scrappy as I am!
Could I be a more apt description of The Riot’s performance this year?
Shoot, I thought JH32 was JH48?
#37, how about me as a less stupid description?
So now that HJE and the Shoutbox are broken, where do we run and hide from the apocolyptic (and apopleptic…did I spell either of those right?) fans?
Do you realize that you are a douche?
are you, Eckstein #34?
can you, Not getting it #42?
Why aren’t I singing today?
Brave?
Baloney sammich land?
First appearance in a Desipio-based gamecast. I miss my shoutbox, though I come with an open mind.
Will I suck ass today?
How many babies did Ted Lilly eat before the game?
Will *I* suck ass today?
……
Will TJ freeze his toochas off in the upper deck?
Did Jeff Suppan ask that literally or figuratively?
How did I get this nickname? Is it because of my balls?
Does PA sound enough like Pie?
26?
Thanks for the name, mom!
Oh, I get it now. A moron is me.
Suck it?
Well Ted that was quick.
First pitch home run… Yay?
Yup, I’m going to suck today.
Should I start stirring now?
I’m the poster child for steroid use by borderline major leaguers
I still have a career?
That didn’t take long…..
If there’s a Pissburgh, PA and a Philadelphia, PA and a Hershey, PA there ought to be a Felix, PA, shouldn’t there?
“You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.”
Did Lilly’s mitt survive?
Did anyone else read about what Murph mentioned today? That Wood and Howry drilled Weeks for some comments he made in Spring training?
Looks like he settled down.
I am not authorized to access this server?
what were the comments he made??
Why am I still hitting leadoff?
Christ, I was a better leadoff hitter than this bum?
Where is the ledge?
Oops, that was NOT meant to be a question.
Murphy’s a fucking idiot. Right?
Have I gotten a hit yet?
0-12?
Yeah Ryan, you got a hit. Once during Spring Training, I think. You also got a few hits last year.
What does this mean?
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Your technical support key is: 0c91-b16e-dfd9-b1ad
You can use this key to fix this problem yourself.
If you are unable to fix the problem yourself, please contact andy at desipio.com and be sure to provide the technical support key shown above.
It’s all about the beard man
Start up the doubles machine!
Lee owns me
yup
Anyone want my wager on the A Sor/K Fuk OPS?
Why am I thinner and less effective now? Wait, don’t answer that.
test
Please be patient e-Ram…
I wish we played the Cubs 162 times, I’d be an All-Star every year…
Why can’t you guys play nicely with the questions?
That’s why.
Could MLB Gameday beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee any bigger? I’m going to need a second monitor.
Can the MLB mobile be any better for something so lite and fast?
http://wap.mlb.com/scores/pitch.jsp?gid=2008_04_02_milmlb_chnmlb_1&r=30&c_id=mlb
If you get the slow down, stop posting so fast error, let me know. I think it might have been an error in the cool Live Comment Preview thing, so I turned it off.
I mean, I turned it off?
Yesterday was April Fool’s Day???
Should we be offended by the beginning of the URL in Chuck’s link?
Maybe Weeks just got drilled because he was crowding the plate. I didn’t see when Wood hit him, but the pitch Howry hit Weeks with was high but over the inside half of the plate.
I’m dealin’ now. Don’t you think?
Is Wireless Access Protocol racist?
#98, am I what you mean as offensive?
Isn’t the Italian racial slur spelled with an “o”?
I see Fukudome is my Homie sign?
How long is Lou going to go with this lineup?
American baseboro is easy!
Through the roof.
OBP 1.
Can’t he do better?
Seriously, why aren’t we running on Captain Caveman?
too quickly. I need to slow down.
I am an OBP machine!
Did the Cubs really take 6 pitches in a row?
Dat’s a spicy meat-a-ball!
Fukudome clogs the bases too much!
I’m getting the “posting too fast” notice too.
And I just got it again.
I had nearly forgotten the Mark DeRosa foul ball over the first base dugout pose?
Good thing we’re not hitting at the top of the lineup!
We should be at the top of the line-up.
I got the error, too. Back to the drawing board.
?
Just like the playoffs?
Why did Lou not run me on Kendall?
Again, why wasn’t Fuku running? Ken Doll can’t even throw to second base on the fly.
That’s the NLDS DeRo I remember.
Can you feel my wrath?
I need to rearn to lun faster!
Anybody wanna buy a barrel of oil?
Sooo close….
I’m back bitches!
But apparently I’m posting too fucking fast.
Hoofhearted?
How am I going so far?
Lilly pitching against Manson.
It’s psycho killer vs psycho killer.
in midseason form…
Earning my name, odgens!
I own this dick
My dick?
Tell me again why it is a crime to even suggest that DeRosa should give up his starting spot if Roberts was to come to town?
Len just said my batting approach is “too fast.”
I should be posting here.
Putting the E in Aramis since 2003. Wait, what?
How many Cubs actually have a batting average?
I’m Bruce Froemming 2.0!
I’m a smelly hairy fucking asshole who doesn’t know what a balk looks like.
What the hell are you balking about??
Suppan should be shaking in his boots!
Do you count those with .000 as having an average?
I’m an out machine.
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I’ll be pumping gas back in Baton Rouge by the end of the summer.
Will I go ot for 7?
time for a little two out magic?
Is that guy eating nachos? I love nachos.
Finally!!!
Take that!
146 – That was me. I deleted the string that gives the Posting too quickly error, but it gave me that error. So I had to put it back. I’m still working on it.
Nachos are vegan, right?
1-7, ogdens
Only if you use soy cheese!
Sounds “tasty”.
You fear my arm! I can see it in your eyes!
Will Soriano hit with a man on base or just be Prof. Poopypants?
Cricket anyone? I love hitting them off the bounce!
My AVG is higher than Soriano’s now – so SUCK IT!
I don’t know what “vegan” means.
My pants have poop in them.
Gagne better not be wearing my pants again.
I’m not Vegan, just vegetarian. Kinda hard to be vegan when you live in a state that has fuckiing cheese everywhere!
Anyone want the A Sor/K Fuk bet?
Didn’t think so.
Pat just said I got sent down to Louisville. Guess I’m still not veteran enough.
Not just cheese, mind you. Fucking cheese.
Hey Prince, how can you possibly be a Vegetarian with a fatbody like that??
I am teh balls!
Or as Fuk would say:
I am teh barrs!
Do Cheese sticks by the pound count?
Let’s go Cubbies! Let’s get some runs! My Cubbie Blood is Blue! I Bleed it!
I’m not fat, I’m big boned jackass!
I’m outie…leaving comments is hard, and keeping tabs on the crap going on at Wrigley is making me hot…
Ned wants me to stand in the middle of the field when we have guys on base… The orbit that they will form around my massive self will pull them around the bases and they won’t get tired trying to run.
Um….dude your fat as f*ck!!
Hello.
Bitch!!!
Plop….
Hello again.
Oh No! I suck again!
I’m on my way ogdens!
I’s gots the B-Gs yo!
Our lineup is terrible.
I’m the crappiest piece of crap in crap town!
If this team could score some fuckiing runs!
We’re not that bad – we just can’t get together right now. We sucked in Spring Training, and we suck now – but we’ll figure it out.
Get a brain, moran.
Hey is this Iowa? WTF, Dusty told me I was going to Iowa.
To those of you that say Spring Training doesn’t matter… Suck it… It pays to pay attention to how we are doing there – as you can see by how we are doing here.
Not gonna wait until June to hit a homer this year.
I’m channeling Doug Davis!
And I’m posting too fast!
And I’m still posting too fucking fast.
And now I gave up a dinger.
First FYC of the year?
I told you I owned you Soup-on
I call bullshit. Felix PA was actually hitting in spring training. He’s not up here.
Hey is this Iowa? WTF, Dusty told me I was going to Iowa.
Find a ledge, Nutsack.
Way to kill the mood, Ron.
Cubs runs scored on homers: 100%
Walking is WAY better than running.
Was that just one of me?
What did I say?
*wheeze* *belch* *cough* *wheeze*
90 feet is so far to walk!
*cough* *fart* *wheeze*
Immediately after the walk I read a fax from a fan that talked about their dad that died this morning from cancer and one of his dying wishes was that “If there was a Make-A-Wish” foundations for grown-ups, he would have liked to have had a couple of drinks with Pat and Ron.
But he died.
Did that just happen?
ARAMIS is caught stealing? Oy…
The Cubs don’t even have to hit the ball to get one of me!
Of the current Cubs lineup, who else could’ve been thrown out by Kendall?
Wait, I threw a guy out?
Oh if only there were runners on base…oh wait…
We’re off to a flying start, fellas.
Guh.
Do I run like your grandmother?
AUGH! MY HEART! – Oh, and I hit a double.
I tried to walk a steal. I’m teh balls!!
We need a real catcher!
You rang?
A helmet on my dome is redundant.
I am a buzz kill ogdens!
Someone describe the “strike ’em out, throw ’em out” please. I’m hoping Ramirez just funked up. If that’s a hit and run, then Lou needs to be checked for senility. He lets Pie rot on first base and send Pancakes today? WTF?
One run.
Nice of Lou to call a hit and run with the slowest guy on the team on base.
…seriously?? Fuck me.
*fart*
Mike D, do you need a daily affirmation?
I am a complete waste
Someone please pass the Mayonesa.
Holy shit, I actually threw someone out at second!
Later ogdens, gotta go drop the kids off at the pool.
He also let Theriot stand still earlier this game, Mike.
Seriously this is te same old crap every year. This team sucks.
Cub pitchers love us!
I am killing the Cubs today
Gabe Kapler. No shit?
i wonder if that kid would give some of his popcorn?
THAT Gabe Kapler, yes.
I’m blaming the fact that popup didn’t caught on Aramis. He should run intot he stands for them!
Wasn’t I the teacher in Welcome Back Kotter?
Braun wanted somebody to celebrate Rosh Hashanah with.
STFU #222. Suppan’s getting tagged the second time through the lineup. I have no access to the game and even *I* can tell that. Suppan’s got nothing to do with the wasted chances. If that bitch faces these guys a third time, the game will be tied, at least.
[url]http://hirejimessian.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/carlos-sad.jpg[/url]
Mike D’d.
Murph, I’m going to call you to ask why Fukudome wasn’t bunting in the 4th. Prepare your rightous indignation.
Looks like gravity got Planet Fielder again.
Ow! My Axis!
Mark…I mean, Kevin Hart! Should have known. I didn’t see a towel flapping.
What?
I’m kicking your ass.
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What’s a 9 ERA between friends?
Christ.
striking fear into pitchers everywhere!
Better known as the 1,2 and 3 hitters on the Iowa Cubs.
Rub… Rub… Rub…
Give me my hair back, Mike.
I’m ready when you need me.
1-0, swing.
1-0, swing.
The Jim Hendry Minor Leagues on display!
250, bitches.
I’m in full force.
April and me…..kinda clash.
When does the next Greyhound leave for Des Moines?
I’m a Gold Glover!!!!!!
Seriously this is ridiculous. THis is the worst offense in the National League.
This team looks awful. The bigs will heat up, sure, but there are too many minor league/AAAA/utility players in the lineup to sustain anything. Also, the lineup order is still godawful. Finish the Roberts trade, Hendry. Your team looks dead.
What the f*ck??!!!
Maybe I’ll give Jim a call tonight…
Actually, 257, my highest career OPS is in April.
I’ve worked wonders with our young pitchers…
Who is surprised that A Sor is foundering out of the leadoff hole?
It’s funnier when you walk a guy with the same last name as you, though, right?
#258, can I join you?
Holding the runner? What does that mean?
Walk
Ignore Baserunner
Fall Behind
This is quite a recipe, this.
Who is surprised that Chuck G is harping, harping, harping in the game thread?
They’re just flat out getting beat.
When they start stealing bases with a 4-1 lead, that should be a wake up call to get the fuck up and mash Suppan, for Gord’s sake.
Apparently, I have blazing speed.
I fucking suck.
I thought we were supposed to actually stop runners from wrecking havoc on the basepaths?
I have Barrett-Kendall’s Syndrome.
000, bitches.
I’m a little slow to the plate, I guess.
I wonder if Giordano’s would deliver a pizza to the dugout?
Holy sh*t.
Am I reading gamecast right? C. Hart really stole 2nd and 3rd?
In the name of all that’s holy, how the f*ck did that happen?
Fucking walks!
KILL ME!!!!!
Lou seriously took DeRosa out and replaced him with Fontenot?
Lame, STFU, and everything will be fine.
In progress.
Honorary Judge: Geovany Soto
…what the fuck am I thinking?
Who needs me?
WTF? Kendall stole second? I’m so glad I don’t have a TV at the office to break.
fuck.
This game is me. Let’s lose 15-1 and get this shit out of our systems.
Hey, Mike? Plenty of room on my ledge.
Help me Obi Wan Kinobi. You are my only hope.
Chuck, I’m thinking about it, now, too.
Why don’t you go back to HJE, where you belong?
As go the first two games of the season, so goes the rest of the season. Its like a frigging rule.
I’m a fucktard!
#294:
I would, but it’s broke.
All of you, shut the fuck up. What a bunch of nancies.
please, cubs, score me in bunches
I’m such a cock-tease!
CBS has that run being charged to Hart as earned. I thought it was on a throwing error.
Wonder if I’ll get a chance to fuck this up today?
I’m the Cubs
Me want food
http://www.deportfukudome.com
Now that he’s decided to suck – let’s get him out of here!
I’m also the Cubs!
Apparently I’m the balls today
I continue my suckiness from last year!
Damn, Can i get anyone out?
I find it ironic that Carlos Zambrano has a potassium deficiency. You know, since he loves K’s so much!
Oh, I kill me. Whoo! Vitamin abbreviation humor! Tremendous.
I’m no Curtis Granderson
He’ll be here all week folks. Be sure to try the veal.
No we just suck fat Planet Fielder dink today…
Did somebody say veal?
I only get people out if their last name starts with the letter “H”
has nothing to do with potassium, since Vitamin K and potassium are completely unrelated, despite K being the symbol for potassium/kalium.
…can you tell I’m bored with the game?
I like pitching with the bases loaded.
Geez, I’m 29 years old and I can’t even spell my own last name.
I’m ready to open this game up if you want?
and so am I
Why am I still employed?
Because I got hurt.
We have a monster lineup that’s supposed to score over 1000 runs. We also just lost our first two home games. To the Royals.
Honestly, I think Prince could eat a periodic table of elements.
I work the count to 3-0 and then I pop it up.
…is anyone surprised?
He’ll have to pass on the Bolognium now though.
I have driven in 75 percent of our runs.
Wow I really am a f*cking pig ain’t I??
Let’s get this shit started, ogdens.
I could have still been Augie Ojeda, you know.
That’s OK Geo… Mr. Pennsylvania is coming up next.
That makes up for the run I cost us with my futility
I’m teh shit sammich, come take a bite fieldy!!
Big deal, I had tons off those last year. Does anyone have a twinkie?
We’ve scored 5 runs so far. All off homers. Something to think about.
I paid $8 for Pie in my NL-only league. Keep this in mind during every 0-for that I am to blame. It’s not his fault. Take it out on me…
Ironically, I also paid $8 for Marmol.
Two game hittin’ streak!
That’s not the definition of Irony, #336.
So, Pie gets a hit before A Sor. Good thin Pie moved into his own place.
*fart*
Blow it out of your ass!!
Then let’s try this #338. You referring to yourself as a girl, when your mother and father have always considered you their little girl. Now big girl.
Is that ironic? Yeah, I really do think.
A Sor on Deck and a potential FYC moment…
To the rescue?
Time for me to hit a three-run blast. See you back in the dugout after my trip around the bases.
Just keep your mouth shut or your fingers off the keyboard dumbass….
That last pitch to Theriot was a me. Should be 3-1
And, here it is.
That’s unintentional comedic timing!
Where can I getme some good Chinese food round here mofo’s???
Was TheRiot’s flyball shallow?
According to MLB, they’ve thrown him 3 fastballs. Why?
Will Ned use me?
A Koriano is born.
I suck. I’m sorry.
We suck again!
Because none of them had to be strikes. Although the first two were called. The third strike was just a predictable outcome.
True and funny!!
A Koriano? I am Jay Mariotti
No. Mariotti steals from me, remember? That’s how pathetic he is. Stealing writing from me is like stealing movie ideas from Ed Wood.
Well, sure, you can’t be expected to get Joe Dillon out.
The Brewers have had a lot of me
I think Lou’s press conference might be worth watching.
The Cubs apparently don’t have me again in ’08. Nice job, assholes!
#346 – clever name-calling will get you everywhere!
Chuck actually thinks Jay Mariotti steals from him. And I thought Al Yellon was self important. Jesus.
This team sucks.
Nobody except for Fuku takes any of me.
Alcrapo Shittyano……….he needs to be in the five hole
It’s going to be fun looking up at the Pirates this year
The Brewers have a lot of me.
This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy went to Iowa.
Al is self important. I’m bombastic.
The Cubs certainly do enjoy hitting guys.
This is going swimingly.
If you say so, Chuck.
Enough with the Iowa pig jokes. We get it, we’re a farm state. Nothing to see here, move along.
And, mentioning Al brings to mind his inevitable post tomorrow where he positions himself as the voice of reason telling everyone to relax. Like we are al panicking but will chill becasue he says we shouldn’t.
I know it’s only game 2 of the season, but it’s games like this that make me realize how much more of a doucherocket I am for being involved in the herpes virus known as Cub.
Fuckk these assholes.
I didn’t know I actually existed.
Neither do most travel agencies
Al is a moron too.
The season’s over. No team has won a pennant after starting 0-2 since the 2004 Cardinals, who were 4-6 after 10 games and only won 105 games.
So feel free to panic and cry and whatever else.
Take that fat ass!!
381, you have a great job… Hype the State Fair’s Butter Cow every year, and your Caucus every fourth…
Parkay!
I was ready to panic until I thought that Al might want to calm us down. He’s quite a man.
Andy, it’s not so much panic. I’m not worried, I just hate sitting through bad baseball.
Where the hell is Turnbow? Come on, Ned!
Everyone relax, it’s rally time…
I can think of a way you could not sit through it.
Rally time? That reminds me:
http://www.aolcdn.com/aolpolltool/jenna-fischer-sexy-time
The Rally Jenna.
Thanks, Andy.
Aldolpho and Ramirez are batting me right now.
392 – how about a Rally Jennie (Finch)?
*belch*
http://www.sports-wired.com/women/showPhoto.asp?ID=636
Rammy sure is gassy today…
ooops…so much for that rally
Hey, what happened to me?
397 – please put your uniform back on and pull your hair back.
(very sorry I asked for that)
Bob Frickin’ Howry. Yay?
OMGFUKUDOMEISTEHSUCK!!!!!!!!!!
*shart*
oops.
Rally Carp is right here, folks:
http://i27.tinypic.com/e7nx8y.jpg
I agree #403 – they should have taken me instead. Get that Ass-Clown to Des Moines – Or Daytona…
Yup, Alfonsy, sounds about right.
Hey your last error message told me to go make a sandwich,get a beer, and watch some soaps on a different channel.
We’re going for the perfect season at this rate!
Time for me to take over the site.
Have the Brewers had a 1-2-3 inning? I’ve seen more stretch out of the Cubs’ pitchers than in a pair of Nell Carter’s pants.
Time to hit the fat boy again.
Oh, wait. Where the hell are we in the lineup? I’m lost.
Ned’s trickiness has caught me.
Hah!
I’m apparently awesome now. Suck it Soto.
It’s like some sort of bizarro world in which Jason Kendall has turned into Russell Martin.
These clowns need to commit to the Santo, or we’ll get ’em upstairs and get ’em outta here.
Goddamn! Why do I suck so fu**ing bad????
Yeh, no error message
*aramis*
I will commence sucking at a high rate of speed as soon as this series is over.
Have I driven in as many runs and thrown out as many baserunners in this game as I did during my entire time with the Cubs??
/Pantsed!
This team can’t seem to play well during me.
Kendall is just cementing his place on BK’s Cub Killers list.
He should revert to mediocre form in no time.
Sometimes people use me in their posts.
This device never gets old.
But I’m looking forward to facing Houston so we can get some wins on the NL Central.
Hello.
Where would Daryl Ward and Prince be seeded in me?
I’m here.
hop. hop. hop.
Dude, don’t worry. These games don’t count in the standings, man. It’s early.
I’m leading off tomorrow, doges.
You shouldn’t be hitting first or second, damn it.
Just thumbed through the last 60 or so comments.
Gold.
‘cept for #418
Cubs Live! lives?
Hey is this thing on?