Welcome back, Derrek. We’ve missed you.
Pitching matchup:
Cubs: Theodore Roosevelt Lilly 0-1, 7.71 ERA
Pissburgh: Tom Gorzelanny 0-1, 4.50 ERA
Lineups:
Cubs
Al Soriano, lf
Reed Johnson, cf
Derrek Lee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Fukkake!, rf
PonDeRosa, 2b
Geovany Soto, c
Ugh, ss
The Bull Moose, p
Pirates
Nate McLouth, cf
Freddy Sanchez, 2b
Jason Bay, lf
Ryan Doumit, c
Xavier Nady, rf
Doug Eyechart, 1b
Jose Bautista, 3b
Luis Rivas, ss
Tom Gorzelanny, p
Y guys, I efinitely hpe t play a g game tay
Let me guess, #1: no ‘d’ and no ‘o’?
Nice, Sweet Lou just called the Pirates’ pitcher Grudzielanek. I didn’t know he was pitching in the NL Central these days.
I have pretty much taken over as the starting catcher – see you in October!
#2 – Yu gt it mang!
Ronny Cedeno? Shit. I need to find a wall to punch, but that might not go over so well with my coworkers. Jesusfuckingchrist.
Ooh! Almost forgot today was a day game.
My spidy sense tells me the last time the Cubs let Pittsburgh open their home season with them, theBuccos were defending champs and Mike Easler ended the game with a walk-off johnnycake. Howver, I could also be completely wrong or I may have just made that up.
#6, it’s a splits thing. Ronny has done well against Gorz in the past.
Are we gonna make a stop in Pittsburgh today? We loved stopping by and chatting with Len and Bob yesterday for a free half-inning commercial for Bud Light.
We sound like Pat.
Mike D. – it was me:
http://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/PIT/PIT198004140.shtml
God, how I hated the Lightning and Lumber Company.
Thanks, #11.
The Pirates used to scare me back then.
Vag Patch… getting it started.
That’s me
What’s me?
I’m twying to teach E-lamis how to be patient at the prate!
I’m back, bitches!
My nickname should be GIDP.
Must have some hookers waiting in their rooms
Huh?
That’s funny K-Fuk (#17). I’m teaching Ramirez how to hit into demoralizing routine double play after demoralizing routine double play. I fucking rock that shit.
Hey, I didn’t give up a home run this time.
McClouth is a graduate of my fine baserunning school
damn it delosa (22). I’m no miwacle walka!
Hope they can spell my first name right at the HOF induction ceremony…
I’ve got a good feeling about this.
Ba da ba ba ba! I’m suckin’ it.
Is that my cue?
I have 200 AVG, meng – I’m the PERFECT clean-up hitter, no?
I just looked at the box score. The Cubs batted out of order. It says that Soriano has an at bat and so does Derrek Lee, but not Reed Johnson. I mean, how can you not have an at bat? Huh, dudes?
That’s right, after 20 at bats, just declare that he’ll never get a hit. Dumbass.
Mom! Be quiet.
I had two hits yesterday. So fuck that guy.
Is someone bitching about Ramirez in the cleanup spot?
Christ, it’s not like he’s been the team’s best hitter for the past five years or anything.
Are there many of us in Pittsburgh, despite it being opening day there? Anyone watching this on TV?
*Dusty’s brain explodes several hundred miles away*
Pitching coach: Hey, throw some strikes.
Pitcher: OK
Splooge for Reed’s two BB
It’s nice that WGN can go out during DLee’s second AB. And I positive Reed Johnson’s patience. When will Pie start again?
Fuck you, I’m out!
If you’re watching it on TV, right now you’re getting a technical difficulties screen from WGN. And they aren’t talking about Ronny Cedeno.
Have we not broadcasted a game before?
What stinks in here? Are the bases clogged again?
Gorzelany might have 60 pitches after 3? When pitchers go up against the Cubs isn’t that their pitch count after 7?
As part of their 60th anniversary, WGN will recreate their original broadcast from Pissburgh, when the picture went black for two hours.
I think
Thank you Tom. Wish I could’ve seen the error, but thank you.
Now would be a good time for a Fukudome bunt down the 3B line. I’m assuming he’s back–I’d like to see DeRo bat with the bases loaded.
Or that.
More runs, Ogdens
Infield single, bitches! I’m fast!
2-0 Cubs.
Put Ram in at the 2-spot, let me hit cleanup I’ll be much better at it. I promise.
I cannot be contained! 3-0. (RBI single.)
Somebody care to describe what happened on Garbanzo Beans’ error? Was ARam about to hit into another DeRosa?
Hey squinty! Shut up. You get my laundry done yet?
Hey, Sportline.com gave me an infield hit. You can’t take that away from me, Mike D.
I’m going yard, here.
Time for me to hit a Grand Slam, fuckers.
Hey, squinty! Run!
The merry-go-round goes round and round, round and round, round and round…
Bye, bye Tom. Odds that we still can see these commercials?
The legend grows
I threw the ball into the stands on a wild throw.
And to the douche who said that A-Ram was the best hitter over the past five years – check your facts again, fuck face.
Blah, blah, blah, dudes. Six straight Cubs have reached, but how many were homers? None. My point is proved.
Oh, the commercials still work. Those ALWAYS work.
I love technical difficulties! It’s like olde tyme baseball!
I see you are all racist on here. Maybe you should read BK’s snippet on HJE. Just because I am better than you at life – doesn’t mean you should pick on my physical attributes.
Hey, Theriot. Take a seat. 7-0 Cubs.
I can hit against shitty teams. Yay?
Oh my god!
Touchdown!
Finally, Something I’m good at, killing a rally.
Yes, squinty is wrong. R’s for l’s is wrong.
Fukkake is fung, though, mang.
Given the number of shitty teams in the NL, Ronny, that skill might come in handy.
CBS Ads – Ed Defends His Two Foot Long Hot Dog?
PUH-Leeeeze!!
Like I said, I love me some Ronny Cedeno!
Maybe the video should go out during every Cubs game?
This might be a big enough lead for me and my lack of a fastball.
Phil Dumatrait? Really? Wow, Pissburgh is bad.
At least we have an all you can eat section to choke away the misery.
If Johnson walks again, I’m quitting the game forever.
The over-under on how many times Ron Santo says, “Wow!” this season.
Ryan Theriot may be the worst player to get 400+ at-bats for the Cubs since Scott Servais. Much as I loathe Ron Cedeno and his seven brain cells, methinks he deserves to lose the job now once and for all. And, if/when he does, it’s time to go outside the organization.
Simply put, gritty though he may be, Theriot sucks rhinocerous scrotum.
I’m actually enjoying the WGN broadcast.
I’m hungry
I am good again. Looks like the opening day hangover is gone.
Kirby, turn a little bit to the left, you’ll be disappointed like the rest of us.
Hey! My AVG is finally three digits! Rock!
Well…I think it’s time to hit the sausage.
I’ll go over. How about:
11,347: over/under on how many times Ron says “GAH! JEEZ!!”
I’m like Comcast without the pregame… and postgame… and the visual depiction of the ballgame
Lou: Hey, Larry. Since we’re up by a lot, maybe we should let Howry pitch a couple innings. You know, get the kinks out.
Larry: Maybe. That might not be a bad idea.
The Marmot: Sweet! I didn’t think I’d get a save chance today!
Sorry, Andy. I had to go rape a gir…I mean, take a piss real quick. Now that you mention it, I can see the broadcast problem.
Wow, the Cubs are working on their 3rd AB’s. The Buccos… just turned the lineup over. Good work guys.
I’m not willing to write Theriot off for a slow start, but I think that Ron Ce’s bat is meriting playing time right now.
Jimmy John’s low-fat chips are really f’ng good.
Fly ball…caught.
Shut up. We get it already, you don’t have a picture. You’re a big boy/girl. You’ve seen baseball before. You’ve seen PNC park before. It’s called imagination. Use it, ass.
A pitching change with the pitcher leading off the next half inning and no double switch? That’s just ignorant.
Question- What will be the Pirates attendance Wednesday
Shut the fuck up. You’re just a TV…you can’t talk anyway.
I use it a lot. Normally for about 30 seconds when I think of Gisele and the chick from the cover of SI (Marisa Miller) having a naked pillow fight. Then I throw the kleenex away and fall asleep. So screw you for judging me!
Man, even I got a hit! How bout that?
I used to mean so much more to you, 97. We could have good times again!
I look really nice in HD.
Talk about technical difficulties. It looks like the half inning after the Cubs scored six runs, that the pitcher shut down the other team 1-2-3. Yeah, like that’s ever going to happen.
LOL HAHAHA They just said “Hi” to Eyre in AZ, and claimed to miss him.
Ramirez: 138, 135, 126, 129
Lee: 117, 174, 112, 131
At best it’s a push. Point is, anyone who wants Ramirez moved out of the cleanup spot is a moran.
Oh my god!!!!! Pavarotti Lip-Synched Last Performance.
There I go, sucking again! I’m telling you – 2 hole is where it’s at.
Okay Len, who told you that you HAD to say hi to Fourthmeal, and who told you that you HAD to hope he was back with the team soon.
Cause you might be the only one if that was an act of free will.
#99, I had to start using you for, like, my feet, and no matter how many times I washed you, you still felt stiff and scratchy. All kleenex for me now, my friend. Say hi to the toes for me, since I haven’t seen them since the Reagan Administration.
Sure is taking awhile to plug a new cord in.
USA! USA! USA!
Andy, my technical support key is: 0c22-f626-dfd9-b1ad. Please fix me…
This shit never happened when I was alive.
You just don’t want me in clean-up because I’m Asian.
Just keep reading the ads, 104. Just keep reading.
They never let me hit cleanup either.
Sloth sure could go for a me right now.
Re: #111.
There was that Cubs-Mets game in NY on July 13, 1977. But that wasn’t WGN’s fault, though.
Sloth could use a me right now.
Or could Sloth use a screaming orgasm right about now?
You aren’t kidding anyone Yosh. You were our cleanup man for every game over the past handful of decades.
It sounds like we are getting close
I’m all about the Sloth’s needs, #116.
Too bad an ebay search for me yields 0 results.
I’m really worried about the Cardinals.
My polling indicates the Pirates are in the lead. The Cubs have only won the 3rd and 4th innings, which are insignificant.
Me too, BC. Me too.
***Shudder****
Lighten up Francis. We’re six games in.
We <3 The Cardinals
Ground ball. Out.
YAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!
Hooray! Just in time to see Ted Lilly suck!
We now return you to this grand slam, already in progress.
I like the grand slam!
Breakfast.
Did somebody say “sausage?”
Ronny might wish the TV feed off again.
…we know and love.
Ronny C is the ROXXORS!!!1!
Glad I tuned in on the radio in time to hear that exchange between Pat and Ron.
Pat: “and he throws it into the stands”
Ron: “WHAT?????????????????????????”
I still suck
Ronny Cedeno, that slapdick fuckstick.
What happened? Infield single and throwing error? How bad was it?
I have no mercy for Ronny Cedeno
“That throw was sooo high….”
How high was it!?
“…Derrick Lee didn’t even jump for it.”
…Hello! Am I late?
I’ll bet 120, 122, and 125 got the “slow down, pardner” for posting too fast.
And Mike D, Ronnie Cedeno is now a minus-one for today (drove in three, but four have scored thanks to his error).
We just can’t help throwing the ball, can we?
Hey Ronny, that force at second might have come in handy.
I think I just farted.
I hate life
Good job falling apart with a 7 run lead.
I’m just trying to keep this interesting
It ain’t 2007 anymore, is it?
Well I still haven’t given up an earned run.
But I did have to hit submit comment 5 fucking times to post this.
Six fucking times.
Seven fucking times
Eight fucking times.
We need people here who can throw and catch the damn ball.
I’m having some fielding issues so far, good thing I can hit.
I would have made a better throt.
Is anyone up in the pen?
I drove in three. But chances are if I don’t throw the ball into the stands, and just eat it, it’s still 7-1. Now it’s 7-5. Not that Ted doesn’t deserve the blame, too.
Hello! Get excited, ogdens!
Well, I guess there’s my answer. Unbelivable.
I’m too lazy, Mang
is who we thought he was
Now you see why Ronny can’t play everyday in the bigs. He’s just too fucking dumb.
We’ve yet to mention who is now pitching for the Cubs.
Should be able to see Kevin Hart
I don’t think Ronny will be playing much after today.
One would think.
They just mentioned him.
I may explode if they score again this inning
I’m the balls.
Just mentioned on WGN….SWEEET!!!
may be Kevin Hart’s new name after today.
Ron loves it
Do I have to shave my head in the middle of the game to keep it lookin good?
Finally. I’m gonna take my lunch break now. When I come back, I better not see any more shit like this. You hear me?
Ted Lilly may now have anal fissure too.
I got hit by the ball? Holy shit, this whole organization sucks.
Phone’s ringing, Ball Dude.
I’ll make up for it here.
Sportsline says that pitch #2 to Ronny was an “intentional ball.” Huh?
Is Hart batting?
What’s that fucking Patterson kid doing in Des Moines?
Yes
Lou: Howry! Hit the showers!
No, but he’s trying.
Great job, Mr. H!
Fuck my life.
I take back everything I’ve said about Cedeno.
It wasn’t the floodgates-opening error that cinched it for me but, rather, his subsequent hitting the ball to shortstop with Soto on 2nd and nobody out.
All five runs should be unearned since Cedeno’s error happened with two outs, right?
I see Hart got in lots of hacks… don’t blame him. He did, after all, come up through the Cubs organization. Or at least he was in it for a couple of years.
Gameday first showed 4 as earned and now shows all 5. That doesn’t seem right.
I’m the first Cubs reliever, ever, to cover first base.
The doucherockets on the Pittsburgh radio broadcast said all five were earned because of the triple Lilly gave up. That doesn’t make sense.
My career has really taken a turn for the shit, hasn’t it?
I &hearts &hearts
Ronny’s error didn’t prolong the inning, because it was a hit and an error. So every run that scored was earned once McLouth cleared the bases.
New Singing Competition Show Debuts on TLC?!?!??
OH BOY! I hope I can send in my tape from Wrigley Stadium!
Thanks for the heads up CBS 2 Entertainment News!
Mike D, was I supposed to move the runner over so Hart could drive him in?
Guys, be honest: Does my gameday picture make me look like I have the coal black eyes of one of satan’s minions?
Who’s the asshat giving me shit for my defense? Seriously?
Why, because I didn’t climb the goddamned fence on that triple, or because my throw home in the Brewers game was too good and it got there when the runner did? Screw you. I’m the best defensive right fielder you cockwads have had since Andre Dawson still had half a knee left.
What about ARam’s error?
Hey guys, remember when I hit that homer onto the parking deck there? Yeah, that was awesome.
Hey, how are you guys set for life insurance, anyway?
Uh, 186… Kevin might be good and all at covering first, but I think I did it once or twice also.
is spanish for “Wally Pipp”
A-Ram’s was also a hit and an error… but I don’t quite get how the errors didn’t prolong the inning…
Same thing with E-ramis. It was a hit and an error.
For example. Say with two outs a guy reaches with a hit and gets second on the error. If the next batter doubles, the scorer can say that had the error not occurred that there should be runners at second and third, instead of a runner at second and a run scored. If the inning ends right after that, the run is unearned. If the next guy singles, then that run is going to be earned, because even without the error the guy who advanced to second on the error “would” have scored.
Who the **** is Felix Pie?
Johnson just slips in there.
Thanks. the fuckwit Pirate radio guys didn’t mention that both plays were scored “hit and error”. Just that they were errors. Makes sense now. If both batters reached on hits then, yeah, all five should be earned.
Hey, it’s 8-5 now.
Let’s get it poppin douche bags!!
I’m still shitty.
RELIEVER…the key word here is “RELIEVER.”
You are an ass clown.
Maybe I can line into a double play.
Damn, only got one out this time.
Way to work that count backward DeRosa.
Miss me yet?
Hey 211, I’m hitting .348 this year. Calm down.
Don’t worry, Kev. If you get into a jam, I can save you!
That never comes back to haunt.
I love it when we walk the pitcher.
Please look at Brian Roberts and Mark DeRosa’s career average, career on-base percentage, and career slugging.
Redbeard said he heard that Brian Roberts is a real jerk anyway.
.281 .352 .410 .762
.279 .341 .410 .751
Can you tell the difference?
But speed don’t slump, dude.
I’m so pissed at Hart I didn’t even give him an “attaboy” when I yanked his ass.
Please don’t give it back.
Is it just me or has that happened a lot this year. Score one inning and then give it (and then some) right back the next.
I’m a great pitching coach. No, really, I am.
Don’t you wish you had my calming influence down there in the bullpen?
I only miss Alfonseca more.
Nibbling is always good. Work the corners…
Larry, I’d kill you with my bare hands right now if I thought I could get away with it.
I was a hell of a player.
I’m sure that will help.
We’re gonna hang a HUGE number here in the sixth.
Don’t worry. I’m warming up!
Now you see why Len misses me.
Which way is Iowa?
So guys, when’s the next bus to Iowa?
Do the Cubs still need a left handed pitcher? I’m still out there…..
Ball 4.
Ball 8.
And the bases are loaded.
nm
Can’t say Carmen wasn’t consistent. Eight pitches. All balls.
I’m a big hairy pussy.
Actually, Andy, coulda sworn it was you out there pitching.
Where am I when you need me!?
If I see you again before next February, they will never completely remove your remains from the bat bag I stuff you in.
So, why aren’t we going to Marmol here? I mean, Howry? Really?
Remember when you guys were mad at me for suggesting that Prior be killed with a line drive?
I’ll be you’ve come around to my way of thinking.
I make Calvin Schiraldi look like the definition of composure.
The Cubs did me here.
One out.
(One run.)
Isn’t it sad when someone makes me look good?
242, Wood isn’t available to close, so it was decided before the game that Marmol would be the closer.
Gone with a ball Geovany just didn’t catch. Nice.
Can’t catch
You know I’m coming.
Always help too…
Whee! My roller coaster is fung!
..so, am I back at even now?
Do I get a gold glove for that?
I don’t get to that ball
You still suck ass
So what’s Ronny’s plus minus?
Plus three – 3 RBI double
Minus four – Runs that scored after he threw the ball into the stands
Plus two – runs that didn’t score when he caught the line drive
He’s plus one! (Subject to change immediately)
He’s minus five for the error, not four.
Anybody notice I’ve been fixed?
No, just four, the first run scored before he threw the ball into the stands. He should have eaten it and just let it be 7-1.
Give me your finest meats and cheeses!
You fuckers are welcome.
Slow the fuck down.
See what you can do throwing junk?
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
And filter it again.
Don’t worry, we’ll get this lead to Marmol in the ninth.
Who’s left in the pen? Wuertz and Marmol?
Thaaaaaanks Baahhhhhhhhhhhhb!
Thanks 267 for anticipating my question.
Anyone notice I have not been fixed?…
And me!
I haven’t noticed 271.
You gonna finish that donut?
…you can do the impossible.
Remember when I was the Cubs pitcher of the future? Now I’m a perennial DL-er!
?????
We suck.
I make Neifi look like a valuable member of any roster.
My suspension is almost over bitches!
How far Tyler Yates thinks home plate is from the mound.
Relax…I got this.
Neifi! Shhhh. Come on, dude. We had a deal.
Neifi is *always* a valuable member of ANY roster, dude.
I look like something out of the hirejimessian.com Shoutbox.
Guy’s please don’t let the chinaman cut off my balls….
With lazy fly balls. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Just going by the ‘cast so far, no Woody today correct? Just getting a day off?
Wonder if the Cub pitchers noticed that…
Yep.
I think Woody’s gonna get pressed into service after all
Went from “bad” to Wuertz. Hah!
I’m pretty sure I”m going to kill someone before this season is over.
Like my hose?
Do I get to manage then?
Yes we do.
The marmot’s pitched three of the last four days. You probably can’t get two innings out of him. Yikes.
I thought I get to manage when Lou goes to jail!
Come on Andy, it’s all according to plan. Lieber in the 8th, and then Marmol in the 9th.
So which position is my best one again?
How many balls have I misplayed at 2nd?
I’m a really shitty second baseman so we’re tied now.
No don’t trade for Roberts, it’s not fair to DeRosa.
There won’t be a bottom of the ninth so I won’t have to pitch today.
Ok, if you’re wondering that run and the rest of them this inning will be unearned.
Hah!
The only question is, who do I kill first?
That little Nyjer was out by a milke.
Doese a bodye goode.
Looks like that throwing work paid off.
Sweet, my ERA won’t go up!
Dude, 3 errors? Are we in little league?
Still need to work on that whole blocking the plate thing though.
Should play Chili Peppers coming back from the break…
Give it away-give it away-give it away NOW.
A big pile of shit
I offered to resign Jose Macias just for close games like this, but Lou put a knife to my balls until I hung up the phone.
Hey, maybe we could just go with Cedeno and Theriot up the middle!
No, I’m not serious.
It is never a routine game of baseball with the Chicago Cubs.
Could someone explain the error for us gameday folks?
Don’t forget. Some you assholes wanted me to play shortstop.
I really hit the shit out of that one.
Gamecast MVP
We really don’t know what pierogies are.
They hit the ball to DeRosa. What else needs to be said?
It was to my left, I bent over and punted it, then my throw home was a bout a step late to catch the runner. I apparently panicked because the guy going to first was fast.
Now would be a great time for me to continue shitting on the ball
Is it too early for my “catch the ball” tirade?
Don’t worry, I’ll blame it on infield playing quick
Fuck no it’s not too early.
Try saying it during spring training for a change.
I like saying “fisted” a lot.
Did somebody say “fisted”?
Mientkiewicz is flirting with the barrier.
“Hey, you’ve got a nice set on you. Ever seen the inside of a suite at the Super 8?”
Maybe we aren’t so shitty after all.
But we are.
I need a job
I’m relative
Am I in now?
No, don’t worry guys, I got it.
No you’re not.
Why not use me sooner?
#338 I prefer Steve “Pig PEN” Kline.
Dirtiest slob in baseball.
I like my odds here.
Shouldn’t it be “Pig Fucker”?
Touche
Hey leave us out of this.
Should have been enough.
DeRosa has a chance for me
Has a lefty gotten me out yet?
How many pitches till DeRosa hits into the DP
Based on that bunt attempt, I’m on the Pirates payroll.
I need a good jump here DeRo.
Maybe I can bunt into a double play.
Let me steal here. Don’t waste an out.
Fukkake had a huge jump there. If DeRosa lets that pitch go he’s on second.
If he doesn’t get me over, I’ll put a ninja star in his back in the bottom of the inning.
I’m the Pirates player of the game!
I bet Brian Roberts can’t bunt, can he?
I’ll just strike out.
I got this. 6-4-3.
I’m trying not to laugh at Mark as he walks back to the dugout
See? Strikeouts CAN be good.
We’re pretty much a massive pile of goatshit.
Hah! I advance myself.
What a novel idea.
Screw this shit, I’ll do it myself.
I’m flirting with the backstop
I’m going to just do it myself.
Hey Lou. I shoulda been running with DeRo at the dish
Ronny Cedeno is all about me
Hero time! (I plan on killing our chances in the bottom of the ninth, though.)
Oh. Someone said that already.
What? I’m the best of what’s left on our bench?
I’m on deck to save us
Yeah, certainly I can’t be expected to hit the great John Grabow.
3-2. I’m swinging at anything.
What, is the Fat Kangaroo (TM) not available?
I’m grabbing a bat, just in case.
I think we all know what needs to be done.
PLEASE walk me.
It’s up to me to keep it tied until we score.
We got this…
Strap it down. I’m ready to go nine.
I was napping during DeRosa’s AB, what did I miss?
Hey 383, you got the next 8 innings k? Think of it as being another starter. Except if you don’t throw a shutout, we’re fucked.
Lou has to use me to take Cedeno out of the game now, right?
Strap it on. I’m ready to go 12.
Hey, Lou benched me! What’d I do?
What is a four base error?
Wheeeee!!!! I’m in the game!
Uh oh.
Lou wasn’t going to use me because he was going to put TheRiot in the game anyway.
Fucks…I would have had that one. Guaranteed.
At least I make that play
I’d have had that.
we are in me.
One thing you can say about Ronny’s performance: he certainly knows how to change the game. IN ANY DIRECTION HE PLEASES.
I’m a bigger, hairrier pussy than Carmen Pig.
Lose seven run leads to the Pirates.
I thought we had that speedy negro out there in CF?
SHEEEET
You have GOT to be kidding me…
Not true. You threw at least one strike.
My plane is waiting
Eyechart wants the ball. It’s the first time he’s ever been intentionally walked.
What’s this guy’s career average? Oh like .216? Okay lets intentionally walk him and mess with someone else.
He can hide it with the Red Sox World Series one.
Uh, 406, I think he’s trying to set up a double play possibility.
I like it. Why the hell not!?
Pirate dumb
So they did a safety squeeze, got a good bunt and the guy at third didn’t try to score? Jesus, how can you lose to this bunch?
I go both ways today, friends.
You guys are lucky you’re playing the Pirates today. We would have figured out how to bunt that fucker in from 3rd.
Wow. Nobody wants to win.
That looked like a Juan Pierre play.
None of this crap was my fault
I’m the best pinch runner ever!
Imagine the possibilities if I managed the Pirates.
…did we get out of that one?
What’s wrong with bunting there?
Guys, take some pitches. I need to change my pants.
What did I tell you about cursing on the internet. GET THE LAVA SOAP DEAR TIME TO RINSE OUT TIMMY’S MOUTH.
I just missed you fuckers. One more chance and I’ll have ya’!
Considering Lieber gave up a flyball that probably should have been caught and then didn’t allow the ball to leave the infield, I’d say he did pretty well.
I’m going to hit the first ever walk off homer on the road. I’ll hit it and the Pirates will be so embarrassed they’ll quit.
The Pirates are out of me.
The point is me.
GRIT!
Hey Lou, if you need a late-inning defensive replacement I’m your guy, mang.
Always walks
Hey, a leadoff walk. Who knew?
Theriot just walked. That’s it…the Cubs are winning this game.
I knew there was a reason Toronto released me.
The question is moot!
Where’s Prince Fielder when you need him?
Who’s glad im on the Nationals this year? That way I can only hit 18 homeruns against the Cubs instead of 56 to 60.
Hey Mangs, you forgot I’m at-bat
Is anyone actually watching me?
Too bad I can’t get a decent jump to save my life. This might be a good spot for a SB.
I think I’m the last Pirate reliever
I, for one, am excited for the disgusting hot streak that Soriano is going to go on to get his numbers back on par. It shall be awesome.
Im retarded. LOVE ME!
Felix, are you getting that jump from the dugout? I’m at first.
Wow, Theriot was out. By a long ways.
Now I’m at second!
it twas
I told you guys the umps love the Cubs!
I can’t see shit!
…was strike three in any language.
Your disco fever ass was out. I shoulda been in there PINCH RUNNING. I’d already be on 5th.
What is the point of me?
That’s me. Just swing from your ass with the go-ahead run on second and nobody out.
It’s my time, bitches
I guess that hot streak won’t be starting this inning. Bollocks.
Hello!
boy do I suck
Under Armour…Click-Clack
Sorry I get excited and type crazy things
#450
How can Theriot hop out of the Kangaroo’s pouch? He’s already on 2nd!
I’m the 2nd base umpire in case you want to know where to send the thank you notes.
Who’s in the pouch this time? Marquis, or Felix?
You can’t blame me I threw someone out this year!
But…but…but… Soriano is black!! and so am I!! How do anything?
I went in to play short for the Pirates.
I can be contagious!
It stinks in there!
I should be in that pouch very soon.
time for Sexy Time
Now’d be a good time for a long fly ball.
Ditto on the thank you cards for Rivas.
Felix just hopped out of the pouch
Soriano should grow me!
Wheeeeeeeee!
PLAY WITH US!!! WE ARE DIRTY!
We think Ward stole second
Displaying typical cub fan retardedness. Hoping for a past ball, rather than something positive from D-Lee. Nothing like begging for it instead of hoping they TAKE it.
I’m making up for the earlier breaks.
Was that me?
FUCK this shit!
Wow. In the LHB box
Were those called strikes to Lee as bad as Ron is making them out to be?
This is shitty baseball in any language.
I just TOOK something right there. Right in the cannister!
I’m the home plate umpire.
Direct all hate mail to: Alfonso Marquez and my mile wide strike zone.
I’m eating Veggie saugage dipped in cheese…
Angel Marquez should have never been ushered into this country by a coyote. If only we had better border control.
How’s that for racist?
That pitch to Lee was not a me
His strike zone wasn’t that wide.
Nice rhyme.
Sorry, I got Alfonzo confused with the other worthless Spic umpire.
(I’m obviously coming over the top with parody here.)
No, you’re just shitty.
I’m just gonna walk and let Fukky clean it up.
I need a hug!
E-ramis just struck out on the pitch Derrek took for strike three. How can you take it when he’s already rung one guy up on it?
See, when I fuck you in the ass on the previous at-bat the next guy HAS to chase ball four.
Umpiring is fung, mang.
I demand you trade me to a major league franchise right now!
Even up here in heaven i can tell that those were balls.
What? Oh, crap. We didn’t score? I guess I’d better put my pants back on.
I don’t give a fcuk. I need to get back and check the cock-fights
Hey, if this goes long enough, we might SHOW nine innings today!
I got this next inning if Lieber doesn’t piss down his leg.
We’re 2-12 today. Is that good?
The Pirates announcers finally noticed that I’m in the game.
I’m going to end on an 0-2 2 out walk-off home run
By Matt Capps
How about that for a ridiculous swing. Even Sammy Sosa would mock that.
Was does NSBB still think I suck?
ã“ã®motherfuckingゲームを終ãˆã‚‹ãŸã‚ã«æ™‚間を計りãªã•ã„。
How in God’s name am I still on the air?
Why the hell are you still reading NSBB?
Couldn’t somebody at least sit next to Carlos down there in the bullpen? He looks lonely. Maybe they can’t see around his ears?
ç§ã¯æµ·è³Šã®ã‚ˆã†ãªshittyãƒãƒ¼ãƒ ã‚’æ¼”ã˜ã‚‹ã“ã¨ã«ç–²ã‚Œã¦ã„る。
“Oh, it’s a terrible ball game.”
棚ã€ã™ã¹ã¦ã‚’離れã¦ã‚¤ãƒ³ã‚¿ãƒ¼ãƒãƒƒãƒˆã®å¾—ãªã•ã„! ç§ã¯ã“ã“ã«æ—¥ã‚’æ•‘ã†ã“ã¨ã„る。
IS ALL THE CUBS OFFENSE!
It’s redundant. But holy shit, I’m good.
Haven’t we learned DeRosa can’t bunt?
I think I would be an appropriate nickname for Fukudome in this lineup.
I’m so fucking stealing second.
In Japan that’s what we call an at-bat.
How about Fukkake just steals second, third and home?
Oh, I’m stealing second. Ain’t a goddamn thing you can do about it.
ã‚ã‹ã‚Šã¾ã—ãŸã€ã¯ã‚ˆã‚Šã‚ˆã„悪ã„ä¸å¿ƒã‚’æŒã¤ã“ã®äººè¡çªã‚’å¾—ã€ç§ã‚’é‹è»¢ã™ã‚‹ã€ã¾ãŸã¯æ”¯æ‰•ã†ã¹ã地ç„最後ã«ãƒ¯ãƒ¼ãƒ«ãƒ‰ã‚·ãƒªãƒ¼ã‚ºã§ã•ã‚ŒãŸã‚«ãƒ–スã®å‰ã«4年以æ¥è¦‹ã‚‰ã‚Œãªãã¦ã‚る。
I’ve got yellow fever right now.
Oh, I can do something about it.
I’m going deep, so you’d better just get ready.
ã“ã®æµ·è³Šæ°´å·®ã—ã¯ç§ã¨å–ã‚Šã¤ã‹ã‚Œã¦ã„るよã†ã«ä¼è¨€æ¿ã®è„‚肪質ã®çŸ³æ²¹ä¼æ¥å®¶ã®ç›¸ç¶šäººãŒå‹Ÿé›†ã®èƒ½åŠ›ã®ãƒ–ルースWeberã®æ¬ ä¹ã¨ã‚ã‚‹ã¨åŒæ™‚ã«ã‚る。
True to form, Fukkake runs, and I swing. And I’m one of the “smart” Cubs.
I’m muttering “douchebag” in Japanese right now.
What am I doing?
I may be as hated as Jock Jones by the end of the season.
#527, from babelfish:
As me attached, it communicates this pirate jug? ? Successor of petroleum entrepreneur of fat quality ability of collection ブム? – When there is with scarcity of ス Weber, it is simultaneously.
Jon Lieber is occupying me.
ã¯ã„ã€ç§ã¯æ—¥æœ¬èªžã¨è‹±èªžã«ç§ã‹ã‚‰ç§ã®è¨³è€…ã«ç¿»è¨³ã—ç›´ã•ã‚Œã‚‹ç§ã®å˜èªžã‚’感覚ã«ã—ã¦ã¯ã„ã‘ãªã„ã“ã¨ã‚’実ç¾ã™ã‚‹ã€‚
C’mon, that’s not possible
Don’t call it an occupation.
I have no interest in making this a quick inning. Tra-la-dee-da!
I have to stay in until we take the lead. They can’t pinch hit for me.
I’m really slow to home
Ten years and we still haven’t figured out how to use the ticker without screwing up the picture.
I already hated you, Mark, since your numbuts decision to swing at a 3-1 pitch from Fat Livian in last year’s playoffs when there was still a shred of hope.
You suck and I hope you get crushed to death by a slumpbuster.
Fine. I’ll do it all.
lead-off man on, no outs and he isn’t even advanced to 2nd.
#%&*@#$%!#(*$!(@#$! &*% DeRosa! Why can’t you take a !#(!&*#$*#%&!*@#*%$ pitch when Fuku is running?
Mound visit? Are they walking Lieber to pitch to Theriot?
I’m not sure why I just went to the mound.
ã‚ã‹ã‚Šã¾ã—ãŸã€Lieberサンã®ãã‚Œã¯ã‚ãªãŸã¾ã§ã™ã¹ã¦ã§ã‚る。 ç§ã‚’ã€å‹é”é‹è»¢ã™ã‚Œã°ã€ç§ã¯ãƒ•ãƒ©ã‚¤ã‚’è½ã¨ã—ã¦ã„ã‚‹
2-0, here comes a fat one! Oh, never mind.
It’s time for me. Too bad they’re pitching around me.
I think Lieber’s more of a threat if he doesn’t swing.
TAKE!
巨大ãªãƒˆãƒ©ãƒƒã‚¯ãŒä»˜ã„ã¦ã„ã‚‹ç§é”ã®æ°´å·®ã—ã«ç‰ˆã§ãƒ‰ãƒŸãƒ‹ã‚«å…±å’Œå›½ã‹ã‚‰ã®ç§é”ã®é«˜ä¾¡æ ¼ãªãƒ—レーヤーよりよã„å¿è€ãŒã‚る。
…works a count better than Soriano
stop with the japanese
is pinch-hitting.
is striking out
Can I get that Duke kid to leadoff and play LF?
Serious question–
Why not go with Dempster at some point? He’s had 3 days rest, so you may be able to take him 3-4 innings. On Wednesday, Hill will have rested 4 days and everything else falls into line. Sort of.
Aramis’ throws
If this thing goes a couple more innings that’s probably what Lou will do but he probably wants to ride Lieber as long as he can so he doesn’t screw up the rotation.
Ah hell, Lieber’s only pitched three innings. He’s got at least three more before you need to worry. It’s what a long reliever is supposed to do.
Of course, now would be the time that Greg Maddux would jog down to the bullpen. Another reason I miss Greggie.
…shall inherit the loss.
Hello! Who wants to help lower my career ERA of 36.00? I see you fine gentlemen in the blue caps have your hands up. Very well, right this way!
Walks. Let’s see if he advances
Thanks for reminding me why I still read this crap!
Good start you sweaty Cajun fruit.
Okay maybe I was a little harsh on Theriot earlier.
Way to scrap out a walk!
I feel like hitting a home run to make all you doubters forget about Reed Johnson and his vagina face.
COME ON ALF!
I’ll take it!
What the hell?
It proves nothing to win the game if you don’t swing. I don’t care what the standings say. No good team takes 8 walks in a game.
Evan Meek, meet Carmen Pignatello. Carmen, Evan.
Aw come on, I thought you guys were supposed to be up there hacking!
Get home, Theriot, you scrappy little bastard.
You just go to 2-0 on me, brother, and you’ll see some hackin’.
Felix Pie should have been traded when he actually had value. He’s so beyond worthless right now.
I am named what I am.
Declining rapidly with each missed opportunity to score one run.
If Elamis ends re inning, I go clazy.
Who wants some?
Now would be a good time for Rammy’s patented SAC flies.
sigh
Health improving!
Don’t these things usually just go 9 innings?
Let’s go
What’s the record for LOB in a single game? I want to break it.
Thank god for me!!!
I disagree, PA (#578).
It’d be nice to have a shortstop version of Reed Johnson, because I think Pie has a bigger upside than Theriot. Speaking for myself, I’d rather see Pie stinking up the lienup than Theriot. As it is, they can put Reed in center and live with Theriot at short (and a rookie catcher).
Not even I can understand these f-d up schedules with one game…one day off…and then the final 2 of a series.
5 walks in an inning, no wonder I left these base-clogging dudes.
DeRosa just did himself a big favor. I think he may have been killed by a horde of angry Desipiots if he didn’t do something there.
There’s a day off after every team’s Opening Day so that they can immediately reschedule it if it’s rained out.
Well, that was nice while it lasted. They may never recover me from the puddle I’m turning into.
God, sometimes you share me on opening day and the day off is to make up your own doing.
Slaky–he did it in a way that he refused to do it in the playoffs–by leaving the bat on his fucking shoulder.
So he lays off a pitch that some nibbling shitbag is offering up. Woulda been nice if he did the same thing 6 months ago.
At the end of the day, fans from one of these two teams are going to have a long evening ahead of them.
Why am I in the 2008 baseball commercial?
Soon you guys are gonna try putting logic into religion. Ha! Good luck with that.
Oh, and Mike–I think that Pie still has an upside, but I think that it very well could be that his trade value at one point will have been more valuable than whatever his upside pans out to be.
Well Huey, at least he’s learning. BTW, good luck in the softball game. I’m typing this from Norway. I’ll see you guys next week.
Thank god. If I waited that whole f’ing time not to get a save, I was going to be pissed.
Slak–
Softball opener’s been pushed back. We start either 4/15 or 4/22. See you on the diamond.
Jesus…this kid is doing it all wrong. You gotta walk a couple guys before you give up a bat shattering blooper.
We are plentiful when Marmot pitches.
Hell yeah…to Huey and the Cubs win. Awesome.
FAP FAP FAP FAP
ãƒã‚¹ã‚¿ãƒ¼605ã¯è©æ¬ºå¸«ã€ã¾ãŸã¯ã‚«ãƒ–スã®æœ€å¾Œã®3ã¤ã®ã‚²ãƒ¼ãƒ を見ãªã‹ã£ãŸ
今度ã¯ZambranoãŒã™ã¹ã¦ã®å¤œéŠã³ãƒ”ッツãƒãƒ¼ã‚°ã«ç§ã‚’連れã¦è¡Œãカーãƒã‚¹ãŠã‚ˆã³Derrekã¯ãƒªãƒ¼æä¾›ã—ãªã‘ã‚Œã°ãªã‚‰ãªã„。 多分ç§é”ã¯ãƒ‡ãƒ¼ãƒ–WannstedtãŠã‚ˆã³å½¼ã®é«ã¨å‡ºã‹ã‘ã¦ã‚‚ã„ã„ã‹ã€‚
This is a game they lose last April.
It’s also a game they lose every time after mid-September 2004 up through Dustbag’s firing.
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!
Wait. Norway? What? Is Slaky getting married?
I guess in honor of not winning the World Series since ’08 the Cubs and Pirates decided to play a game which set baseball back 100 years.
A win’s a win though. Cubs above .500 for the first time this year. Long may they stay there.
609 is real Japanese. 610 isn’t.
innings of me helped the team ERA alittle