Have you met my son?  He's also a no talent assclown!
Have you met my son?
He’s also a no-talent assclown!

If you allowed me to write a list of guys I’d like to kick in the scrotum, the list would be long, and distinguished and two Brennamans would be in the top ten.  It is almost as though the helmet-haired father (Marty) and his pencil necked twit of a son are having a contest to see which one of them takes one in the nuts.

Apart from obnoxiously keeping the ‘h’ in his name when he shortens Thomas to tHom, the younger Brennaman should have been beaten with a rubber hose by Cubs fans almost two decades ago.  The highlight of his career with the Cubs on WGN Radio and TV was the night somebody bashed his face in on a road trip and left him with a bruised jaw and a black eye.

This is the same, tiny little man who used to proclaim, upon the rare instance of the Cubs putting a runner on every base that, “The bases are filled with blue caps!”  He also used to use the same call for long fly balls, which was, “This one’s deep and it’s into the seats!”  OK, tHommy, there’s seats in fair and foul territory, which was it?

He left WGN in a huff when they refused to allow him to skip some games to do NFL football on Fox.  They replaced him with Pat Hughes, and I think we all owe tHom a huge debt of thanks.  We lost a whiny, self-absorbed jackass and replaced him with one of the best baseball announcers in radio history.

Of course, his departure allowed him to return in 2003 as the second string play-by-play announcer on Fox for the playoffs.  With the Yankees and Red Sox playing in the ALCS, it was clear that Fox was going to send the ‘b’ team to the NLCS.  (Although, when your teams include Joe Buck, Tim McCarver and tHom Brennaman, there really is no ‘a’ or ‘b’, just differing amounts of suck.)

So, it happened that tHom was in the booth when the Cubs took a 3-0 lead into the eighth inning of game six, and the Steve Bartman thing happened.  tHom is now Captain Indignant about how awful Cubs’ fans were to Steve and how terrible Cubs’ fans are for treating him so poorly.  It’s the same old saw that Jay Mariotti still puts down the doughnut to remind us about over and over.

Only it’s interesting, because the two biggest culprits in the whole thing were Fox TV and the Chicago Sun-Times.  Fox kept showing Bartman, over and over and over again, after he knocked the ball away from Moises Alou.  They had close ups of him, they panned back to show exactly where his seat was.  This went on for hours (OK, it seemed like hours, it was probably 20 minutes).

If you don’t think Fox took him from relatively anonymous douche who should have kept his hands inside the ride at all times, to the dope with the green turtleneck and headphones who spazzed out and cost the Cubs the pennant, I can’t help you.  But every time he returns, tHom blames only the Cubs fans.

As for his old man, he went off on this senile tirade on Wednesday night when in a surprisingly funny show of solidarity, Cubs fans lobbed around 20 baseballs onto the field after Adam Dunn hit one onto Waveland.  Marty, who was in full red-ass mode all week because of the shoddy treatment he felt his beloved Dusty Baker was receiving from Cubs fans, went off.

This is the kind of thing, honestly, right now, that makes you want to see the Chicago Cubs team lose…Far and away the most obnoxious fans in baseball in this league, are those who follow this team right here.

First of all Marty…if that is your real name, and it’s not…your real first name is Franchester.  Wow, no wonder he likes Gabor Bako.  Anyway, first of all, you have met Cardinals fans, right?  So calm down.  Secondly, nobody gives a shit what you think.  Sure, you happened to be in Cincinnati when the Big Red Machine was there, but baseball hasn’t been relevant in your town in almost 15 years now.  All you have to do to keep yourself occupied is to get upset when Ron Santo makes fun of a fatass like Danny Graves for how many doughnuts the guys eats.  (Ron should never have allowed the hairdo to force him into an apology for that, though Graves handled it well, he autographed a box of Krispy Kremes and sent them up to Ron and Pat.)

What I liked most, is that when I checked out Marty’s wiki page (where I found out he’s named Franchester), another obnoxious Cubs fan had already stopped by to help update the info for us.

Wow, Nostradamus was here.

Kudos.  My main contribution to Wikipedia was when I got a line about Bill Self’s toupee into his Wiki and it lasted for almost six full months.

So what have we learned?  That tHom and Marty are both petty, bitter men with bad haircuts who harbor deep resentment towards the Cubs?  I think that’s exactly what we’ve learned.  And, we are free to enjoy it.