Pitching matchup:
Cubs: Jon Lieber 2-1, 1.86 ERA
Reds: Edinson Volquez 4-1, 1.27 ERA
Lineups:
Vag Face, lf
Dance Fever, ss
MVLee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
Fukkake, rf
Geo Soto, c
RonCe, 2b
Felix Pennsylvania, cf
Jonny Liebs, p
Reds
Korey, cf
Jerry the Lesser, ss (shortstop!?!)
Griffey the Younger, rf
Brandon Phillips, 2b
Joey Votto, 1b
VORP, lf
Eddie Encarceration, 3b
Gabor, c
Thomas Alva Edinson, p
If you lose to a team with Korey, Jerry and Gabor in the lineup, I think it’s time to disband.
Wow, Jerry Hairston, Jr. at SS. That’s something I’m not sure Dusty tried in Chicago. This Reds lineup is unreal.
Didn’t a team with Korey, Jerry and Gabor win 89 games?
Am I hurt or something? I actually looked good last night. Why sit me?
What is me?
Just listened to riveting pregame dialog between tHom and Dusty. What a couple of made-for-each-other assclowns.
5. VORP Value Over Replacement Player
When two people love each other very much…
Chuck, how much did Korey, Gabor and Jerry actually contribute to those 89 games?
*wins
5. VORP Value Over Replacement Player
When two people love each other very much….
Hot dawg! I get to keep starting! And leading off!
BREEEEAAAAVVVVEEEE!!!!
Start clogging the bases, dudes.
I should never play against a right hander
It is truly painful to listen to me today.
Ronny (#15)?
It’s painful to listen to you every goddamn game.
Jerry and Gabor never played together in Chicago. Jerry didn’t come until the 2005 juggernaut season.
It’s a sunny day so I’m trying to limit the number of white dudes playing today.
That’s my man Korey. Hack at every pitch.
Did anybody else hear what Ron did in the first inning last night? It was priceless, even for him.
When E-ramis came up after the pitch Ron got all upset and yelled, “Ohhhh! Uh! It happened again?”
Then there was silence, and then Pat laughing.
Then Pat goes, “Ron, do you want to explain what just happened?”
Ron says, “Oh, yeah. In the first inning I always watch the game on the monitor and I guess it was a replay of Aramis getting hit by the pitch in St. Louis. I thought it happened again just now.”
Pat then asked, “So, you didn’t notice that the Cubs are wearing different color uniforms tonight?”
The best was when Ron said, “It could happen to anybody,” and Pat said, “Yeah, it just did.”
As bad as I am, I bet I’ll play better infield defense!
V. LHP – .265/.405/.294
V. RHP – .274/.319/.323
The extra .080 of on base average are nice, but those numbers are pretty mediocre no matter who’s pitching.
That’s a funny story, Andy. Funny because Ronny thinks he can convince us that he watches the monitor only “in the first inning”. We all know the setup. He can’t see the field, so he relies on the monitor and Pat’s play-by-play to have even the faintest clue what the hell’s going on.
Please put this clown in the HOF so he can finally get out of the way of these broadcasts. They really are painful.
I’d take painful over tHom and Jeff freakin’ Brantley though. I need a radio that works.
Every time they show him in the booth he’s looking at the monitor. But to be fair, I think Diabetes has pretty much fucked his eyesight.
I think Ron is still pretty sharp!
2 pitches. 2 outs.
I enjoy seeing Dusty’s influence on the Reds. Especially how they never make a pitcher throw more than 10 pitches in the first inning, and how last night they managed to save the Cubs from using their bullpen by giving Carlos single digit pitch innings in the seventh and eighth.
I hope he breaks out another “my teams don’t play this way” line because clearly, they always do.
I’d say that diabetes has definitely affected his eyesight and that’s sad.
But shouldn’t that also disqualify him from being a color analyst?
Two pitches, two outs, then I draw a walk. I could have never played for Dusty. Actually, I did play for him, but he didn’t use me.
Damn right Soto. You didn’t play for me and wouldn’t. I don’t want to see that patience at the plate jive.
Of course you drew a walk, 30, it’s easy when you’re on the juice!!
When I turn 40 I’ll learn to pitch to lefties.
HGH is good for the eyes.
Was THAT a replay?
–Sadly, no.–
Can I come back now?
I am as good as ever against lefties
Hey, how about we stop throwing the slider to lefties for a while?
Gabor?
A home run to Gabor?
Wow. A Bako HR.
Career splits
vs. RH: .245 AVG, 20 HR allowed
vs. LH: .735 AVG, 853 HR allowed
I keep saying those 86 mph pitches are fastballs. Are they actually sliders?
See that? The bases weren’t clogged, so my guys could just swing away. Dustyball, fools!
Tell tHom that if anyone’s juicing, it’s Gabor.
If this format supported pictures, I’d post a black and white photo of Mark Scott, host of classic Home Run Derby.
Ha…Korey’s hitting .198. If they don’t call up Jay Bruce or give him playing time, they’re even dumber than I thought.
Although, hiring Dusty and letting him get all these fossils on the roster is downright insane in the first place.
I have 18 home runs in 12 years. FEAR the POWER!
At least the Cubs don’t look helpless against me.
Oh, wait.
If he gives one up to Hairston, I’ll fucking shit my pants.
#42, do yo really think Lieber’s throwing 86 mph sliders?
And there is that load.
Holy. Shit.
What’s that smell? Your pants or the cubs?
Gil,
Go clean your pants.
How you feeling, Gil?
I’ll get you a wet nap.
Wow, that worked better than going to Taco Bell.
I’ve seen enough today to know that I want Sean Marshall filling this spot in the rotation.
Implement Operation Seans to the Rotation.
4 straight series losses? Yeah, we’re better than the Cardinals.
Better hope 75 wins is good enough for first place.
What are you waiting for? Someone euthanize me.
Eat shit, Andy
#60, it’ll be okay once the Seans take over in the rotation.
What’s worse: walking 5 batters in the first inning or giving up home runs to the Baker scrubs?
Just got back in from lunch to see what I had feared: Lieber throwing BP to some scrub lefties. This is embarrassing. Lou needs grilled on this after the game. Gallagher should’ve gotten this start and Lieber kept in his role in long relief for now. Four out of six to the Cardinals and Reds doesn’t bode well, and four coming up against the D-backs. This team had better get it turned back around.
I was in better shape than Lieber.
Too early, man.
It’s only 3 against us, 65, but those 3 are going to go as well as the 3 in the playoffs.
I just homered to deep left field.
Lots of teams make the playoffs with only 2 starting pitchers and awful defense, right?
It’ll only seem like four. Haren, a rookie (Cubs never beat rookies), and Big Unit.
I started Lieber against the team with the best left-handed hitters in the division. I am not a smart manager.
I’ll shit myself again if the Cubs come back.
It worked so well the first time…
We can’t beat Edinson so I’m trying to kill him.
Jsut a friendly note – Lee is 1 for his last 15
My BA is starting to drop, I’m leaving guys on base, and my fielding has been brutal. I may need a day off.
Dan Haren isn’t a rookie.
http://www.baseball-reference.com/h/harenda01.shtml
We need a season off.
Wait, we’re taking one already.
Walking the first batter. Let the great experiment begin!
=over
WANTED:
Starting pitchers. Must have good command, don’t walk a lot of batters or give up home runs.
Contact J. Hendry if interested.
Let me re-write that for the morans:
Friday: Dan Haren
Saturday: Max Scherzer (a rookie)
Sunday: Randy Johnson
And keep stealing bases Dusty, you douche.
77, that post wasn’t saying Haren is a rookie. It was a sequential list. That’s why you don’t use serial commas
WANTED:
wit.
Really? After game 33?
Dave B, I misread your comment (#71). I thought you were describing Haren as a rookie. My bad.
On Alert Status for unruly behavior at Wrigley in June if this shit keeps up.
Clearly you don’t get it nutsack, because since the Cubs cannot beat the Reds today, they logically and necessarily have forfeited the season. Save yourself the time and go to the ledge.
Clearly, Gil.
I get on base both ABs today, and I get yanked for a double-switch. Somebody get Lou an Alzheimer’s test.
This looks familiar.
Nice to see the ledge-jumping paintywaists have come back to liter this GameCast.
Hey fucknutses, this team has played like shit for 2 weeks and they still have the 6th best record in the bigs. if you don’t know how to pace yourself for a baseball season, then go eat a big bag of dicks, you shrieking bags of cunt juice.
Mike D, comin’ alive. I like it.
Cunt juice? Can I get that at Jewel?
That’s more like me.
have a better rotation than the Cubs.
No reason to panic, though. None at all.
You’re right, there is no reason to panic… BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING MAY!!
I’d rather be 22-31 by the end of this month than 18-14 right now.
You bunch of bedwetting nancies. Operation Seans will fix everything.
Operation Chaos?
I sound like shit today. I may die on the air one of these days.
Any chance of a rainout?
It’s not like the Yankees or Red Sox or (insert perennial contender here) ever go through one of these. No, not at all.
Last I checked the season doesn’t end on May 31st.
You people piss the shit out of me!
Hope for me.
Guess how many times last year’s Red Sox split or lost 5 series in a row?
Hell, the way we play on get-away days, we’ll have this bitch over in 45 minutes. Can’t wait to get home. Who cares about getting shelled.
We will solve this Edinson Volquez numbnuts in the 6th and 7th innings, ogdens.
I seem to recall a team that slumped poorly in the first half of last year and then dominated the NL Central on route to the title after the break, or there abouts.
Which team was that?
The season is over. This is the worst team ever. Even though we’re a little over a month into the season, it’s over. Turn off the lights on your way out.
Lots of baseball left to be played, but lets go ahead and jump off the ledge now.
#105 might be the biggest retard on the inglorious day of “Cub Fan Retards”
Because the Cubs are not the 2007 Red Sox, the season is over.
Brilliant perspective you uberdouche.
Got any other nuggets of insightful scat, you dumbfuck?
#105 clearly lacks me.
Ja!
What’s so special about this Volquez guy?
One of my buddies works in a downtown Cincinnati office building, and he said with the fireworks in the 2nd, it sounded like Anbar Province.
So…since we don’t have an approved Desipio nickname for Lieber (do we?), I think “Anbar” might work out nicely.
Operation Seans. Operation Seans. Operation Seans.
I’m hovering around 80 pitches in the 5th. I doubt I’ll be around too much longer. Then again, Dusty Baker is my manager so I’ll probably end up at about 235 pitches today.
Everytime I say “doubleheader,” I think of the Patterson Bros.
The Cubs don’t have any. This is going to be a long season
I’d drill somebody in the back about right now.
Seriously, when can I come back?
Don’t worry, dudes. Lou called me up for some pointers before the road trip. That’s why his decision-making has been so stellar lately.
I declare Operation Seans as “Mission Accomplished”
Must be getting soft in his old age, because the Reds’ hitters are getting way too comfortable over the plate. Someone needs to wear one in the ribs.
Really? And *I* was the one that needed to be euthanized?
Easily one of the goofiest-looking things ever.
I’m a lot more noticeable when you’re not scoring 8 runs a game anymore.
That joke has already been booed today.
What is this, Deadspin?
My BA is starting to drop, too. Are they starting to figure me out?
He can’t be Super Asian all the time.
and counting!
Yep, and you’ve lost your patience at the plate. Welcome to the Cubs.
Sending young Volquez out to pitch the 7th with a 9-9 lead and 93 pitches is me, which is an apt description for everything Dusty does as a manager.
Give me some reasons for it. No, this isn’t ledge-jumping, but this team looks absolutely horrible right now and they don’t look like they’re getting any better.
Hey, you morons on the Cub pitching staff, might want to use me and quit serving middle-high meatballs to Votto… jeez. What is that, six HRs against us this year?
This team may not be done, but they are certainly dumb.
Apparently, #134 and #135 have never heard of me.
You guys are fucking bedwetters. Please shut the fuck up or, lacking some sor tof bilogical ability to do so, please head over to the myriad warmed-over plablum sites like NSBB and BCB. You’re a goddamn embarassment to adult male Cub fans everywhere, you sackless whiners.
More than a slump. This team doesn’t have the pitching. Besides Toro, the rest of the staff is bad.
Then stop watching, dickface. It’s obviously all over.
GO BEARS!
It’s like looking at a crash on the side of the road, you can’t turn away.
You do realize we have shit at QB and our bust of a running back is getting stomped by the river police, right?
Oh, and our defensive stars want more money.
Yeah.
Joesoxfan. I’m sure most of these are him
Matt Forte is good. Just wait and see.
Today sucks, no doubt about it. But it’s a long, long season boys and girls.
We are still on a 93-win pace after today.
Would be nice if we could be a little more consistent about it.
You got it, #136. I’m a “bedwetter” because I’m pissed off that our pitching staff is apparently too goddamned lazy to read a fucking scouting report on Votto. I’m a “bedwetter” because I’m pissed the team is giving away games with stupid defensive play and bad baserunning and crap-ass pitching.
If we want this team to finally reach the promised land, we’ve got to hold them to a higher standard on the field. But by all means, go the Dusty route and pretend that games in April and May somehow don’t count in the standings.
I can live with an early-season slump a lot easier if the team is playing smart, fundamentally sound baseball but the bats fall asleep or the bullpen has a rough week. That ain’t happening right now.
Dude, it’s May 7th. The team is swooning, no doubt. Everyone’s swooning at the same time, no doubt. But, don’t forget how this team caught fire earlier in the season.
Forgive me for using this doucherocketish analogy, but this season is a marathon. Relax. Have a beer. Have a tranquilizer dart. A placebo. Whatever. Just quit crying like a little bitch.
I thought the whole “everything’s fine, we’ll get ’em tomorrow, pour another Old Style and sing the stretch” attitude was exactly the kind of bullshit for which Cubs fans have been ridiculed for decades.
Again, though, 19-15 after 34 games is a hell of a lot better than 16-18 and 8 games out — and that team won the division last year.
147 made the point better than I did. And I would add, the refreshing brutal honesty when the team is stinking up the joint is a big reason many readers come here instead of say, Bleed Cubbie Blue.
This will be a very long season indeed if every critical commenter is told they are being a “whiny bitch,” particularly on days when the Cubs get pummeled like a third-rate Double-A level squad. We’re allowed to get pissed off at this team, you know…
The “oh, no, we’re cursed!” crap is whining. The “oh, no, where should we bat Soriano??” handwringing stuff is being a bitch. Rightfully impaling the team when they play like ass is neither.
(And yes, I agree. It’s only May. And we ARE in much better shape than last year at this point. But I’d prefer not to see the Cubs have to dig themselves out of a big hole again this year. That rarely happens in back-to-back seasons…)
We all suck…except big Z. Wait til next year, this club already blew its nut during the first month.
#1
Brain (#148)
The only thing more incessant than your whining about a 2-week stretch of bad play is your whining about being told not to whine.
They’re playing poorly right now. We get it. But your whole hysterical, over-the-top-bullshit gets old fast, especially with such self-aggrandizing crap like this:
This will be a very long season indeed if every critical commenter is told they are being a “whiny bitch,â€
Wrong dumbass. It’s not about you. It’ll be “a very long season” if they go 4-9 for every two-week stretch for the rest of the season. Too bad for your self-centered ass that what would apparently be more painful than the Cubs sucking all season is that you’ll be suffering the ignominy of being told to shut the fuck up when you bitch about. Boo fucking hoo to you, you hysterical twat. When you respond to other people telling you get a fucking grip by characterizing those people as considering April and May games to be inconsequential and consequently likening them to Dusty, you’re missing the point by such a wide margin that you and your patron saint Mariotti could hold hands and walk through such a berth unscathed.
Nobody’s happy with how they’re playing. Nobody’s complacent. But this bloodletting is ridiculous, childish and embarassing.
This team was 15-6 two weeks and you’re a retard if you expected them to keep up that pace. They suffer a 2 weeks stretch of bad ball and a 4-9 mark, and it’s all you can do to keep from slitting your wrists. Lou’s 2001 Mariners did not suffer any stretches like this and they still failed to win the pennant. Would you rather have the Cubs go 120-42 and spare you the pain of a few bad stretches of bad play even if it meant that they were to then get eliminated in October? No? You sure about that, ace? Because you sound completely incapable of dealing with this current stretch.
So please. For the love of all that is good and holy in this world. Sit back, have a beer, light a joint, whatever. Just try chilling the fuck out and sparing us your end-of-the-world bullshit. It’s tiring and totally indefensible. It’s May fucking 7th.
Show some fire, Lou!
Hey, Huey – is the season over or what? I need clarification.
Huey made my point exactly.
Hey ledgejumpers, weren’t expecting a sweep of the team that, coming in, had the best record in baseball?
Yeah the stunk up the joint in that last game against the Reds but this is a good baseball team, who just play three really good games (Fox walking in everyone excluded). As a Cubs fan, this is a revelation. Meanwhile their two biggest division rivals have seen their closers implode.
Hopefully they can keep the mo up against the whales vagina and extend their first place lead again.