Before we get to the actual Cubs Report, I have a complaint about Len Kasper that I wasn’t going to publicly acknowledge, but I feel I have to. Len was guilty yesterday of using a disgusting, deplorable, insensitive and altogether offensive ethnic slang term, and I fell that I was irreparably harmed by it.

It happened in the middle of the game, maybe the fifth or sixth inning. I was so emotionally wracked by what happened that I can’t remember exactly. But I remember the epithet, oh do I.

Len was talking about the Cubs’ pitching staff and it came out of nowhere, like a burning zeppelin.

He said, “Lou [Piniella] really likes the Micks on this pitching staff.”

As an Irish-American, I was stunned, saddened and sickened.

Do the Cubs even have any Irishmen on the staff? Probably Sean Gallagher, but anybody else? I don’t think either of the Carlos’ are Irish. Marquis is a Jew. Ted Lilly’s a serial killer. If Dempster’s Irish (he does have red hair) we don’t want him.

Heh, it’s come to my attention that what Len said was “Lou really likes the mix of his pitching staff. Phew. Never mind.

Personally, I’m just happy that it warmed up so we didn’t have to see Len wear that AIDS quilt on his head anymore. Seriously, what was that?

I’ve been watching the postgame show after every game on Comcast because they show Lou’s press conferences and I love those. But all week I had the same thought. Does Corey Patterson feel cheated that he spent five years in Chicago and Gail Fischer waited until he left to get up to slumpbusting weight?

Also, I’m still stunned that after four years of doing this that Dan Plesac still is buying short sleeved dress shirts with the worst collars ever at K-mart, and that a grown man doesn’t know how to properly tie a tie. Maybe it’s to distract us from his four dollar haircut, I’m not sure. All I know is that I want Dave Otto back, and I want him back now. There is not nearly enough use of the word “filthy” on the postgame show and it wouldn’t kill Plesac to work “slide piece” in seven or eight times a show.

My favorite radio moment of the ridiculous comeback on Friday was courtesy of Ron Santo, and it came after Jim Edmonds’ two RBI double to make it 9-8.

Ron: Wow! How many RBIs is that for Edmonds? Is it five or six?
Pat: Three.
Ron: Wow!

First off, how can you be that far off in a game you are not only watching, but supposedly scoring? Second, I love that even though Ron thought Lassie had twice as many RBI in the game as he did, he was still impressed when he found out the real total.

Anyway, we all know that our beloved Cubs are 36-21, and that’s the best record in all of baseball. We also know that most of that is courtesy of a ludicrous 26-8 home record. I for one, am not too worried about the home-road disparity. In the past few years the Cubs were a better road team than home team so I think they’re a safe bet to finish over .500 on the road, probably significantly so. I’m just giddy that they’re finally taking advantage of playing home games at Wrigley. You’d think it be easier to play in front of 41,000 drunken fans in your own place than without them.

It’s kind of amazing that a team that has fielded a team for 132 straight seasons hasn’t had the best record in baseball on June 1 since 1918. Still, June 1 is kind of an arbitrary date. As recently as 1945 the Cubs had the best record in baseball at the end of the season. Wow, that’s not so good either, is it?

In the previous ten seasons, the Cubs have been over .500 on June 1 six times. That’s pretty good for these losers. They weren’t last year, but they were in 1998, 1999, 2001, 2003, 2004 and 2005. They finished over .500 in only four of those seasons. The most they were over .500 in that span was 12 over in 2001 (32-20).

So how does the 36-21 mark on June 1 compare to some of the famous (or infamous) seasons in Cubs history?

Last year, the Cubs were 22-30 on June 1, went 63-47 the rest of the way and won the division.

In 2004 the Cubs were 27-24 on June 1, went 62-49 the rest of the way and watched the playoffs on TV.

In 2003 they were 30-25 and finished 58-49 and played in the NLCS–we know how that ended.

In 2001 they went 56-54 the rest of the way and watched both St. Louis and Houston make the playoffs instead.

In 1998 the Cubs were 32-24 on June 1, they went 58-49, which included a one-game playoff win over the Giants so they could get swept in the playoffs by the Braves.

In 1989 they were only 28-22 as June started but went 65-47 from then on to finish with the best record in the National League.

In 1984 they had yet to really catch fire but were 28-20, a 68-45 finish also earned them the best record in the National League.

The season that scares you was 1977. The Cubs were 29-16 on June 1, and pushed it to 51-30 on July 9. They went 30-51 the rest of the way and finished at .500.

The 1969 Cubs were off to an even better start than these Cubs. They were 33-16, went 59-54 the rest of the way and finished eight games behind the Mets in the first ever NL East divisional race.

How about the Cubs’ World Series teams?

1945 – 18-16 on June 1. 80-40 the rest of the way to finish with the best record in baseball.
1938 – 24-15 on June 1. 65-48 after.
1932 – 27-17 on June 1. 63-47 after.
1929 – 22-15 on June 1. 76-39 after.
1918 – 24-12 on June 1. 60-33 after.
1910 – 23-12 on June 1. 81- 38 after.
1908 – 23-12 on June 1. 76-41 after.
1907 – 29-9 on June 1. 78-36 after.
1906 – 29-15 on June 1. 86-21 after.

OK, that’s enough we’re not going back to the 1880s and before. You’re already bored to tears.

I just had to channel my inner Ed Hartig for a moment. And, after seeing Ed on the WGN 60 Years of the Cubs special I know includes a wandering right eye. So I’m in a little pain right now.

Time to take a lap around the roster and see what’s going on.

Derrek Lee — He had a great April and a less than stellar May (.234, 18 K’s only 6 walks), but it’s June now and our boy Derrek loves June. Of course, Lou celebrated by benching him for a day. He’s one Cub who doesn’t mind hitting on the road, his average is higher (.303 v. .289 and his on base average goes way up .391 v. .319) on the road, but he’s hit 10 of his 13 homers at Wrigley. Weird.

E-ramis Ramirez — His May was good, his April was good, he’s been good at home and on the road, he’s just good. He’s in shape this year, he’s hustling, he’s probably the best player on the team and yet of the four “stars” (him, Alfonso Soriano, Lee and Fukkake) he gets the least amount of attention, and he doesn’t seem to care. That would make him the best player on the best team. Time to start an MVP campaign for E-ramis. Cockfighting shirts for everybody!

Mark DeRosa — Today on the messageboard, somebody posted Mark’s numbers and Brian Roberts’ numbers so far this year and Mark’s are better. And he’s batting eighth most days. Not only that, but after he hit the homer that capped off the miraculous comeback on Friday against Colorado, he said this:

‘Although my stats are decent, I felt I haven’t had a big hit,” he said. ”I felt I’ve just tacked on. I wanted to have a big hit. These are the situations you live for.”

He gets it, even if you couldn’t tell that by the surreal (is it a parody or isn’t it) blog on Cubs.com, and so you root for him.

Besides, Brian Roberts is good player who still might finish with better stats than DeRosa, but right now the Cubs need Ronny Cedeno and Sean Gallagher and those guys would be gone. And this team is going to need to trade for another starting pitcher at some point, and right now they have the big advantages of having money left in their (alleged) payroll budget, and players on the bench and in the minors who have actual trade value.

Ryan Theriot — Everything you need to know about Ryan Theriot was on display on the second to last pitch of yesterday’s game. The Cubs had a two run lead, there were two out, Kerry Wood was quickly dispatching of the Rockies and nobody was on base. Cory Sullivan hit a foul pop down the left field line that looked like it was out of reach of E-ramis, Ryan or Soriano. It falls, strike two, no big deal. Except that Theriot sprinted after it and dove skidding across the warning track behind the third base dugout. He got a glove on it. We spend so much time wishing that baseball players would hustle more. We can’t figure out why some guys don’t bust it to first on every batted ball. The Cubs have a shortstop who never doesn’t hustle. And we spend our time obsessing over the things he can’t do. No power, not great range at short, a little lacking on the arm. I’m as guilty as anybody, I’ve been trying to figure out who the Cubs could get to replace him since Lou gave him the job last June. All he’s done is hit .319 with a .403 on base average and he’s walked more than he’s struck out.

He’s an easy guy to root for. So we need to get back to doing it.

Ronny Cedeno — I’m convinced that he’s still the dumbest player in baseball, and his May stats look very Cedeno-like (.225, .311 on base percentage) but even in that month when he struggled, he still walked as many times as he struck out (four) and he found himself in the middle of some big rallies (like Tuesday night’s comeback against the Dodgers) and Friday’s against Colorado. In other words, even when he’s struggled he’s managed to be useful, and that was never the case before. Theriot weighs 160 pounds, so the Cubs are going to need Ronny to take some of the starts at short this summer. Not sucking would help, oh and he might be a pretty important part of any trade the Cubs make this year.

Mike Fontenot — We all know his limitations, like the fact he only plays one position, and that he’s a dwarf. He also only hit .250 in May, so how much use was he? Well, considering that he walked nine times in 42 plate appearances, he was pretty good. For a guy who either pinch hits or comes in to play second in a double switch, to get on base at a .429 clip is a good thing. He even put up an .866 OPS in May. People harp about how useless he is, which is just wrong. Lou knows how to use him and has gotten good production out of him in two seasons now. So get off his tiny little back.

Micah Hoffpauir — I am not excited about the prospects of him playing any significant time in the outfield, but I do like to watch him hit. He’s old for a rookie (28–I know, Kosuke’s 30 but he’s not really a ‘rookie’ now is he?), but he can hit. So far in 19 big league at bats he’s got eight hits and three doubles, and even in the semi-often at bats when he strikes out (six times so far) he usually gets a hold of at least pitch that he smokes…foul. If Daryle Ward’s bad back lingers, Hoffpauir would be a useful DH in the trips to the south side and Tampa. But the Cubs need Ward back. Youngsters don’t make good pinch hitters as a rule (though Micah is 2 for his first 6). He’s another guy who be attractive in a trade to a team that is looking for a real first baseman (hello Texas and Baltimore).

Kosuke Fukudome — Fukkake! has struggled on the road so far, though that’s probably something that a seven game swing to Dodger Stadium and Petco Park could help. There’s lots of room out there for his line drives to fall and roll. His numbers are leveling off a little across the board, but they’re still good (.303/.405/.433) and I don’t think the Cubs were counting on him hitting a lot of homers anyway. He’s the best defensive rightfielder in the National League already, which is pretty good considering what a tough right field Wrigley is. He’s just a smart player who does a lot of things really well. He’s a pleasure to watch on a daily basis. And, his two-tone glove is pretty sweet, too.

Alfonso Soriano — Where to start with The Albatross? He had a great May at the plate, hitting .345 with a .386 on base average and 672 slugging percentage. The depth of the Cubs lineup provides him a pretty good number of RBI chances in the leadoff spot and he drove in 29 runs in May. Also, in the past few days he’s started running like a human again and not like a deer with something stuck to one its legs. His defense is still not good. He dropped another flyball in left yesterday (though he threw the hitter–Todd Helton–out trying to go to second) and Lou has started double switching him out late in games when the batting order falls just right. At his best, like this last month, he gives the Cubs great depth in their batting order. There’s not let up in an order that has Mark DeRosa eighth, then you get the pitcher then you go right back into the fire with Soriano batting first.

Jim Edmonds — It’s not just surreal, it’s downright creepy to find yourself rooting for Lassie. But he’s a Cub so you have to learn to accept it, if not like it. As Bill Simmons would say, Jimmy hooked himself up to the juvenation machine over the weekend. He reached base in six straight plate appearances at one point and hit for the cycle in that span with a single, a homer, a double, a triple and an RBI walk, he even tossed in another double for good measure. His Cubs’ stats are no longer embarrassing (.258 average, .303 on base, .484 slugging) and it looks like he really did make a tangible adjustment. His leg kick (coupled with old age and the effect of bikini waxes on his system) was causing him to be late on everything..hence all those lazy fly outs. He went back to the stance he used when he was the biggest cock in baseball with the Cardinals a few years ago and suddenly the same swing was meeting the ball in the zone not after it.

He’s in a perfect role for a guy his age. He’s the lefty side of a platoon, so he’ll get the bulk of the at bats, but still a significant amount of rest. He even got indoctrinated into the Alfonso Soriano (I never call for anything so you never know when to pull off a flyball) method of outfield play when he ended up dropping a ball on Friday that led to three unearned runs. So now he knows you just run after everything and if you have to plow over Alfonso you do it.

I’m never going to like Jim Edmonds, but after 100 years of sucking I’m not going to root against a player on the Cubs. I hope he does well when he plays, and if he should run headlong into the bricks in center at some point and break every bone in his mantastic body, I’m not going to mind, provided he hangs onto the ball of course.

Lassie? I just feel dirty. Thanks, Jim Hendry. I hope you’re happy, you fat fuck.

Reed Johnson — The other half of the platoon (Edmonds should be good at platooning, I’m sure he’s used to taking turns with another guy) it plays to his strengths, too. Against lefties this year he’s hitting .302 with a .408 on base average (it’s .233 and .297 against righties.) He’s not a center fielder by trade, but he’s done a really good job out there. He gets good breaks on balls and has a pretty good arm. If Edmonds could just hit around .260 with decent power this platoon will work, and the Cubs lineup won’t have a hole in it.

Daryle Ward — The Fat Kangaroo hasn’t hopped lately, and it looks like he won’t come off the DL until the Cubs come back from California at the earliest. Given Lou’s love for Micah, Daryle might want to hurry up. Hurrying being something that he’s not really very accustomed to.

Geovany Soto — The probable NL starter at catcher, he’s got to be happy the Cubs are going on a road trip. He’s the rare Cub who hits better away from Wrigley. (.321/.406/.583 on the road — .275/.374/.529 at home) OK, so it’s good either place. He has cooled off considerably since his great start. In May he hit .275/.357/.510, compared to .333/.427/.621 in April. But again, those numbers aren’t bad. Maybe it was just too many home games?

Soto’s an impressive player. Most young catchers can’t focus on both defense and offense, but he’s done it. You’d like to see him get a little more rest because he’s such an important part of the lineup, but I’m sure Lou’s on it. Plus, it’s easy to rest your catcher when the great Hank White is the backup…

Henry Blanco — Maybe it’s the fan club, maybe it’s Wrigley. Whatever, when Hank came to the Cubs in 2005 he had the lowest batting average of any active player (.213). He’s now hitting .225 for his career. That’s no small feat when you had 1,600 at bats of .213. He’s hit .253 as a Cub. Take that Gabor Bako!

This year, he’s off to his best start, hitting .343 with an .824 OPS. He also delivered two huge hits in the comeback on Friday, the biggest his two run homer to get the Cubs back into the game. He’s a great defensive catcher and one of the best throwing catchers in baseball history (has caught 43 percent of runners who’s tried to steal on him in his career.) Plus, how can you not love a guy with tattoos up each forearm?

Carlos Zambrano — Yesterday Kasper and Brenly were talking about how Carlos is only 27 years old, he’s got lots of money and the ace pitcher of the best team in baseball. Life is good. And a big reason that life is good is because Carlos has changed his approach to pitching. In 2004 when he made his big jump he was a sinkerballer who got strikeouts. He went 16-8 with a 2.75 ERA and only gave up 14 homers. The next three years his strikeouts went up, but so did his homers. He allowed at least 20 every season. So far this year he’s on a pace to go 21-3 with a 2.33 ERA, around 160 strikeouts and only allow 12 homers. I think we’d take that. He’s trying to get hitters to hit groundballs again, instead of just trying to blow everybody away.

At the plate he’s getting better, too. Carlos hit .300 in 2006 and won the silver slugger, but now, with competition from Diamondbacks’ pitcher Micah Owings, Carlos needs to step it up, and he has. He’s hitting .316 with a homer and four RBI. Owings is hitting .297 with a homer and three RBI. Both guys get used periodically as pinch hitters, too.

Theodore Roosevelt Lilly — We always knew he was a little psychotic, we didn’t know he was bipolar. Ted’s been two different pitchers so far this year. Bad Ted had a 9.19 ERA after four starts. Then he had two solid starts before reeling off a five start win streak. The last two? Terrible, again. So what’s it gonna be?

When you look at his numbers, his walks to strikeouts are about 3:1 (21 walks, 61 K’s) just like last year. It’s hit hits that are way up. Last year he allowed only 181 hits in 207 innings. This year he’s already given up 70 in just 65 innings. Even that’s not terrible. He says it’s as simple as when he gets the ball down he pitches well, when he gets it up he gets hit hard.

Well, get it down then!

Ryan Dempster — It’s easy to figure out Ryan Dempster. He’s 7-0 at home with a 3.10 ERA, so he must be lousy on the road if he’s 0-2 there, right? Well, in four starts on the road his ERA is only 2.08 and he left two starts he should have won. We just keep waiting for the other clown shoe to drop with Ryan. Nothing he did in his first four years with the Cubs led you to believe that he would be a good starting pitcher, and even his previous seasons in Cincinnati and Florida made you think he was anything that great. But so far this year he’s been really good. He almost always goes at least six innings and the only time he’s given up more than four runs all of them were unearned. If he’s had a problem it’s walking guys. He’s only allowed 50 hits in 75 innings, but he’s walked 33 more. It drives up his pitch count and our blood pressure. You would think the Cubs will need to be cautious with him as the season goes on because he’s not used to throwing this many innings. But you wouldn’t have thought he’d be 7-2 on June 2, would you?

Sean Gallagher — Gallagher’s been pretty good, for a rookie. In five starts he’s 3-1 with a 4.55 ERA and has given up 27 hits in 27 innings. He’s also walked nine and hit four batters, so that’s way too many baserunners. The Cubs have got to make sure he stops sitting next to Jason Marquis in the dugout. He’s holding down a spot until the Cubs either trade for a starter or Rich Hill sees the light in Iowa. Normally, if you see a light in Iowa it’s a combine about to crush your rental car. Lou seems to like Gallagher, probably because the kid isn’t Marquis. So he’s done a nice job, but it’s not like anybody’s going to be getting him a plaque and $100.

Jason Marquis — He sucks.

Kerry Wood — After the Cubs named Kerry to be their closer, if I had told you that in his first 30 innings he’d only allow 19 hits and six walks, you’d have been pretty excited. That’s excellent for any pitcher, especially for a closer where one run means you probably didn’t do your job. Now, if I told you he’d hit five batters you’d probably think it was cool that our tough guy closer is drilling guys. Or maybe not. But if I told you that in his first four blown saves that three times it was the direct result of him hitting the leadoff hitter in the ninth inning, you’d want to stick a fountain pen through your eyeball. Like those of us who actually watched it happen.

All in all, for a guy who had limited relief pitching experience (33 relief appearances prior to 2008), Kerry’s picked up the job pretty quickly. He works fast, he throws strikes (unless he’s bouncing a slider off somebody’s foot) and he’s pretty efficient. The fourth blown save, the one where he didn’t warn us by hitting the leadoff guy. He blew away the first two hitters in the ninth so that we were all relaxed, then gave up a judy single to Scotty Fabulous before Ryan Spilborgs hit a triple to tie the game. The Cubs won it anyway, one of only 10 road wins they’ve had all season.

All in all, Kerry’s doing a very good job. And selfishly, how cool is it, in 2008, three years after we thought his career was pretty much over, to see him playing a huge role on a first place Cubs’ team? It’s pretty fucking cool, is what it is.

Carlos Marmol — One of the reasons people underestimate what a good job that Wood is doing is because most of the time he’s following an electric performance by the Marmot. That’s a tough act to follow. Yesterday WGN showed the leaders in the league in strikeouts by relievers. Wood was second at 32 (he made it 33 an inning later) and Marmol was first…with FIFTY-FOUR! Good god, man. There are times, never more so than the eighth inning of Friday’s game against Colorado, when the hitters have no chance. None. In that one he faced three lefties, who theoretically should have a chance at his slider and threw ten pitches, nine strikes and recorded three straight strikeouts, all looking.

The only concern is that he’s pitching too much, so Lou has decided to cut down on his two inning outings (he’s had seven in his first 29 apperances), and now that Bob Howry is getting guys out again, it makes it easier. The Cubs stand a pretty good chance of holding any lead after the seventh now. Giggity.

Bob Howry — Whatever the reason (spring weather, the dead vines on the outfield walls creep him out, cold elbows) Bob Howry doesn’t show up for work until mid-May. It’s a good thing that once he shows up he’s damn good, or we’d be ready to rush the mound and…oh, never mind, some clown did that last summer. After a horrendous start, he’s settled in. In his last 15 innings he’s allowed 14 hits and struck out 15 with a 1.80 ERA. To better illustrate, in April his ERA was 8.10. That’s not good, even if you are Will Ohman. In May it was 1.76.

Scott Eyre — Lou doesn’t trust him. It’s pretty obvious. Several times on the last homestand Eyre was warming up when Lou let Howry…and even Jose Ascanio…pitch to lefties instead of bringing in the fat boy. When he’s pitched he’s been fine. He’s 2-0 with a 0.00 ERA and seven K’s to one walk in five innings. But it’s only five innings. Kind of like how last year Lou “hid” him in the second half and got respectable numbers out of him. Maybe the Cubs could trade him to the Cardinals? That’d end the division race in a hurry.

Neal Cotts — He’s back. Not that anybody asked for him. Lou already trusts him more than Eyre. He was great in 2005 when the Sox allegedy won the World Series, and bad since. So bad that he got traded for Dave Aardsma last year and when the Sox cut Aardsma they “won” the trade. We’ll see. He’s getting another chance.

Michael Wuertz — Drives me nuts. He’s already had four appearances where he didn’t get anybody out. And every time he looks like he’s getting it together (Saturday) he craps the bed the next day (Sunday).

Jon Lieber — His one start in Cincinnati is the last time the Cubs haven’t led in a baseball game (it was May 7 (yes, that’s a long time ago), so he probably won’t be getting another start anytime soon.  But as a reliever he’s got a 2.20 ERA with 15 K’s and only three walks.  He’s done a great job as the long man in the pen.  It’s nice to have a guy that when the games goes extra innings on the road you know you can get four or five innings out of.  Hey, it’s better than having Roberto Novoa try it.

Rich Hill — He’s back off of the mental health DL in Iowa and has been mediocre. The Cubs really do need him to get his fragile psyche back together, especially when the only reliable starters they have are Zambrano and Dempster. Dempster! Somebody buy him a copy of Throwing Strikes For Dummies and fix him.

Jose Ascanio — If Wuertz wasn’t out of options he’d have been in Des Moines instead of Jose. For a guy best known for getting punched in a 7-11 parking lot, he showed some pretty big ones in his short stint in the big leagues. He’s got a good fastball and change and a decent slider. You get the feeling he’ll be back.

Chad Fox — Here’s how you know your career is over. You are playing catch before a game and your elbow burns and you think it’s good because at least it’s not numb. Maybe he and Mark Prior can split a cab from the Birmingham Airport to Dr. Andrews’?

Lou Piniella — I still have an irrational love for Lou. I don’t question his moves, I just sit back and marvel at how little this team resembles the one he took over in the spring of last year. I mean a lot of the players are the same, but other than the uniforms they’re in nothing else looks the same. These Cubs take pitches, work counts, consciously try to rack up the pitch counts on starting pitchers. The pitchers throw strikes but don’t try to strike everybody out. Defensively they make plays, execute fundamentals and the catchers don’t panic…ever. What it does is it pisses me off. What would the 2003 team look like if Lou had been there instead of Dusty? They’d have big ass rings is what they’d look like. Oh, well. At least he’s here now.

This is typically where we go over some other part of the Cubs tangentially related to the team. Like the radio or TV announcers. Instead, this time we’ll take a look at the beat reporters of the three major dailies (sorry George Castle, but neither you nor your paper strike me as being relevant to anything.)

Seabiscuit’s Jockey, Chicago Tribune — Paul Sullivan is more than a little guy with a curious hairline and an excellent taste in Cubs’ blogs. He’s the long suffering beat writer for the Chicago Tribune. Remember back in the day when the Tribune used to rotate their beat writers after two years between the Cubs and Sox? That’s how Sully got on the Cubs’ beat, but he’s never been able to get off, and he missed out on the alleged World Championship a few years ago. His writing tends to be a little more hard bitten than the other guys, and he deserves bonus points for refusing to answer lame questions in his mailbag articles. One of the joys of the Cubs’ 2003 run through the playoffs was the WGN TV pregame show where Dan Roan would interview Sully and they were sitting in tall director’s chairs and you could see Paul’s legs dangling like Gilda Radner. Sully gets bonus points for so far containing himself and not attacking Phil Rogers.

Gordon Wittenmyer, Chicago Sun Times — If there’s a point to be missed, Gordon will miss it. Always reaching for grand pronouncements to make, he’s pretty much just irritating. Now they’ve got him doing some Twitter thing where he text messages incomprehensible musings to the Sun-Times Web site. He took over for Mike Kiley, a guy who got fired for filing bogus expense reports. Let’s just say that the bar isn’t too high over there at The Bright One.

Bruce Miles, Daily Herald — Everybody’s favorite, Bruce does a good job of asking the questions we want to know about and of sticking snide comments into his writing carefully worded so that they fly over the heads of most readers. Like Sullivan, Bruce has been doing this for a long time, and seen a lot of bad baseball. You kind of feel good for both of them that they’re actually following a winner this time around.

Carrie Muskat, Cubs.com — Nobody expects to see objective writing at the Cubs official Web site and it’s a good thing, because you won’t get it. As Hire Jim Essian so capably demonstrates each week when she opens her mailbag, Carrie is a condescending shill, apparently incapable of looking up even basic facts on the Internet. Her game stories make Al Yellon’s writing seem positively descriptive and insightful. But what do you expect from somebody who thinks piling your hair on top of your head is a hairstyle?

So, in summary (mock applause fills the internet–this thing is long isn’t it?), the Cubs…they’re pretty damned good.  They’re fun to watch, which is a nice change of pace after many years of the opposite.

And so, I leave you with this.  On Friday, Pat Hughes fielded a fax (who the hell sends faxes in 2008, does he have a beeper, too?) on the air from a Cubs fan who wanted to know “How many pinstripes are on the Cubs uniform, and are there the same amount on the shirt as on the pants?”

I’m not making this up.

If that was true, then if you stood Daryle Ward or Jon Lieber next to Ryan Theriot or Mike Fontenot, the pinstripes would be so close together on the Cajun Midgets that they’d look like they have blue uniforms on.