Those of us who watched the entertaining 3-2 11 inning Cubs’ win over the Braves were treated to a great game and a very annoying…at least the first three innings or so…broadcast. In an attempt to let us “feel” what it was like to watch a game on TV in 1948, WGN went black and white only used a couple of (bad) camera angles. In the 60 years since 1948 this probably wouldn’t have annoying in 50 of them. But with the Cubs leading the NL Central and the world in wins and in a great pitchers’ duel between Carlos Zambrano and skinny, hairless Tim Hudson it was just kind of aggravating.
Regardless, a few innings in, the color came back on, they started showing replays again and the center field camera was put back into use and our enjoyment level of the game came back to normal levels.
Then, in the ninth, our anti-hero, Lassie, delivered a game tying opposite field homer with one out and Len Kasper got to put his own stamp on the “throwback” broadcast. He’d warned us for a few days that when a Cub hit a homer he was going to call it as a tribute to Jack Brickhouse, and he did.
He worked in the “Hey Hey” and the wail and even an “atta boy Jimmy!” It was perfect. A great moment, timed perfectly.
Which only points out something.
Len doesn’t have a catchphrase of his own.
Harry had “Holy Cow!” and his distinctive home run call, and of course, “Steve, you’re a much younger man than I, you might live to see this team win, but I’m giving up.”
Chip had a plethora of them, from “Swung on, belted!” which he stole from Indians’ announcer Tom Hamilton and used even on the most routine of flyballs, to his alliterative nonsense like “Battlin’ Buccos” and “Phightin’ Phillies”, to “The Beege sure likes nice in those pants.”
So why doesn’t Len have a catchphrase? Is he too good for one? Does his hoity toity Marqurette edumication not allow him to stoop to share a common phrase with the common man?
Sure, just because Vin Scully doesn’t have a catchphrase doesn’t mean that…wait, you know what, that probably does prove that you don’t need one. Ahh, never mind, I am on a roll!
I have a suggestion for a catchphrase for Len. I’m going to offer it up to him free of charge. I think it will really change his career, his life, and honestly, it might change the world for the better. I can imagine that as this catchphrase catches on that we’ll see Israelis and Palestinians breaking bread and sharing laughs, Democrats and Republicans enjoying nude hot tube sessions and you could, if things break just right see Milton Bradley host a “hug a reporter” night at the Ballpark in Arlington.
So Len, here we go, as a great man once said, “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back.”
Your catchphrase, should you choose to accept it, is the best of all catchphrases. It’s one word. How more perfect could it be? One solitary, yet powerful, powerful word. Perfect for t-shirts, placards, bumperstickers and yes, culturally insensitive Japanese style headbands.
Len Kasper, the catchphrase you have been waiting for is…
Wait, just a second, it won’t have the proper impact unless I set the scene for you.
Bottom nine, Cubs trail the Cardinals 4-3 and with two out, Derrek Lee doubles over Rick Ankiel’s head to center. Ankiel probably would have caught it but he thought he saw a guy in the left field bleachers wearing an orange jumpsuit and had lingered too long on the visual thinking, “Daddy?” only to be snapped back to reality by the crack of the bat.
Now, E-ramis is up with 42,000 fans going nuts, 35,000 of them cheering him on, 7,000 clad in red, squirming in their seats conflicted by by thoughts rattling around in their spacious craniums of two things, “one more out and we’s gonna win!” and “does I have enough tooth left to get me some corn on the cob after the game?”
The first pitch is a curveball and E-ramis spits on it for strike one. He is not amused. The next pitch is a fastball that tails too far inside, so he takes it for a ball. After a fastball low and away, the count is 2-1 and Cubs’ fans know that E-ramis is about to come out of his shoes (not his hitting shoes, leave that to Chippy). Something big is about to happen. The crowd can sense it. Tony LaRussa’s sunglasses fog up and in the dugout and several more mullet hairs waft to the dugout floor from the stress.
The pitch is thrown, Wrigley is suddenly silent in anticipation, E-ramis starts his swing and the silence turns to the start of a roar that reaches it’s crescendo as the ball rockets over the infield, over the outfield, over the bleachers and safely onto Waveland Avenue. Wrigley goes nuts. Millions of Cubs fans at home fly off the couch. The Cardinals are vanquished and you are about to sum it all up with one word.
One glorious, all-encompassing word that sums up the moment and the mood all at once.
This call will be replayed for hours, days, weeks, no…epochs. The call will define the win, the season and you as a broadcaster forever. This word and you will be synonymous long after you’ve left this mortal coil.
The word?
BONERTIME!
Take a minute. Drink it in. It’s typical of a great idea. It’s perfect and in hindsight it seems so obvious. Why hasn’t an announcer thought of it before? Why didn’t Ernie Harwell start using it in the ’40s with the Atlanta Crackers?
How did Red Barber never pick up on it?
It doesn’t matter. It’s yours. Use it how you see fit. Maybe you use it often, after every great play?
“There’s a shot to right, Kosuke dives…BONERTIME!”
Maybe you only use it sparingly, like in huge, season defining moments like that E-ramis homer that’s scheduled for August 10, by the way.
Maybe it’s the victory cigar. Like Harry’s “Cubs Win! Cubs Win!” or Chip’s “It’s white flag time!” Actually, in Chip’s case, fans thought he was surrendering. Forget about that.
“Grounder to short, Theriot flips to DeRosa…can they turn it to end the game…. BONERTIME!”
You don’t have to thank me. I’m sure words are hard to come by at this moment. Charles Foster Kane had Rosebud, BB King has Lucille, Roy Hobbs had Wonderboy (three Wonderboy references in three days…who wins that pool?), and you Len…you now have Bonertime!
Use it wisely.
This will make TDubbs very happy…
nude hot tub sessions = sexy
nude hot tube sessions = BONERTIME!
I’m assuming this is making fun of me, but I don’t care. It’s BONERTIME 24/7 BABY
BONERTIME DOGES
I can use it too!
BoNeRtimE!
Wait… That didn’t come out right.
You. Said it, wrong. Pat?
It’s, supposed? to be BonerTime?
It’s always BONERTIME, Ogden!
Anybody recall an SNL skit from about 10-12 years ago where Bob Newhart played a baseball announcer who’s catchphrase was something along the lines, “I can’t believe it (Tom)!” or something along those lines? The skit was done as a documentary and had Newhart talking about the catchphrase like it was something special (I think they were mocking Duck Enberg’s simplistic “Oh my!”–what kind of thought goes into that catchphrase anyway?) Anyway, the joke was that “Tom” or whatever the name was, was the name of his first color partner. and that after they stopped working together, out of habit, Newhart’s character still continued to use it. It was pretty funny.
I positive BONERTIME, by the way.
Am I happy or sad? I don’t know. I do know, however, that I’m at 8/10ths right now.
This is monumental.
TDubbs, this will most definitely go on your permanent record and be mentioned in your lifetime achievement award.
I thought I was Len’s catchphrase.
Huh? Wha? Meh… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….
Whoa, baby!
Len sometimes says “Outta here”. I told him in 2005 when he was shaking hands outside Wrigley to just stick with it on every Cubs homerun.
Russ Hodges’ homerun phrase was “Bye-bye Baby” and his young sidekick Lon Simmons picked up on it with “Tell it goodbye”. The story is that one day they got word that a woman had given birth in the grandstand during the game that they were broadcasting. They were talking about it when a Giants’ player hit a home run and Russ shouted “Tell it bye-bye, baby”.
There we go. Tell it bye-bye Brenly!
Thank you for referring to my education of Naked Beer Slides at the Lanche as hoity toity.
I LIKE IT WHEN ANDY TALKS ABOUT MY CATCHPHRASE IN A DOSE!!!!!
I LIKE BONER!
I AM SO ANNOYING ALL THE TIME!
Geritol-time. Wellbutrin-time. Shady acres mortuary-tiiiime.
I have no pubes
My catchphrase is “Outta here!” Get your own, Kasper.
Sigh. I wish I could still have bonertime.
At least it’s not me. I’m the worst HR call ever.
I have to say… I caught Len’s calls on the interwebs later. I actually thought it was a real nice touch. The “atta boy Jimmy” was awesome. The “Hey Hey” WGN cheapo graphics added a nice, albeit hilarious, touch. And then at the end of the game he busted out the “CUBS WIN, CUBS WIN, CUBS WIN” a la Harry. Pretty cool. (MikeD – I know, I know, Brickhouse sucks…whatever.)
Doing Campbell’s Soup commercials is the closest I’ll come to getting bonertime.
Pretty good. But I prefer “It’s Daddy Time!”
¡Fantastico!
What’s wrong with me?
How bout ‘Its bum rush the press box’ time? That gives me, BONERTIME.
i like “FREE TACOS”
There’s no way I should’ve pinch hit in the eighth tonight. I can’t bunt, so be glad I fanned and didn’t hit into a double play.
Maybe Lou needs another bench coach. I miss Lassie. I’ve had enough of this team of mine. 20-2 after 8 innings. I have Ryan Howard beaned, and the pitcher and I get booted. I threw my sunglasses and then stomped on them. Hope I can see where I left my cold ones in the clubhouse. Sure am thisty after jawwing with McCleanen for 30 mins. Hi Oquendo, you are done early too, I see.
I thought Len’s catch phrase was “Ohh, baby.”
Remember these 3 things…yes dear, you’re right, and im sorry
I should really be playing every day with Fonz out.
#32, you are a fine drink, served chilled. Naranja, Limon, Tutti-frutti
Yes, best served with chorizo.