John Paxson is sort of the anti-Krause, isn’t he? Pax is tall, chicks dig him, he’s very well spoken, likes to talk to the media, he was an athlete, he went to Notre Dame and he doesn’t care how big a potential draftee’s mom’s hands are.

And now…he seems hell bent to acquire a swing player born and raised in Chicago.

To be fair, Jerry ignored his stupid “never draft a player from Chicago to play in Chicago” rule when he got Eddy Curry, and some day (mark my words) Eddy will be the best draft pick Jerry ever made.

You notice, I’m safe in assuming that, since Michael Jordan wasn’t a Jerry draftee, and Scottie Pippen was acquired via trade. But still…Eddy’s a stud, and only getting studlier…

Anyway, according to both spanish-yes.com and the Sun-Times, the Bulls have had discussions with the Mavericks about trading Marcus Fizer, Eddie Robinson and the number seven pick for Michael Finley and Dallas’ pick at 29th in the first round.

How do I feel about this? I’m running out to get my Finley replica jersey as we speak. Where do I sign up? What number will Finley be? The Bulls have retired number four for Jerry Sloan, and I think 45 has been retired for both Michael Jordan and Ed Nealy.

What about the fact that if the Bulls stay at number seven, that they could just pick Dwyane Wade and he’ll turn into Michael Finley? I love Dwyane Wade. If the Bulls keep the pick and don’t pick him I’ll be angry and I’ll throw things (and ten minutes later I’ll be over it.) But here’s the thing about Finley…Dwyane Wade MIGHT be as good as Finley some day. I’ll take the proven commodity, every time.

I think Johnny Pax wants to make a splash with his first draft. Not just because it’s his way of announcing he’s in charge now, but because the Bulls are at that point where a bold move could put them in (you’re about to cring and laugh, but hear me out) the Eastern Conference Finals next year.

Absurd you say? Andy’s been drinking NyQuil smoothies again, you say? Give me Jamal, Jalen, Finley, Tyson and Eddy and I’ll have them in the Eastern Conference Finals, and I’m a dope. And you know that. You read this crap every day.

—-I just about passed out. (Sorry for the digression.) On the Tony Kornheiser Show just now, Dan “The Duke” Davis was giving an update and he misspoke and just said, “The Chicago Cubs have reached an agreement with the Texas Rangers for slugger Juan Gonzalez. Gonzalez intially turned down a trade from the Expos for two prospects, but now Expos GM Omar Minaya is going to meet with the slugger to convince him to accept the trade to Montreal.”

I think Juan could play third! Let’s give it a shot. Could he be any worse than Lenny Harris?

Obviously, The Duke didn’t mean to say the Cubs at the beginning of that spiel. Oh, well.

—-Back to my inane ramblings about the Bulls.

I think you could even give Isiah Thomas a lineup of Jamal, Jalen, Finley, Tyson and Eddy and he could get them to the conference finals…oh, wait. Never mind. He could screw that up.

Another version of the trade has Donyell Marshall in it instead of Eddie Robinson. I’m for that one, if only because without Eddie on the Bulls, I will not have nearly as many chances to use this photo:

Why would Dallas want to do either trade? Didn’t they play their best basketball against San Antonio when they got Finley involved in the offense? Do they see something in Marcus Fizer that we don’t. What I see in Marcus is a good, though, undersized power forward—not exactly a guy who’s abilities are hard to find in somebody else, though?

Most likely, the Bulls will stay put at seven and draft Dwyane. That wouldn’t be bad at all. But, pardon us if our imagination wanders off to what they could be like next year with Michael Finley.

Groucho likes Kirk Heinrich (too white) and Jarvis Hayes (I like him too, but I like Dwyane better).

The obligatory “best seventh picks ever” article. When Luc Longley makes the list, you know the list is thin.

Sammy hit 940 feet worth of home runs last night.

Jim Hendry “won’t trade the farm” for Mike Lowell, but he’ll give up the barn and most of the cattle.

Bonnie DeSimone went to France to take a look at Mikael Pietrus. I think she wanted the free trip.

Jay Williams has another pin in his pelvis, and no this isn’t some weird body piercing thing.

Greg Couch says Cubs fans know who they want. A good look at Mike Lowell.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut and proves again he has no idea what Bears fans want. Let me enlighten him. We want a stadium where the concession stands aren’t 40 yards apart, where the bathrooms work, where there’s a cool replay board, where most of the seats are on the sidelines–not in the end zones, where the chairs are comfortable, where there’s actual parking and where we can actually beat the Packers. Other than that, we don’t care if it’s ugly, or if the games are “presented” by a bank.

Hey! The Illini hoops schedule includes North Carolina, Pitt, Arkansas and Maryland Eastern Shore! Isn’t Maryland Eastern Shore Jake’s favorite team?

The Wizard of Roz on the proposed Mark Buehrle for JD Drew swap.

Andy Katz on the ACC expansion.

Chad Ford and Katz are doing a very lame mock draft today.

I like Luke Walton, but not as much as Sports Guy. In fact, if the Bulls pull off the Finley trade, Walton at 29 would look pretty good.

Lisa Guererro is hot, but she’s no Melissa Stark. There’s just something about Melissa. Sigh.

Intrepid reader Chuck Shipman shares this article on the guys from “Hoop Dreams”, especially a very fertile Arthur Agee.

Britney is making her own underwear. Well, of course she is.

And, apparently this guy is buying them.

Tobey Maguire is in Alcoholics Anonymous. He ought to be in f@#$ing weirdos anonymous.

Ozzy knocked up a groupie? No, never! Oh, and Renee Zellwegger is chubbing up again to make another Bridget Jones movie, and a Janis Joplin movie. She’s hot when she weighs like a normal person.

Incest in California? Are you sure it wasn’t Arkansas?

Newsfilter.org has Heidi and Jenna’s Survivor Playboy shoot. These are definitely not safe for work. You’ve been warned.

Apparently in Arabic, NIC is funny. Who knew?

Hillary’s trying to settle on an eye color.

America’s finest news source says that Burundi would like some meat, please.