the LNow that the Super Bowl is thankfully over for another year, it’s time to trot out the February 2009 edition of desipio.com’s NBA Power Wankings.

Like every single other two-bit sporting website, these authoritative ‘rankings’ are really little more a subjective listing of each team’s relative position - based on either the current Standings, the recent play of each team or the whim of the individual sportswriter - that are essentially worthless, argumentative and go out of date as soon as they’re written…

So what are you waiting for?

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Atlantic

Boston : 40-9 : Finals MVP Paul Pierce is averaging 18 points and 5½ rebounds in wins this season, but 22 points and 6½ boards in losses.

Philly : 23-23 : Made a nice surge from Division cellar to the magical .500 mark, and did so without $16-million dollar man Elton Brand.

New York : 21-25 : When you go to type the word ‘Knicks’ into a cell phone with predictive text, it instead comes up with ‘Logals’.

New Jersey : 21-27 : Yi Jianlian has been out for almost a month with a virtually identical finger injury to that suffered by Kobe Bryant.

Toronto : 19-30 : GM Bryan Colangelo reportedly has everyone on his roster available except Chris Bosh, Jose Calderon and Nathan Jawai.

Central

Cleveland : 37-9 : The MVP-to-be averaged a stunning 30.5 points, 9.8 rebounds and 8.8 assists on the Cavs’ recent Western road-trip.

Detroit : 25-21 : Michael Curry is gambling by playing Rip Hamilton of the bench, but when you’ve lost 7 of your last 10 you get desperate.

Milwaukee : 24-27 : With Michael Redd out for the year, are suddenly at a crossroads whether to keep fighting for that 8th playoff seed.

Chicago : 21-27 : Need to keep their heads above water during this 7-game, 13-day road swing, because the Trade Deadline looms.

Indy : 19-29 : Now that they finally have their top 5 players all fit at the same time, the 2008/09 season can actually start.

SouthEast

Orlando : 36-10 : Three magicians in the All-Star Game – this didn’t happen when Shaq, Penny and Greg Kite were all in O-Town.

Atlanta : 26-19 : Joe Johnson just scored his 10,000th NBA point; he only needs to play another 12 seasons to pass Dominique Wilkins.

Miami 25-21 : Quick hands allow the Heat to lead the league in turnover differential, despite Wade coughing up 3.6 TOs each night himself.

Charlotte : 19-28 : From the Contradictory Statistics Bureau; the Bobcats are 4-12 in games decided by 5 or less, but are 5-1 in overtime.

Washington : 10-37 : Are last in the league in 3PT shooting with Stevenson at 27%, Butler at 31%, Jamison at 33% and Gilbert Arenas 0.00%.

SouthWest

San Antonio : 32-14 : Matt Bonner wouldn’t start at C for the worst team in the league, but here he is shooting and scoring for the Spurs.

New Orleans : 28-16 : Cruised through the pre-season undefeated at 7-0, but winning real games has been significantly harder.

Houston : 29-19 : What economic crisis?  Dikembe Mutombo hasn’t blocked a shot since May, yet he got a new contract worth $500k.

Dallas : 27-19 : Have continued their lust for washed up point guards with the signing of Darrell Armstrong.  This time, as a coach.

Memphis 11-35 : The bad news is that they have lost 12 in a row, but the good news is that at least it’s taken until the 2nd half of the season.

NorthWest

Denver 31-16 : In his 7th year, Carmelo Anthony has made the All-Star game twice, but tellingly is yet to be voted in by the coaches.

Portland : 29-17 : The BlaZers lead the league in player surnames containing the letter Z - FernandeZ, RodrigueZ, PryZbilla and LaFrentZ.

Utah : 26-22 : Are stumbling out of the playoff race, which is fitting since starting forwards Boozer and Kirilenko continue to hobble on crutches.

Minnesota : 16-30 : If Kevin McHale had sacked himself as GM and started coaching earlier, the TWolves would be getting more respect.

Oklahoma City : 11-37 : Kevin Durant is 5th in the league in scoring, 7th in turnovers and 2nd in minutes played at precisely 39.59 per game.

Pacific

LA Lakers : 37-9 : Are 23-4 at home, which means they have only played a remarkable 19 road games over the first half of the year.

Phoenix : 25-20 : “I’ve never been a defensive stopper, you’ve got to want to play defense” – Magic Lakers Heat Suns C Shaquille O’Neal.

Golden State : 15-33 : Hump Day Blues – the Warriors are just 2-8 on Wednesday games this season, including a terrible 2-5 at home.

Sacramento : 11-38 : Are trying to do a Darius Miles and get Shareef Abdur-Rahim’s $6.6 million contract waived for ‘medical reasons’.

La Clippers : 10-37 : Have $45 million worth of ‘talent’ on the injured list, more than the entire Memphis roster.  And doesn’t it show?