Do you think the Astros are tired of seeing Carlos Zambrano yet? Three weeks ago he not only beat them, he hit a two-run homer to tie the game. Last night, he needed no such hitting exploits, because he let his right arm do all the work.
Last night there would be no groaning Craig Biggio homer, no ringing double to the gap by Jeff Kent and his porn moustache. All there would be was Carlos shutting down the Astros and throwing punches in the air.
We’ve gotten pretty used to this.
What’s more surprising? That Zambrano has won his last five decisions to go to 11-8, or that he was ever 6-8 in the first place?
Of course, we all knew that last night’s hitting star would be Alex Gonzalez, right? Sure we did.
These are the Cubs that scare the pants off of Houston and St. Louis. They’re like the Braves of the early ’90s. You know that if you can score four or five runs you can beat them. But you can’t score four or five runs.
The problem, of course, is that today the Cubs are sending out the human launching pad, Shawn Estes. Don’t believe the pap that Chip will try and feed you today about him only giving up three runs in his last start. You and I could hold the Dodgers to three runs. Should the Cubs somehow outslug the Astros today, the chance to win three of four with Clement tomorrow would be huge.
Pay no attention to the Cardinals in Pittsburgh. Given that Pittsburgh has either traded, or is trading all of their talent (and there wasn’t much to begin with) away, it just doesn’t matter.
On that note, longtime friend of Desipio and sometime contributor Kelly Dwyer left this message in my inbox this morning. It won’t take you long to figure out that Kelly’s a Cardinals fan. Though some of his admissions may cause him to be removed from the shirtless, toothless flock.
What was it, 1994? When le MLB put my three favorite teams in the Central?
Cards, Cubs, Reds. No more Cards/Mets. No’mo (like Phil Collins) Cubs/Mets. No more HoJo, or Timmy Teuful (sp? as if it matters), or Ralph Kiner “wishing all those fathers on Father’s Day a Happy Birthday.”
Years of frustration. It takes 89 wins and quite a bit of gauze to win this bastard. My Cards, my gorgeous Cards, went from a sleet-an’-sweet .130-batting-and-93-game-winnin’ club (Tewks!) to an abomination (one that came with plenty of poetentially 30-hr cats). No speed, no tact, no bunts, no Delino’esque double-flap helmets!
Just bombs and natural grass and a bunch of pitchers with facial hair.
We’re the best team in the ‘Division.’ Have been for years. But something always happens, and I can’t blame my mullett’ed/Wendy’s-pitchman in the dugout. We’ve made some brilliant moves, and some hideous ones. It’s nice to be always, seven years later, in ‘the race.’
But I’m getting sick of not having a way of doing things. Either knock the cover off the ball, act like a cheek-bon-ed slugger from the NY Knights or throw your body around the (A)stroturf to grab liners. Punk the ball or win 2-3 contests.
You can HTML this, I don’t mind. I like having the best player in the (what do you white guys call it? M-elle-bee?) on my team. Albert is where it’s at. I like having the two best arms in the league, save for Prior and that pimply W’cat, on my team (the Cards come in 2nd’er, with Matt, #35 and his erratic
buddy).
I love being a Cards fan, but those Cubs … dayum.
They won’t win anything this year, or for years, but that’s the way baseball should go.
The Cubs can’t score because the personnel cats are inept. The Dodgers tried to attack the Cubbie crown, but failed. The hiring of Jack Clark was inspired, but they could have done a lot worse. Someday, they will.
Jack Clark? I remember my Dad, registered Cards freak, ambling our Arlington Heights home sometime over the 1987-88 offseason; making fun of Jack’s limp. That gap-toothed bastahd had the balls to sign with the Yanks after sitting out 50 of our Cards’ games, including the Series, which we should have won.
Sure, Clark fizzled with the Yanks, and our replacement(s) (first Bob Horner, a fetus with a reputation), then Pedro G. (if I ever decide to buy a whole lotta blow, someone give me his number … I have my abacus, he has his Mizuno batting gloves).
Still, Clark? The guy couldn’t hit the opposite field if you personally held his bat back for a half-a-sec. Dodgers’ f@#$ing fault. The Cubs are all arms, no hitting, but you don’t see them hiring Davey Kingman back, asking him and his moustache how hit the ball onto Kenmore.
This is my baseball rant. I started one after Jocketty passed on adding a working rotator cuff to the bullpen.
I watched a whole lot of the last two Cubs/Astros games, as I may have mentioned before (proofreading emails, such a bore!) … the games were fun.
On Monday night, I was kicking things, hoping for a Cubbie win.
Tonight, the same thing. I’m still from Chi, born, “kind-of-bred,” and weaned. My Cards have made some mistakes, if anyone has to take it … cats? Take it.
Until then, keep beating up on those pointy-A f@#$ers.
When do we break it to Kelly that the Dodgers replaced Jack Clark with another token Cardinals’ ’80s slugger…the erstwhile George Hendrick?
Kelly’s funny, but he’s wrong. The Cardinals aren’t the best team in the division, struggling to overcome their self-imposed payroll limits and squandering great offense night after night. The reason they can’t afford any pitching is because they overspent on offense that they haven’t been able to turn into wins.
Scott Rolen’s a fine player, when he’s not lying on the training table crying like a lost four-year old roaming the aisles at Dominick’s. But take away the large coin the Cardinals dumped on him and split it on two decent pitchers and things improve. Then, take that ludicrous (albeit hilarious) Tino Martinez contract and shred it and sign two more decent pitchers.
But what does that leave you with? A great veteran (WWII to be exact) hitter in Albert Pujols, Jim Edmonds, Edgar Renteria and the part-time health of JD Drew. Fernando Vina’s wheels fell off long before he got hurt, Mike Matheny is a myth, Eduardo Perez is laughably bad and when your team actually blames the losses of non-entities like Joe Girardi (spine–always a good word to come up on the injury report), Eli Marrero (acne), and (brace yourselves) Lance Painter (calf), you’ve got real problems that you just won’t admit.
What Cardinals fans don’t want to fess up to is something they’ve feared for generations. It’s taken an absurd amount of time, but it’s finally here. They are beginning a run of seasons in which they, thanks to their own foolish spending and a gutted farm system will get progressively worse, while their greatest nightmare occurs. The Cubs, armed with, well…arms, and money and a farm system that according to minor league expert Jim Tocco might be good (he just needs a couple hundred more games to confirm it), are starting a run that will cause indigestion, diarrhea and other fun ailments for Cardinals fans. Don’t worry, it probably won’t last as long as the Braves current run of 12 years. It might only last eight or nine.
See ya in 2011.
By then, Mark Prior will be tired of lugging around all of his Cy Young awards, Sammy will have grown bored with hitting 50 homers EVERY year, and will decide the quest for 1,200 homers is just a little tiresome. Corey Patterson will have run out of fingers for his rings, and Hee Seop Choi will have traded in his triple crown for a karaoke bar in Seoul.
Then, it’ll be safe to come out of your underground bunkers. (Which, we know are just doublewides hidden in the landfill.)
I’m guessing that on September 4 the realization will hit that the good old days are over. Then, because you are the “greatest baseball fans on earth,” you’ll go back to doing what you do best. Dry humping each other at family reunions and playing, “guess the missing chromosome.”
It’ll be a simpler time. You’ll learn to love it.
How long before Carlos starts each game by walking over to the opponent’s dugout and saying, “I’m going to be here all day, and none of you are getting past second base. Just thought you ought to know.”
It’s pretty much the speech my prom date gave me.
Mark Grudzielanek is doing everything he can to heal his broken hand. Honestly, I would think Dusty ought to be able to do something about it.
I’m all for boundless optimism, but the Cubs and Sox in the playoffs at the same time? Even Pollyanna would scoff at that.
Rosey says the NFL doesn’t like Maurice Clarett. I don’t like anybody named Maurice.
Is it a good idea to bring a guy up from AA and have him start a big game on the road? Have the Sox learned nothing from what happened to Serigo Meat Tray when he tried it?
RW McQuarters can remember that brief time in his career when he did not suck.
Marc Colombo might not be ready for the opener. Time to go find another turnstile, I guess.
Rick Morrissey ponders the fate of the 2003 Cubs.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to weigh in on the Pete Rose thing. I’ll tell you the scariest part of this was seeing Baseball Prospectus’ Will Carroll on TV. I thought Norman Chad had been cloned.
Ramon’s hammy hurts. Great, whatever we need so Augie can go 0-4 again.
Mike Green isn’t so bad. OK, yeah he is.
So far everyone who’s seen the new Soldier Field from the outside hates it, but everybody who’s been in it loves it. Since the Bears won’t be playing on Lake Shore Drive, I think it doesn’t matter.
Mike Goolsby’s broken collarbone might make him a fifth-year senior at Notre Dame next fall.
You have to like this picture of Big Z. Even if I hate that he always picks the blue tops for the games that he pitches in.
The sad, cracked headed story of Ted Williams since he died.
Kostya Kennedy on Herb Brooks.
Apparently there’s a little tension on the “Raymond” set. Frankly, they could kill off Ray’s wife on the show and nobody would miss her.
See a bad movie, get a free t-shirt!
America’s finest news source says that an Oregon teen hadn’t realized that sexual activity was on the rise.
Hey, I’m hitting .579 against Kerry Wood. The rest of Jeff is 0-4.
I’ve decided that we need to begin a campaign for a cool nick name for Zambrano. And since this is the home page of the healthy man-love society for Carlos Zambrano what better spot to start such campaign? So i therefore propose we constantly refer to Carlos as Sha-ZAM! The kid is a superhero i tell you.
How low can Gail’s neckline go?
How low can Gail’s neckline go?
How low can Gail’s neckline go?
How low can Gail’s neckline go?
Dave, take your finger off the mouse.
Actually, I’d have thought you were a Reds fan?
You can take this to the bank, Goolsby will not be on the playing field this year.
Sorry, I was "hypmotized".
Maybe I can do a whole Cubs pregame topless?
Nah,those bad boys hang clear down to her belly button.
Honesty compels me to say that Craig Biggio’s breasts are much more pert than Gail Fisher’s.
Then perhaps during today’s broadcast, both Biggo & Gail should be topless. Like I always say, it’s tit for tit.
The kindly God who lovingly fashioned each and every one of us and sprinkled the sky with shining stars for our delight – that God is, like Santa Claus, a myth of childhood, not anything a sane, undeluded adult could literally believe in. That God must either be turned into a symbol for something less concrete or abandoned altogether. by texas hold’em
Thank you. You have helped someone more than you could know.