You’ve got to hand it to the Cubs, nobody knows collapsing like they do.  After going 5-1 in the six games after E-ramis Ramirez did his Martin Riggs impression in Milwaukee, the Cubs have lost seven in a row, and scored 10 runs in those five games.  Well that seems awful, right?  Just consider they scored half of those ind the first loss, so in the last six games they’ve scored five.  Guh.

They also had to put Rich Harden on the DL (big shock), Derrek Lee’s hurt again (and he was the one Cub who had started to hit), Mike Fontenot is further proof that part-time players are that way for a reason, and the one move that could get them in a position to fix some of this stuff in what’s going to be the biggest buyer’s market of all-time is being held up because Sam Zell is trying to extend the WGN TV and radio rights in his sale of the Cubs, so that neither entity has to bid market value for them down the road.

Things are so bad that Lou Piniella is seriously considering moving the defensively challenged Soriano back to second base, where he hasn’t played more than an inning in any season since 2005.

Soriano said he’d do it, but Soriano also always says it’s fine to move him out of the leadoff spot.  What he says and what he actually does are always two different things.  In that same conversation he indicated he’d be willing to try shortstop and any of the other outfield spots.  He might as well have also offered to pitch, play goalie for the Blackhawks and play wide receiver for the Bears.

As bad as this stretch has been, the Cubs are only four games out of first place, because nobody in this division is good enough to run off with hit.  The Brewers had won 13 of 15, and now have lost four of five.  The Cardinals had lost seven of nine and now have won five of six.

And as hilarious as it was when Jake Peavy turned down the White Sox it could end up being much worse for the Cubs in the long run.

He wants to be a Cub, and that was a large part of his motivation for turning down the Sox.  That and he’s told the Padres all along he doesn’t want to play in the American League, and they tried to send an extreme fly ball pitcher to a park where they go to die.

But there’s a good chance the Padres did it as way of proving to him that they HAVE to trade him and that he’s going to have to back off his Cubs-or-nothing stance.  It might very well have put the Brewers in play (though why anybody would want to spend the next six years in Milwaukee is beyond me).  And, if he considers the Brewers, it probably puts the Cardinals in play.

The NL Central isn’t a bad division, but it’s an even one, one that a player like Peavy can swing.  So how great would it be if the never-ending sale of doom causes the Cubs to hand a playoff spot to another team?

Thanks to that, there’s no magic trade on the horizon to bail the Cubs out.  When Commissioner Gordon isn’t busy accusing all of us of being racist and keeping Milton Bradley from getting comfortable, he’s throwing out Kevin Kouzmanoff to the Cubs rumors (yay?)

What are the Cubs supposed to do with this lineup right now?

Even Pollyellon is starting to give up hope.  He claims the Cubs traded the “heart” of the team in the offseason.

Well you know what, Al?  The Indians are so thrilled with “The Pulse” that they’re going to trade him in the next few weeks.  So if the Cubs brought him back, would that fix everything?

You might just get to find out.  Given the state of their bullpen, the Indians might very well take Jeff Stevens back.

We know even if that, or even something like that happened, it won’t make a huge impact on this team’s struggles.  They’re going to have to do it themselves.

This is only going to get turned around if Milton Bradley and Geovany Soto start to play well again.  It would help if Mike Fontento didn’t go on any 2-40 stretches again, and if Ryan Theriot would get his head out of his ass.  Since his two homer game against the Padres on May 13 he’s 5-37 (.135 with two walks).

Until then, when they’re playing like this, I have one bit of advice.  Watch something else for a while.  Read a book.  Drink until you pass out.

It’ll turn around.  After all, this bunch lost eight of nine from August 30 to September 9 last year and still won 97 games.  That doesn’t mean you have watch every second of it.