With 90 days til the Duke basketball 2003-4 season opener, 7 days until my fantasy football keeper league draft, 4 remaining days in my 20?s and around 16 days (if all goes well and it doesn?t have the mailman?s eyes) before I?m somebody?s daddy—it seemed like a new post was well overdue.

While Andy and many of the rest of you have been living and dying with each pitch of the N.L. Central (especially all 93 of Carlos? on Friday night), there?s a similar three team race going on in the A.L. Central that probably doesn?t get the coverage here that it deserves. Not that there aren?t a fair share of White Sox fans that visit this site, right after they?ve visited their parole officer and spent half their paycheck at their neighborhood tattoo parlor of course. And I?ll bet that at least a handful of them are even able to sound out enough of the words for it to not be a complete waste of time and serviceable intermission before they get back to Googling ?Anna Kournikova? and ?Estelle Getty?. Unfortunately for them, most days they?re stuck reading about all things Cub, until now?

In what was predicted by most to be a White Sox/Twins sprint to the AL Central divison title, someone forgot to tell Kansas City Royals? manager Tony Pena that his young and inexperienced team was still a couple of years away from viably competing. Both Minnesota and Chicago were spending $10 million more in talent than the thrifty Royals, but somehow found themselves 7 games back at the All Star break. The largest lead in all of baseball outside the Atlanta Braves? cruise in the NL East.

Before the trade deadline the White Sox gambled by adding aging headcases Roberto Alomar and Carl Everett, while the Twins added yet another athletic outfielder in Shannon Stewart. Failing to keep up with the Joneses by dismantling their impressive farm system, the Royals quietly addressed their bullpen weaknesses by adding lefty-specialist Graeme Lloyd (who?s been an absolute bust), Al Levine (who?s had little or no effect) and Curt Leskanic (who stands ready to take over the closing duties should rookie Mike MacDougal succumb to the pressures of pitching meaningful innings in September).

Inevitably the Sox got hot, very hot, after the break—mostly on the back of Esteban Loaiza who?s already notched a career high 16 victories on the year. The Twins? veteran pitchers have shaken off lackluster June?s and July?s to keep their necks above water too. And as the defending champs they?ve got post season experience fresh in memory.

But the Royals are in unchartered territory in the post-George Brett era, and should just be happy not to be portrayed as a laughing stock and also-ran on Baseball Tonight. With a month to go, they?ve managed more wins and higher attendance totals than they did in all of last season. They?ve done it with both of their big sticks, Carlos Beltran and Mike Sweeney, spending significant time on the disabled list and still battling nagging injuries. They?ve gotten 15 home runs, 60 RBI, and a .290 batting average out of a 22-year old ROY candidate shortstop (Angel Berroa—-Hideki Mats-who-ee?) who made the team based almost entirely on his glovework. After Michael Tucker sent himself to the DL for the remainder of the season, he was admirably replaced in right field and the lead off slot full time by a career minor leaguer (Aaron Guiel) who?s batting a respectable .279 and contributing a Web Gem per week. Jose Lima was plucked from the Independent League to run off 7 straight victories before pulling a groin—-thankfully his own.

If the Royals are fortunate enough to win the majority of their seven remaining games against the Sox, it?ll be hard to keep them out of the playoffs. And from there a likely sweep awaits them. They don?t match up well against any playoff-caliber team in a nationally televised series. Their top three pitchers Jose Lima, Kevin Appier, and Darrel May don?t exactly strike the fear of God in opposing players any more—if they ever did. And considering that it?s a moral victory if any one of them can turn a ballgame over to the bullpen with less than a two run deficit after five innings, puts them at an insurmountable disadvantage. But still it?s been fun, and after splitting a four game series at the Metrodome, the other boys in blue don?t look like they?re going away just yet.

Aside from keeping my disbelieving eyes on the Royals, I?ve also been sweating out my hold on first place in a 12-team NL-Only Roto league. I?ll take the blame for Corey Patterson?s ACL as he was on my squad (As is Choi and Grudzielanek). I?ve had a similar hand in A.J. Burnett and Mo Vaughn?s non-factor years. Luckily for Cubs fans, I?ve stayed away from the big three starters—and promise not to mess with any Cub arms for the rest of this year. Don?t mention it? But you should know that I?m keeping the rights to Marty Booker in my fantasy football league, and if my Chicago jinx continues—–you?ll want to adjust your draft?s rankings and Bears? expectations accordingly.

The rest of my summer has been spent watching every episode (honestly) of The O.C., The Restaurant, Making the Band, The Osbournes, Road Rules, Real World-Paris, For Love or Money, For Love or Money 2, Paradise Hotel, Big Brother 4, and Beg Borrow and Deal 2. Which when typing it out, seems like an awful lot of television watching and channel surfing. Thank you Replay TV!!! My already jam-packed schedule looks to take a hit this week as I prepare for Temptation Island 3 (the hottest yet!) and Thursday?s MTV VMA?s. I?ve also been charged with keeping a refrigerator full with ice cream sandwiches, as it has been the official snack of the Franchise?s (no, not Mark Prior) 2003 pregnancy. When the hopefully healthy PTBNL finally arrives, I?ll be sure to fill in the rest of the blanks with what it?s really been like spending 100-degree days with an eight-month pregnant woman. I mean, it?s been great!? Super, scintillating, sensational, baby!!! What?s that? Another piece of baby furniture to assemble? Why, of course right now is a good time! Ugh.

And since I?ve been away for so long—-here?s a few quick slants out of the shotgun?

Kobe?s (guilty) bad judgement isn?t something new—it was less than a year ago that he got food poisoning from room service on the road, and this time it?s already cost him a $4 million purple rock to save a marriage he shouldn?t have attempted until his playing days were over anyway?Mark Cuban?s right, no matter what Stern says?Is it just me or does Julie Chen get a little hotter each summer??Keep switching drivers Tiger, it?s not you, it?s me?Virginia Tech and Miami aren?t nearly as cool as Boston College and Syracuse would?ve been (in the ACC)?If you like Julie Bown—-and why wouldn?t you—-you should go to your local library and check out her appearance in Allure magazine, the one with Gwen Stefani on the cover?And while you?re there check out the British Elle with Britney on the cover?And Sox fans, a library is this building where, oh never mind?The And 1 scrubs need to stop hating on The Professor?Anna can sell me absolutely anything, anytime, underwear, I mean anywhere?You?re either SWAT or you?re not?I told y?all early last year that Clarett was bad news?Instead of a fine, the NFL should?ve put the muzzle on homophobic Shockey by forcing him to appear on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy—-that wet mullet would be gone by the first commercial?Kris Humphries, my new least favorite player in the Big 10?Don?t be surprised to see Quin Snyder take a page out of his ex-father-in-law Larry Brown?s Win-The-Big-Dance-and-Get-Immediately-Outta-Town book? At least he?s no Dave Bliss—-yet, I mean nobody died or anything—yet?Body for Life seriously works if you can stand to drink beer only one day/night a week—-I lost nearly as much weight in 8 weeks as the Franchise put on in 8 months?Bangkok, the capital of Thailand?I think Mr. Hefner?s Girls of Reality TV DVD makes a very appropriate 30th birthday present if your shopping isn?t already complete?Is your mother half reindeer??Bad Boys 2—the Soundtrack!!!

If you?re going to be at Kauffman Stadium this Friday night to catch the Angels take on the Royals, feel free to stop by my 30th Birthday Tailgate Extravaganza, admisssion = one four pack of Red Bull. And get your rest, it?s going to be a long night? Karry Ling mentioned something about a big cake and dancing girls, so I?d leave the kiddies at home. Also, he?s requested that if any of you Sox fans find some good pics of Miss Getty to email him?