As our pal Chuck at Chuck to Chuck points out, the news breathlessly reported by the Manolantern today that Cubs have been sold to the Nebraska billionaires is not exactly true. There are a lot of hurdles still to be cleared, and though it’s likely they will be, it’s still not certain.
Our good friend Paul Sullivan gives the Rickettseseses (we need a ruling on the preferred plural form of Ricketts) 10 pieces of advice. The best one is to take Crane Kenney out back and give his Cubs’ career the Old Yeller treatment.
The sooner that loathesome, effete, douchebag is shown the door the better.
None of this changes the death spiral the 2009 Cubs are on, so why exactly people are getting so excited about it at this stage is curious.
Our long nightmare is finally over!!!!!!!!
Ricketts should just read this douchebag’s suggestions. In fact, he should probably hire the guy to replace Hendry – this fella understands baseball!
1. Trade and get Wood back, asking the Indians to eat some of the salary.
2. See if anyone will take Bradley, and eat some of the salary. Take anything for him in return.
3. Make a good free agent offer to Mark DeRosa, or he’ll resign with the Cardinals and haunt us for several more seasons (thanks Hendry!).
4. Take the idiotic advertising symbols off the walls near the ivy. They were originally associated with Soriano, who is a nightmare.
5. Make a trade for Adam Dunn, and put him in LF.
6. Tell Soriano that if he doesn’t want to play 2B, he can sit on the bench.
7. See how Soto looks when he shows up to spring training. If he shows up fat and out of shape again, trade him and see if you can get a better catcher.
8. Speaking of catcher, how about seeing if Jake Fox can play on a regular basis? Give him 130 games, and I guarantee he’ll hit 28-30 HR.
9. Get rid of Piniella, as he’s been on vacation the entire year and doesn’t seem to care anymore. Ask Sandberg if he wants the job.
10. Hire Mark Grace as the hitting coach, Greg Maddux as the pitching coach, and Jody Davis as the bench coach. Help to bring some pride back to the fans after it was stolen from them this season thanks to Hendry and company.
Funny. No mention of z. He has to go. Somebody will take him for 12 mil a year. That means eating 6. That’s a bargain. He is a cancer. Btw bringing back wood is the stupidest idea to come out of any mouth not in the white house in 7 months
Heh. Trade Z. You were at the White House?
If X isn’t a joke, I swear to god I’m shutting this site down immediately.
Oh thank goodness.
http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports_hardball/2009/08/10-suggestions-for-the-new-cubs-owner.html?cid=6a00d83451583769e20120a50dd09b970b#comment-6a00d83451583769e20120a50dd09b970b
…is high.
1. Trade for Jason Marquis. A large package of prospects centered around Josh Vitters gets this done.
2. Let Jake Fox play shortstop.
3. Fire Lou Piniella and Jim Hendry first thing Monday. Then hire Steve Stone as interim manager/GM and give him a ten year contract at season’s end. Stevie can be found on twitter and up Dave Kaplan’s ass.
4. Make Old Style exclusive at Wrigley. Man, that stuff is tasty!
5. Speaking of Wrigley, I bet there are plenty of Benjamins to be made there, so think hard about changing the name. How about Chicagonow.com Field or U.S. Cellular North?
6. Zambrano said he’d pitch for the Dodgers. I have it on good authority that Juan Pierre is unhappy there. Can you say match made in Heaven?
7. As long as you’re taking the advertisements down off the outfield wall, take the ivy down too. How awesome would it be to watch the worst player ever, Alfonso Soriano, run head-first into all that brick?
8. Instead of playing “Go Cubs Go” after a win, you should play clips of “District 9” on the new jumbotron that you should replace with the center field scoreboard.
9. Bring back the red-billed caps.
10. I know this one is obvious, but sign Mark DeRosa. And then, as a personal favor, ask him to show everyone how he walks on water.
You’re welcome, Mr. Ricketts.
Ricki?
I know Andrew provides a public service by reading the MSM so we don’t have to. I made the mistake of venturing over to Goatriders today. The young lad Kurt, who i’ve had to burp and clean since the mid 90’s when he was calling Grace an HOF and who actually wrote a whole piece decrying me as the public idiot for suggesting that Cardinal Wainwright was better than Rich Hill a couple years ago, compared Z to Clemens. This is what I get for going over there in the first place right. Apparently, b/c they are both fat and shitheads they are comparable. Forget about the fact that like Bonds, Clemens was a first ballot HOF before he touched the juice and torched his legacy. Zambrano isn’t Carpenter, he isn’t Lincecum, he isn’t Santana, not Jimmy Page either but I digress. He’s a guy who had a great arm. The head never caught up. Consequently, he’s in peoria taking batting practice and hasn’t been ace stuff since roughly 04.
Go to Goat and see Zambrano Clemens comparisons. mea culpa mea culpa mea estupida culpa.
Frankly, I’m tired of people saying that Tom Ricketts being a “true Cubs fan” means that everything will change for the better.
It’s right up there with the Albert Pujols media jerkfests and the people obsessed with Mark DeRosa in terms of thing that annoy me.
My suggestions for Rick-ettes:
1. Sell naming rights for Wrigley Field to
2. Create alternate ‘W’ flag that fans can wave during ‘white midget screwup time’. When Miles, Theriot, or Fontenot screw something up, fans can wave the white flag of surrender with ‘WM’ on it. This could be sponsored by Waste Managment. I’m good at ideas.
3. Hire Jim Essian as bench coach to bring some pride back to the team!
4. Rip the ivy out of the walls permanently and burn it in front of Al Yellon’s home. Wait, I mean Al Yellon’s white van parked in front of a teenage girls house.
5. Sign Mark DeRosa’s heart.
6. Release Carlos Zambrano to the White Sox since he loves them so much.
7. Replace the manual scoreboard with a jumbotron. But a jumbotron that shows a manual scoreboard.
8. Open the centerfield bleachers, but force people to wear green shirts…is that too tough?
9. Enforce Oakland Alameda County Stadium-type foul ground territory. This will involve the elimination of 10,000 seats and relocating that lady who always waves at the camera during the 7th inning. Good riddance.
10.Create ‘Internment Camp’ for any white person wearing a Fukudome headband. Only in this internment camp, they’ll get the right to be beaten.
I care.
… is a retard.
Addison St, you didn’t read the article real well, he wasn’t comparing Z and Clemens side by side. It was actually a swipe at me, because I’ve been out there saying that Z is NOT a true Staff Ace. Kurt thinks this is immaterial (which is wrong) and he brought up that Clemens would be a bad guy for us to have because he was a douchebag.
Under no circumstances did Kurt say that Z was as accomplished as Clemens.
I think we (Cubs fans) should give a shit.
Because Sam Zell is a piece of shit, and we are finally rid of him.
He is the sole reason the sale has draged on for this long.
He didn’t care about the team, he has refused to finalize the deal in order to milk every dime out of the Cubs.
If they kept on winning and made it into the playoffs, they would be a cash cow to Zell. If they went deep into the playoffs, we would still be talking about the upcoming sale next spring.
As soon as it is clear that they are done for the year, he closes the deal.
This is the only good thing about our shitty team.
They are now free of Zell and no longer in limbo.
Now, who wants to be first to shoot Crane Kenney and addisonst #3 in their stupid fucking heads.
Here’s my suggestion
Sell a 1000 bleacher tickets for $20.00 a game. The only catch is you have to be female and under 30 to buy and use a ticket.
The effect of raising bleacher ticket prices year after year has been to turn the Bleachers into one big Sausage Fest. If I want to spend time with a bunch of drunk, sweaty shirtless guys, I can walk down the street and hang out in the “party” room at Spin.
Furthermore,
I would like to send kudos to Paul Sullivan.
I rarely, if ever find that a sports writer represents a teams fans, especially in my native Chicago.
I have come to expect my sports writers to antagonize the players of “my team” just to get an argument going for a crappy story.
But Paul, even if I disagree about the Jumbotron, I think that your list should be on a banner hung high above Wrigley.
I believe that the best compliment that I can pay any sports writer is the following: You speak very well for the fan base, and we are lucky to read your stuff.
Thanks Paul.
and Andy, you’re ok too.
I’m a frustrated Sox fan who was drunk/stoned at Disco Demolition and I get stiffy watching the team I cover fail.
Sloth, I am with you. Z is not an ace. And if you start to compare Z and Clemens b/c both were aholes and not in great shape, the point is what? He certainly was not making the argument that Z is not an ace. And it’s probably a fair assumption that Clemens got to skip road trips only after he won multiple cy youngs. I guess after Z wins even 2, juiced or au natural, he can skip some more road trips too.
Z is overpaid for what he currently brings and he’s way too high maintenance for what he currently brings. The understudy for Nathan Lane doesn’t get to act like a diva. Wow, I bet I just won gayest post of the year.
a-blow me.