Lisa Guerrero thinks that Karry Ling is a dirty old man, and she?s sure that Andy hates her. With the two of them out of the country, it was finally safe for Monday Night Football?s newest addition to stop by Desipio World Headquarters for a quickie. And an interview. (Albeit a completely fictitious one, for entertainment purposes only, and an excellent excuse to post some very tame and tasteful new photos).

Jake Potter: Any relation to Vladimir or Pedro?

Lisa Guerrero: Um, no. At least not that I?m aware of.

JP: That?s too bad. My friend DC has an unhealthy Queer Eye man-love for Vlad.

LG: That?s nice, I guess. Is this going to take long?

JP: Actually, yes. You?re in the October issue of FHM and reportedly attempted to request a more tasteful photo shoot, but only after landing the much coveted role as sideline reporter of Monday Night Football. Why?

LG: I shot the photos while working as an actress on a film and before I interviewed for MNF. I did not sign a photo release, and FHM ran them without my written consent. My hope is that I’ll be judged by the job that I do on ABC, and I believe the viewers are the ultimate judge.

JP: You don?t seriously want to be judged for the job you?re doing on ABC do you?

LG: Don?t be silly. I?m no Suzy Kolber.

JP: Obviously, and please don?t tell me what to do. Back to the photo shoot. Do you really expect your critics to believe that as much modeling as you?ve done that you would pose in sexy lingerie without signing a consent?

LG: No, ABC made me say that. They make me say a lot of dumb things. I?m actually quite smart. (clearing throat) Eyes up here, hot shot.

JP: My bad. Chicks like Bonnie Bernstein, Jill Arrington and Melissa Stark seem to get away with being pretty while still capably working the sideline. Why haven?t you gotten any slack?

LG: It might have something to do with the fact that they?re all journalism and communications majors while I?ve got NFL cheerleading and choreography on my resume. I?m also much prettier with a hotter body.

JP: Sort of like Jillian Barberie. What?s the biggest difference between the two of you?

LG: She used to be married to a crappy baseball player (Bret), and I?m still married to one (Scott Erickson).

JP: What?s been the biggest difference so far between working for MNF and Fox Sports Net?

LG: I don?t have to sleep with Tom Arnold anymore. But, I still do it because it might help my film career.

JP: If I?m not mistaken that?s a forgettable, regrettable film career that to date includes credits as ?Volunteer Bimbo? in Batman Returns, ?Beauty? in Fire Down Below and ?Blonde at Bar? in Love Potion No. 9.

LG: I?ve also been on Matlock.

JP: On the show or on Andy Griffith.

LG: Both.

JP: My grandmother?s going to be so jealous. You keep looking at your watch, do you have somewhere you?d rather be?

LG: Yes, Scott?s picking me up and taking me shopping for new chokers when the big hand is pointing up, and the little hand is pointing at the three.

JP: We?ll wrap things up then, can you give us a quick preview of this week?s Monday Night match-up?

LG: Without my cue cards?

JP: Um, yeah.

LG: Can you at least tell me who?s playing?

JP: Are you serious??.Cowboys at the Giants.

LG: (closing eyes and inhales deeply, then reaches in to purse for small tube of Vaseline that she squirts on to finger and begins rubbing vigorously over her teeth). Hi, I?m Lisa Guerrero.

JP: (long pause). Outstanding. You were born in Chicago, are you a Sox fan or Cubs fan?

LG: Those are baseball teams, right?

JP: Nevermind. Last question, what do you think of MTV?s The Newlyweds?

LG: I can?t watch it, I think Jessica Simpson is a total airhead.

JP: Exactly.