Hello again, America, it’s your old friend Karry Ling, and in case you didn’t notice (and judging by the overnight ratings–you didn’t) last night was Emmy night in Los Angeles.

I love the Emmys. I remember when I won my first one. It was for a guest starring role I had on “Car 54, Where Are You?” Great show. But anyway, this isn’t about me, it’s about the stars.

And me.

I wasn’t going to go to the awards this year, but I got a tip from one of my best friends that if I went he could smuggle me into the awards. So, in the spirit of Benny Hill, I threw on a dress and went as Gary Coleman’s date.

Don’t worry ladies, he’s still a virgin. At least in the strictest sense.

In case you don’t know who won…well, here’s who won:

The show wasn’t hosted by anybody in particular. They used comedians at random times. Garry Shandling opened the show and he was pretty funny. Especially when he kissed Bea Arthur at the beginning of the show.

Huh? Oh, that was Brad Garrett? Really? Yikes.

Sorry, Bea.

I enjoyed Jon Stewart’s piece. It included Democratic frontrunner Howard Dean on a Karry Ling-ripoff talk show trying to figure out how to smile. I like Howard Dean a lot. I’ve always been fond of his sausage.

You learn something every day. I learned two things on Sunday.

First, John Ritter is dead:

Secondly, Wayne Brady is black!

Who knew?

Are we sure about this? He could just be really tan.

For my money the upset winners of the night were The Daily Show with Jon Stewart…

And Francis Ford Coppolla, who apparently got to have sex with Thora Birch.

The losers, were the cast from Friends, who didn’t win any awards…

And Thora Birch, who apparently had to have sex with Francis Ford Coppolla.

I think millions of you at home were as disappointed as I was that Conan O’Brien’s big musical number got cut from the show.

Neither Reueters or the Associated Press could confirm the identity of Ryan Seacrest’s date,

But they advised us to use either “Ryan Seacrest’s Beard”, or “Ryan Seacrest’s transparent attempt to fool people into thinking he’s not gay.”

Speaking of transparent attempts…just how severe has Alicia Silverstone’s bulimia become?

I’ve seen fewer ribs at Damon’s during a football game.

Speaking of eating. I was worried that Jimmy Gandolfini, who weighs somewhere between 300 and 1,000 pounds was going to eat Edie Falco.

I have to admit I got a little jealous when Matthew Perry laid a liplock on Doris Roberts. Doris and I go way back, and let me tell you. She was something before electricity.

I was hoping Wanda Sykes would come down by our seats to do some of her funny “unscripted” comedy. I did enjoy it when she made Peter Boyle run the camera and said, “Do you want an Emmy? Well, get off your ass and work.”

I know that most of the guys back in the office were glad to see that Sex in the City didn’t win anything. Especially since the show has sucked for like five years now.

Speaking of sucking. How does The West Wing completely phone in a season like they did last year and win Best Drama?

Apparently, Aaron Sorkin isn’t the only one on the ‘shrooms.

The after parties were great. Since I was with Gary Coleman, we got to hit all of the cool parties. I know that HBO had one and I heard that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were having a big one. But since I was with Coleman, we went to the biggest, most exclusive party of them all.

We hit a Sonic Drive In with Eric Estrada, Henry Winkler and Penny Marshall.

Good times were had by all.