You knew this would happen. Even if the Cubs do win the NL Central (and, here at Club Confidence we still have no doubts), there was no way they’d win out and the Brewers would sneak in an early win against the Astros and things would end quickly and decisively in favor of our heroes.
Nah.
So the Cubs go out and do the impossible. They give up six runs in one inning to the Reds. The Reds!
From Carlos Zambrano not being able to find the strike zone with a road map, to Dave Veres throwing future Hall of Famer (what Hall, we have no idea?) Steve Smitherman the only pitch he can hit, to Mark Guthrie continuing his human torch routine in September.
And the damn Cubs still almost won.
Woof.
But it’s OK. The Cubs were allowed one loss in their last four games. Too bad they used it last night.
Common sense tells you that the Brewers will win at least one game in Houston, but you can’t count on common sense, not this year, not with this race, so the Cubs have to win them all at home against Pittsburgh to have a shot.
Dusty made my long, rambling explanation of why he pushed Mark Prior back a day, moot, by moving him back up. He pitches today. He will not lose. Kerry Wood pitches on Sunday and he will not lose. This leaves the Matt Clement groin express on Saturday as the final chink in our armor.
Then again, things could be worse. You could be Houston handing the ball to a guy who can’t spell Jeremy and a guy named Ron Villone.
As for who pitches the potential play-in game on Monday with the Astros? It’s Carlos. A million times Carlos. I don’t care if he gave up 40 runs last night to the Reds. His back felt better, and he struggled with his sinker, not his velocity. You have to just hand him the ball, close your eyes and figure that in a big moment, the big guy will do just fine. If you give the ball to Shawn Estes, you are tempting fate and fate will give up six runs before the first inning’s over.
When you see Randall Simon go 2 for 2 with a homer after coming in for Eric Karros, you have to wonder just why and the hell Karros started against a righthander in the first place.
Moises Alou hurped his widdle wrist sliding into third base on Wednesday and he swung last night like they had amputated. Just think of the terror we’d be in right now if Sammy hadn’t set himself on fire Wednesday?
Sammy homers twice, drives in three runs and the Cubs lose. Some nitwit will say that he only does that when the Cubs lose. But then, I don’t watch Around The Horn.
Our old buddy Kevin Kelly was at it again last night in Houston. With the score still 3-1 Astros, Wes Helms was on first base and Eddie Perez lined out to Jeff Bagwell. Bagwell swiped at, and missed Helms but Kelly called him out anyway. Former Cubs broadcaster (the worst…ever…even worse than Jim Frey) Dave Nelson is the Brewers first base coach. He went nuts. Then, Royce Clayton checked his swing twice and got rung up on appeals by Kelly anyway. I love it when an ump holds a grudge. It’s just so mature.
But that’s OK. He’ll have home plate tonight and Jeff Kent or somebody will lip off to him and piss him off and the strike zone for superstar Ryan Franklin will take on the width of Louie Anderson.
That’s a bad reference for that lame joke, isn’t it? Sorry. I apologize for that one.
I’m a complete dope. Just an idiot. I had to monitor the Cubs game, which was not on TV in the wonderful world of Desipio HQ (no, WGN was showing “The Breakfast Club”). I could however watch the Brewers and Astros. Guh. But, I watched Survivor with Pat and Ron in the background (talk about disorienting), and pretty much ignored CSI as the Cubs bullpen collapsed. I also screwed up and didn’t tape Friends or Coupling. Basically, it was a complete disaster.
Anyway, I did focus on Survivor enough, so that a “review” of the episode will be along later this morning.
As always. I’m a dope.
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The Reds score two runs in the first 23 innings of the series and then SIX in the 24th? Shut up.
Carlos wanted to stay in the game. He could have. All he had to do was THROW SOME DAMN STRIKES!
Roy Oswalt is in line to pitch on Monday night if there’s a play-in game. He says, “But, hopefully, it won’t come to that.” Don’t worry, Roy. It won’t. By saving their best pitcher for a game that might never come. It won’t.
Steve Stone will be back in 2004. I’m not sure that’s good news.
Mike Downey says hold on to your butts, it’s going to be a rocky ride from here on in.
Rick Morrissey is optimistic about the next 72 hours. So am I. The Cubs will win all three games. Remember, what we’ve been telling you for as long as you’d listen this year. These are the anti-Cubs. They steal victory from the jaws of defeat…not the other way around. Hang in there, you’re going to enjoy this. I promise.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to ask what you expected the Cubs to do last night.
John Jackson on yee-haw Terry Bradshaw.
The Wizard of Roz says that Stone says the Cubs have good pitchers. Wow, what insight.
NIU is bringing back the ghosts of 1963 and 1983 to see the new bunch, the 20th ranked Huskies, take on Iowa State.
Notre Dame is thinking about joining the ACC. If you’re going to join one, you could do worse. So they will.
Quentin Tarantino’s new movie “Kill Bill” is apparently good. Who knew?
Oh, those wacky French. See how creative you can be when you save a few minutes every day by not showering, or wiping yourself?
Love that rat…er chicken at Popeyes!
“You might as well face it,
I’m addicted to cigarettes,
and now I’m dead!” Or something equally catchy.
The world’s greatest newspaper has found Osama bin Laden living in Alaska. Well, sure he is.
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Hey, I’m going to the Cubs game on Saturday with tickets in the left field. I’m digging up as much dirt as I can on Jason Bay, the Pirates left-fielder. Here’s what I got so far:
* He’s a rookie, replacing the all-star brian giles in left
* He broke his wrist earlier this season
* He’s canadian (got any good canada jokes?)
* His middle name is raymond
* He played in the Little League World series of 1990. His team got eliminated to Far East’s Taipei by the score of 20-1.
* Bay said he played hockey until he was 12. "Trail is a huge hockey place," he said, "but I hated getting up at 5 in the morning all the time. That killed me. I took up skiing. I could do that on my own time."
* He went to Gonzanga for college where the old joke used to be that the most famous baseball player in Gonzaga history was a second baseman named Bing Crosby.
So here are our heckles:
* "You’re no Bing Crosby!"
* "You’re no Brian Giles!"
* "Raaaaaaymond!"
* "remember 21-0? Taipei?!"
* "Didn’t like hockey, so you took up SKING?!"
* "Didn’t like waking up at 5am?!"
* "Hope you don’t break your wrist again!"
* "Canada, eh?!"
Can you think any more good heckles based on this info?
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Why not just call him ugly and leave it at that? Besides, if you have bleacher seats, you better get there very early to get a seat. If you are in the family section, heckling is no fun because you can’t drink. If you are sitting in the grandstands down the left field line, save your voice, because all you’ll do is piss other people off and possibly disturb Matt Clement, his goatee and his groin when he’s loosening up in the bullpen.
If you want to heckle, the best place to do it is in section 35-38 or so, right behind the visitor’s bullpen. Just ask Chad Krueter.
You are at the wrong web site, buddy
Hey Jason it’s all downhill after last Friday! You’re Welcome!
I hope your bus ticket to Nashville is round trip! Don’t get too comfortable, pal.
Once everyone figures out that you can only hit fastballs, you’re career’s going to be shorter than Eric Lindros’!
Hey rookie! Don’t dig in too much tomorrow. You think Wood’s going to give you a fastball down the middle like Zambrano did? You might want to consider a facemask, rookie!
Hey Bay! This wall ain’t plexiglass, it’s brick. This ain’t hockey, bub!
Hey Jimmy–I heard Nashville’s nice in April! (I always love to deliberately get a rookie’s name wrong)
Of course I once rode the s*!^t out of Billy Ashley (Hey Albequerque!) and the son of a bitch went out and hit 2 home runs, so it does backfire form time to time. Go get ’em, heckler.
Even a trash can gets a steak now and then.
Rhymes are good….
Hmmmm…..
Bay, Cay, Day, E-ay, Fay…
Try pretty much anything from Bob & Doug MacKenzie including their Christmas album or movie "Strange Brew." Don’t limit yourself to calling him a hoser. A chorus of "beeeerhunter" is more creative. Especially if he’s getting a shower at the time.
Or offer to sell him a beer for 35 Canadian dollars.
perhaps I can offer my services today in the outfield?
Hmmm. I’m sure Dave B has thought about this and just doesn’t care, but….If you’re the only one that knows you’re intentionally calling a player by the wrong name, won’t the player and everyone else around you who knows the player’s name just think you’re an incompetant ass?
I prefer to use Suzy or Sally as a substitute.
You arereally just bothering the
rest of us.
TW–
One time I saw a guy calling Reggie Sanders Deion.
I corrected him. He said, "I know dumbass–I want him to think I don’t know who he is." So it was ME who was characterized as the incompetent ass.
The next year I ripped the guy off and did it myself. Everyone else got it and joined in.
So, no…not everybody out there’s a dumbass fratboy. Most guys get the joke, in my experience.
The point is for the PLAYER to hear you. I’ve always taken pride in getting under a player’s skin. If some jarhead behind you doesn’t get it, then that’s his loss.
OK, OK, you guys have got this all wrong… You don’t heckle people that don’t deserve it… Heckling Bay would make him think he belongs…
Remember, my boss gets heckling all the time, and it just makes him think people actually think he belongs too…
I lay it down as a fact that if all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world. by texas hold’em