If not for NBA All-Star weekend, I might have been writing a eulogy for our very own Stephen Smith today. I can only imagine the pain and agony suffered by watching his beloved Hoosiers drop 5 straight games. I did work out a first draft though, that I could still get to use if they lose this week to Tommy Amaker?s dead-man-walking Wolverines.
It?s no surprise that the NBA is a marketing machine, but who knew how many entertaining storylines would come from Saturday and Sunday?s festivities. Other than being certain that Peja Stojakovic would win the 3-point shooting contest, there were twists and turns all along the way that kept me glued to my seat.
Kicking things off was the Rookie-Sophomore challenge, that the Rookies actually led at halftime. While Cheryl Miller glowingly told Jason Richardson, “You aint? right!”, Carlos Boozer was trying to rub the NBA logo off his forehead. It?s no surprise he took exception to having the ball thrown off his head in the second half by J-Rich, but he also didn?t like the Warriors? high flyer jacking a late 3 with the game in hand. Boozer said, “He has no class man.” Finally there?s a reason to watch the next epic chapter in the compelling Warriors-Cavaliers rivalry. Um, that?s almost as funny as the fact that there were no Warriors representatives on the Rookie squad. Nevermind that they had two first round picks, one of which was the #3 pick overall! Shoulda stayed in school Mike D!
Danny Ainge did not enjoy the game though. He kept crying about the lack of any defense. What he should have been doing was practicing his 3-point shot, before getting embarrassed by Kenny Smith.
Speaking of guys with no shot. At halftime of the Rookie-Sophomore game, some nerdy 40-something had a shot at $1 million. Actually two guys had a shot, but they had to rely on some mid-range shooting from a couple of chicks. Each guy was represented by a pair of ?pros?. Even though this was NBA weekend, the WNBA chicks were trotted out just to remind us that they?re still around I guess. Nikki Teasley and Shawn Marion shot a couple of feet inside the 3-point line for one dude, while Paul Pierce and Stacy Dales hyphen something shot for the other. Hmmmm, Stacy Dales.
But before I could start blasting the chicks, they outshot the guys 7-6. Anyway, after picking up a cool $50K for Pierce and Dales performance, this guy had a couple of options. Sink a free throw for another $50K, a 3-pointer for $100K, or a half court shot for $1 million. He claimed to have made the half-court shout “many times” in his driveway-playing career, but he left this one about 15 feet short. Idiot!
And then Peja won the 3-point contest, yadda yadda yadda Jason Richardson bounced the ball to himself on every attempt and won the Slam Dunk contest even though both Boozer and I were pulling for Desmond Mason and yadda yadda yadda Malcolm can shoot but he gets dominated ‘in the middle’ by Ashton Kuchar. Oh yea, and Magic Johnson is fat.
Now on to the All-Star game itself. I disagree with Smitty. I don?t think it was wise for Jordan to accept a starting spot from his fellow Tar Hole Vince Carter. Dude only got 20 points because he shot it 27 times, and it took him 8 attempts before he even put his first 2 on the board. Less minutes for Michael might have meant that he?d have had less than 4 of his shots blocked, and he might have been fresh enough to finish that dunk he missed. Very sad. I do agree though that he should have been allowed the game-winner in O.T. with 4.6 seconds remaining. Instead the NBA referees wanted to be sure that everyone knows they can suck even at an All-Star game. So they blow a foul on Jermaine O?Neal for breathing on Kobe Bryant?s lame 3-point miss with 1 second on the clock, and he hits 2 of his throws to send it to a historical double O.T. Jordan wisely stepped aside to let Allen Iverson and Tracy McGrady nobly, but unsuccessfully challenge Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant.
I blame Rick Adelman for the two bonus periods. No way he shouldn?t have blown the East out of the water with a roster that allowed him to run out Garnett, Tim Duncan, Yao Ming, and Shaquille O?Neal. I don?t care who he handed the ball to, Nash, Payton, or Francis (anybody but Marbury), this could have been ugly.
Speaking of ugly, what was with those stupid red, white and blue headbands? And what was with all of Shawn Kemp?s kids getting to be on the floor during Kool and the Gang?s 25-minute ?Celebration? of the opening introductions? And what was with not one single All-Star showing the blonde dancer in the red and the blue spandex any love? Stern must have promised fines to anyone attempting to pass her their number. I think it would have been the best money the offending player ever spent.
Speaking of hot blondes getting no love. Am I the only one that has a problem with The Surreal Life?s, and former Playmate of the Year, Brande Roderick claiming she can?t find a man. That men never approach her. That my friends is surreal.
A couple of other quick notes before kicking off the week:
*I?ve watched Dahntay Jones throw the ball off the head of an opponent in each of the last 4 games. I?m beginning to think Coach K is drawing these plays up for him.
*After putting a ?No Boys Allowed? sign on the outside of the Bearcat locker room, Cincy?s Bob Huggins banished his guys from the locker room until further notice. So where were the boys allowed? In the soccer facilities of course. That pretty much says it all about the state of the game of soccer, doesn?t it? But, after playing sick defense that led to numerous shot clock violations on #12 rated Oklahoma State, I?m guessing they?ve been re-admitted.
*I didn?t catch if the Bearcat faithful stormed the court or not. But rest assured, I didn?t miss it when the Georgia Tech fans celebrated upsetting Maryland. This makes next weekend?s Duke-Wake Forest game all the more compelling.
*You probably already know that MTV is gearing up for Sorority Life 2, this time in New York. But did you know there?s a reunion special featuring the hideous ladies of Cal-Davis this Wednesday at 8 central? I?m assuming that time has not been kind to Jessica (Fernando) or that scary blonde with the man-voice. You?ve been warned.
*God is a Pacers fan, apparently.
*The fantasy date that Russ and Trista went on in Sedona, Arizona? Been there done that. The Enchantment resort/spa is muy bueno, and the helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon was a once in a lifetime experience. However we passed on the aura photography.
Finally, while I?ve been a supporter of the rap industry ever since 3rd Bass was giving folks the gas face, I?ve got to take a stand. I will not be seeing ?Deliver Us From Eva? starring LL Cool J, or ?Cradle 2 the Grave? starring DMX. But if I did, I?d probably have to steal a phrase from my 3-year old nephew the Con-Man.
“She has nice boo-boos, huh?”. He?s only 3! I?ve done a little research and found that Benny Hill didn?t make his first sexist comment until he was 5! All I can say is he didn?t get it from me. Now if he?d commented on legs or a butt, than that?d be a different story?
If the Hoosiers lose to Michigan, write a eulogy for Mike Davis’ coaching career.
Of course, if they right their ship, watch them run the table the rest of the season.
Even if MJ hadn’t started he was going to be playing huge minutes. This was "say goodbye to MJ" forced down our throats no matter what.
I don’t think the Wolves can beat Indiana in Bloomington. But there will be no table running.
Nada.
Hey, I already have a eulogy ready for myself!
Tear-stained and marked with blood from feeble attempts to end my life.
Ok, not really. It’s still heart-breaking for me. The counseling is helping, some.
Has the Guiness book of World Records been contacted on the number of times the name Michael Jordan was mentioned or the number of irrelevent camera shots of the same individual. They were further up his bung, well more so than Amhad Rashard and his bud Stu Scott
English teacher? Beautiful. Let’s begin….
1. "I have saw", you mean ‘I have seen’… and actually you haven’t seen any Neyer-bashing by me…. That’d be Andy.
2. "Websight", you mean ‘website’.
3. "Would be success one day", you mean ‘would be successful’.
4. "I correspond with him frequent", you mean ‘frequently’.
I truly hope you were Rob’s English teacher…
I remember Rob, too. He was in my remedial physical education classes all through high school. He did come in handy though. He could calculate the on-base percentages of all of the kickball players in his head. (His was easy to figure .000).
He did a pull-up his sophomore year, I think.
Nice kid. Showered with his underwear on, though.
Hey Gene,
Thanks for stopping by. I agree with you that we are all jealous of Rob Neyer. But who wouldn’t be? He’s got a good job for a college drop out. He gets to write about baseball every day, which would be great. He spends one weekend a year picking the nits out of Bill James’ beard, and he’s spent the last three months dropping hints as subtle as the Hindenberg disaster that he wants a general manager job just like Theo Epstein.
It could happen, too. I hear the Tacoma McDonald’s is looking for a GM for one of their franchises.
Good luck, Rob!
One more thing, Gene. You write just about like I think we all figure Rob’s English teacher would write.
Stop by any time!
.
OK, do we for one minute think "Gene" is real? A multitude of celebrities have posted here, from Christina and Rick Aguilera to the Olson Twins to Kyle Farnsworth to Ass Licker to the Ass that is to be licked.
So who is "Gene?" If he’s real, he might be the biggest name to post on here. A marvel, similar to Dexter Manley, illiterate holder of a bachelor’s degree at Oklahoma State.
I don’t think Gene is real, but I’m pretty sure his old PE teacher is authentic.
I have this strange twitch under my right eye? Isn’t that possibly a sign of insanity? Or have I been awake too much lately?
By the way, I liek Anglush. Ate’s a grat lankwitch.
Back to the grind. Hope I don’t turn out like "Gene" as an English teacher.
I can tell you- that wasn’t the first time that Carlos, or any Duke player, has had balls bounced on his forehead. He was just mad because he didn’t get any love in return……….
Jake- thanks for the invite to your wedding- glad to see things are going well for you. However, could you please stop sending pictures of yourself dressed in Bobby Hurley’s jersey? For God’s sakes man- put on some pants! It was funny the first time, but then when you started sending the notes (Can you please get this to Coach K- can’t you see how excited I am for him to see this?) and pictures to Mickie, Debbie, Lindy and Jamie, I thought that was a little excessive- but now to my grandsons Joey and Savarino? My God man, don’t you know that no means no? No, I don’t want to see your pictures. No, I don’t care that you can do ‘that’ on demand. No, we don’t need a shower boy. No, we don’t record those things on videos here. No, I did check with the NCAA and you do not meet their eligibility requirements.
I hope we can consider this matter closed.
Coach K
I can tell you- that wasn’t the first time that Carlos, or any Duke player, has had balls bounced on his forehead. He was just mad because he didn’t get any love in return……….
Jake- thanks for the invite to your wedding- glad to see things are going well for you. However, could you please stop sending pictures of yourself dressed in Bobby Hurley’s jersey? For God’s sakes man- put on some pants! It was funny the first time, but then when you started sending the notes (Can you please get this to Coach K- can’t you see how excited I am for him to see this?) and pictures to Mickie, Debbie, Lindy and Jamie, I thought that was a little excessive- but now to my grandsons Joey and Savarino? My God man, don’t you know that no means no? No, I don’t want to see your pictures. No, I don’t care that you can do ‘that’ on demand. No, we don’t need a shower boy. No, we don’t record those things on videos here. No, I did check with the NCAA and you do not meet their eligibility requirements.
I hope we can consider this matter closed.
Coach K
I was Gene’s English teacher and he was the biggest bore in the whole school. But he is a legend here, what with his 7 year enrollment in highschool.
Sorry Gene honey, that was for that fat ass joke back in ’45.
I think it shameful of you to make fun of a man like Rob Neyer. I have saw all the things you have said about him on your websight and i think that if you know the Rob Neyer that I know you would take them back.
I was Rob’s English teacher in grammar school. He was even then a very bright young man who clearly would be success one day.
I still correspond with him frequent and he is one of the nicest most trust worthy people you will find.
He is a man of strong principals and is happily married to his wife. He is a devout vegatarian.
I only think that your critics of him are motivated by your jealousy of the fact that Rob is successful and has a great job. If you hope to be like him let me tell you that posting crude jokes on a websight is not the way to get there.
Please tell me you got more out of my post than just grammar errors. I really think you’re being unfair to him. Rob is a sensitive man and does not deserve to be talked about like this. It is not for you to bring to light sensitive issues like his sexuality or what type shirt he wears.
Rob has struggled against people like you his entire life. But he has succeed. Now he is the most read baseball writer in the world. You are not half the man Rob is.
Gene,
Are you telling me that Rob has been fighting shirt discrimination his whole life?
And yeah, he’s the most read baseball player in the world. Just like Bananarama is the most listened to rock group in Luxembourg.
Most read? Maybe most red, as in most likely to have Communist tendencies.
Ask anybody in baseball and they’ll tell you that if you’ve got a rash, the man to call is Jim Thome.
Nobody makes pancakes like Bernie Williams.
Sean Casey is the kind of kid you’d bring home to your mother. Well, I wouldn’t because I’m not gay. But if I was an attractive twenty something, maybe blonde, with a nice rack and just a little sliver of…
Oh, yeah. Gene, stick this in your piehole. I OWN INTERNET BASEBALL! Now get out of here, your participle is dangling, you hack!
Everything is gratuitous, this garden, this city and myself. When you suddenly realize it, it makes you feel sick and everything begins to drift…that’s nausea. by texas holdem