Well Cubs fans, I hope you enjoyed the off day, and maybe even sobered up enough to make in to work today. You?re only a few more hours away from a dozen shots of Kerry Wood?s wife (even though Fox says they’ll settle for a few less than normal), and a likely road victory for the good guys. While you count down the minutes til tonight?s opening pitch, I humbly offer you this week?s Survivor recap and a Britney pic, as a brief distraction.

When we last left our castaways: Lillian lost the last fishing hook and got booted from Morgan, while Drake continued their dominance and began to worry about weight gain and getting too much quality sleep at night.

I?ve finally decided who Drake?s happy drunk Jon reminds me of—Harpo Marx. Unlike Harpo though, Jon talks—which will ultimately lead to his demise as he continues to irritate anyone within earshot. He starts Day 10 by griping about not getting any help from anyone, which is always a crowd-pleaser during any Survivor season. Christa is growing bored with every challenge, and wishes they could stop winning so much, namely to give her a chance to vote out one of the cool kids—Shawn, Michelle or Burton. Trish agrees. No one?s strategized with Rupert yet, probably because his skirt is slipping and he?s showing way too much crack for anyone to want to get near.

At Drake, there?s no guest appearance by Blondie but the tide is getting damn high. Rather than move the shelter, Ryan O. thinks they can get by with reinforcing their retaining wall. I?ve got the over/under for when their crappy shelter gets flooded at 4 days. Idiots. Andrew thinks the odds are stacked against Morgan. Not only do they have to battle Drake, but also the surf, mosquitoes, fire ants, and crabs. Ewwww!!! Everyone?s also getting tired of the coconut, rice and beans diet, though I think it?s suiting Darrah pretty well. But, blink and you?ll miss her, since the brown-eyed mortician apparently has no personality and gets about 40 seconds of screen time per episode. Uggh.

This week?s reward challenge requires the tribes to retrieve puzzle pieces, either from the ocean floor, or buried in the sand, and bring them back to shore to solve. Drake is up three bodies now, and sits Shawn, Michelle and Christa. Jeff says Tijuana was “showing booty” on her way out to sea, but even in slo-mo I couldn?t catch it. I did catch her losing her top though, and have to admit the CBS censor blur made me feel a little tingly. Unfortunately she goes out without a mask, and struggles to keep her eyes open in the salt water—though she eventually perseveres and fares much better than her good buddy Osten. We know by now that Osten isn?t Greg Louganis or Mark Spitz, and he freaks out and literally has to be saved from drowning by Andrew and Ryan O. The rescue mission tires out Ryan O. who is immediately sent back out as Osten asks Tijuana for a little mouth-to-mouth, right about the time Rupert belts out his manly yell.

Which means another challenge, another win for Drake. They get—a sewing machine and fabric. Umm, O.K., but can we like get Vern or Frank to run it? Nope. Luckily, even though Rupert is just to the right of neanderthal, surprise! He can sew—and he makes himself a more durable and longer skirt. Shawn and Burton think Rupert (?Rupe”) is a joke. They?re right, but Rupe?ll still be on the island when they?re doing Letterman and the Early Show. Even more importantly, they also to get pillage Morgan again, and get the final piece to the treasure map.

Trish gets sent to retrieve a lantern, though she could?ve delivered the knockout punch by taking their only pot to boil water in, while the rest of Drake goes off in search of booty.

Jon is excited and says, “I?ve had more wet dreams about the buried treasure than any girl in Playboy.” Sounds like a personal problem dude. Shawn and Michelle are hoping for bacon cheeseburgers (would those still be edible?) and clean underwear. Instead they have to settle for goblets, candles, booze, canned goods and basically a bunch of crap—-some of which has spilled, making all the other crap smell, well, like crap.

An ungrateful Jon complains, “It?s like a ghetto Christmas. It?s like asking for an Incredible Hulk doll and getting your sister?s Ken doll painted green.” O.K., that would be funny, except that I believe that Jon probably did play with Ken dolls when he was little, and that?s just sad. Besides, everyone knows ghetto kids aren?t down with the Hulk, and keep it real by representing Marvel?s Black Panther.

Before the big immunity challenge, Burton approaches Rupert and thinks it would be a good idea to throw it so they could get rid of Trish or Christa. Rupert plays to win, so he thinks it?s a stupid plan, but he?s also not going to get in anyone?s way if they want to give less than their all. Rupert?s smart like that, though he does share Burton?s plan with Trish and Christa—-even though it was supposed to remain between the guys.

At Morgan, Ryan O. and Andrew do their best to Blair Witch themselves while searching for the multitude of fish they?re sure is on the other side of the island. Even though they haven?t solved their lack of fishing hooks, and they take off without enough water to make the journey. Long story short—another night of coconuts, rice, and beans. Yummm?

Jeff is back with nearly the same immunity challenge that got last season?s hillbilly strangled by our favorite skater-boi Robb, with two B?s. Even though this is one of the most physical challenges, Drake sits Rupert and Burton, in addition to Trish. Jeff is immediately on to them, but Drake plays it off as though it?s a pre-set rotation. In fact, I think some of the Drake girls actually believe this. Osten takes down Michelle, then Shawn takes out Ryan O., Osten easily disposes of Harpo, Andrew makes quick order of Michelle, Shawn gets Tijuana wet (umm?), Ryan O. throws Michelle in for a third time, and against all odds Tijuana clowns Jon to lead the way to Morgan?s first victory. And the surprise, they get to take a member of the Drake tribe to join them until the next immunity challenge—meaning that person won?t be voted off, but also won?t be able to vote. Andrew?s smart, so he takes Rupert. You can tell Rupert is pissed and given the chance would tell Burton, “I told you throwing the challenge was a dumbass idea, now you must die!,” but he just frowns and reluctantly gets in Morgan?s boat.

At tribal council, Jeff again is suspicious that Drake threw the challenge before turning his attention to a clearly inebriated Jon. Jeff asks, “Are you loaded?”, and Jon doesn?t even try to hide it, and goes on to say he?ll be voting based on “however the astrological signs tell me,” Jeff thinks this is disrespectful and Jon answers, “Maybe, maybe not, we?ll find out.”

Earlier Jon referred to himself as Johnny Fairplay, and the Puppet Master—they seriously need to keep him off the sauce. He throws up an odd-looking double peace sign as Jeff reads off the votes four of which are for a very surprised Burton (and two for Christa), and enough to send him home without having to read the last vote. One that would?ve shocked Burton even more as it was for him, meaning one of his pals Michelle or Shawn voted for him too.

Next week: Jon somehow finds out and tattles on Shawn for stabbing Burton in the back, and Rupert teaches Morgan to fish—which I think means they?ll be fed for life, or something.

Moving on to a much more serious topic, I know I warned you that you shouldn?t come to me looking for pictures of moderately attractive females any longer, but Britney is not going down without a fight. First she takes enough off for Esquire this month that leaves her just an easy eight-iron away from cashing a check from Hugh Hefner, but she?s also turning in to quite the little homewrecker. After breaking Justin?s heart, then moving on to bad boys Fred Durst and Colin Farrell, she?s decided that what she really likes is married men with a baby on the way. I share this with you, because if she likes the idea of a baby en route, one can only assume she?d be even happier if the baby was actually here. As a married guy with a four-week old, it?s probably only a matter of time that I make my way on to Britney?s radar screen and represent another possible notch in her bedpost. She must be stopped, wait? I mean like eventually, not right this second or anything, jeez? Can?t a girl have a little fun?

Even more importantly, we?re just one week away from Midnight Madness, and I?m putting the finishing touches on the Desipio Pre-Season Top 25. To be honest, I?m a little hung up on the 20-25 teams.. Feel free to offer your assistance and post your ?others receiving votes? below.

Finally, I hate to do it, but I?ve got to call out not one, but two of my closest friends who turned down an opportunity to attend Saturday evening?s Nebraska/Mizzou football game, and enjoy from a couple of very good seats. You know who you are, and one of you even attended both schools! Don?t feel too bad though guys, I can always either sit by myself like a freakin? loser, or take a complete loss on the tickets and stay home and watch Timberlake host SNL with Cameron. I mean, I wasn?t really looking that forward to kicking it on a college campus and getting out of the house and away from a crying baby, if only for a few precious hours. And if I do decide to fly solo, I?m sure I?ll stay sober and alert enough to make that two-hour midnight drive home safely. Should something regrettable happen though, don?t beat yourselves up, just make sure she?s raised a Duke fan, and don?t ever let her wear anything that Britney would. That?ll be plenty.

Last but not least, I don?t like the Chiefs chances to stay undefeated this week as they travel to Lambeau. Ahman Green shouldn?t have too much trouble posting another 100-yard day, and surely someone?s eventually going to stop little Dante Hall from taking one to the house, right? If not, then maybe it?ll be closer than I think?

Green Bay 27, Chiefs 16. Thanks in large part to two Trent Green INT?s, and a couple of untimely dropped passes from Morton and Boerigter?