Granted, the Brent Barry-Fred Hoiberg-Kornell David era was fun. We had good times. The Bulls never went winless in an entire season. They hardly ever lost by more than 50 points. They even had a winning record at home last year. But we’re all glad that tonight promises to be the return of real basketball to Chicago.

Look, we’re not expecting an NBA Title here, but winning more games than you lose, not going 3-38 on the road and not suiting up anybody named Dragan or Dalibor is. You look around the wasteland that is the NBA’s Eastern Conference and the Bulls should be able to kick a little ass this year.

It should be fun. And we’ve got our new friends, Jamal, Tyson and Eddy to do the heavy lifting, while Jalen, Scottie and Kendall show them the way.

This is just crazy enough to work.

Too bad I’m not.

JJ Beutel has his Bulls preview today, so I’ll just the high points of what we should expect from each of our red and black clad buddies.

Scottie Pippen: You get the urge to snicker when somebody talks about what a great teammate Scottie is, don’t you? It’s OK. You can admit it. But other than Charles Barkley, nobody who’s played with Scottie didn’t like it. How can you not like playing with a guy who passes you the ball when you’re open, and rotates over to save your ass every time your man blows by you on defense? He’s not being brought in to play big minutes, but he’ll be there when he’s needed. The Trail Blazers would have come all the way back from a 3-0 deficit to Dallas in the playoffs last year if Scottie hadn’t gotten hurt. He can still play. And it’s a hell of a lot easier to lead a team when you’re able to go back it up.

Jalen Rose: He’s got a bad thumb, but I feel pretty safe in predicting that he won’t allow it to hinder the frequency of his shots. If (and this is a big “if”) Jalen can handle being on a team where he’s not the only one who gets to shoot, this will work out. The Bulls need to look back at how Larry Bird used Jalen the year the Pacers lost to the Lakers in the Finals. He basically fooled Jalen into thinking he was the Pacers’ point guard. Jalen loved it and passed the ball. That will work again.

Jamal Crawford: He’s got talent oozing out of him. With Jay Williams in traction, Jamal doesn’t have to look over his shoulder. Though, you just know that Cartwright’s going to pull some crap where he’s using Roger Mason and Kirk Hinrich at the end of games from time to time. Jamal is, what Rick Pitino would call multi-versatile. Yeah, we have no idea. But, he’s a lights out shooter, a pretty nifty point guard when the spirit moves him and he plays defense like the idea is to give up easy layups. He can work on that, though.

Tyson Chandler: I love Eddy Curry in a very manly way. But when it came time to replace my Kerry Wood-Mark Prior “wallpaper” on my computer, I went with Tyson. He’s the ulitmate tease. He’s a great kid, with unlimited athletic ability and at 7’1 he’s a true small forward, but he still likes to rebound. When he walks down the street a huge star shines over his head. But the jury’s still out on Tyson. How many more games will he throw into the dumpster because he’s got four fouls in the first half? What you like is that he works hard, he wants to get better and he loves the game. There’s a lot to work with here. I think we’ll see the lightbulb go on sometime this year, and when it does, the rest of the NBA better run for cover.

Eddy Currry: I hated this draft pick three years ago. I just didn’t see fat, lazy, Eddy making it in the NBA. I saw Thomas Hamilton or Kevin Duckworth or any number of chubby Chicago guys who flopped in the big time. I was wrong. And I’m glad. Eddy improved more over the second half of the season last year than any player in the NBA. By the end of the season, Eddy was eating other teams for lunch. He’s the rarest commodity in the NBA right now, a real-live center. He still needs to rebound better and his passing is comical, at best. But from where he was to where he is–is a long way. We should have known he’d be special. His mom’s hands are huge!

Marcus Fizer: JJ covered it in his piece this morning, but I’ll just echo it. Marcus Fizer is a freak of nature. In a good way. He’s too small to be a power forward and too strong to be a small forward. So he just carved out his own position. He’s never going to be a star, but he’s become a pretty good player. The kind of guy who comes off your bench and fills whatever crack in your front line is showing. Need rebounding? Marcus will take over the boards. Need somebody to post up? Marcus plows his way into the post. Need somebody slashing to the basket? Marcus will do that and foul out in about six minutes. Hey, I never said he was perfect.

Donyell Marshall: Speaking of multi-versatility, Mr. Pitino, here’s the epitome of that on the Bulls front line. He can play all three spots. He’s a deceptively good rebounder, a pretty smart player and one of the few Bulls big men who actually tries to play defense. John Paxson tried to make a couple of trades to shore up the big man situation, but couldn’t find a deal where the other team didn’t demand Donyell, and at the same time was offering anyone better than him.

Lonny Baxter: I saw him in the preseason and didn’t recognize him. He’s lost most of his baby fat and bulked up. A year ago it was kind of a novelty when he contributed off the bench. But Lonny can play, and can play well enough that he’s going to be in the league for a long time. He might be the 21st Century Chucky Brown. Though really, he’s already better than Chucky was.

Kendall Gill: When Ira Newble took the cash in Cleveland, the Bulls turned to Kendall to add to their small forward/shooting guard depth. He still doesn’t have a reliable jumper, and he still dribbles too much on offense, but for the most part Kendall does things to help you win. He plays good defense, he doesn’t turn it over and even after 14 years in the NBA he’s a tremendous athlete.

Kirk Hinrich: He’s on the injured list with the flu. I don’t even want to think about how bad a flu bug is that lasts eight days. When he comes back he’ll find a relatively defined role as the primary backup to Jamal. He’s tough, he’s bigger than you think and he can shoot. Think of him as a taller, slower, better shooting Jay Williams. With really bad hair.

Roger Mason, Jr.: I’ve got nothing.

Eddie Robinson: Tree-mendous athlete and a guy who’s really not that bad a shooter. So why does he suck?

Corie Blount: Great energy, no talent. And he’s been hanging on this league for a looooong time. I have no idea how.

Linton Johnson: I can’t wait for the first, “Who is Linton Johnson and why is he on my TV,” of the season.

Overall, this is probably what, the 20th best team in the NBA? Maybe. But when eight of the top ten teams are in the other conference. There’s reason for optimism.

So let’s be optimistic!

There, that wasn’t so hard. Was it?

—

For those of you who didn’t see it in Sunday’s paper, here is a copy of the full page ad Eric Karros took out in the Tribune to thank the Cubs and their fans for a great summer. Kind of sounds like Eric doesn’t expect to be back. If that’s true, I think we were all glad he was here last summer, we wish him luck, and we’ll always have Juan Acevedo.

Ron Santo’s bladder ought to be up on eBay any time now. Yikes.

Rosey looks at the Chargers and sees the Bears. That’s bad for both teams.

Kenny Williams said he had “creative discussions” with Bart Colon’s agent, but that Bart is going somewhere else. “Creative discussions?” What, were they sharing a coloring book?

Groucho dares you to find more than four Eastern Conference teams with more talent than the Bulls.

KC Johnson isn’t exactly calling up the Sunshine Band to tout the Bulls, though.

KC does like John Paxson, though.

Scottie’s happy to be back.

Rosey with another one. This time his axe is swinging at the NBA.

Roman Modrowski with a good look at Eddy.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to chime in (a day late) on Kobe and Shaq.

Thursday’s a big day for Frank Thomas. But does anybody believe he’s really leaving?

The Yankees are after another Matsui. Does this one have the Moe Howard haircut, too?

Jeffrey Loria says he’s not “dismantling” the Marlins. I guess it depends on your definition of dismantling.

Check out the Denver Post’s picture of EY. Rough night, Eric?

Brad Ausmus filed for free agency. Hey, he’d fit right in with Paul Bako and Damian Miller. He can’t hit, either. Any chance the ‘Stros will move the Beege back to catcher? Somebody call him, I think he’s at Chip Caray’s house.

Bill Plaschke has come to the realization that the Lakers should trade Kobe. How about Linton Johnson and Roger Mason for the Kobe-ster?

Memphis ferret Don Wade on the Grizzlies’ acquisition of Kobe.

Kobe? Kobe who?

William Green’s blood alcohol level was .165. That’s also his yards per carry average this year.

A Monmouth, Illinois teacher is in trouble for making one of her students strip to his underwear in front of the class. His mother claims the boy became very embarassed and passed out. I miss social studies.

Nice fake photos of Japanese guys killing dolphins. Guh.

The Darryl Kile World Tour took an awful turn yesterday in Germany.

If the Sun messes with my DirecTV, there’ll be hell to pay. I promise.

Rod Roddy, come on up! You’re the next contestant on…

Hey let’s go play in the Dave Letterman corn maze. Huh?

America’s finest news source looks back on 25 Years of Laughs with Pope JPII.