They just don’t have a clue, do they? Last year, people mocked Cubs GM Jim Hendry for his pipe dream of bringing in Dusty Baker to manage the Cubs. Why would Dusty want to come manage the losingest franchise in the world?
Well, he did, and 88 wins, a playoff series win, and five outs from the World Series later, Hendry looks like a genius.
The White Sox found themselves in a similar situation this offseason. They finally pulled the plug on Jerry Manuel and needed to make a move. They had to hire a manager to get the most out of an underachieving team.
Granted, there was no Dusty Baker floating around out there. No World Series manager without a team. But there was a guy who was perfect for the job, and a guy so dying to manage that he’s back to Japan to do it. The Sox wanted a guy with some fire, some baseball accumen and a guy who was not afraid to mix it up. But they didn’t hire Bobby Valentine. They never even called him.
No, they hired Ozzie Guillen.
Excuse me while I laugh until milk comes out of my nose.
Ozzie Guillen? What, Tony Bernazard wasn’t available?
Ozzie Guillen?
This is like the Cubs hiring Shawon Dunston to be their manager.
I’m not going to fall into the “if a guy’s never managed before he won’t be any good” trap. Every great manager had to start somewhere. But Ozzie Guillen?
Baseball writers are throwing around adjectives today about Ozzie like, “fiery”, “personable”, “savvy” and “immature.” I’ll give you the two most important ones, “unintelligible” and “moron.”
The White Sox have maybe the most sullen, petulant, self-centered clubhouse in pro sports, and unless they change about 20 of the 25 guys to go with the new manager, this is just going to make it complete chaos.
But then, this is the same Kenny Williams who decided to take a team full of malcontents and complainers and add Carl Everett and Robbie Alomar to the mix, so what Kenny knows about chemistry is the kind of science that requires putting a new roof on the science building.
The Sox think that Ozzie will help in two ways. The think the fans will love him and come out in droves and that the players will play harder for him.
That’s just so simple and wrong and stupid.
Fans don’t come to see the manager. When was the last time somebody said, “Hey, Joe Torre’s in town! Let’s go watch him sit in the dugout!”
Look at the consistently successful managers in baseball today. Bobby Cox, Dusty Baker, Torre, etc. They all demand effort from their players, but seldom criticize any of them in public. Then there are guys like Tony LaRussa who criticize the opponent’s players in public. Nobody’s sure what this accomplishes, but Tony seems to enjoy it.
Granted, Ozzie has a unique personality. He’s lippy and extroverted and thinks he’s having fun all of the time. He’s Larry Bowa with a smile. It’s likely a phony smile, but it’s there.
And we all know how much guys love playing for Larry. The Phillies are the only team in baseball full of players who, if given the choice between root canal and batting practice, would pick the dentist’s chair.
Make no mistake, this hiring was the work of Jerry Reinsdorf. He loves Ozzie. He thinks Ozzie’s going to be great for business. The Sox are going to market him over the team. You watch, Ozzie will be the centerpiece of the winter marketing plan. That’s a given because the Sox are going to be losing good players, and not bringing them in. So they’ll sell hope. Ozzie will be on TV, Ozzie will be on radio. And you won’t understand a damn thing he says.
Nice job, Sox.
Muahahahahahahahahaha.
——
The Astros began phase one of the Cubs ten year run of dominance in the NL Central by trading Billy Wagner to the Phillies for Brandon Duckworth and a pair of minor league pitchers. The media, and the sabergeeks love this trade. And, I’m not going to say it does not make some sense. The Astros have Octavio Dotel to close games at a much cheaper price and need starting pitching. They hope to reinvest their $9 million savings on a proven starter like Andy Pettitte (who will get lit up in that bandbox in Houston like the Fourth of July) or Kevin Millwood (who’s arm is scheduled to fall off in May.)
But look at it from the Cubs, and Cardinals point of view. As good as that Astros bullpen was, there was only one guy you just could not hit, and that was Wagner. He’s gone. The Astros are worse off for it.
The Cubs haven’t done a damn thing yet this offseason, and their chances of repeating are already better.
—–
I honestly have no idea how much more Bill Cartwright we need to see before he’s put out of his coaching misery. The Bulls are now 1-3 and have lost those three games by an AVERAGE of 27 points. The defense is non-existent and Steve Francis felt compelled to call out the Bulls for their horrendous offensive approach. “They’ve got a lot of talent on that team, but they don’t play five-man basketball. They take a lot of bad shots.”
Given that the Redskins are growing hilariously impatient with Steve Spurrier, maybe Paxson is waiting for him to get the axe and he’ll bring him in to coach the Bulls when he gets fired in December? Hey, could it be any worse?
Speaking of Spurrier, do we think Jerry Angelo has the stones to conduct a Spurrier-Rex Grossman reunion on the sidelines next year? You can’t possibly tell me that the best college football coach in the last 40 years can’t win in the NFL. The reason the Redskins are struggling has everything to do with a megalomaniac owner who can’t stop tinkering with the roster or the coaching staff for more than ten minutes at a time.
Look at the Redskins’ offensive talent and then at the Bears. The Redskins have one player who is clearly better than his Bears’ counterpart and that’s Lavernaeus Coles. Other than that, you’d take the current Bear starter over all of them. When you think about how bad the Bears offense is, that brings you to the reality of why Spurrier’s offense is dying.
—-
Ozzie and the Sox have one thing in common, neither has a clue.
Nice of Ozzie to prove on the first day that he has no idea how to deal with Frank Thomas.
Ozzie invited Jerry Krause to the press conference.
Ozzie is…special. In a strange way.
These Bulls are rotten from the head down.
The Bears still think they’re going to the playoffs. Huh? Do they have tickets?
A moron who fell out of Soldier Field won’t be charged with a crime. Stupidity in itself is not illegal. Just ask Jerry Reinsdorf and Kenny Williams.
Groucho on Phil Jackson.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to dive into the potential Ozzie-Frank circus.
Now all the Sox need are some players.
Ozzie might be able to convince the Alomars to return. Is this a good thing, a old, injury prone catcher and a lazy, old, second baseman? Whoo hoo! Get your season tickets! They might as well bring back Vance and Rudy Law instead.
Fun time at the old ballgame in Atlanta on Sunday. But hey, the world got to see their special teams coach call a ref a “motherf@#$er” during the game, anyway, so is this a big deal?
Jayson Stark on the Wagner trade.
The Don is coming back to the Bronx. Quick Smithers, tell him to shave those sideburns!
The Astros want Andy Pettitte.
The Mets are after Mike Cameron. He’ll fit right in to their “no hit” outfield.
Pudge is a free agent…again.
So is Fernando Vina. Gulp. One word, Jim Hendry. No!
CBS is scrapping The Reagans.
Our favorite Survivor girl, Elisabeth (Filarski) Hasselbeck is going to the join the man haters club at The View.
An Indian girl set herself on fire after being tardy to class. Man, some people will do anything to get out of detention.
Lance Armstrong dumped his wife for Sheryl Crow. Yeah, I can see that.
The world’s greatest newspaper says that an extra in the movie Ben Hur traveled back in time and died at Pompei. Well, of course.
I laughed when I first heard that Deion was seriously desirious of the Falcons Head Coaching position, but now that Ozzie has a top spot, I’m sensing a developing trend: Ignorant, flamboyant clowns at the reins. It could work. Wouldn’t you rather watch Rip Taylor on the sidelines than Dick Jauron? How about Little Richard? Can you imagine the post-game interviews? It takes a little getting used to, but be honest, wouldn’t it be a better world if Little Jimmy Dickens was the MLB commish?
I’ll do it! But only if Jim Nabors can be the American League president.
Andy,
The best college football coach in the last 40 years can’t win in the NFL. There, I told you.
Do we need Pudge Rodriguez? We won 88 games without him!
Oh, wait, and then he beat us in the playoffs.
?OK, Senor Pudge, how many pesos do you need?
So I won’t be the worst ex-shortstop, red ass manager in the Major Leagues anymore?
"Speaking of Spurrier, do we think Jerry Angelo has the stones to conduct a Spurrier-Rex Grossman reunion on the sidelines next year?"
A guy I once worked with one day, said that all the company needed was an elephant and our circus would be complete. Well, as far as the beloved are concerned, Spurrier would be an elephant of incredible proportions.
Should that actually happen, please have the sharp objects removed from my vicinity….
I kept trying to find TMQ on ESPN today and learned through a web search while looking for last week’s column that he got fired.
It’s all on you now, Dolan.
Sadly TMQ out
over spoken now broken
erudition lost
I went off on the Jewish media in a completely off base, and offensive rant and forgot that one of the guys I was ripping, happened to run Disney. Oops!
Why does my first line have 6 syllables?
OK, the players hate me, but the fans come out to see me scream at the ump and kick dirt on the plate 82 times a year. It sounds like they’re chanting "Tho-me" but it’s really "Lar-ry." Really.
I think I’d suffocate in my own puke if the Cubs sign Fernando Vina…
GRUDZ >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> VINA.
Come on Jim Hendry, we need a big move…
Bruce Levine (he covers local baseball on ESPN 1000) was saying tonight that the Cubs are planning on making a play for both I-Rod & Luis Castillo. That sounds like a pipe dream to me, but Levine has a pretty good track record on this stuff. I’d be happy if they got I-Rod and brought back Grud, especially if it meant we could foist one of the other stiffs we have behind the plate on some other team. Also, a bat like Rodriguez’s would take some pressure off both Choi & Patterson to develop/return from injury faster.
I think the Ozzie hire is great! I can’t wait until the first time he goes into the stands after a heckler. Maybe he’ll bring in Tony Phillips to coach 3rd. Somewhere in Oak Brook, in a giant house with a "For Sale" sign in front, Frank Thomas is weeping.
How sad is it that
There is no more TMQ
Bring him back, Disney!
Hey, at least Ozzie
Isn’t Chili Davis, right?
Ha ha ha ha ha
So now with the Sox
More spitting and head-butting
Will be expected
Haikus are for poets, not for sports fans. Joe Buck did a haiku once on air during a baseball game. All it did was confirm that he is an unknowing doofus dork… That could do haiku. Which, when you think about it, is sad. Really sad.
Yippeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! With my buddy the Oz Man in Da House, I will get 600 PAs in 2004. I shall return bay-bee!!! HOF here I come!!
I’ll be back soon …
http://www.footballoutsiders.com/tmq110403.php?view=message&mid=71&showcomment=1&vmid=71
So you can stop haikuing Dolan’s site.
test
Hi, Andy? Have we met? I’m Joe Paterno, THE best football coach of the last 40 years, and I’ve been here for all of them (and a dozen years before that). Just because we’ve had a couple of down years thanks in large part to some squinty-eyed zebras, don’t forget that I’ve had five undefeated seasons and more 1-A wins than any coach, ever. (How does Bowden get away with counting those Samford wins, anyhow?)
I told Bowa there were only 81 home games but I guess he didn’t believe me. When I stopped in to the Vet to pick up some things the other day, there was Larry, face all red, kicking dirt all over home plate in an empty stadium.
Hey, I can help you with that Hairy Callous.
By the way, are the Phillies going to tell Larry where the new stadium is located, or do they want him in The Vet when they blow it up?
Uh, not to dis Joe Pa, but you’re 2-7 this year because of the refs? Sounds more like Greg Blache to me. Congrats on beating Temple & Kent State.
Actually, it is 82 games a year. The fans take one road trip to Pittsburgh every year to see me wrestle Lloyd McClendon for posession of first base.
Religion is but a desperate attempt to find an escape from the truly dreadful situation in which we find ourselves. Here we are in this wholly fantastic universe with scarcely a clue as to whether our existence has any real significance. No wonder then that many people feel the need for some belief that gives them a sense of security, and no wonder that they become very angry with people like me who say that this is illusory. by texas hold’em