We’re back! Tonight the real college basketball season starts with an ACC-Big Ten Challenge matchup between Illinois and North Carolina. Last year the Illini spanked the previously red hot Tar Heels in Champaign, sending them into a death spiral that was only compounded by their manic head coach and a broken hoof on Shawn May.
Join in on the fun at 8 p.m. Desipio (Central Standard) time. Andy and Jake will stop by at times during the night as well.
We have no idea what kind of format these basketball GameCasts will take. There obviously will be no or very little play by play, so I think we can all just devote our time to making fun of the play on the court, the coaches and especially the announcers.
Think of it as a sports bar where it’s always bring your own beer, and you don’t have to worry about getting really drunk and bringing home a fat chick.
Because, you’re probably already married to her!
To tide you over, you can read the Illinois media packet.
And the UNC one.
Our media kit kicks their ass.
Whoo hoo!
I don’t know what North Carolina’s kit says, because I could give a shit about North Carolina right now. Oh, did I say that out loud?
I could give a shit about Bill Self and the team he left behind as well.
You know the Duke fans are going to be all over Roy for that famous comment about Carolina to Bonnie "Hey… Two dicks… Wow!" Bernstein last spring.
Dick Vitale was just on SportsCenter from the site of the Illinois/UNC and nary a word about the Illini was spoken. I guess we shouldn’t expect much different during the game tonight…
Illinois has six games on ESPN and two games on CBS at least for the remainder of the season.
Andy’s new favorite ESPN personality, Dave O’Brien, is announcing the first game on ESPN, Wake Forest and Indiana. I guess he’s at least in primetime now… ;)
Hi there,
You may remember me from my previous work on the not-ready-for-prime-time crew of myself, Jeff Brantley’s mullet and the Halle Berry beater himself, Dave Justice.
I’m doing the Indiana game tonight with Len Elmore and I still hate Andy. But that’s just me.
Oh, and Steve Lavin stole my hair goop.
Digger Phelps just called Dee Brown one of the best points in the nation. While I agree, I wonder if he is trying to jinx the Illini like he did last year picking us to go to the Final Four.
I think I "jinxed" you.
Danny Miller banking in threes didn’t hurt, either.
This Illini team is awesome. But then, the Tar Heels are great.
Hey, I’m drinking a Diet Cherry Pepsi and it’s great. And these sea salt and vinegar chips are awesome.
Did I ever tell you about the time Steve Lavin and I were driving home from a coaching clinic when the Reliant K I was driving (hey, I was at Oral Roberts at the time) had some engine problems?
Steve’s a great guy, and normally the Reliant is awesome. But anyway, it turns out we were low on oil, so I took Steve by the head and wrung some of his hair gel into the crank case. We got all the way home on that hair gel. It was great. And awesome.
And Steve used my rug as a pillow all the way home. That was not great, or awesome. Just rude.
Danny Miller is with Digger Phelps and Billy Packer one rung above Bruce Pearl at the bottom of my "College Basketball people I absolutely hate" scale…
I know it’s another sport, but 670 AM in Chicago is reporting the Cubs have signed LaTroy Hawkins for three years.
In other news, Indiana is losing by 13 with seven minutes left in the first half at Wake Forest. I hate Indiana. This is good.
With 11:45 left, Indiana is now losing by 32. Yippee.
Due to Wake Forest/Indiana going late, the Illinois/UNC game’s start has been pushed back about five minutes.
Hmm (sniffle), Cubs signed LaTroy Hawkins? That gives them what, 8 pitchers that throw mid-90s heat and strike out guys more than 9K/9IP?
Naw, I’m not worried. We just re-signed Cris Carpenter bay-bee!!!!
Illinois/UNC is ON THE AIR!!!
Illinois wearing orange. Dick Vitale wearing… Sky Blue?!?!?!?
UNC out to a quick start, and looks a lot more motivated than the Illini.
11-7 UNC.
Deron Williams a one-man show right now for the Illini.
Just under 11 minutes left, it’s tied at 17.
8:00 TV break, UNC back up 22-21.
4:00 TV break, it’s tied up. Illinois with 11 turnovers. Ugly game for the orange and blue so far in that department.
Halftime… UNC scored 6 points in about 10 seconds with around a minute left.
39-33 UNC.
LaTroy was just on ESPN radio doing an interview and he confirmed his signing. He mentioned that he was a diehard Cubs fan growing up in Gary and he already started bashing the trailer park trash from the south side.
By the way,
Go to Hell Carolina!
Andy Katz is about to display his impressive (Yeah, whatever) University of Wisconsin education during the halftime…
Well, if Illinois is going to come back and win this thing they need to detach the sandwich cart from some of these player’s backs. Most of the guys are looking a little off tonight…
I’ve got my sandwich and my 12-pack so I can play the Dickie V. "Everybody Loves Raymond" drinking game… I’ve got 10 left…
Too bad that other than Powell and Williams nobody on Illinois is even trying…
Brian Randle with a three, the first for the Illini. Who knew?!?!?!?
Why isn’t Dee Brown wearing his trademark black Reebok Pumps?
And why do Dan and Dickie keep calling Deron, Darren… Say it like it’s spelled boys, Duh-Ron…
Wow, this is much more exciting than any silly Cubs gamecast…
I like the adjustments Weber is making, he’s down one with 13:43 to go, and he’s going to win this game…
Jake, Deron’s name has always been mispronounced since he came… But I don’t know about Dee’s pumps…
Deron’s cooling down, but players such as Randle and Ingram are picking it up. I hope UNC will start to wear down…
One thing Kansas fans won’t miss is Roy’s pink ties… Speaking of coaching attire, why was Tommy Amaker kicking the Maui Invitational-esque polo tonight? Did he come straight from the driving range?
Surely Doris Burke would look better in HDTV… Take that hair down baby… Mee-ow!!! By the way, Bea Arthur called, she wants her voice back.
This game has been the definition of back and forth.
Yes, I just decided to show up.
What’d I miss?
Hey, I see we’re dressed as pumpkins. That’s…great.
I heard Loren Tate going ape poop on the radio about Britney…er Aaron Spears.
I love Dee Brown. In a manly way, of course.
I’ll give you asthma!
That’s And-1 in the NBA for Dee Brown…
Someone break Sean May’s foot. Puh-lease.
That tie that Bruce is wearing is very metrosexual.
In a homosexual kind of way.
Hey Jake, Dickie V’s whining about your Dookies.
Is that Lenny Randle? I had no idea he played basketball.
He’s much taller, too.
Dick just called Weber a "tactician". Dick thinks that means he has an organized bulletin board.
Shut up Dickie V., Duke doesn’t need Michael Thompson and they don’t need Kris Humprhies… Concentrate on the very good game in front of you…
Randle misses two free throws. Nice.
((Gouges eyes out.))
Why wouldn’t Roy just get Lasik or wear contacts instead of taking off and putting on his glasses all frickin’ game long?
We’ll take Michael Thompson.
Thanks.
Well folks, I think the deciding factor down the stretch is the fact Illinois has nobody that can stop Sean May…
How bout an update from your game Andy? Were you playing, coaching, or working?
Holy crap, will somebody make that ridiculous "Almost Paradise" commercial stop.
1) Those people cannot sing.
2) That song blew in "Footloose" and isn’t getting any better with age.
3) 989 Sports hasn’t made a good game since the PS1.
Thank you.
Working.
The mighty Golden Eagles took it in the cornhole 71-49.
Yikes.
Hey coach, we’ll steal Sean May!
Mmmmmmm…. Kielbasa!
Can I just say right now that Deron Williams is my favorite Illini?
I think I just did.
Guys, we have decided that only 3:45 of the remaining 6:39 will be shown on the screen. The rest will be filled by closeups of Roy Williams, Bruce Weber, Andy Katz, and cheerleaders. Ugly ones…
Roger Powell just stole that ball from May like it was a DVD.
OK, I know Roger wasn’t in on the thievery, I’ll stop now.
By the way, I’m very LaHappy about LaTroy.
Oh, crap. Roger just got scuh-rewed on that call.
ESPN, can you also confirm that like every other double-header this season, tomorrow night’s first game will run too long for the 2 hours you’ve allotted, and I’ll have to catch Duke-Michigan State about 4 minutes in progress?
What a programming joke! No, not you Doris…
That’s actually a decent crowd for Greensboro.
Guh. I just spilled Mountain Dew on my keyboard. See what the refs do to me.
Did Dan Schulman just refer to the NC walk-on as half a man?
Somebody please sedate Dick Vitale.
Oh, bad shot by my favorite Illini.
It’s a six point game (75-69) with 5:34 to go and Dick thinks it’s over.
This is why Dick hasn’t coached for 25 years.
What would Jackie Manuel’s parents have named him if he was a boy?
I get great position for a board and get called for a foul. Brilliant…
When James Augustine has hair, you can tell he’s white.
What was the spread on tonight’s Oklahoma game? They only won by 70…
Can’t make any free throws… Is this 1989 all over again???
The Illini have missed their last 14 shots (nine FGs, five FTs)…oops, make that 15.
Who’s coaching the free throws, Ervin Small?
Lutherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Balls of steel.
Speaking of Head, I’d highly recommend watching The Simple Life this season… High-larry-ous…
Dick Vitale thinks Sean May is tired. He figured that out when May threw up on the court and then crapped his pants and passed out.
OK, maybe it wasn’t that obvious.
Sean might want to do a sit up or two sometime.
Crap, I forgot to tape Paris’ show. I’ll bet I can pick up a copy of something on the ‘net.
Hey look, it’s Phil Ford. He’s on the radio talking about how Roy Williams fired his ass.
hee hee
Weber had better make them practice those darn free throws in practice later this week.
Ugh… You simply can’t leave the NCAA’s all-time assists man off your All-25-Year team… Especially if you expect your starting to point guard to make meaningful free throws down the stretch… Which means bye bye Jason Williams, hello Bobby Hurley…
Now boys and girls it’s a couples skate only… Make your way to the rink to the magical combination of Mike Reno and Ann Wilson, it’s almost time for you to call your parents to pick you up, but until then it’s Almost Paradise…
Is the "Almost Paradise" commercial supposed to be funny?
The only way it could be worse is if Dave O’Brien and Chip Caray were singing it.
By the way, hasn’t anybody made a Phil Ford designated driver joke yet?
Nancy Wilson just ate part of the couch.
Have I mentioned these are ACC refs yet?
Is UCLA really ‘down there’? I think it’s more ‘over there’…
I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE it when the refs decide not to call a foul until about 3 seconds after it happens.
How can Dick talk about Aurora West and not mention Kenny Battle?
Nick Smith fadeaway=bad.
Dee Brown’s jumper tonight=worse.
Keep shooting, Dee.
It’s been 8 (UNC’s 5 and the 3 refs) against 2 (Williams and Powell) most of the game. It’s a miracle it’s just three points.
Quit giving Nick and Dee the ball!
I really did a number on this keyboard with that Mountain Dew.
It hasn’t been this sticky since the Pamela-Tommy Lee video.
Illini ball down three, 2:10 to go.
Bruce Weber just gave a sarcastic clap to the ref.
Dee for three! No.
Luther! One point game.
Raymond Felton is on the floor with a cramp and the trainer just said, "Is it the beginning of the month already?"
Oh, I kill me.
Something’s gotta start falling for the Illini’…
Felton’s down with a cramp… If it’s anything worse, make your post-season NIT plans Carolina fans…
Quit giving me and Dee the ball!
Sean May just fed Luther his dinner. Ouch.
What the *!@&ing Hell was that last offensive play call??? Terrible…
Is it Shawn May or Sean May?
Oh, like I care.
Schulman just said that Felton sat down with "what looks like a cramp."
What does a cramp look like?
Gotta foul…
Yet another late whistle.
I think these refs just got back from Gainesville.
Missed shot, offensive rebound, foul. Made free throw. Missed free throw. Offensive rebound. Foul.
Drive home safely.
Woof.
"The real Dee Brown" could dunk over the Empire State building, way back in the mid-80’s…
How’d you like to spend ten minutes in Vitale’s mind?
Out of nowhere, with :30 to go he blurts out, "I hope somebody out there gives Matt Doherty a chance!"
How about as lead analyst on ESPN college hoops?
Augie shanks another free throw.
Put me on the team, I could go better than 7/18 from the free throw line.
Hey, I stopped by the other day to give some free throw tips!
How’d they work?
If nothing else good from this comes, perhaps this will be the end of the orange uniforms for 2003-04?
Why would anyone be "shocked or surprised" about the #10 team in the nation edging the #11 team at home??? Something special my ass… They’re giving a freakin’ walk-on first half minutes…
One more bucket for the Illini’ and they cover… Watch, it’ll happen…
Luol Deng?
I just walked in from the garage and I have Deng all over my shoes.
Next up for the Illini is a big game with Arkansas. This game was right between Temple and Arkansas. Yes, it’s the sandwich game. You’d think Bruce would be better at it.
Hey Jake, Dickie just dropped a "Everybody loves Raymond" for you.
Yes!!! 2 more ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ before the end of the telecast… Hello quick buzz!!!
See ya next time boys…
UNC 88
U of I 81
Boooo!
But then, all this really is, is a tune up for the Big Ten.
Or something.
I promise the next time we do this, I’ll make it with more than ten minutes left in the game.
Always a pleasure.
Why did Illinois lose this game?
10 of the 12 players sucked for approximately 38 minutes of the game.
The officials sucked for approximately 40 minutes of the game.
Bruce Weber had a major brain cramp and didn’t put in Powell after the first possession Nick Smith screwed up, which allowed Nick to screw the next two up.
Did I mention 10 of the 12 players sucked?
Okay. I thought so.
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