GameCast — Desipio Live! — Bears at Packers, December 7, Noon
Dec 6, 2003 | Andy | 143 comments
143 Comments
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You are looking live at Lambaugh Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. That scent wafting over the press box is the deer urine that Packers fans douse on themselves like they’re Fernando Lamas pouring on the High Karate.
Desipio Media Ventures proudly presents the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers. Joining me on the "broadcast" is our old friend Karry Ling who will filing sideline reports all afternoon.
Karry…
Hello again, everybody. Your old friend Karry Ling down here on the field at Lambeau Field, and I’ve got to tell you something. When a colostomy bag freezes, it’s no fun for anybody. Back to you, Andy.
I don’t want to say that this rivalry is a national afterthought, but Chris Berman’s little pregame show billed today as showdown Sunday, and while the Ravens and Bengals got some play, the Bears-Packers didn’t.
Fox, however, sent their number two broadcast team (and they stink like number two) Dick Stockton’s combover and Moose Johnston.
The Bears won the toss and deferred and will kick to start the game. Mr. Ed ought to be able to get this to the 30 or so.
Well, he kicked it to the seven, but it ended up on the 32.
Hey, isn’t next week a good time to break my consecutive game streak?
Brett Favre has just broken Forrest Gregg’s team record for consecutive games played at 188. For Brett, he has played six in a row now without vicodin.
The Packers have a decal with a "3" on it, on their helmets, in rememberence of Cubs third base coach Wendell Kim.
Nice touch.
In case you’re wondering – I’m in NY for Giants-Redskins. I will make sure we have copious camera shots of Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Unfortunately I can’t find a picture, maybe Andy can help out with that).
The Packers give to Ahman Green three times, and he gets eight yards. That’s not enough.
The Packers punt and the Bears will take over just inside their own 30 with our buddy Kordell at the helm.
Gulp.
Too bad I’m out, it could be a long day for the Bears. Metcalf already missed an assignment!
My TV is broken. Because on it, the Bears threw on first down (gasp) to the tight end (no!) for a first down (get out!)
Did my eyes decieve me or did Brock Forsey line up in the backfield on the first play with the A-Train?
Ahh, that’s OUR Bears. On third and seven, Kordell throws a four yard pass that’s almost picked off.
Punt.
Ah, normalcy, Andy.
Maunard to punt!
Here I am!
In Baltimore, Jamal Lewis’ quest to roll up 300 yards on the Bengals again hit a snag, he just fumbled the ball about eight yards ahead to a Bengal.
Scoreless in Ballmer.
Jerry Glanville and Bill Macatee are in Detroit for the Lions and Chargers. Hee hee.
Nice call by Dick Stockton. Bobby Gray chases Brett Favre out of bounds for a two yard loss and Dick tells us he’ll be short of the first down.
Really?
My favorite line ever about Mike Sherman was when Bill Simmons said he looks like a guy the real head coach said to, "Hey I gotta take a whiz, run things until I get back."
The Bears react to a Favre scramble like he’s Mike Vick and nobody covers Javon Walker so they convert the first down.
Peanut with a nice tackle on the decaying corpse of Wesley Walls to stop him short on a third down. The Packers will probably just go for it if they’re short though.
The measurement shows they are indeed, just short.
Dick Stockton mocks my idea the Pack will go, and like the sissies they are, they punt into the end zone. The cheeseheads boo that net gain of about 18 yards.
In Nashville, I dropped a ball that would have been 6 for the Dolts. ex-Oilers lead 3-0.
Fine, I’ll be the first to say it. I think a big key will be just how much penetration Bryan Robinson can get on Favre.
Was that a great wounded duck of a pass or what?
Kordell goes deep to Justin Gage. Unfortunately, Justin was 45 yards down field and Kordell’s pass was about 35 yards down field.
Oops. Incomplete. thrid and six.
I can’t type (Third and six.) and Kordell can’t throw. He throws a four yard pass to the feet of Gage.
Maynard still can’t punt and Green Bay will take over at their 46.
This is where I throw a 52 yard TD pass and start to smear the Bears
Baldy is talking about Elisabeth Hasselbeck at least.
Since Tim sucks, she better have signed a multi-year deal with The View.
Mike Green blitzes and erases Ahman Green on a second down play. Third and twelve.
Make that third and seventeen, offsides on Mike Wahle.
Best three words "Packers to punt"
Moose says the Packers are having a hard time getting up to play teams like Detroit and Chicago.
Screw you, Moose, when the Bears win today, the Pack will have not "gotten up" to play the team they’re tied with.
Favre’s pass on third down is out of bounds and Peanut chucks a Packers receiver into the sidelines. The fans boo, William Henderson wants a flag and they can all just piss off.
Dick says, "It looks like both teams are feeling each other out." Bryan Robinson hopes so.
Andy, I always had a hard time getting up for the Cubs.
I had a hard time getting up for spealling class.
Will wonders never cease. On third and 11, Kordell finds David Terrell wide open for a big pick up and a first down.
Wait?
I wasn’t packaged with Jalen Rose to Toronto, who was thin on Michigan malcontents?
Touchdown Marty Booker!
The Bears pick up 83 yards in two plays, including 61 on a TD pass to Marty.
Six zip Bears.
Mr. Ed makes the extra point to make it 7-0 and Dick Stockton says, "What do the Bears have to lose?"
Oh, not much. Just another game to the evil Packers, their coach’s job, any glimmer of hope of a playoff berth..and more hair, just like you.
In Minnesota, James Brown breaks in with a Game Break and announces, "The best team in the NFC North the past six weeks has not been the Vikings or Packers. It’s the Bears."
It may not be much, but it’s something.
On first down, the Packers try the stupid Bears WR screen and Jerry Azumah hammers Robert Ferguson for a one yard gain.
Any comments from Karry on the sideline? Has anyone told him it was Marty Booker, not Brian Baschnagel?
Bobby Gray drives Donald Driver to the turf on an incompletion. Just ask the Broncos WRs if the Bears D-backs can hit.
Third and nine.
That was cool.
Can it be intentional grounding when Lance Briggs is there to pick it off?
Thank you Hillbilly Brett!
Favre just chucks one up for grabs as Phil Daniels is about to sack him and Lance Briggs catches it and returns it for a TD.
To add insult to injury, they called intentional grounding on the Hillbilly!
Thirteen – zip!
Make it 14-0
With :50 to go in the first quarter, it’s Bears 14, Packers 0.
Now all we need is for Roosevelt Williams and RW McQuarters to re-enact last year’s "I’m not fast enough to return this fumble for a TD, and I’m too lazy to block for you anyway" play.
OK. Maybe not.
Karry Ling has this on the mood in Green Bay.
Otis Wilson just scored a TD on an interception and the Bears are up 14-0!
Oh, you should hear the fans from down here, guys. They’re stunned. A few of them actually dropped their cheese curds in disbelief as Doug Buffone ran that interception back.
Here, let me interview one of them. Sir, Karry Ling, Desipio.com can you believe what’s happening here?
Packers fan: Bretts will brings us back! Go Packers! Whoo! Bears suck! Bears suck! Whoo! Oh, who is I kiddin’? I hasn’t been this disturbed since I found out my wife was only my half-sister.
Back to you, Andy.
I looked like Florence Henderson on that play
Packers ball first and ten on the Bears 45.
On second and nine, Bears tormenter William Henderson dropped a wide open pass at the Bears 25. Muahahahahahahahaha!
Tony Fisher takes a screen pass for a first down and Alex Brown got hammered on a block. Ouch.
Mrs. Brady had nice, soft hands, William.
Ahman Green rushes inside the Bears ten. Time for him to fumble, I suppose.
Great play by Bobby Gray on a third and three pass into the end zone. He knocked it away from what’s left of Wesley Walls.
The Pack will have to settle for a field goal.
Longwell makes it 14-3, and the replay shows that Lance Briggs tipped Favre’s pass at the line of scrimmage on the third down play.
Lance Briggs is everywhere.
Crap. Jerry Azumah gets facemasked on the kick off return, fumbles, loses it and the Packers get it and no penalty is called.
Packers ball at the Bears 21.
Nice shot of Brian Urlacher tackling Tony Fisher by the hand warmer (not a euphemism) as a pass goes over Tony’s head.
Nice shot of Bryan Robinson tackling Ahman Green by the handwarmers (a euphemism) on second down.
On third down, Javon Walker catches a first down pass, the refs rule the ball hit the ground for an incompletion, but the Packers will review it.
Looks to me, unfortunately, like he caught it. Let’s hope Ed Hochuli (TV airtime whore) sees it the other way.
Dick Stockton says Javon Walker made the catch, so it’s probably incomplete.
Probably going to be 14-6 Bears.
Nice of Fox to go to commercial instead of showing us more than one replay of the play being reviewed. Looks like another Emmy!
See?
I love Ed Hochuli!
He calls it an incompletion.
Fox shows us a second replay that shows clearly that the ball hit the ground. Nice play by Peanut Tillman to break up the play.
Longwell makes it 14-6, and let’s hope Azumah can hang onto the kickoff this time.
Not that this is basketball, but remember, Brett: you still have three timeouts this half.
Right?
Great – The game isn’t on here – I wanted a game cast and now I get to read all of your ‘funny’ posts about the game! Anyway – luv u fu#$ers!
You were right, TJ.
Jerry catches the kickoff, and though he should have let it go into the end zone for a touchback he brings it out. He ends up just across the 20. So no harm done.
I just spent a few moments "under the hood" with Ed Hochuli and his deltoids are fabulous.
Back to you, Andy.
Brock Forsey is in…great?
The offensive line, afraid he’ll fumble, just goes offsides to nullify his carry.
Kordell throws one (intentionally…we think) short to Marty Booker who jumps up, catches it and then uses his strong assed legs to push the defensive back another five yards down the field.
On first down, Kordell turns into Fran Tarkenton and runs around for five minutes then throws the ball away. The evil toothless horde gets mad, but our pal Ed explains that Kordell was in the pocket, left the pocket and then returned to the pocket before throwing it away, once you leave the pocket you cannot be called for grounding.
Forsey picks up four on second down.
Third and 11.
Kordell gets sacked and Cletidus (or whatever )Hunt dry humps the turf in celebration.
I feel…icky.
Fourth down.
On the punt return, the Packers block in the back twice. Nice. Only one will be enforced however.
In Minneapolis, or St. Paul or wherever the hell the Metrodome is, Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s brother in law is having a rough day. He’s down 10-0 and the Vikings just picked him off again.
I still hate Mike Holmgren.
Keith Traylor has set up a nice road block in the middle of the Bears line today.
Third and one.
Not trying to be disrespectful, but do you guys think if these teams would have been playing on the ACTUAL day that Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, anyone in WI or IL would have noticed for a few days? Well, of course they would have, but I am still getting over the lack of coverage on Rivals weekend or whatever the hell ESPN is calling this.
Dick Stockton just explained that Dick Jauron is not easy. If he only knew how right he was…
Donald Driver catches a short first down pass, get hammered by Peanut Tillman, bounces off and then get really whalloped by Urlacher. Hee hee.
In honol of youl Pearr Halbol day, I think I sign with youl New York Metloporitans for many mirrons of dorras!
Bansai!
How many times will we fall for that stupid screen pass?
Guh.
Najeh Davenpoop just rushed for a first down. Anytime the Bears want to force a punt, I’m with them.
Now they’re playing ten yards off the Packers wide receivers. This is…great?
Javon Walker catches a TD pass and it’s 14-12 pending the extra point.
Again, the Bears were playing way off of the receiver. This is why I hate Greg Blache.
How are the Bears supposed to beat the mighty Packers when they have a braintrust like these guys?
Justin Gage catches a long pass for a first down and they’re going to call offensive pass interference on him…again. This is crap.
All that’s going to happen here is the Bears will punt the ball with enough time to be losing at halftime.
A terrible call on third and two, a pitch to Rabih Abdullah. There’s a facemask on it, which should have been a 15 yarder but it was only five. They lost so many yards that it’s not a first down, but it is third down again. Third and two.
Again.
Another puss call, only this one works. Abdullah takes one up the middle for a first down and then breaks a tackle and is into Packers territory.
I still want to bludgeon John Shoop with something.
I don’t know what the hell that second down call was suppose to be, it was an end around to Booker and I think he was going to pitch it to Terrell going the other way. It didn’t work. He got tackled for a loss.
Morons.
Are there any black Packers fans? All we ever see are fat guys with beards and fat broads with reindeer antlers.
Kordell rolls out and throws one right on Gage’s hands in the end zone, but he drops it.
Maynard will punt, and no doubt shank it.
Again.
Dick Stockton just called Javon Walker "the touchdown man". Does that make Favre the "interception for a touchdown man."
Favre had Robert Ferguson wide open downfield, but not only did the Hillbilly go downfield before he threw it, he didn’t have enough on it to get it to Ferguson.
I like this. On second down, the Packers run it and the Bears call time out.
That’s more like it. Be aggressive for chrissakes.
Well, I have conducted major study on the races, and have concluded that no black men (except for me) root for the Packers, but I found one Asian, who pulls for the Pack when not making a TV out of a wristwatch.
OK, I’m a dope. That was third down. Even better. The Packers are punting now.
RW with a nice return to the Green Bay 41. At times, the Bears look like a real, live football team.
Who knew? :30 to go in the half.
Hey Reggie! We all live in the same house, and we love the Packers!
I knew a honey of a girl, a real bitch, but she was black and she loved the Pack!
Dick Stockton just called John Shoop a maniac. A dips@#$ is more like it.
It’s third down now and the Bears are still on the 41.
Kordell gets sacked so fourth down will just be one last heave.
At halftime, I’m planning on heaving, too.
The Bears had sent their punt team on the field. Which was brilliant. Did they not think they could take five seconds on one Hail Mary play?
Now the offense is in there.
Fox just showed a hot woman, and yes, she’s a Bears fan.
Kordell throws a pick in the end zone and Darren Sharper brings it out to nearly the 50 and if Kordell hadn’t tackled him, he’d have scored.
Anyway. At the half, it’s Bears 14, Cheese Doodles 13.
I’m not black, but I’m green!
And, I’m a damn fool.
I hate it when they show the simple life commercial.
Don’t worry baby, I came back. And if I’d have actually had sex with that skank, I’d have cracked her in half.
At halftime Jimmy Johnson seemed pretty sure the Packers would win. Screw him.
Jerry Azumah returns the opening kickoff across the Bears 40.
I don’t think Paris Hilton is hot at all. Mostly annoying. And stupid.
The Bears convert a first down on third and six when David Terrell catches a pass and falls down.
Hey, whatever works.
Kordell gets hit as he throws and the pass bounces off of Booker and right to Mike McKenzie who picks it off. Not good.
This Bears defense is getting lit up now. Bad tackling. Smoking grass on the field. Generally bad caddying.
Wait, no that was Caddyshack.
But they are getting lit up.
The Packers will settle for another field goal.
Hillbilly Brett bitches about every call, doesn’t he?
Longwell’s field goal makes it 16-14 Green Bay, and this is looking just like last year’s game. Isn’t it?
Longwell kick good, fudgers take the lead
I just love the sequence. Touchdown commercial. Kickoff commercial.
Ain’t the NFL grand?
Andy, They’re not …
They’re not …
They’re not good, Andy.
Don’t forget Review, Commercial
Kordell’s last ten passes 2-10 for 13 yards and two picks.
Is that good?
Dick says it "hasn’t been good fingers by the Bears." That’s not what Lesley Visser told me, Dick.
The Bears offense has hibernated. It’s going to be a long last 20 minutes of this one.
I can’t get enough of the Levitra commercial with the guy trying to throw a football through a tire swing.
Why not include footage of a train going through a tunnel?
Ahman finally fumbles, but he recovers it.
Guh.
Big third down for the Bears here. Third and two at the Green Bay 46.
Ahman gets it easily.
Woof.
Michael Haynes gets called for a roughing the passer call on Favre. It’s a terrible penalty, but it would have been acceptable had he maimed Favre on the play.
I was just talking with Dan Jiggets, who is the sideline reporter for Fox today and he’s a nice man. Of course, I couldn’t understand him when he talked to me because he was shoveling kielbasa in his pie hole like they were going out of style.
And, we all know, sausage never goes out of style.
The Packers must have felt bad about Michael Haynes’ penalty, so they held twice in three plays to give all those yards back.
Ferguson takes a helmet to helmet from Urlacher. Ouch
Robert Ferguson with a big pick up on third down, and Urlacher knocks him halfway to Waukesha. Hee hee.
Stockton thought the Packers were going to punt…Dick’s a moron…but they kick a field goal and it’s 19-14.
We’re getting close to the only number being important is the point spread.
Bears +7.
I have Robert Ferguson here.
Robert, you took quite a shot from Urlacher are you ok?
Ferguson: "Bagpipe candy machine taco."
Karry: "How did you hang onto that ball?"
Ferguson: "Shoes neck Enrique Iglesias pudding."
Karry: "Andy, he seems fine to me."
Don’t worry, Andy.
I’ll engineer a nice 80-yard drive, get a 2-point conversion, and we’ll be up by 3.
Or maybe I’ll throw two passes in the ground, fumble a snap, and the Pack will have 1st and 10 on our 25.
David Terrell falls down a lot, doesn’t he?
He takes a screen pass, gets a block, falls down and crawls up the field.
The fourth quarter is here and the Bears trail 19-14.
Why is Brock Forsey in the game? He loses four yards and now it’s third and five.
It’s been nice coaching here in CHicago. Can’t wait to start my next stint as assistant special teams caoch for the Seattle Seahwaks
Kordell makes a nice play and stretches the ball across the first down marker to keep the drive going.
I’ve enjoyed it, also. My next job will be assistant manager at a Dairy Queen in Cordova, Tennessee.
This just in: The Cowboys are not good.
Repeat.
The Cowboys are not good.
Dez White makes an incredible diving catch for a first down. I’m not making this up. Dez White?
Dez White Caught a Ball!
Moose is even tired of John Shoop. "It’s time time get rid of that gadget bunch formation and just line up and use your advantage with the outside receivers."
Gee, I can’t imagine why we can’t run the ball out of formations that allow every defender to be within five yards of the line of scrimmage.
Third and two, Marty Booker picks up a first down inside the Packers 20. Or at least close to the 20, I can’t tell since Fox never shows you the actual field.
The Book is having a big game today
That sucked.
Kordell throws a Pick. Good Night. God I hate the Packers!
F@#$ing Kordell. He’s become fond of lofting all of his passes, so he throws an out and hangs it up, Mike McKenzie picks it off and runs it back for a TD. This one’s over.
Boo.
Can I play now?
The season’s over, right?
The Bears call time out before the two point conversion.
And then still can’t stop it.
Justin Gage with a nice catch down the sidelines for 28 yards. Hey, a TD here and…
Yeah, whatever.
Kordell is too lazy to run out of the pocket before throwing it away, so he gets an intentional grounding.
Kordell can’t throw.
I can give you no better analysis than that.
Oh, and Brad Maynard can’t punt.
When’s Baseball start?
The Bears force a punt with 6:40 to go. They’re still alive!
Dick brings up a fairly good (for him) point. Why is Sylvester Croom still the running backs coach at Green Bay when he’s the head coach at Miss. State? If I was Mississippi State (which I’m glad I’m not–too rednecky down there for me) I’d be a little pissed off if my new coach wanted to play grabass with Ahman Green and Najeh Davenpoop during the week.
Desmond Clark catches one of those John Shoop’s famous three yard passes and then fumbles and loses it to the Packers.
Oh, things just keep getting better.
Nice job there of RW catching a punt inside his ten. Just like you’re supposed to…oh, wait.
Can we all pray we’re watching the final 3:27 of the Kordell error…I mean era?
He’s not good.
Chandler’s not good.
Can we at least give Rex a shot to show us that he’s not good?
David Terrell gets thrown to the ground on a pass and there’s a flag, but it’s on a Bears’ offensive lineman for illegal hands to the face.
Great.
Perfect.
Hey, a new low!
The Bears go for it on fourth and ten at the ten and Kordell gets sacked at the one.
Someone please put a bullet in my head right now.
Please?
ON HIS INTERCOM
Sarah, could you send a whole bunch of empty boxes down to the coaches’ offices?
Thanks.
Ahman scores a gift TD and it’s 34-14 Packers.
Jerry Azumah returns the kickoff 88 yards for a TD.
Yay?
Well, it’s something.
34-21 Green Bay.
It’s not over yet! All the Bears have to do is get the onside kick and score. Then get another onside kick and score.
Piece of cake.
The Packers recover the onside kick with 2:10 to go.
With the Packers trying to get Ahman the all-time single season Packers rushing record, they continue to run plays when they could have run the clock out. Bobby Gray dumps him for a loss on fourth down.
What a bunch of a@@holes.
And so it ends, Packers 34, Bears 21.
What a pile of crap.
Man o Man, That Kordell sure is a gamer isn’t he?
Why couldn’t we have at least covered?
History is little else than a picture of human crimes and misfortunes. by texas holdem