It was bad enough when they did it the first time.  The second was gratuitous, and caused me to ruin a Father’s Day Eve party with a uncontrollable stream of expletives focused at the poor, innocent television.

Ryan Dempster’s Harry Caray “impression” is not funny.  It’s not clever.  It’s not even accurate.

As our buddy Kevin Kaduk feels compelled (with good reason) to point out, it’s not even Dempster “doing” Harry, he’s doing a terrible rip-off of Will Ferrell, who was himself, doing an exaggerated Harry.

Dempster did his awful, one-note, unfunny impression before last Saturday’s Cubs loss in Philadelphia.  Fox showed it that day and it was cringe-inducing.  They showed it again, in its entirety before this most recent Saturday’s loss to the Yankees.

There was no reason to show it.  I guess they thought Yankees fans would get a kick out of the reference to Derek Jeter’s quest for 3,000 hits in it.  I’m sure a fair number of Yankees fans did get a kick out of it.  Assuming a fair number of Yankees fans have been lobotomized.

The rehash of the awful fourteen minutes of TV (I’m not sure how long it really was, but it felt like a good 14 minutes at least) was especially galling, given recent events.


Wow, wasn’t that hilarious?  Holy shit this guy is talented.  Somebody get him a CBS sitcom.  Maybe it’ll get him and his 5.46 ERA out of the rotation.

You know what makes it worse?  Tim McCarver thinks it’s hilarious.  If that fossilized old douche thinks something is funny then you know it sucks.

It was Dempster, we had learned, who had come up with the idea for the now infamous Fuckk the Goat t-shirts the Cubs wore during pregame warm-ups before last Tuesday’s home game with the Brewers.

As any right-minded Cubs fan (pretty much every Cubs fan who doesn’t call into WGN Radio postgame shows) can tell you, the pointless Billy Goat Curse talk is just tiresome.  It was tiresome in 1984 and 1989 and 1998 and 2001 and 2003 and you get the idea.  You can’t be cursed for not allowing an immigrant bar owner to bring a farm animal into the park with him.  If anything, you should be cursed if you actually allow such a thing to happen.

We all know the reason the Cubs have gone all these years without a World Series appearance has more to do with the parade of incompetence the past 60 plus years that has made up their roster.  Teams that rely on strikeout prone sluggers or starting pitchers who can’t throw strikes (like the Cubs resident overpaid funnyboy) usually aren’t good enough to win very many games.

And the t-shirt itself was pretty weak.  The guy makes $13.5 million this year, he couldn’t afford a nice four-color imprint?

The Cubs contend that the t-shirt was really just a team bonding experience.  I’m all for team bonding.  If the guys are going to wear a funny t-shirt I just think the t-shirt ought to be…you know…funny.

For instance, I could get behind the Reds all wearing this t-shirt during batting practice some day.

And maybe I would have been a little more receptive to all of Dempster’s recent attempts at hilarity if he wasn’t responding to the charged atmosphere at Wrigley by pitching like it was a playoff game…you know, poorly.  He allowed 14 baserunners (eight hits, and six walks) in five and a third.  The only thing hilarious about his week was watching him try to throw a strike.

John Wall has better stuff than Dempster.


Not only is that funnier than Dempster, but it’s closer to the strike zone than most of the shit Ryan threw up there on Saturday.

Maybe Dempster just really wants to actually fuck a goat?