So, I take a couple of months off and while I’m away, you guys lose Carlos Zambrano?  Is this like the time he hid from the MRI machine or the time he had to go to crazy school for a month?



So here’s what I can remember about the night Carlos “retired.”  He pitched very poorly against the Braves.  He gave up five home runs.  He wasn’t happy that the hairless incompetent who gets paid to manage the team allowed him to pitch long enough to give up five homers.  He tried to hit Larry Wayne Jones with a pitch and missed, then tried it again and hit him and got thrown out of the game.  He then stomped into the clubhouse where he sat in front of his locker until the end of the half inning at which time Alfonso Soriano came into the clubhouse and yelled at him, and then he told the clubbies he was retiring.

Then, he apparently sent an e-mail to some people in the Cubs front office (which no doubt caused his carpal tunnel to flare up) to confirm his retirement.

Then, he said he was just kidding.

The Cubs, thinking this was a way out of the last year of his bloated contract said, “No, you retired and junk!”

His agent said they were nuts.

He was right.  But so his his client.

The Cubs asked MLB if they could really retire Carlos.

They told the Cubs, “Fuck no.”

So they put him on the restricted list.

Many in the media applauded the move, because they think Carlos is evil.

Others in the media criticized the Cubs for killing Carlos trade value.

You can’t kill something that doesn’t exist.

The Cubs realized they can’t win a grievance against a pitcher just because they want to hold him to a tantrum in which he pretended to retire.  So they announced today that when he comes off the restricted list he will be sent him with pay because there’s not enough time in the season left to get him back in shape to pitch.

The reality, of course is that they don’t ever want him to come back.  And they’ll release him, but they’re hoping somebody will trade anything for him and save them even the tiniest bit of what they owe him next year.  But that won’t happen.  They’re going to have to just release him.

What a steaming pile this has been…for like five years now.

Why do we watch this team?

Seriously.  Why?