Honestly, if this is the best the Cardinals can do, they might as well just print up the “2004 NL Central Third Place” t-shirts. Jason Marquis? Jeff Suppan? The decaying corpse of Reggie Sanders?
Pardon me while I laugh until milk comes out of my nose.
Oh, wait. I’m supposed to wait and shake with fear while they sign Greg Maddux. There aren’t enough taped together trailer park piggy banks down there to scrape enough cash together to get Maddux.
Sanders is going to be 37 and he hit 7 of his 31 homers against the Cardinals last year. Remember when the Cubs used to be the team who signed the over the hill rejects who always lit them up? Now it looks like Walt Jocketty is turning into Ed Lynch. Hee hee.
As for Suppan, well first, he’s not good. Second he pitched well in the low stress cocoon of Pittsburgh with a 3.57 ERA in 21 starts. Then he got to Boston and gave up almost six runs a game in the heat of a pennant race. Let’s just say the Cardinals won’t win enough to put the pressure on Jeff.
The other thing I’m getting sick of are the national baseball experts and their fascination with two things:
1) The A-Rod trade. Am the I the only one who wonders how the Red Sox are supposed to be better by taking Nomar and Manny of the lineup and replacing them with just A-Rod? A-Rod’s a stud, but Manny had his worst season in five years last year and only hit .325 with 37 homers and 104 RBI. Nomar chipped in .301, 28 and 105. That’s a lot to replace, even with the best player in the game.
You know, the Red Sox might want to replace Manny in left by trading Nomar to the Cubs for Moises Alou! OK, I’m just making that up. Hey, it works for Peter Gammons and Jayson Stark.
2) Every moran from Gammons to Stark to Kurkijijijiawhatever to Bob Nightengale keeps saying the Cubs are going to sign whichever stud free agent catcher doesn’t sign with Baltimore. Nightengale said this morning that if the Orioles sign Pudge that the Cubs will sign Javy.
NO! We know this isn’t going to happen. This just proves that these morons just make this stuff up. Oh, go away.
—
Jim Hendry thinks the Cubs have the inside track on signing Jeromy Burnitz, and he’s probably right. Nobody’s going to pay him starter’s money to strike out 150 times for them, and he might be perfect for a role backing up Moises in left and lumbering around center when Corey needs a day off. Burnitz made $12 million in 2003. He’ll likely make $10 million less in 2004. Is that what a “jobless recovery” means?
Can you imagine the look on the Cubs’ pitchers’ faces when they turn around and see an outfield of Alou, Burnitz and Sosa? It’s the same look we get when the Cubs have the bases loaded and Damian Miller at the plate.
—
On second thought, maybe the Cardinals signed Sanders because they needed somebody to fill JD Drew’s spot on the disabled list?
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Phil Rogers, on the A-Rod trade. See what I mean?
Scott Skiles is calmer now. That’ll stop. Just give him a couple more weeks with Eddie Robinson.
The Cubs finished the Derrek Lee trade yesterday.
What is the point of this Paul Sullivan article?
Just look a the headline of this article. It’s not what I thought it was going to be. Anyway…
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to urinate on Joe Horn.
When I saw “Shameless Horn show” I thought Jay was going to tell the truth about his unwatchable ESPN show. Does anybody watch that piece of crap?
Jim Hendry expects to be busy this week. He sure wasn’t last week.
Scott Spiezio would have been a good Cub.
On ESPN yesterday they teased this story with “a major trade in the NBA” and I laughed because I thought it was the Rick Brunson deal.
So long, Wanny. You jackass.
Marc Stein likes the Ricky Davis trade for both teams. Marc Stein also likes to eat entire birthday cakes at one sitting, so consider the source.
The Dodgers are keeping their options open.
The Red Sox are after Mark Bellhorn. Theo, just back away.
Get your Christmas shopping done today with a bearded Saddam doll.
Saddam knocked Jesus off the cover of Time. Maybe now the Vatican will reconsider their anti death penatly stance.
Strom Thurmond’s favorite Stones’ song was apparently Brown Sugar.
America’s finest news source says that a Michigan man has outsourced his marital “duties” to his hispanic groundskeeper.
There is no such thing as an accident
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2003/12/16/BAGR53O91T1.DTL
Bellhorn is a poor man’s Gene Tenace. Lot’s walks, losta K’s, and power (albeit less than Tenace). He’s always had a good eye. His problem was that he couldn’t hit a strike. His breakout year came when he wouldn’t swing at balls and pitchers would groove a 3-0 or 3-1 ball over the heart of the plate because, well, it was Mark Bellhorn up. The next year, he still wouldn’t swing at balls but they got more creative than just grooving him. If he ever figures out how to make contact he’s an easy lock for a .260/.360/.400 season. Which is pretty darn good for 500k. I’ve alway been a Bellhorn fan.
There is no spoon.
True, the A-Rod for Ramirez swap makes no sense. Texas sure as hell won’t be saving that much money. The only thing I can think of is that Baby Theo fears losing Nomar after this season to free-agency and getting nothing in return, and that Ramirez is such a pain-in-the-ass that they’d be better off without him. It would leave a helluva hole in LF for the BoSox though.
I am also laughing at the Cardinals acquisitions. Some Redbird fans around here think these are good moves. Yeah, just like wrapping up a ton of money in Scott Rolen and Jim Edmonds to hamstring your team for the next five years was a good move. There’s no way in hell they can afford to sign Maddux. I predict Maddux will sign a 2-year deal with the Cubs and win his 300th game in Wrigley against the White Sox.
While I am also sick of hearing about the A-Rod trade, at least it keeps Jayson Stark from writing another article on what a wonderful guy/pitcher/family man/negotiator/Thanksgiving Dinner host Curt Schilling is.
Also, what the hell were the Expos thinking? They’re giving all that money to an outfielder with bad knees to play on the worst surface in the majors? Jurassic Carl won’t play in 90 games this year.
I’m just surprised it wasn’t a headshop.
What if, as rumor has it, the BoSox get Odalis Perez. Then they ship him off to the Cubs for Moises. We plug the dark Estes into the #5 spot, move Sosa to LF and go after Vlad and put him in RF. It’s a good thing there is a screen up behind home plate. It could get dangerous back there…
Grudzelaniek
Patterson
Sosa
Vlad
Lee
A-Ram
A-Gon
Crappy C platoon
Speaking of crappy C platoon….
Cubs trade for Barrett
I can hardly contain myself.
I think Barrett is French for Damian Miller.
Me no like move to left. Even though my throws resemble hot-air ballons, and I run helter-skelter to every fly ball because I can never read the ball off the bat, I am Sammy Sosa and I am a man and I am a gladiator and…what was my point? Oh yeah, I no move to left field because I am delusional, and believe that I am great right fielder.
Oops. I almost forgot. I’m also a selfish, egocentric prick.
Is that you Gracie?
Can’t I get any ink in the Dose today? C’mon, Andy, how about an obit?
Sorry, Keith.
UPDATE: Former Blackhawks player and coach Keith Magnusson is still dead.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Keith Magnuson still only has one s in his last name, even though he’s dead.
My agent says that I’m the player to be named later in the Michael Barrett trade. But, I already have a name. Do I have to change it?
The Cubs and A’s still have to decide how much of my contract the Cubs are going to eat.
Finally, I get to start!
I’m so happy to be joing the ranks ofthe great cubs! And just think, with my On base Percentage of .280 i could lead the team! Oh, and PTBNL can’t be on the 40 man roster. My agent told me so.
Is Jim Hendry dead and Ed Lynch back making moves? This is terrible…
Barrett is cheaper and younger (7 years). He’s also worse with the bat and glove. But he can play third to spell A-Ram. So we get to look forward to games of A-Gon, Miller, Barrett, Pitcher….
Hey Michale,
That’s not necessarily true. I was the Player to be named later in my own trade. Barrett spent time at both AAA and the majors least year, creating enough of a loophole that Miller could still very well be the PTBNL. Though, if the Score reported it (which they did) it’s wrong. They’re always wrong.
If Alex Rodriguez is A-Rod, does that mean Manny Ramirez is Man-Ram?
Not true for AL to NL or NL to AL trades. MIller can be the PTBNL dumbass!
Well, Crazy Kenny Williams is at it again…Sox will trade Mags to the BoSox for Nomar and Williams.
Sorry, that’s Scott Williamson. And the deal is contingent on the A-Rod/Man-Ram deal.
What you do not wish others should do unto you, do not do unto them. by texas hold’em