Both the Tribune and the Sun-Times have un-narrated videos of new Cubs President of Everything but Crane, Theo Epstein, walking around the outside of Wrigley Field yesterday.  This one is fascinating for several reasons.

First, Theo often does the fake “I’m on the phone, so I can’t talk to the media right now” move, and in this video the redhead he’s walking with blows his cover by talking to him while he’s pretending to be on the phone.  He even gives up and just puts the phone away without pretending to say goodbye to the pretend person on the other end of the call.

We get to see two Cubs workers greet each other with a really awkward “pound” and then Theo introduces himself to them.

He and the redhead get into a mid-90s Volkswagen Jetta, which Theo jokes about, and she puts the seatbelt on but tucks the shoulder restraint under her armpit.  Apparently she wants to lean into the airbag with her boobs in the event of a crash.  The fact that her neck will break on contact is of little concern.

Before she starts the car she says something to the effect of, “This is all they had.”  She’s either referring to:

a) The fleet of shitboxes the Rickettses provide to their employees for business use
b) It’s Todd’s car…which makes sense because it has two bumperstickers, one that says “My other car is a Schwinn” and “French girls like my oui oui.”
c) She’s still bummed that the Cubs didn’t hire Kim Ng.

As long as Theo is buckled in safely, that’s all that matters.

Look for me at the press conference.  I’ll be in the back wearing an “Epstein 12” jersey and waving my Bleed Cubbie Blue issued pom poms.