So many euphemisms, so little time. Today, the Bears finally caught up with the rest of the world and realized that football coaches aren’t paid to be nice guys, they’re not hired to get players to play hard, they’re hired to win football games.
And so, Jerry Angelo raised his Dickaxe over his head and lowered the boom.
Things could be worse, Bears fans. The Dolphins decided to keep Wanny for two more years, today.
Muahahahahahahahahaha.
What was it that finally got Dick fired? Four losing seasons in five years? Blind faith to a certfiably insane defensive coordinator? Blind devotion to a mono-digit IQ’d non-blinking offensive coordinator?
All of the above?
What does a head coach do, anyway? They don’t call the offensive plays. They don’t call the defensive plays. They wear a headset and yell into it occasionally (nobody’s sure if it’s hooked to anything). They do make decisions on whether to go for it on fourth down, punt or kick a field goal. They do manage the clock at the end of the half and of the game. Basically, Jauron sucked at the last one. And he wasn’t even really very good at yelling into his disconnected headset.
What he was, and is, is a nice, decent man. So is Bill Cartwright. He couldn’t coach, either.
Don’t feel bad for Jauron, though. He’ll get paid $2.4 million to not coach next year. After that, he’ll be free to serve on another coaching staff, perhaps as the guy who points at the Gatorade table, or maybe as the guy who calls the paternity suit lawyer for the players. Who knows?
If he wants to leave football, there are a number of jobs he’s imminently qualified for. Elementary school crossing guard comes to mind. Piggly Wiggly bag boy, for another. The options are limitless.
Where do the Bears go from here? Well, it’d be hard to go south, especially if Matt Millen continues his reign of terror in Detroit. The Vikings are in free fall, and if that loss to Arizona yesterday after leading 17-6 with less than two minutes to go hadn’t allowed the evil Packers to get into the playoffs it would have been hilarious. Instead, it was downright tragic.
The Bears owe it to us to look at the biggest names available, but big names want big money and if the McCaskey family is anything, it’s cheap. Cheap as hell, actually.
You’ll hear the following names bantied about in the coming days and weeks:
Romeo Crenell, defensive coordinator New England
Lovie Smith, defensive coordinator St. Louis
Kirk Ferentz, head coach Iowa
Nick Saban, head coach LSU
Pete Carroll, head coach USC
Greg Blache, defensive coordinator Chicago
Hah! Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.
How much of a nightmare would it be if Blache got the job in Chicago? If there ever was a loud-mouthed, self-promoting, self-righteous jackass in the NFL it’s Greg Blache. He’s already worried that the Bears won’t let him out of his contract in time for him to get another job. But come on, Greg, you know that even if the Bears don’t hire a new coach until the end of January, that you can still get a job as an assistant coach on a Pop Warner staff in Grayslake or maybe Kenosha. Relax.
In the press conference that Jerry Angelo held to announce the firing, he was asked what the Bears needed to become a winner. He paused and then said, “An offense. We need balance on offense and to score more points.”
So it’s all John Shoop’s fault. Right?
Not necessarily. Shoop is not a good offensive coordinator. But Dick Jauron never seemed to want to admit that. He could have demoted him, or replaced him any number of times, but he didn’t do it. And he got fired…largely because of it.
You can argue that they never had a proven quarterback to work with, and that was on display yesterday when the team moved the ball until Rex Grossman got hurt, then floundered, horrifically, under Kordell Stewart and Chris Chandler.
But even that comes down to blind loyalty. During and after the 2001 season, Jauron deluded himself into thinking that Jim Miller was a real, NFL quarterback. So the Bears mosied along and didn’t try and get one. Jauron and Shoop were behind the collossal failure of Cade McNown. Whether it was their fault or his, it was an epic disaster.
The Bears are a mess and it goes all the way back to letting Dave Wannstedt have personnel power. That led to the Bears becoming a talentless, overpaid team. Wanny got the axe and Mike McCaskey butchered the intended hiring of Dave McGinness so badly that Dave took the unprecedented step of turning down the offer. Then, the Bears were left scrambling to hire a new coach. They ended up with Jauron, the last coach hired in 1999 and ended up with a motley crew of assistants that included offensive coordinator Gary Crowton (now floundering as the head coach at BYU), Crowton’s boy-toy QB coach, John Shoop and Blache. They weren’t exactly high on anybody’s list of attractive, up and coming assistants.
And so, you got what you got. Bad assistants and a loyal head coach who’d rather go down with the ship than launch any of those assistants.
Then, a year later the Bears had to hire a headhunter to find a general manager. Love him or hate him, Jerry Angelo was never wedded to Jauron and he wanted badly to can him in 2001, only to see the Bears pull off a fluke 13-3 season and make Dick not only unfirable, but worthy of a contract extension.
And so now, five seasons after he started, Jauron is finally out the door. Whether or not that means somebody with actual ability comes in and gets the job is to be seen.
The Bears did extend the contracts of Angelo and creepy CEO Ted Phillips through 2008, so the new coach knows who he’ll be working for. For better or worse.
I hear Durand HS needs a defensive backfield coach
Many callers to The Score referred to this as a "great day for Bears football". Nope. A "great day" will be the right description for the day the McCaskeys sell the team and take the rest of their inept management with them. And while I understand the firing of Jauron, the media in Chicago will be shaking in their boots when a new Bears coach is fired, because it menas that only Brian Sutter is the only coach in Chicago in jeopardy of losing his job in the next two years. Since hockey (sadly) doesn’t matter in that town anymore, this means there’s no one to tear down. Goofs like The Score’s Fred Huebner (whose Christmas greeting commercial actually wished for Jauron to be fired), Mike Murphy, and Mariotti will have to find something else to bitch about. Again, the record and poor execution was enough to get Jauron fired, but the media was pretty unmerciful on a guy who dealt with them in a classy manner that many other coaches have been unable to do.
I’m not sure if he could teach our boys the proper way to chase down wide receivers who get behind them…every play.
Here’s your IQ buddy!
Who says I wasn’t civil?
What is with the ownership in Chicago? Every major team in this city is owned by a person or entity that has more money than it could ever hope to spend. Each team makes money hand over fist. And each team cries poor (the Tribune’s recent hiring of Dusty & its payroll increase a nice change) when the time comes to pony up the dough for a real coach or player. There is know way that the McCaskey’s can justify hiring a cheap coach, because they are on the hook for Jauron & his band of merry men. The family was just handed a new stadium that was bought and paid for by the residents of Chicago (and if you think that the "tourism tax" is going to cover cost and overruns, think again), which included luxury boxes, PSLs and parking and concession agreements that raised the value of the franchise from $500 to $800 million dollars. There is little doubt in my mind that when the time comes to hire a coach, the Bears will end up with some idiot yes man, who will keep his mouth shut and go to church with Virginia McCaskey.
Dave, c’mon Fred and I are a great morning radio team! The best part of our show today was when I spent 10 minutes questioning Dave Kerner about whether reporters could flag down the players cars in the Halas Hall parking lot, or if they had to go out and try to stop them once they got to the public streets. Now that’s good radio!
testicle
Nuts!
Looking forward to next year….Wouldn’t it be nice to see the TO and Sapp in a Bears jersey next year? Booker, while very good, isn’t in the same class as TO. TO would make Grossman better instantly (think Moss-Culpepper). Sapp is still a very, very good player. He would absolutely keep players off Urlacher. I think those 2 could easily make this a 10-6 team. Just thinking out loud.
My favorite part of our show is whenever I try and do math on the air. Like the time I tried to figure out Kerry Wood’s ERA over the past three games. It was two earned runs allowed in 24 innings, and it took me about six excruciatingly painful minutes to come up with 1.66. Apparently the Score won’t spring for a calculator.
Oh, and I was wrong anyway, because it’s 1.33.
The worst part…nobody gave a shit anyway.
Since I hate Nebraska, I hope to God they hire Bo Pellini. He’s one of the dumbest people in the universe. Just take a look at this jackass.
If he recruited my son I’d chase him out of my house with a torch.
FIRE BAD! FIRE BAD!
Bo Franpellinistein
TO’s a great player still (even though he’s going to play in Atlanta) but I’m washed up. I’m older, slower and I piss and moan more now than ever.
But I’d like to get two more cracks at Chad Clifton’s hip.
hee hee
While you guys don’t know it, Dusty Baker is still riding the right arm of the Franchise, Mark Prior, right now in the "extended eighth inning" of the "extended Game 6" of the NLCS. It’s 429-3 Marlins over the Cubs, and Dusty just called the bullpen up. Why? Farnsy hadn’t gotten up to stretch yet. I bet the Marlins get to 800 before Dusty pulls Prior… ;-)
Hey BC,
Shove this up your ass.
Before my boy graced your sorry assed franchise, you’d hadn’t won a division title for 14 years and hadn’t won a post season series in 95. You have the best team in the National Leage right now and he’s going to win you a pennant in his second season.
So piss off.
Love,
Johnnie Baker, Sr.
what about me?
While our beloved Kirk Ferentz is continually mentioned as an NFL head coaching candidate, seeing him on the Bears’ sideline is highly unlikely. a) Ferentz is a smart guy, too smart to let his career be fucked by THIS train wreck (and the same goes for Saban and Carroll) and b) his son Brian is a sophomore OL at Iowa. Hawkeye fans are crossing our fingers that Kirk hangs around Iowa City long enough for Brian to graduate (or play out his eligibility). So the McCaskeys might as well go hire their next half-assed head coach elsewhere.
As good as TO is, what the Bears need is a difference maker at running back.
Can you picture TO and David Terrell together? Then throw Sapp into the mix? There’s not enough room in the new Spaceship on the Lake for all those egos.
Rumor has it, Uncle Jerry Angelo has already asked the Pats for permission to speak with me.
Terrell goes bye-bye. TO makes Grossman better=better running lanes for Thomas. He’s not a Faulk, James, LT flashy runner. More of an Eddie George/Curtis Martin plugger and can get you 125 yards. Not exciting, not going to make you go crazy, but certainly capable of getting the job done. Sapp can go back to being the man on the D line. Easily better than Boone. Sapp and Traylor will most certainly keep guys off of Urlacher, which is what this D needs more than anything.
Walt in CR is a douchebag. The Fawks suck and I’ll twist that skirt around sissy boy Ferentz’ neck all day long. There’s a reason "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" is a number one rated show in Iowa City. Gah.
It’s all clear to me now…Knibb High Football rules!!!!
Sorry Gibbity….San Dimas High School footbal rules!!!
Now you get out there and you find that fucking dog.
Hey Cael, a wrestler who spends his entire life rolling around on a mat with other men should know a lot about queer guys. And no one cares about your lame record. Go wrestle Larry Eustachy and Dan McCarney. And what the hell is a "Fawk".
Who are these people? What are they talking about?
Hey, I could coach your team.
Don’t know. Don’t care.
No way! ABERDEEN RULES!
Every single time I hear the name "Lovie" I think of Mr. Magoo’s wife from Gilligan’s Island. Personally I’d rather have the professor running the show.
Lovey was my wife. The Professor was unmarried or he left the old bag off the island.
Polk High football rules! Can I get a whoa Bundy?
OK, I’m very unlikable to start with, but I guess this eliminates me from getting Desipio Media Ventures’ endorsement:
Gee why are we the first two guys to get interviews with the Bears?
Could it be that we’re negroes?
Hmm?
Nah.
Even if that’s the case. Dennis Green should be paraded around first.
I dub this the Blazing Saddles rule.
Not the parading of Denny Green, the token interviews that clubs have to give minorities. SOme people are just so head and shoulders above the rest (like Mooch was) it becomes a dog and pony show. I’m supposed to interview Greg Blache if Don Shula comes out of retirement? Puh-lease.
Are there any good e-fares into Washington, Buffalo and Oakland this weekend?
You know, I have always been a Bears fan…
From Rotoworld.com:
Moises Alou, who turns 38 in July, doesn’t plan for 2004 to be his final season. "I’d like to play one more year after the next one," he said, "and I’d like to play it in Chicago. I know I’m going to have another good year. So is the team." Alou’s contract expires after next season, so he might not remain with the Cubs in 2005.
Hey, we found Magg’s replacement!
Somebody show Moises how nice the clubhouse whirlpool is!
You look like a couple of boo-gies!
Poop
I’m available gang! Virginia and I still go to church together and I promise I’ll call all the offensive plays….well some of them at least…
Hey, we need a new dose! This one is getting full!
I think Andy was canned along w/ Jauron!!!
Andy fired?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Andy?
He Gawn!!!!!
I talked Andy into "resigning" with me.
Yes, Ronnie, Honesty compels me to say that Andy Dolan was fired after Tribune Co. bought out Desipio this morning. Yeah, Tribune Co. could probably do without this low-rent web site, but I guess it’s cheaper than Ivan Rodriguez.
Anyway, effective today, Dec. 30, I am publisher of Desipio.com. I will combine my knowledge of baseball, my infatuation with St. Louis fans and Craig Biggio, my piss poor jokes, and my musical knowledge.
Oh and Karry Ling’s fired. We can’t have drinkers on staff here. Can you imagine people making a name for themselves solely on the fact they enjoy a beer or two?
As for Chip Caray coming and taking over, it’s possible, I suppose. Then again, it’s possible to pull your bottom lip over your eyebrows, but nobody actually wants to see that happen, either.
As for our NBC purchase, I heard that the sale is off, but when last I checked, Andy was in high level "discussions" with the clasp on Brooke Burns’ bra.
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Yes, it’s true: Chip has been moved to Desipio and relieved of his Cubs announcing duties. That’s the good news.
The bad news is we have a replacement:
I’ll take it!
The point of my Baker post was that, following the Game 6 and 7 NLCS debacles, the only big market town whose media would absolutely refuse to point out his egregious errors in managing the team in those two games is, of course, Chicago.
But, if the Cubs fail to meet the suddenly heightened expectations in the next year or two, that sentence Andy had about no coaches being fired in the next year or two may not be correct.
But, I could be wrong.
What did Andy say about no coaches being fired in the next two years?
That would be Dave B. (post #2) who said that.
Just doing my job.
Dave B said I was in danger of losing my job. Of course, since no one goes to our games, does it really count?
I stand by my earlier assertion that Brian Sutter is the only coach in town in danger of being fired in the next two years. Dusty lasted a long time in SF and even then he left on his own terms. I do think that he got a pass on some questionable NLCS decisions. Ozzie Guillen and the next Bears coach will get at least 2-3 years to prove their worth, and for Pax to can Skiles would be career suicide for the GM. With an NHL lockout likely next season, even Sutter might survive.
I’d have to agree that Dusty is pretty safe. Everybody credits Hendry’s mid/late season improvements to the team for getting the Cubs over the top in the Central (and they are right) however, people seem to forget that the Opening Day 2003 Cubs lineup was pretty crappy (Bellhorn/Harris at 3rd? Gonzalez batting 2nd?) yet they charged out of the gate and managed to hold first place for 2 months, and stay in the race while playing the toughest portion of the schedule with no production from 3rd base or catcher. So while Dusty did make a bad move in the playoff game, I’m pretty sure that he’ll do all right, considering the improvements to the Cubs lineup this year.
Cael, we love ya buddy. But face it: nobody outside Iowa gives two shits about wrestling. Inside Iowa, only about 10% of the people know the Hawks won 10 straight NCAA titles. Even fewer have heard of you. How many do you think have heard of Kirk Ferentz?
Nobody gives two shits about wrestling? What? What? What?
You’re washed up Steve, just retire.
Anyone remember me? I had my ass kicked by some of the greatest wrestlers of the 80’s.
No Barry. Nobody remembers you.
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