I?m back—finally, no thanks to Andy. After his announcement of the Desipio network?s programming decision to pair me with ?model? Alexus Winston for ?Next Week in College Hoops,? instead of ESPN?s glorified and slicked-back sideline reporter/baritone, Doris Burke, I?ve been living in fear. Let?s just say Doris really, really wanted that job. And the restraining order proved only slightly more effective than Rashad McCants? willingness to play defense. For the record my temporary leave of absence had absolutely nothing to do with Duke?s Alaskan loss to Purdue or Missouri?s embarrassing Illinois-Memphis-Belmont trifecta. The good news is Alexus and I have been working extremely long hours together to provide Desipio?s viewers with a product that is both entertaining and educational. And we may even talk hoops during some episodes.
But since I?ve been away for so long, there?s a couple of newsworthy items I?d like to briefly address before hitting the collegiate hardwood.
This weekend the Kansas City Chiefs host the Indianapolis Colts at Arrowhead, on what will be a very cold day and no doubt bring back memories of the 1995 playoff game where Lin Elliot missed three field goals and Steve Bono played like, well?.Steve Bono. Unlike that game, neither team should have problems scoring points, and if the Chiefs defense can put together a couple of stops similar to their c-blocking offensive line?s efforts on one of my friends in da club this past Saturday night, then Dick Vermeil just may make an AFC championship appearance and in turn fuel the Peyton-can?t-win-the-big-one talk for another off-season. By the way, isn?t John Tait a Mormon? What is he doing in a bar picking up chicks anyway?
And speaking of bars and chicks, let it be known that I will not stand for any Britney-hating on this site, even in the wake of her latest well-publicized ?lack of understanding.? We?ve all been 22, and can surely remember any number of stupid things we did before we ya know, like matured and stuff. And for those of you that have been to Vegas, you know that what happens in Vegas, is supposed to stay in Vegas. Especially when free drinks, the Maloofs, and the Vegas-Real World set is involved on. Maybe you were fortunate enough to have grown up in a town with a population a tad larger than 2,656 and an average income of $15,475. Maybe you weren?t cursed with the good looks and marginal talent that robbed you from receiving a formalized, public school education. Consider yourself the lucky one, and cut Miss Spears a little slack. Besides, she totally thought her fianc饠was the new spokesman for Kentucky Fried Chicken—-and not just some townie living with his dad in a van down by the river, telling people he was going to play in the NFL someday. I mean, we?re not talking about Jessica Simpson here people. Britney is like um smart, and in the zone and stuff. Anyway?
I?ve said it before, and I?ll say it again this college basketball season is wide open. There are no less than 12 teams with a better than good chance of cutting down the nets in San Antone. A list that currently does not include either Illinois or Mizzou. Even the casual fan knows that Uconn, Duke, Arizona, and Kentucky often appear on Final-Four worthy lists, so let?s look at a couple of other teams having better than anticipated seasons.
Wake Forest starts a freshman point guard (Chris Paul), has a pre-season all-ACC first teamer on the bench with a high ankle sprain (Vytas Danelius) and is not only undefeated but has already taken care of business in the Dean Dome. Wake?s solid early season play has afforded them the opportunity to continue to rest Vytas this week as they ho-hum their way through the likes of Brown and Clemson and an 11-0 start.
Already sitting at 11-0 is Stanford, a team that I actually was high on pre-season, though wouldn?t have been had I known they?d be doing it without Josh Childress. Josh is resting a stress fracture, though may be rushed back sooner than later if the Cardinal doesn?t at least split on their Arizona roadtrip (1/8 @ Arizona State, 1/10 @ Arizona).
Oklahoma is also undefeated and has done so playing a decent non-con schedule including wins against Big 10 contenders Purdue and Michigan State. They?ll have one more huge test when they visit Connecticut this weekend before competing with Missouri, Kansas and Texas for Big 12 supremacy.
And Cincinnati I can only assume is once again a defensive-minded roster of thugs kept in line by a guy with a thing for black mock turtlenecks. To be totally honest, I?ve yet to see this year?s version of the Bearcats (9-0). Same goes for Vanderbilt (11-0). The Commodores take on Kentucky on Saturday, while Cincy gets layups against Tulane and Depaul this week.
The last undefeated team worth mentioning is the team Ben Braun left behind in Pittsburgh. Even without Ben or Brandin Knight, the Panthers are sitting at 14-0, having even beaten the team (Georgia) that just brought Georgia Tech back to reality. What?s more they still play in the Big East, which means they should have little trouble continuing to rack up the wins in January and February, earning them a third consecutive high tourney seed.
Over the next two weeks, the team everyone should keep an eye on is North Carolina. They?ve got a nice opponent in Miami to rebound from the Kentucky road loss, but then have a tough stretch vs. Georgia Tech-Connecticut-Maryland. The Tar Heels could easily lose all three, and in the process I wouldn?t be completely surprised to see some of last year?s malcontents and problem children resurface yet again and maybe even see themselves dismissed from the team. Rashad McCants has already been sent to the locker room early for failing to cheer on his teammates against UNC-Wilmington, and his turnovers and poor shot selection in Lexington earned him 18 minutes on the bench.
Other team to keep your eye on this week: The highest ranking Big Ten member, #18 Wisconsin (vs. Indy 1/6, vs. Michigan State 1/10).
Sorry but that?s all I?ve got for you today. Alexus says I?ve got two calls on hold, one buddy telling me about the upcoming Juan Gonzalez signing with the Royals, and the other Doris inquiring about the set?s vacant fluffer position. Such a kidder, that Doris.
Ryno didn’t make it.
Somewhere, Joe Morgan is smiling.
I sure hope Desipio gets better quality control before this crap hits the TV airwaves. Ben Howland is the one that left Pitt behind, unless I missed something where Ben Braun left California and was hired by Pitt for a day and then went back. What a moran!
For the record, Ben Braun is a Jew.
And he’s still not me.
Hey Ben…remember when I hired you at Pitt? Yeah, that was great. Do you think you could coach football? Nobody wants this job.
Jake,
Because I’m mormon, I can hit on all the chicks I want. I’ve had sex with 1402 women since October, 2000. And I’ve never once had sex out of wedlock. Suh-weet!
I’m coming back to back up Peyton on Sunday (or Saturday or whenever) and just like the last time, I’ll be leading the boys to victory.
Marty Schottenheimer lost a playoff game to me! I’ll bet that hurt more than the two last minute losses to Horseteeth Elway.
Nay!
Bill Self is dead!
So is Lon Kruger, Gene Bartow and Johnny Red Kerr!
I was going to add Lou Henson to this list, but given that he has cancer…not so funny.
By the way, if I had lost to Illinois State on Saturday–like I almost did–I’d be looking for a new job today. (Nervous laugh)
Damn, I hate it when you’re right E.T…
All I can say is savor it, because it may be the only time this year…
Yeah, for some reason I seriously doubt that.
Help me help you, E.T. What can I talk about that would please you?
And no, I’m not going to discuss my all-time favorite Blossom episode. Or post dreamy pictures of Wade Robson. Even if that’s the only things I can do to consider you a fan.
Suspend the usual, and now entirely predictable negativity for one moment, and tell me who’s your team? What are your concerns, hopes, dreams, and wishes for the next few months in the sports calendar?
I’d email you directly, but you’re either not smart enough to include your email account as a hyperlink, or are afraid you’ll get fired from Krispy Kreme if you were to receive a non-glazed related message. Or maybe you don’t work at Krispy Kreme after all, but have some other compelling reason why your keyboard is always so sticky.
Just kidding, you the man!
I read the headline and was pretty sure that Britney had the worst week of her life. She got a marriage annuled and lost to Belmont?
That’s a kick in the implants.
Britney as Joan of Arc in "The Messenger": "Ya’ll that fire is like gettin warm down there. Ya’ll’s just gonna burn my new Pradas if you ain’t careful! Ain’t they cute?"
Your forte, reality television.
My alma mater, Princeton.
Tom Brady not representing the AFC in the Pro-Bowl.
Duke – post-season N.I.T. champs.
Show-Me-State Super Bowl (just to see St. Louis get oh so close again).
Chicago hires Bob Stoops.
And I am not much of a donut guy. I am more of a cake eater.
Coughlin is taking the Giants job. Good luck with Jeremy Shockey, Tom.
Nothing like a Britney marriage and annullment to bring you out of hiding! It’s about time you wrote a new column…I’m tired of reading Andy’s junk.
By the way, I’m not sure how you can have a "lack of understanding" regarding the ramifications of signing a marriage certificate….however, if you look at the differences in the signatures from the marriage certificant and annullment certificate, I certainly don’t "lack understanding" about what really happened!!!
Stick with Madonna, Brit…much safer way to get publicity!
I love you too, Bre.
John Tait was not really blocking. Actually, he was a decent guy…for a morman. The main c-blocker was Casey Weigman. No wonder Chicago got rid of him. If the Chiefs pull out a win, it will all be worth it. It does kind of suck losing a chick to a guy that makes a living by bending over and letting Trent Green stick is hands between his legs.
Ahh Brit, what happened?
When you asked if we could "anul" our marriage, I thought we would be getting it on Kobe Style.
E.T. went to Princeton? So did I then, go LVCC Lakers!!!
And people thought I got on Weber too much?!?!?!?
All this time I thought that Jason Alexander was just my sidekick. Now I find out that he two-timed me with Britney. I guess she balked at licking the announcement envelopes.
Ahhhhh, LVCC, "The Harvard on the Lake" and one of America’s Best Colleges in 2002….
…maybe that’s what ET meant:
"Harvard on the Lake", but was thinking "Princeton on the Lake" instead. (Unless LVCC is Harvard and UMKC is Princeton)
hmmmm….
The body is not a permanent dwelling, but a sort of inn…which is to be left behind when one perceives that one is a burden to the host. by texas hold’em