Granted, I know most of you are waiting for the Desipio Media Ventures-NBC merger to finally go through so that you can see some quality TV on one of the major networks, and how bad is it that I watched three shows last night and of them, “Ed” was easily the best, followed by “Celebrity Mole: Yucatan” and then “The West Wing?”

Network TV’s not a horse race anymore. It’s a dog show.

And so, while Ed continues to be an entertaining show, albeit not exactly one of the greatest of our time, it’s charm relies greatly on the fact that every one of the five main characters (six if you count Warren Cheswick and seven if you count the not-so-fat-kid-anymore) are all as likeable, or (gasp) even more likeable than they were four years ago when the show started. That’s a tough thing to accomplish.

The West Wing hasn’t been able to do it, for example.

But we’re not here to talk about Ed and Carol or Jed and Donna. We’re here to talk about the best bad show on network TV right now.

Anytime you watch a show and it depends on the charisma of Corbin Bernsen and Stephen Baldwin to be good, you’ve got problems. But that’s exactly what Celebrity Mole does depend on. Last year, in the show’s first installment, Bernsen and Baldwin were easily the most entertaining people on the show, unfortunately, they were also very bad at the game and both were gone within a few weeks.

ABC has brought them back, and could very well have made one of them the Mole, if only to make sure they’re around for the entire run. That, however, is no guarantee. My early favorite for the Mole is not Angie Everhart, though last year’s supermodel Frederique Vander Something was the Mole. Angie is the hottest redhead in the world, and since she got naked (though, so did Rudy Huxtable) on the first show, we hope she’s got a long run in her.

The guy most likely to be the Mole is this guy:

No, not Cindy Crawford…Dennis Rodman.

I know Dennis is hard up for cash, but do you think he’d have gone on this show if they didn’t promise him he could be the Mole? Actually I didn’t think it would be Dennis, but after he didn’t score the lowest on the first quiz, I know it had to be fixed.

Ahmad Rashad is back as the host, and he’s just hanging out and waiting for Michael Jordan to make another comeback so he can have his career back.

The other “contestants” include a post-anorexic Tracy Gold, some chick named Ananda who’s already gone (and Tracy couldn’t say “Ananda” so it’s just as well) and Mark Curry — no, really, Mr. Cooper– but is he a celebrity? Oh, well.

Look what Dennis put on his bio under “jobs before current career”. Wait, isn’t his current career “living off what little fame I have left?” It’s not NBA rebounding champ, anymore. Whatever.

It’s hard to explain the appeal of such a dumb show. Especially since the only people who have demonstrated any personality are Corbin, Stephen, a very nude Angie and Mark Curry. But there’s somthing appealing about Corbin driving a taxi cab and introducing all of the passengers to his new pet chickens Carlos and Pepe. I guess I’m just easily entertained.

But, you knew that already.

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Because you want to know, here’s my take on who the next Bears coach will be. And, because I’m your pal, you can win a 60″ TV with this knowledge. Nick Saban is going to be the next Bears coach.

You think I’m daft, don’t you? You think that the Bears are too cheap, and that he’s got it too good at LSU and that when the Cubs signed Dusty Baker last year it was the only time in our lifetimes that a Chicago team will actually hire a proven winner who demands big money.

You’re right. But it won’t matter.

The Bears are willing to pay upwards of $4 million for a head coach. Believe that or not, they are. That’s enough cash to land Nick.

Saban’s not exactly a guy hung up on loyalty. He left Michigan State when it looked like he was just getting that program back to national prominence. He won his national championship at LSU and can now leave the inbred hicks, heat, humidity, and gumbo behind and get back to the NFL (he was Bill Belichick’s defensive coordinator in Cleveland). I think he’s going to jump.

A lot of people thought it was folly when the Bears gave Jerry Angelo a contract extension through 2008, but they had to. You can’t hire a top coach if the GM’s entering the last year of his deal. A good coach has to know that the guy hiring him is going to be there long enough for him to have some success and then pull the inevitable power play and get him fired so he can take over personnel issues.

Besides, in our typical Chicago myopia, we probably don’t realize what a great job the Bears job is. Though, they’re cheap (and they are) the McCaskey’s did it right when they built the new Halas Hall a few years back. It’s a state-of-the-art practice facility that is the envy of just about every team in the league. New Soldier Field is the coolest (though weirdest looking) of the new stadiums and they go that right (at least inside). Plus, don’t think for a minute that a coach with an ego doesn’t look at how much money Mike Ditka has been able to parlay one Super Bowl win into in Chicago. He’s still Da Coach, 18 years later. It’s a great job.

So when you hear reporters say that Saban’s not coming because he’s the richest coach in college football and that he has a great situation in Baton Rouge and that he loves his players…it’s just not true.

He’ll get more money in Chicago, his ego wants him to prove that he can win a Super Bowl now, and he’s just like most (not all, but most) college football coaches, he’d run over his players in his complimentary Cadillac if a better job were across the street.

Oh, and if it’s not him, I have no freakin’ clue who they will (or should) hire. Just as long as it’s not Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress (he’s got a creepy mustache–like Wanny–and his offense is worse than the Bears’) or Mike Heimerdinger (because it’s bad enough I’ll have to type Grudzielanek 1214 times this summer, I don’t need to be typing Heimerdinger from July to December, too.

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Skip Bertman is the AD at LSU. He’s the old baseball coach, right? Lyle Mouton says hi!

There’s one key difference between the Redskins’ bringing back Joe Gibbs and the Bears bringing back Mike Ditka. Gibbs used to outcoach Ditka every year.

Scott Skiles is giving Jamal Crawford some tough love. Hey, it’s better than prison love.

Nick Smith was unstoppable! Just look at that sentence and wonder.

Notre Dame is now 7-3. Wait a minute, they only played nine non-conference games? Yikes. I know that the Big East is down, but how are they going to get to 20 wins? NIT here we come.

Roberto Alomar ended up with less money from the D’backs than he would have gotten from Kenny Williams and the Sox and he doesn’t seem to mind. Quite a franchise they’ve got there at 35th and the Dan Ryan. Besides, he’s fired up because Bob Brenly said something about giving Robbie “mustache rides.”

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to say that it’s Saban or bust for the Bears.

Jerry Angelo might not even be able to meet with Saban face to face. Look, Jerry’s a creepy guy, it’s just as well that Saban doesn’t have to look at him.

The Anti-Christ on Pete Rose. Well, not really he says he has to read Pete’s book and watch the ABC News thing tonight. So wait, first Joe has to learn how to read and then read the book? Oh, this could take years, if not decades.

The Anti-Christ says that Ryne Sandberg was “special” and that he hopes he sees him in the Hall of Fame someday. Knowing Joe, he hopes that he sees Ryne mopping the floors in the Hall, not with a plaque hanging on the wall.

Kobe got a little glimpse at jury selection when a full house in Denver booed his every move. Jeez, it’s not like the guy bent a girl over the back of a chair and raped her! Oh, wait. No. He did. Forgot.

Tony Kornheiser on Joe Gibbs.

A 49 year old West Palm Beach teacher has been arrested for having sex with an 11-year old student. Who does she think she is? A Catholic priest!?! Is nothing sacred?

Madonna is supporting Wesley Clark. Sorry Wes, you had a nice run. So long. Maybe Dean will pick you for Vice President and you can be the next Thomas Eagleton. Except for the electroshock treatments.

Mariah forgot her top! Oops.

There’s nothing wrong with Mandy Moore that four hours with me couldn’t fix.

America’s finest news source with this…uh…uplifting…oh, just read it.