I was out of the office at Desipio World Headquarters all day and didn’t get a chance to comment on some pretty important stuff. So, I’ll do it right now.

If you don’t mind.

Why would you?

Anyway…

– Why are all of the stupid TV football experts picking the Carolina Panthers over the Rams this weekend in St. Louis? Did they forget that Carolina won a terrible division, has this reputation as a great defense though their stats don’t back it up, have Jake Delhomme for chrissakes playing QB and have about as much chance of keeping up with the Rams on turf as Britney’s ex has in getting half of her estate. The Rams win easy. EASY.

– The Packers have the best shot of winning on the road this weekend. This troubles me. They won’t win though, right? I mean Mike Sherman’s still a moran, right?

– Don’t you think when somebody told Mike Vick that Jim Mora, Jr. is his new coach that not only did he say, “Who?” But he followed it up with, “Who’s Jim Mora, Sr?”

– Nebraska is pretending that they hired the guy they wanted all along in Bill Callahan. Notre Dame can tell you that sometimes you do stumble into the right guy (our pal Ty), but usually your fifth choice sucks. Think about it. Let’s compare this to the prom.

First, you asked the hottest girl, and if she said no you asked the second hottest. But if she said no you were worried and you asked the cute, nice girl. If she said no you panicked and you asked the slutty girl, because if you couldn’t go with somebody popular at least you could get laid. But if SHE said no? You just asked the first thing with breasts that you saw. Even if his name was Darryl and he weighed 320 pounds.

Bill Callahan is Darryl.

Always moronic Trev Alberts said that Callahan’s “perfect”. For what? The biggest thing he’s got going for him is that he took the Raiders to the Super Bowl (with Jon Gruden’s team–the same team who tried to throw him off a moving bus about week six this year) and Trev thinks it’s cool that he can go into a recruit’s living room and say, “I coached the Raiders to the Super Bowl.” But how many recruits will go, “Really? When?” When he says, “Uh…last year.” They’re just going to say, “Really? Are you sure?” This is a disaster.

But a funny one.

– I watched Pete Rose on PrimeTime last night with Charlie Gibson and I honestly felt like Pete showed he was sorry. I love the sportswriters who either didn’t watch it, or made up their minds beforehand and are still ripping him for not showing “contriton.” Oh, shut up.

But the most disturbing thing about the interview was the way Pete straddled that chair. Make it stop! Yikes. He looked like he thought Charlie was going to hit grounders to him. He had his feet shoulder width apart and he was squatting like he thought Curt Flood was going to drop a bunt in front of him. Not good.

Pete wasn’t the most fascinating or infuriating part of that show. Diane Sawyer interviewed Charlize Theron about her new movie. She plays a Texas serial killer who was the first woman to be executed (another reason to like Gee Dub). So some Hollywood studio said, “Hey let’s make a movie about this serial killer lady and we’ll get Charlize Theron!” It’s a great idea. She’s one of the prettiest women in the world. Even Dan Mazeroski can’t argue with that. (There’s an inside joke for you, Danny).

Look at her! She’s so hot! But she can’t act.

So some guy at the Hollywood studio said, “We should make this movie as realistic as possible and make her ugly and fat!”

This is the worst idea, ever. How great would a movie about a hot, naked serial killer be? Charlize would be great. But no, don’t make her ugly and fat. That’s just dumb. No one will go to this movie. No one!

Besides, ugly actresses should sue the movie studio for using a hot, no talent hack in this role.

Sigh.