The Cubs have started spring training, so winter is officially over.  To celebrate, I burned all of my winter coats and threw my shovel onto my neighbor’s roof.  Those kinds of traditions never get old.

When they allow him to use his actual camera, and not just his iPhone, Tribune photog Scott Strazzante does a pretty nice job.  But the captions the Tribune puts on his photos are shit.  So I’ve improved them.  Mouse-over the photos to get a second whack at each caption.

I'm only raising my arm halfway, because I'm only partially shitty!

Raise your hand if you suck!  Not so fast Travis Wood, get that one up there!


Me llamo Mexi Greggie!

Come on, seriously, you don’t think he looks like Greg Maddux?


Snow White called, the other six miss you, Jed.

Theo: “I know the fans are glad to have you back, Mike Fontenot.”
Jed: “That will never get old to you, will it?”


" I told Gary Varsho, that of course I know the best place to dump a dead hooker in Lincoln Park."

“You see what Clooney was doing there in Hawaii with that chick from Arrested Development with the cockeyed nipples?”


"If Wells thinks I'm leaving my porn in the clubhouse at night, he's crazy."

“Shit.  I been cut already?”


"Time to have a chat with my agent for sticking me with this gig."

“God, I can’t wait for Soriano to not run on a ball that hits the wall.”


"Fine, I'll ask him.  'Hey, you think you could have your parents mail us a Playstation 4?'"

Kosuke, awkwardly waiting for somebody to give him a lift to White Sox camp.



Once again, the dugouts will not be safe when the Marmot is pitching.


"No matter how many times I sweep this, it's still dirty!"

“Oh, for Chrissakes, who told Todd to get rid of the foul lines?”


"Your old man been showing you that Walt Hriniak shit?"

“I am not cool with having to babysit you if Reed isn’t going to even bring you into the park.  I’m gonna go take some fungos over here, so try not to roll out into the street.  Yeah, fungo is a funny word.”