Cubs Live? Cubs at Satanic Fowl, 12:45 pm May 15, 2012 | Cubs Live, MLB | 94 comments CHC: Paul Maholm 4-2, 4.05 ERA STL: Kyle Lohse 5-1, 2.08 ERA 94 Comments Dale Sveum on May 15, 2012 at 11:47 am We’ll be having a pre-game bunting tournament at Ballpark Village. I hope Campana doesn’t fall down an open sewer hole. Lineups on May 15, 2012 at 12:08 pm 1. DeJestink, RF 2. Campanstink, CF 3. Castink, SS 4. LaStink, 1B 5. Sorianstink, LF 6. Stewstink, 3B 7. Castinko, C 8. Barnstink, 2B 9. Maholstink, P 1. Furcal, SS 2. Schumacher, CF 3. Holliday, LF 4. Craig, RF 5. Berkman, 1B 6. Molina, C 7. Carpenter, 3B 8. Greene, 2B 9. Lohse, P Joe Girardi on May 15, 2012 at 12:14 pm Today’s game will be delayed while we search for Furcal’s Absinthe. Steve Stone on May 15, 2012 at 12:19 pm How’s the visibility? Apex on May 15, 2012 at 12:20 pm Got salad? baker basher on May 15, 2012 at 12:20 pm FDAHF = Fuck Dusty and Hendry Forever Wayne Messmer on May 15, 2012 at 12:23 pm BREEAAAVVVVEEEE!!!! Also, why am I with the Cubs on the road? And shit–I’m in freakin’ St. Louis, too? Dude, I need some blow. Santo10 on May 15, 2012 at 12:26 pm Great, you have just insured that I will get no work done for the rest of the day Theo Epstink on May 15, 2012 at 12:26 pm I kicked Crane square in the nuts when I saw Castro squaring up to bunt last night. CT on May 15, 2012 at 12:28 pm A Gamecast? Did I wake up in 2003? Mike D. on May 15, 2012 at 12:28 pm Yes, CT. I hope you still have your Gabor Bako shersey. Rick Sutcliffe on May 15, 2012 at 12:29 pm Man did I get lit last night. Thank god I’m not working this game today. TESt on May 15, 2012 at 12:30 pm test Tony LaRussa on May 15, 2012 at 12:35 pm I just put a Slurpee straw into a box of Franzia, and I’m ready to go! Let’s play a drinking game where we drink every time Matheny does something stupid. We’ll be hammered by the third. Typical Cardinals Fan on May 15, 2012 at 12:36 pm I’m glad Pujols is sucking it up in California. He’s a trader. I’m glad we have David Freeze instead! bocaj on May 15, 2012 at 12:38 pm bocaj bocaj bocaj Section 242 on May 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm Fuckin’ Pat Hughes. Josh Hancock on May 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm Just be thankful you didn’t get plowed last night, Sutcliffe. Paul on May 15, 2012 at 12:39 pm Oh, how… Mike Shannon on May 15, 2012 at 12:41 pm We’ve got the “Josh Hancock” on special at my restaurant today. Come in after a day game, drink for 12 hours. If you make it home alive, drinks are on me. IAN Stewartstink on May 15, 2012 at 12:44 pm Good afternoon. Santo10 on May 15, 2012 at 12:46 pm So far so good, no bunting Rick Aguilera on May 15, 2012 at 12:47 pm Hi guys– Remember when Kyle Lohse was traded *FROM* the Cubs for me? And how I dragged my feet on allowing the trade even though Minnesota was bad (foreshadowing Fred McGriff by 2 years)? And then I finally arrived and sucked ass? Good times, Cub fans. Good. Times. Dale Baylor on May 15, 2012 at 12:48 pm WHY IS CASTRO NOT BUNTING HERE?!? Tony LaRussa on May 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm Drink! Bryan LaHair on May 15, 2012 at 12:51 pm Oh, sure. Now I pull the ball. The NL Central on May 15, 2012 at 12:53 pm 70 wins might be enough to take me. We’re all shitty. Sorianstink on May 15, 2012 at 12:55 pm FYSTINK!!! Ron Santo on May 15, 2012 at 12:55 pm I’d have tripled on that, Alfonso. Andy on May 15, 2012 at 12:55 pm Watching him, I always get the idea that Ian Stewart isn’t too bad. But then you look at his numbers and…blecccchh. Apex on May 15, 2012 at 12:56 pm The rout is on, bitches. Take the rest of the day off. Paul Maholm on May 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm Keep on scoring, guys. I plan to suck today. Palm Ahollum on May 15, 2012 at 12:58 pm I’m actually just Tom Gorzelanny with a chromosome removed. Lassie Edmonds on May 15, 2012 at 12:59 pm Hey guys what’s going on? Just finished getting my “rub down” from the Cardisnals trainer. Tony Campana on May 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm My arm is better than Juan Pierre’s. Just think about how terrible that makes Juan Pierre’s. Cancel the postgame show on May 15, 2012 at 1:03 pm There goes the no hitter. RV on May 15, 2012 at 1:04 pm Lohse’s similar pitchers on Baseball Ref include Grand Marquis, High-may Navarro, Trachsel and a pre-electrocution Jeremi Gonzalez. Heady company. Johnny Damon on May 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm You may out-toss Lucky, Tony. But compared to you both, I got a freakin’ HOSE. Paul Maholm on May 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm Hey, I warned you. morpheus on May 15, 2012 at 1:06 pm *Geremi morpheus on May 15, 2012 at 1:09 pm ON PACE for a 27-18 slugfest! RV on May 15, 2012 at 1:13 pm The J was intentional – Lohse was similar to Jonzalez at age 23, when Geremi was still known as Jeremi. BOOM! Welington Castillio on May 15, 2012 at 1:15 pm Why are they taking about my name? Is there nothing else going on? morpheus on May 15, 2012 at 1:18 pm ROASTED! Albert Pujols on May 15, 2012 at 1:18 pm I miss the “vitamins” the Cardinals keep in their locker room. Three Runs on May 15, 2012 at 1:20 pm We probably won’t win this ballgame. Pete Gray on May 15, 2012 at 1:20 pm I had a better arm than Juan Pierre. Chuck on May 15, 2012 at 1:21 pm Lohse can bunt. Get him back, Theo! RIGHT THAT WRONG! morpheus on May 15, 2012 at 1:23 pm This girl has a better throwing arm than Juan Pierre. Apex on May 15, 2012 at 1:24 pm Sign her up. Chuck on May 15, 2012 at 1:26 pm That girl threw to home with fewer hops than Jacqueshit Jones Chuck on May 15, 2012 at 1:27 pm I had to follow you past the jump. Paul Harvey on May 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm Page…TWO. Tony Campana on May 15, 2012 at 1:33 pm I just struck out on afoul bunt. I have learned nothing. Mike Matheney on May 15, 2012 at 1:37 pm So who’s going hunting with me after the game? I’ve got this awesome kn–OW! Keith Moreland on May 15, 2012 at 1:48 pm seriously I am not good at this Big Lebowski on May 15, 2012 at 1:53 pm Be glad you aren’t in the St. Louis area. Down here, I have to listen to Asshat Al Hrabosky and the Little Douche Dan McLaughlin. Hearing them fellate Yadier Molina the way they used to fellate Albert Pujols makes me want to beat them about the head and shoulders with Tony Campana’s wee little bat. Bunting on May 15, 2012 at 1:55 pm It seems the more I am discussed the worse the team gets at me. Andy on May 15, 2012 at 1:56 pm You know what they should do next Spring? Some kind of contest where they will improve their bunting. John Rooney on May 15, 2012 at 1:57 pm You know what I like? Hot dogs. Paul Maholm on May 15, 2012 at 1:59 pm I also suck at bunting. Ken Hawk Harrelson on May 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm How ’bout that John Rooney! Miss you on the South Side, fella! Say, you got my eyepatch? morpheus on May 15, 2012 at 2:02 pm more like Cubs DEAD, amirite? Bob Brenley on May 15, 2012 at 2:03 pm Anyone else hear me dogging Ramirez for not playing for the Cubs the way he plays against the Cubs? I really hate that guy! Patrick Kane on May 15, 2012 at 2:06 pm Anyone up for getting shit-faced and chasing college pussy? Matt Holiday on May 15, 2012 at 2:09 pm Did you see my Sosa hop on that homer? Our fans love that, because I’m white. Andy on May 15, 2012 at 2:12 pm To be fair to Brenly, E-ramis is killing it against the Cubs. You know, if a .217 average with a .304 slugging is “killing” it. Tony LaRussa on May 15, 2012 at 2:12 pm Who’s up for some neutering? Andy on May 15, 2012 at 2:17 pm Watching Campana bat is a fucking chore. The Ron Santo CD on May 15, 2012 at 2:17 pm Hey, when do they plug me by playing a clip from me, wherein I sound like the retarded idiot that people are apparently choosing to remember me by? Andy on May 15, 2012 at 2:19 pm I was just reading Kermit’s last Muskbox and I decided to check out Junior Lake’s updated stats at Tennessee. He’s hitting .296 with a 1.013 OPS in 8 games. And two stolen bases….in six attempts. Sweet Jesus. Starlin Castro on May 15, 2012 at 2:20 pm Even when you try to hit me in the face, I get my bat on the ball. John Rooney on May 15, 2012 at 2:21 pm You know what I like? Waffles. Big Bryan on May 15, 2012 at 2:22 pm LA HAIR BALL! Andy on May 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm So which do we give Jim Hendry more credit for? Signing Bryan LaHair or keeping him stashed away in Iowa all last year? Bryan LaHair on May 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm Bow down before me, Cub fans. I have homered five times this season against these turds. Ken Hawk Harrelson on May 15, 2012 at 2:25 pm Hot damn, Rooney. Remember the time we ordered up some waffles at 4 AM at the Palace Grill and proceeded to pick up those two waitresses? Didn’t matter that you started throwing up…them ladies were up for anything. Hunter Cervenka on May 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm Cubs just got me from the Red Sox! I don’t think I have to explain to you what this means! Andy on May 15, 2012 at 2:37 pm I’m pretty sure that Sveum got Coleman up in the pen last inning as a threat to Maholm to start throwing strikes. Getting Wood up now is a threat to everyone to not throw up. morpheus on May 15, 2012 at 2:39 pm Hunter, you look like an excellent addition to the already-promising pitching corps of this Chicago ballclub. Kerry Wood on May 15, 2012 at 2:39 pm Thanks, Reed. But I’m gonna need a waaaaay bigger lead than this. Mark Eyechart on May 15, 2012 at 2:41 pm I have as many vowels in my name as Cardinals fans have teeth in their heads. Hunter Cervenka on May 15, 2012 at 2:44 pm I was going to play a corpse on an upcoming CSI episode, but the producers said I was overqualified. Kerry Wood on May 15, 2012 at 2:54 pm Anybody want to catch my glove? Andy on May 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm I can’t wait for the Kerry Wood retirement ceremony. How’s tomorrow morning? Everybody free? Andy on May 15, 2012 at 3:05 pm Apparently the holdup on the Wood retirement ceremony is trying to coordinate his schedule with Kent Bottenfield’s and Tanyon Sturtze’s for the joint number retirement. Keith Moreland on May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm Kerry Wood could replace me tomorrow and make everyone happy Mike D. on May 15, 2012 at 3:08 pm Jebus, thanks for reminding me of Tanyon Sturtze, Andy. Until now I had successfully removed his existence from my memory. Andy on May 15, 2012 at 3:17 pm You knew if we did this, this would happen. FYC! FYC! Alfonso Soriano on May 15, 2012 at 3:18 pm FYC, buddy. 9th Inning Game Tying Home Run on May 15, 2012 at 3:18 pm Fuck YOU, Chuck! SKO on May 15, 2012 at 3:19 pm GET FUCKED, CHUCK. Koyie Dolis Hill on May 15, 2012 at 3:31 pm Humm baby! Borb Brenley on May 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm Sveumstink is terrible.