Join us tonight during Survivor All-Stars to snark on the action as it happens!
And yes, Karry will be there.
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Join us tonight during Survivor All-Stars to snark on the action as it happens!
And yes, Karry will be there.
Hello everybody.
Let’s give this a try. What do we have to lose?
Except a little self respect.
Previously on Survivor:
18 egomaniacs are back to try it again. Dick Hatch is naked. Jenna L. is annoying. Jerri looks old. Tina hits the bricks first. Dick Hatch is still naked. Rudy sprains his ankle. Rudy and Sue challenge the "brain parasites" and drink tainted water. Rudy gets the boot. Jerri cries.
Who knew she was part crocodile?
I read today that Colby broke his collarbone not long before he had to go to Panama to film this thing, so if he appears to be a super wuss, that might have something to do with it.
Or, he could just be a super wuss.
Let’s hope if he wins a visit from a family member that he doesn’t spoon with his mom again this time.
Happy Lincoln’s Birthday everybody!
Contrary to what you may have heard I was not around for Abe’s first.
His 35th, sure. But not his first.
I can’t wait to see some naked Richard Hatch!
No, wait, yes I can.
My only complaint about the Pearl Islands is that it’s too hot for me to wear my cool safari vest. I might as well have left that thing in the Amazon. Damnit!
CBS starts with a shot of a sloth and then of Lex scratching himself. Hmm?
Ewww. Close ups of the welts on everybody’s legs. I could have lived without that.
Jenna M. says ‘we look like bigger freaks than we already are.’ At least somebody has some perspective.
Lex tells her not to scratch, but she says she can’t not "itch."
It’s scratch! Moran.
Is this the week that the stuff from one of your doses that we had to highlight happens?
Soft music alert! Kathy says that Jenna M. wants to go home. She’s depressed. She won’t eat. She’s not sleeping. She won’t drink.
She won’t drink? Wow, she IS depressed.
Did Jerri just make an ironing board?
Rupert says his tribe is kind of down. I’d hope so, they’re 0 for the immunity challenges.
Rupert’s laughing at Ethan for fishing. Rupert’s the most insecure man…ever.
Ewwww! Extreme close up on Jerri. She was lit much kinder on "The Surreal Life."
Ethan fails in the fish department.
Rupert is much pleased.
I think I know how this one ends, if you know what I mean, Johnny.
But we’ll see. Survivor’s good about floating fake spoilers.
Dick Hatch has decided to do some naked fishing! He wants to catch a stingray.
I feel so bad for the guy with the underwater camera right now.
Ken Caminiti sees less crack than this guy.
Dick Hatch just grabbed a little shark with his bare hands.
The little shark just bit Dick Hatch on the elbow. He was so close to having his nipple bitten off by a shark. Jeff Foxworthy would be proud.
Dick hauls the shark back on shore. His bite’s not that deep. But he shows wher HE bit the shark.
Colby just asked if it’s "OK to call a gay man a stud?"
Colby is a big time homophobe. I think Colby’s got a big closet he walks around in at home if you know what I mean.
Dick Hatch is the man, today, anyway.
Richard’s not impressive downstairs.
Dick Hatch is a cocky mother…and I’m not judging that by the size of his "blur."
It is fun to listen to him mock his tribemembers.
You’ve go to hand it to the fat naked guy, though, he waited around until they got really hungry, then he went and got them food.
Wouldn’t it suck if he really was the best ever at this game?
I hope Colby doesn’t leave me for Richard Simmons.
What? Richard Hatch?
Like there’s a difference.
Karry Ling here in the Pearl Islands with Rudy, who was voted off last week.
Rudy, you said you were gonna introduce some of your "friends" to Jenna, Jerri and Ethan. Are you connected to the mob?
Rudy: "I like Richard, but not in a homosexual kind of way."
Karry: "Huh?"
Rudy: "My foot feels pretty good."
Karry: "Rudy? Are you OK? Are the brain parasites setting in?"
Rudy: "I could kill you with a banana and a crab."
Karry: "Back to you, Andy."
Today’s reward challenge brought to you by the Home Depot.
Each tribe gets a tool box with a subtle Home Depot logo on it and instructions to remodel their "homes."
I’m calling it right now that the winning tribe gets to pick what camp they want to live in!
What do I win?
MUST . . .
BUY . . .
HOME DEPOT.
Sue is freaking out. Big Tom called her a "hag." He just wondered how he got to be 48 without Sue Hawk leading him by the hand. Big Tom is fun.
Sue wants to chop the tree down that is the center of their hut. She’s a genius.
Sue says "these are really stupid people I’m with." She ought to know.
Do we think her husband still weighs 500 pounds? Remember him? Yikes.
Boston Rob says "this is my challenge." And yes, he has grown the creepy little mustache again.
Tom suggests the girls make a "flower garden." Huh?
Funny Rob and Alicia have given up helping Boston Rob and Big Tom.
Amber says that "flirting with Boston Rob was a strategy" but now she’s falling in lurve with him.
Bston Rob says Funny Rob is "on a never ending coffee break."
Alicia is building a rock garden. It’s all very Zen.
That is if "Zen" was a word that meant assinine.
Over at the yellow tribe, Rupert is ripping trees out of the ground with his bare hands.
Jenna L. always looks like she’s going to cry.
Anything to keep her from talking, I guess…
Jerri’s bikini has a belt. Not good.
Rupe says he’s built houses for 20 years. But the houses he builds come with wheels on them.
Ethan is happy that Jerri picked a fight with Rupert. Go play some soccer and shut your yapper.
This show is amazing. Unless I’m missing someone, I hate all the women.
Colby’s doing a New Yahk accent. He’s strange.
"When you’ve got Dick Hatch on your team, there’s lots of love," says Colby.
"Too much love," says Lex.
Dick Hatch is sitting out the Trading Spaces challenge.
Shii Ann and Jenna M. have been "writing down" fun things to put in the house.
Did she just say she wants a dumbwaiter? Man, she’s the dumbest Survivor, ever.
Shii Ann says, "It’s as if when we spoke, they could not hear it."
That’s because it was too dumb for comprehension, Shii Devil.
Jenna M. is foreshadowing her mother’s demise. She says she’s got "more to lose than anyone."
Is one of the Immunity Challenges a test where if her tribe loses, Anal Probst will kill her mom?
That seems pretty harsh.
Rupe and Ethan are sill working on the house…in the dark.
Somewhere there’s a "blind leading the blind," joke.
Jerri says "in a single day we went from a happy group of four to a group of three…and Rupert gone mad."
If they were so happy, why was she crying the last time we saw them?
I’m a lot hotter in the dark.
Richard’s a "Homersexual."
I’m really hot if it’s dark and I have a bag on my head…
…and you have a bag on your head.
I’m here in the dark with Jerri.
Jerri: "Is that your hand?"
Karry: "Huh? No. Never."
Jerri: "I don’t mind."
Karry: "Ooh, back to you, Andy."
Anal arrives in a big boat, and he’s got Christopher Lowell with him to judge the contest!
No, wait, it’s Vijay Singh!
Honestly, he has a "licensed" Panamanian contractor with him.
That’s got to be a tough job.
Panamanian contractor: "Dees is a very nice shanty!"
He likes the Dick Hatch tribe shelter.
Now it’s off to Boston Rob’s shack.
They’ve got a hammock. Big whup.
They made a checkerboard? Man, they are starved for entertainment.
Panamanian contractor: "Rupert’s house is a dump!"
Anal explains that if you get an air dropped prize you won. If you get a "clue" you were second.
If you get nothing…you’re in Rupe’s tribe.
Contractor boy says he doesn’t want to live in Rupert’s house.
There are houses in Panama? When did THAT happen?
Thanks to some subtle Mark Burnett editing we hear Anal on the radio say, "Make a drop at (cut out) they’re the winners."
The plane flies over Camp Rupert and drops nuthing.
Big surprise.
Lex sees a guy hanging out of the plane and says, "He’s going to dump it!"
Lex and Jenna see the drop and think it’s for them…but alas, it’s not. Boston Rob’s tribe has built the finest shanty.
Big Tom dances until his shorts show his crack. Actually, he didn’t have to dance very long.
They win a tarp and some booze.
Nothing livens up Survivor like dehydrated drunk people.
Dick Hatch goes for the tree mail over at "second place."
He picks up the clue. Clues are for losers.
Boston Rob is fired up that Amber’s drunk and wants to make out with him.
She must be drunk.
This particular show lacks a coherent mission.
Me no like the shelter with the dirt floor. Reminds me of home.
Except nobody has pooped on the floor.
Yet.
Twenty minutes left. I have a hunch there’s no immunity challenge tonight. Which would confirm the rumor about who leaves and why.
I’m now singing for Marriott?
There’s two words to explain why CSI is better than CSI: Miami.
No, not Jorga’s jugs.
Bill Petersen.
Back to Survivor.
Hatch gets clothes!
Damn typing skills, it’s Jorja (as in Jorja Fox–prettiest lesiban on TV.)
The second place shelter fell down in a big storm. Muahahahahahaha!
Kathy and Shii Ann are pissed, Jenna M looks like she’s checked out emotionally.
Jenna’s quitting.
She says "I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her while I was here."
Then why did you go on the show?
Kathy’s consoling her, but Kathy’s tone is more "yay one less person to beat!" than it is, "oh, you’re so right to be worried."
Colby’s the only one who gets that if she quits it hurts their tribe.
Well, Dick Hatch knows it, he’s just off being naked.
Well, maybe there is a challenge.
Or maybe not.
Kathy convinces Jenna to quit "after" the challenge. How benevolent.
Jenna L. says "emotionally WE feel good."
Jenna M. then says, "Due to somebody’s who’s very ill, I need to pull myself out of the game."
Anal can’t figure out how Jenna M. would know her mom is getting worse. He asks her if she got an update.
She says, "She’s my mom. I got a vibe."
Colby says, "I won an Aztek! Not a Vibe!"
Probst seems INSISTANT on figuring out why she is leaving.
Alicia says "I wouldn’t have come."
She’s right, but yikes.
Boston Rob says, "I don’t think it’s right to question her motives."
Which means, "I’m glad it’s not me who’s leaving."
Why is Anal polling the other tribe?
Somewhere Osten is laughing.
Big Tom just said, "I told my family, if you all die in a car wreck, don’t call me."
How would they call you if they’re dead? Are they going to use Jenna’s vibe?
Big Tom thinks he’s a professional athelete. He’s speaking about himself in the third person.
Worst…Survivor…ever.
Survivor is getting worse this year at keeping things secret for episodes before hand. Isn’t this twice this season we’ve known who is going off before the show?
Anal says, "Jenna…we’re thinking about you."
What it means is, "I saw your Playboy spread. I’m thinking of you. Naked."
Creepy CBS graphic says, ‘Jenna rushed to her mother’s bed side. Eight days later her mother lost her long battle with cancer.’
Hey! This was fun!
Guh.
Hey, remember when I won the first Survivor?
Oh, wait, that rumor was a little off.
You’ll never get me back
Next on Survivor:
Rob and Amber scromp.
Jerri cries…again.
Kathy says Jenna’s departure depressed everyone. Hey, suck it up, lady.
Well…that was…something.
The good news, I have yet to find out who gets the boot next week.
Thanks for stopping by. We’ll do this again, and hopefully the life won’t get sucked out of it by a dying mother.
I think we may have just seen Survivor "jump the shark", if it hasn’t done so already.
I thought that was earlier in the show? That’s why the shark bit Dick Hatch….He tried to jump it….
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