Like just about every other one in living memory, or eating at McDonalds, the 2004 All-Star weekend was better in anticipation than consumption.

It wasn’t a total wank, but the last all-star weekend to legitimately capture the imagination of the world’s media – which, afterall, is how it’s portrayed – was probably Magic’s comeback 12 long years ago. This year, things were quite OK. They may not have been worth going all the way home to see like the start of the new series of your favourite program, but they were adequate enough for the NBA to get away with promoting this celebration of sizzle over steak for another decade as we wait for something truly amazing to, someday, take place.

The 2004 All-Star weekend has just concluded, and Desipio, like every other self-respecting media outlet that doesn’t have shares in fake, over-hyped sherbet, was not in attendance.

Rookie Game

Is David Stern as powerful as he thinks he is? Afterall, the LeBron/Carmelo duet had to perform on the small screen this year. Perhaps, if you believe the hype of holidaying East Coast sportswriters trying to locate imaginary sub-plots, Stern is too busy devoting his emotional time to the 2005 offseason when the current CBA expires; afterall, sometimes the more you try and plan for something the less likely it becomes. But the more immediate test of Stern’s control over the league was demonstrated for Friday night’s nationwide audience, as the NBA’s Prince and his Knight played on the same team.

On paper, the Rookies were never going to win a game which has unofficially become a 5-on-5 dunk comp, and they didn’t, the rooks going down by as many as 30 points, assuming someone was actually still counting by the end. But Carmelo and LeBron enjoyed themselves nonetheless, Anthony proving he knows what this weekend is all about by saying ‘Nobody was serious and nobody got hurt – that was the big thing.’ Not having TJ Ford in the lineup didn’t help the rookies, as bizzarely, the best PG from the past 2 drafts was over-looked by the Commish in favour of Udonis Haslem and Chris Kaman, both of whom aren’t even active in the Desipio fantasy league.

Game MVP went to Amare Stoudamire, whilst Frank Johnson, somewhere, is crying.

The only other news on Friday – unless you include some chimera about Kobe Bryant leaving town next summer – was that Danny Ainge made the best move, yet, of his tenure in the Celtics front office. He waived Vin Baker. Boston’s 2002 swap of Kenny Anderson, the point guard who merely lead them to the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time since 1988, for the overweight, well-oiled Baker deserves to go down in history as one of the worst of all time. And irrespective of the ultimate well-being of the man in question, the Celtics ran out of time for equivocation; ‘All I know at some point Vin could come back and at some point he could not‘, Ainge had remaked the night earlier. Well quite.

All-Star Saturday

Put 2004 down as another of those years where the 3-Point Shootout was more exciting and enjoyable than the Dunk Comp. Magic’s “that guy from the Pacers” may have won by default, but the quality of (made) dunks was pretty good. However, the final result, even moreso than the irregular adjudication of the first round, left an asprin-like taste in the mouth. The lineup was so predictable – bad boy, white guy, no-name, reigning champ – that no other outcome was possible even halfway through the ‘contest’. But in the end, Fred Jones’ embarrasment was another nail in the coffin of the Old-School Dunk Comp that we grew up knowing and loving. The kid is good, and he was drafted ahead of Tayshaun Prince, Flip Murray and Carlos Boozer, but he’s no Kenny Williams, let alone Kenny Walker.

Earlier, the 3-Point Comp was far more exciting and far less contrived, with Voshon Lenard’s pacman-esque moneyballs beating out 2 of the nicest looking long range strokes in the game today. Those of you who’d never heard of Kyle Korver simply hadn’t been listening cloesly enough, and he made Cuttino Mobley and the other guy look like rank amateurs, not the other way around. It’s a thing of beauty that just by watching Stojakovic’s release you can see if the ball is going down, and when he rimmed out the very last shot, it was the type of climax to a simple, honest competition that the NBA has forgotten how to run.

The less said about the misguided obstacle-ridden display of skills over skillz the better, and I didn’t bother watching the boring other thing, so I can’t tell you how lame it actually was.

Sun Day

The real thing. Assuming you believe those little banana lollies are real, too.

First, a word about the lineups. How could a guy like Donyell Marshall, who’s been Toronto’s MVP ever since arriving from across the lake, miss out just because someone has to be 7-foot-whatever to play, I thought? The NBA All-Star weekend isn’t about ignoring the guys who work hard every night and do the little out-of-the-spotlight things to help their team win, is it? OK, so yeah it is. But then Jamaal Magloire went out, worked out and stood out, so presumably the NBA’s coaches do know what they’re doing, even if half of them didn’t last long enough to see their ballots land.

The best news to come out of the game, which was subtley orchestrated to the Staples Center tune of Kobe and Shaq in D-minor, was that TWolves’ coach Flip Saunders got a chance to see Shaq from the same locker-room, for a change. Just watch the breadcrumbs of the knowledge gained from the past 2 days help Minnesota come the 2nd round of the playoffs…

Uncharacteristically, it was the East’s big game players who missed the important free throws down the stretch, as the West came away with the W and Shaq went home, stayed home, whatever, with the MVP.

Paul Pierce, from memory for the 2nd straight year, played the fewest minutes of anyone on his side of the court, and this time it couldn’t be blamed on Byron Scott as all the swingmen in blue shared the minutes. And the points, in what was a nice, up-tempo spectacle but hardly an earth-shattering event. For the East to win, they had to out-shoot the West as they could never out-score them, and local products Pierce and Baron Davis were on the bench as Michael Redd’s game-tying 3 attempt didn’t fall.

Dirk, AK47 and Sam I Am didn’t get enough miniutes for the West, but this always happens when you have 12 guys and it doesn’t go to overtime, and Kirilenko and Cassell at least were just happy to be there. Can’t say the same for Brad Miller and/or Rick Adelman, as the Kings’ C went down in the 3rd quarter with a twisted ankle and, with yet another question-mark hanging over the head of Mayce Edward Christopher Webber III, Sacto need Miller’s size and smarts inside to stay ahead in the race for a home-court June. No wonder the Lakers were so happy.

In the end, a close game, smiles, hugs, the hometown getting up, and big guys jamming and shooting and playing ball – it doesn’t have to be great to be about as good as it gets.

And, as none of his players were in town on official duties over the weekend, Isiah Thomas completed his one-trade-per-month clause for February and shipped Keith Van Horn out of the Apple to Brewtown. In comes a guy with the same surname as the boss, Tim Thomas, and a guy with the same surname as Mohammed, Nzar Mohammed, who had become Atlanta’s starting Center for a grand total of zero games when Theo Ratliff and Shareef Abdur-Rahim went to Potland (sic) last week.

While the Knicks continue their rejuvenation, this move makes little sense either way for Milwaukee, and Atlanta looks to increase their lead over Orlando and the recently surging Boston in the race for the most ping-pong balls this summer.

Seems the most significant long-term activities this weekend weren’t about the All-Stars, at all.