This year, unlike some year’s past, players actually changed teams at the trade deadline. That’s always nice. I mean, otherwise what would Stephen A. Smith have to yell about?

Other than everything else, of course.

The Bulls, however, did not make a move at the deadline. This is for a couple of very complicated reasons.

1. Most of the deals made yesterday were made by teams trying to give themselves some flexibility under the salary cap.
2. The guys the Bulls were trying to trade…suck.

Pistons get Rasheed Wallace (ATL), Mike James (BOS), Hawks gets Bob Sura (DET), Zeljko Rebraca (DET), a first round pick (DET from MIL), Chris Mills (BOS), Celtics get Lindsey Hunter (DET) and Chucky Atkins (DET)

The Pistons get Wallace a very talented nutcase and give up their backup point guard (the always fungible) Chucky Atkins, a weird Russian guy with a bad dye job in Rebraca and the rotting corpse of Lindsey Hunter, oh, and a first rounder, that is the one they got from Milwaukee–providing the Bucks make the playoffs.

Boston gets Chucky Atkins and Hunter and they’ve already said they’re going to waive Lindsey and he’ll probably go right back to his comfy seat on the Pistons’ bench. Chucky Atkins? Man, that Danny Ainge really is a mover and a shaker, ain’t he?

Atlanta ends up with the dumbest man in the NBA (non-Karl Malone Division) in Sura, and Rebraca and whatever is left of Chris Mills. Which isn’t much. He can’t play and he replaces Terrell Brandon on their roster and he can’t play either. At least the Hawks are picking up guys who literally can’t play instead of just figuratively can’t play. Basically, the Hawks turned Shareef Abdur Rahim, Theo Ratliff and Dan Dickau into Wes Person, Rebraca and a late first rounder. But they have unloaded lots of salary under the cap. Too bad nobody will want to play there.

Detroit made the deal for two reasons. Just as he as everywhere else, Larry Brown always likes everybody else’s players better than this. He think Wallace will help them win the East. The reason Joe Dumars went along with it was that the deal frees up enough cash to keep the great Mehmet Okur in the offseason.

Well, sure.

Hornets trade Sean Rooks to the Magic for Shammond Williams
There are about a dozen CBA guards better than Williams, and who the hell knew Rooks was still upright?

Magic trade Gordon Giricek and a second rounder to the Jazz for DeShaun Stevenson
In their never ending quest to be whiter than the snowy peaks of the mountains that surround them, the Jazz trade for a Euro guy who can shoot and won’t play any defense. Gee, those are unusual, eh?

Jazz trade Keon Clark and Ben Handlogten to the Suns for Tom Gugliotta, two first rounders (conditional) and a second rounder

First of all, Ben Handlotion? Really? How is this guy not Karry Ling’s favorite player?

Secondly, Tom Gugliotta? Hey, it’s been a couple of years since he almost died on a bus, so that’s something. And again, there is significantly less pigment in Utah than on any other NBA roster.

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To be honest, I was in a bar last night and missed most of Survivor. It mean it was on one of the TVs and I kept an eye on it, but couldn’t hear what was going on, and the whole thing was clouded in the beauty of $2 24-ounce Budweiser. But here’s what I saw.

– Amber naked and getting a “bath” from Boston Rob in the water.
– Jerri crying. Oh, and Jerri wearing glasses. Yikes. She’s got to go. Remember when she was hot? Wasn’t that just two years ago?
– Lots of rain.
– Anal Probst in what looks like the first-ever Members Only shirt.
– Funny Rob getting voted off and yelling “f@#$” every time Anal showed a vote against him. That was pretty good.

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Seabiscuit’s Jockey points out that in 12 short months the Cubs have gone from a team in desperate need of confidence to the favorites in the National League.

Greggie’s first day was fine. Dusty didn’t make him wear a nametag, nobody shoved him and he didn’t have to sit by himself at lunch.

Juan Pablo Cruz is on the outside looking in. And again…rapidly…like always.

Phil Rogers says he’d rather be lucky than good. Too bad he’s neither.

Rick Morrissey’s still writing about Greg Maddux.

Rosey, full of pith.

Groucho on Rasheed.

Wait, are there TWO baseball teams in Chicago? Really?

Marcus Fizer is armed and unhappy.

In case you wondered, Gary Barnett’s still a prick.

Bruce Weber won’t tell the Illini they need to win their last five Big Ten games to win the title. But he should. It’s the truth. And, oh by the way, they can do it.

John Jackson on “Dream Job.” John Jackson on “Dream Job.”
You’ll get that joke when you read the article. Really.

By the way, why would ESPN pick four people who know nothing about being a competent SportsCenter anchor to judge this competition? Skank du jour Kit Hoover? PTI host Tony Kornheiser? Redskin LaVar Arrington? Stu Scott?

Oh, I kill me.

Apparently the Chicago Cubs have assembled some quality pitchers.

Kerry Wood is concentrating on his focus. Isn’t that like trying to see your eyeball?

The always unintelligible Ozzie Guillen isn’t worried about his pitchers. Nah, what’s to worry about, he already knows he’s only got two of them.

The Wizard of Roz says that the Cubs pitchers need to listen to Greggie. Yeah, he’s giving out golf tips at 2 p.m. over on Dwight Smith Field.

What’s the over under on how many times Ron Santo calls him “Marty” Barrett this year? I’m guessing (depending on whether or not Ron dies, about 1,214).

The Cardinals “seven year” contract with Albie Pujols will pay him until 2029? Huh? Man, they’re as bad with years and math as he is.

Amaze your friends: Predict that Pujols will get paid by both the Cardinals and Yankees for at least four years.

Eric Gagne needs to fire his agent. (It’s Scott Boras). How does the reigning Cy Young Winner lose his arbitration case? Yikes.

TJ Simers is funny. I’ll move in next to you, TJ.

The Cardinals don’t train in Boca, do they? I guess Edmonds still has a week before he has to go to camp.

Pammy’s happy being single. Yeah, who wouldn’t want to date a hot chick with hepatitis?

I’ll see you all at Vulvapalooza!

America’s finest news source with the story of a couple so hungover they forgot they broke up last night.