Today is the day that Ron Santo learns his Hall of Fame fate. He’ll get a phone call, you and I have to go to the Hall of Fame’s Web site at 1 p.m. central time to find out.

So really, given this life altering event, we probably can’t focus on anything else? Right? Wrong.

Real World: Las Vegas continues it’s rapid descent to the bottom of the heap in Real World history. Last night was no exception.

Previously on Real World: Las Vegas: Trishelle and Steven hooked up about 15 minutes after they met. They continued to scromp constantly and at one point thought Trishelle was pregnant. Then Steven told Trishelle he loved her. He was drunk when he said it. When he sobered up, he dumped her. Irulan and Alton are a headache for another show (looks like next week). Brynn is cute and dumb and throws forks and hasn’t been much of an entity on the show for like two months now. Arissa cries a lot and bitches constantly. Frank’s dull and Amish.

Trishelle opens the show with, “This is the longest I’ve been single.” Huh? It’s been what, a month? Oooh, you must be drying right up, huh Trish?

“I feel like I should date a lot of guys.” And this would be different, how?

We then meet Brian, the new man in Trishelle’s life.

She sits at a table with Brian and Steven and might as well have a “I still love Steven” bumpersticker stuck on her forehead.

“Hey, Steven, you and Brian are so alike,” she says. “Brian’s an athlete. He was in the junior olympics, just like you. He’s a volleyball player.” We then find out that Steven was in the junior olympics as a javelin thrower. Too bad he wasn’t catching them, instead.

Are we sure these guys weren’t in the Special Olympics instead of the junior ones?

Trishelle says, “I compare guys to Steven.” Really, we hadn’t noticed?

Anyway, a new outdoor bar is opening up at the Palms Casino called (creatively) Skin. The manager has offered all of the Real World wonks jobs there. Apparently, she needs drunks with no work ethics. Hey, where do I sign up?

Irulan says, “I hate worrying about money.”
Arissa says, “It sucks to get a job for extra money.”

Great!

Trishelle asks the rest of the girls if they’ve ever “cocktailed before.” I’ve never heard cocktailed used as a verb, but I will about 14 times in this show alone.

Brynn says, “It’s more than just being around drunk guys in a bikini.”
Trishelle says, oblivious to the word “more”, “I can do that.”

Steven and Brian are in the gym pumping each other. I mean, iron. Steven says, “Brian’s a cool guy. A lot cooler than anybody Trishelle has dated. Including me.”

Trishelle and Frank are chatting in the kitchen. “Brian’s going to China in a week to go work in an orphanage.”

Frank gives her the “do you really believe that line” smirk. Then says, “He’s too good for you. He should marry somebody good. I’m kidding…kind of.”

Thank you Frank.

Brian and Trishelle are in a bar and Brian takes a cherry stem and ties it into a knot with his tongue. This guy couldn’t be gayer, could he?

Irlan and Arissa are ready to go to their first day of work. They had to get up at 8:15 a.m. Oh, the humanity! That’s horrible! What is Skin anyway, some sort of evil Kathie Lee Gifford run sweatshop?

Irulan says, “I’m super excited about being able to earn some cash.’

Super excited? Never mind.

Trishelle and Irulan are in their bikinis and walk right past a huge sign that says “POOL CLOSED”. As they walk by the pool a 50 MPH gust of wind comes up and nearly throws their anorexic torsos into the side of the casino. They are sent back upstairs to change clothes to something warmer.

Trishelle is on the phone to Skin asking when she can go through training. She says to the camera, “I got a job by the pool cocktailing [sic]. But my daddy would not be proud.”

That’s right. On the show so far you’ve had sex with Steven 1,000 times. Had a pregnancy scare. Made out with Brynn. Thrown yourself at every man in Vegas and the thing that’s going to upset daddy is you working as a cocktail waitress.

Meanwhile, Irulan and Arissa have learned, to their horror that today’s work day at Skin will involve…moving boxes! Oh no! Physical labor?

Irulan, “Skin is not what we anticipated.”
Arissa, “It’s too tough.”

Oh for chrissakes.

Trishelle is in crisis mode. “Brian said he could date me exclusively. I wish he’d just thought that and kept it to himself. He’s too nice and I’m scared of that because I’ve never dated anybody that nice.”

Can we just beat her with a wet noodle now?

To show she doesn’t want anything serious with Brian, Trishelle has sex with him. That’ll teach him! They lie in bed and she asks him what time it is. We already know that she has to be at Skin at 8:30 a.m. for training. He tells her it’s 5:15.

“OK, that means I have (counts on her fingers… for a long time) three and a half hours to sleep.”

Sorry, Miss Mensa. You have to be at work in three and one quarter hours. So assuming it takes five minutes to get downstairs to go to work, you’re not even close.

Steven is upset that Brian and Trishelle are sleeping together. He’s harassing the other houseguests at casa du skank. “I don’t know if it means I love Trishelle?” he wonders.

Trishelle says, “I”m comfortable around Brian. But just to hang out with.”
In the lobby of the hotel, on her way to work, Trishelle says to Brian, “I’m drunk and I need to be at work right now.” It’s 8:30 in the morning. When’s that AA meeting?

Trishelle likes her new job. “I like cocktailing [sic]. It’s not brain surgery.”
Arissa says, “I hate cocktailing [sic](oh crap, now she’s doing it, too). You have to be at everybody’s beck and call.” Really? You don’t say!

Trishelle makes about four times what Irulan and Arissa make combined in tips. They’re mad. She jokes that in order to make money she has to flirt with “the fattest guys.” Whatever.

She is inexplicably still in uniform when she has a heart-to-heart with Arissa in the bathroom. “Steven says he has feelings for me,” Trishelle says. “I always wanted for him to have feelings for me.” Wow, this girl is so pathetic.

“Guys always come back two minutes too late,” Arissa says.

Trishelle ends the show with, “There’s no telling what could happen between Steven and I right now.” Oh, I think there’s a lot telling. They’re going to have some sex. You don’t need odds and a bookie for that one.

Guh. I feel dumber every time I watch this show.

—

How much fun was it last night to watch Illinois completely pants Indiana last night? The 26 point win came just one week after a 30 point thrashing of Michigan State. Throw in a 12 point “home” win against a surprisingly frisky Northwestern team and I think we know who the best team in the Big Ten is. They head to Ann Arbor on Saturday and a win there gives them a leg up in the conference race with a road game left in Madison and a home game against Minnesota. Bill Self was the first Big Ten coach in history to win conference titles in his first two seasons. Anybody want to bet against number three right now?

Bill Self has been kicking himself for about two weeks now. He thinks that had he sat Luther Head down before the Michigan State game on February 2 and let his groin heal that 1) Luther would be back at full strength right now and 2) Illinois would have beaten both MSU and Purdue on the road and probably have the Big Ten wrapped up by now. That seems absurd, but then you look at how well Roger Powell has played, given both his regular minutes and Luther’s and maybe Bill’s right.

The thing Big Ten and NCAA Tournament foes have to be concerned about, about the Illini right now is that should Head come back at full strength, few teams in the land can match the 1-5 speed of Dee Brown (fastest player in the country), Deron Williams (point guard playing shooting guard), Powell, Brian Cook, James Augustine (fastest player pound-for-pound on the club) and then the added bonus of the return of Illinois’ best athlete in Head. It’s actually 1-6 speed. The Illini ran right through MSU and Indiana. In fact, twice Dee Brown made completely unathletic Indiana guard Kyle Hornsby (and the Range?) look like an actual statue. In fact, Hornsby is so unathletic, he makes Sean Harrington look like Allen Iverson.

ESPN announcer Dave Barnett was at both the MSU and Indiana whumpings and said a mouthful with this, “You’d be hard pressed to find a team peaking like Illinois right now.” Bill Raftery said of the “down year” in the Big Ten, “In the past couple of years teams like Wisconsin and Indiana have gotten to the Final Four with 8-8 records in the conference. Illlinois is a team you don’t want to draw in the tournament. Regardless of their seed.”

I’m not saying that Illinois could handle Kentucky right now, but I’d like to see them get their hands on Duke or Arizona right now and just see what happens. But that’s just me.

A couple of cool new Orange Krush things. They started this in the MSU game and continued it last night. When Roger Powell left the game he was serenaded with about 10,000 orange clad loonies chanting “Rog-er Pow-ell” clap, clap, clapclap. Despite the fact it’s so Yankee fan, it’s still cool.

The other cool thing was that the Krush booed Tom Coverdale everytime he touched the ball. I’m always in favor of this.

Can you tell I’m just giddy about the home atmospheres in South Bend and Champaign right now? Yeah, I hide it well, I know.
—

And about Ron Santo’s (hopefully) big day. We love to mock Ronnie for his complete ineptness as a color analyst. He’s a great guy and he’s fun to listen to, but you’re not getting a lot of in-depth baseball analysis there. That’s fine. We don’t mind. What we sometimes gloss over though, is that he’s a rare person. He was a great player in his time. He’s easily Hall of Fame material. He was a bit of a jerk on the field, but a lot of guys who are driven to win can be gruff. Off the field, especially since his retirement as a player, he’s become one of the all-time good guys.

His battle with diabetes (hidden by him when he was a player) is an inspiration to anybody with any kind of health problem. The fact that he would rather cut off his one remaining foot than miss one extra day when he could be at work behind the WGN Radio microphone, or more importantly, playing with his beloved grandson Sam, says a lot about the man.

At 1 p.m. today we’ll all find out if he’s in the Hall of Fame. If he is, it won’t make the world a better or safer place. It won’t have any lasting impact on my life or yours. But it’ll make Ron Santo a very happy man, and any way you slice it, he deserves it.

Good luck, Ron. I voted for you.

Too bad I didn’t get a ballot. I just wrote his name on a “Freezing My Ass off in Hell, Wisconsin” post card and mailed it to the Hall.
—

Steve Rosenbloom on the Bulls, the Bears and pretty much everybody else, too.

Rick Morrissey says the ’69 Cubs are still going strong. I wonder if they’d been this popular if they’d won the NL East that year? Probably not.

Phil Rogers thinks Santo, and Minnie Minoso should get the call today.

Roger Powell makes the Illini more dangerous than they’ve been at any time this year. Trust me on this.

Pete Newell is very high on Eddy and Tyson. That’s a very good thing.

Paul Sullivan compares Matt Clement to George Harrison. Oh, I hope this doesn’t mean that Matt’s going to pitch like a dead guy.

Dusty wants to see his pitchers.

A Sox prospect played catch with Andy Benes when he was five. Big whup.

Mid major teams get screwed by the NCAA selection committee.

War could force NCAA tourney games to MTV. As long as David Lee Roth gets to be a sideline reporter, I’m all for it.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to stump for Ron Santo.

Herb Gould lays out the scenario for Illinois’ first outright Big Ten title since 1952.

Isn’t it amazing how the Trib and Sun Times beat writers always write the same sidebar stories every day? Here’s the Sun Times’ one on Matt Clement.

Mike Kiley says you can’t root against Ron Santo.

Eddy Curry is almost ready to let his hair down…er, up?

The Wizard of Roz is beating on the commissioner’s office again.

Mark Tupper on the Illini.

The Irish need a nap.

Brace yourself. Flannel Boy thinks Ron Santo should be in the Hall. I’m nauseous now.

Peter King likes Chris Simms. I’ll bet you cash money right now that the Bears draft Chris Simms. Let the Cade McNown jokes commence.

EW on last night’s Real World fiasco.

Lorenzo Llamas is just sad. Isn’t he?

Let me be the first to say that the French know something about illegitimacy.

Would you pay $320 to blow up Iraq. I think I would. That’s what it would come to if we all had to kick in an equal share.

I can’t tell you how much I want to see the CBS reality version of “Beverly Hillbillies.”

Dan and Saddam sure seem chummy.

America’s finest news source with the troubling tale of a woman who can’t take a freakin’ hint.