We get our first “look” at the Cubs today. Join us at 1 p.m. for exciting Cubs baseball.
123 Comments
Tom Skilling
on March 4, 2004 at 12:39 pm
Looks like a wet afternoon in the Valley of the sun!
T.J. Brown
on March 4, 2004 at 1:05 pm
We’re about to start, and where is everyone?
Viewer
on March 4, 2004 at 1:06 pm
Looks like words are really raining down. Thanks Tom.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 1:06 pm
Tom, I think your brother’s parole board just pulled your image.
Sorry for the technical difficulties, we’re back. And Sam Ryan just called Edgardo Alfonso, "Fonzie."
And, Sam Ryan is superhot.
And, a girl.
Kenny Brokelstein
on March 4, 2004 at 1:06 pm
Mark this commment for October! It all begins this afternoon!
Gary Barnett
on March 4, 2004 at 1:07 pm
Sam is a girl. And not only is she a girl – she’s superhot.
TW
on March 4, 2004 at 1:08 pm
I hate the traffic on the Sam Ryan…
Rick Sutcliffe
on March 4, 2004 at 1:10 pm
I’m bitching that it’s dangerous for the players to be playing in this slop today, and the only reason the game didn’t get rained out is because it’s on ESPN. I apparently did have my irony chip installed.
Matt Clement
on March 4, 2004 at 1:10 pm
Damn….There goes the no-no…
Steve Bartman
on March 4, 2004 at 1:10 pm
Hey, these seats are great!
Matt Clement
on March 4, 2004 at 1:11 pm
Hey, I forgot, whenever I get rocked my groin starts to hurt…
…
…
oww!
Matt Clement
on March 4, 2004 at 1:12 pm
OK, I’m going to get pounded today. Is that OK?
Jim Edmonds
on March 4, 2004 at 1:13 pm
Does Sam Ryan have a dog? Or Rick Sutcliffe?
Ronnie Woo Woo
on March 4, 2004 at 1:13 pm
I’m (woo) freeloading (woo) at (woo) the (woo) game (woo)! Anybody (woo) want (woo) me (woo) to (woo) clean (woo) their (woo) windows? (woo?)
Marge Schott
on March 4, 2004 at 1:14 pm
Jimmy, baby! I should have traded for you when I had the chance.
Mrs. Sandberg
on March 4, 2004 at 1:15 pm
I’ll pound you, Matty.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 1:15 pm
Who is Ronnie Woo Woo trying to distract? I’m sure he thinks it’s Barry, but I’d think a large, toothless, moron jumping up and down in full uniform, right behind home plate could distract a pitcher.
Also some fat guy on a cell phone just stopped to shake Ronnie’s hand and Ronnie recoiled in terror like the guy was going to beat his ass.
If only…
Jim Edmonds
on March 4, 2004 at 1:16 pm
Don’t worry, Marge, honey. I got custody of Schottzie IV. Or make that Schottzie XCIX.
Woof, woof, indeed.
Roman Numeral Guy
on March 4, 2004 at 1:16 pm
Jim,
I think 69 is CXIX.
cubbiebluestew
on March 4, 2004 at 1:17 pm
I am listening to the Gint’s station, KNBR. During the pre-game show I heard someone in the stands going "WooWoo". Can it be that Ronnie found his way to HoHoKam?
Would you rather?
on March 4, 2004 at 1:17 pm
Go dressed to a Cubs game as Steve Bartman?
Have to sit next to the real Ronnie Woo Woo?
Death is not an option?
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 1:18 pm
You can see Ronnie Woo Woo. He’s standing in the aisle about four rows behind home plate.
If only I had a rifle.
Cubbiebluestew
on March 4, 2004 at 1:18 pm
OK. It is Ronnie. I am turning off my radio
Jim Edmond's Mascara
on March 4, 2004 at 1:18 pm
Please reapply me, I’m starting to run
Dan Schulman
on March 4, 2004 at 1:19 pm
"Sosa in midseason form with a diving catch."
Actually, if he was in midseason form, that ball would be rolling around the warning track.
Tom K
on March 4, 2004 at 1:21 pm
My folks are there. I’ll call my dads cell and have Ronnie taken out.. bitch slap that bastard back to the streets
Neifi Perez
on March 4, 2004 at 1:21 pm
Hello! I suck!
Kirk Reuter
on March 4, 2004 at 1:21 pm
Pat, I know I’m a veteran, but since when am I talented?
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 1:23 pm
Todd Walker is number seven this year. In Georgia, Jody Davis just punted his TV…again.
Walker leading off.
Patterson hitting second.
Sosa third.
Just like opening day, right?
Corey Patterson
on March 4, 2004 at 1:25 pm
Just thought I’d do a little yard work.
Tied at one.
Did you notice that was the sixth pitch of my at bat.
Corey Patterson
on March 4, 2004 at 1:25 pm
I’m back.
George, I hope you enjoy paying Kenny Lofton $3 million
Mark Prior's Achilles'
on March 4, 2004 at 1:28 pm
I don’t even hurt. Mark was just tired of reading all that stuff in the paper about how much money Maddux and Wood got.
Oh, and now might be a good time for me to remind you that when he got hurt, Corey Patterson was the best player on the Cubs. He still is.
That is all.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 1:30 pm
Just how creepy was that ESPN Videogames introduction of the Cubs defense?
Shudder.
Len Pasquarelli
on March 4, 2004 at 1:32 pm
The Rams just re-signed Sean Landeta. What, they can’t find a punter born after 1947?
Mark Prior
on March 4, 2004 at 1:33 pm
Hey, Sam Ryan! You’re hot! Especially since your’e all wet. Hubba hubba.
I can show you my Achilles if you want to see it. I think it’s right here in my pants.
CT
on March 4, 2004 at 1:35 pm
Actually, I always pictured Jody shooting his TV, like Elvis. Must be a redneck thing.
Jody Davis
on March 4, 2004 at 1:37 pm
The least they could have done was invite me to spring training. I could have stolen a roster spot from Bako or Barrett. I KNOW this pitching staff. I’ve caught Maddux before.
Baseball Primer Nitwits
on March 4, 2004 at 1:39 pm
Matt Clement had a pitch limit of 35 and Dusty let him blow right past it.
Matt Clement
on March 4, 2004 at 1:39 pm
I don’t catch, or chase pop ups.
3-1 Giants.
Radio Listener
on March 4, 2004 at 1:40 pm
OK. I want to see this Sam Ryan chick. I am stuck in my office with the radio on. Can’t see her through my radio and can’t find her anywhere on the net…
Sam Ryan
on March 4, 2004 at 1:41 pm
Radio Listener, search for "Samantha Ryan ESPN" in your friendly, neighborhood search engine.
TW
on March 4, 2004 at 1:43 pm
I looked to. There are some not so pretty results.
Sam Ryan
on March 4, 2004 at 1:47 pm
Here I am!
OK, maybe not.
Rick Sutcliffe
on March 4, 2004 at 1:49 pm
Stay tuned! I’m going to give you my thoughts on the steroid problems in baseball!
They had steroids when I played and I used to wash them down with a Connie’s Pizza and quarter barrell of Old Style. All I got was fat.
And injured.
But Barry Rozner still loves me, anyway.
Carlos Zambrano
on March 4, 2004 at 1:51 pm
I want to go out there and kill the Giants! And the rain! And..no, that’s it.
Why am I jumping up and down on the mound? I’m all kinds of excitable, aren’t I?
Steve Stone
on March 4, 2004 at 1:53 pm
Carlos Zambrano just knocked down another chopper with his bare hand. He does that a lot. Does he forget he’s wearing a glove on the other hand?
One of these days he’s going to break a finger and for you kids at home, that hurts.
Dan Shulman
on March 4, 2004 at 1:53 pm
"Michael Tucker stands in now for the Giants. The Kansas City Royals have made some nice moves this year."
Yeah, like getting rid of Michael Tucker.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 1:57 pm
My buddy Carlos with an easy 1-2-3 inning. He also fielded a chopper with his bare hand.
Sutcliffe’s steroid babbling was incohere, incomprehensible and interminable. Just like everything else he says.
Yikes, Dustin Hermanson? Really?
Carlos is batting lefty against him, and just got hit in the leg.
Big Z will lead the Cactus League in bruises.
I hope he drills Hermanson when he comes up.
Kirk Rueter to Sam Ryan
on March 4, 2004 at 1:58 pm
My rotator cuff feels fine. But something else is tingling right now.
Man, you are hot.
Jeff Kent
on March 4, 2004 at 2:06 pm
I mean, how do we know Paul Bunyan wasn’t on steroids? Keep going back, that Samson guy from the Bible…. Just because some guys broke records their on steroids?
Lonnie Woo Woo
on March 4, 2004 at 2:06 pm
I’m Ronnie’s brother I’m stuck washing his windows without a radio on TV. Please keep me filled in on the game. Damn it’s sucks being poor!!
Dumbass Cubs Fan Behind Home Plate with a Flag
on March 4, 2004 at 2:07 pm
Shoot me dead.
Jeff Kent
on March 4, 2004 at 2:07 pm
I know "their" from "they’re". Really. And I broke my wrist washing my truck.
Todd Hollandsworth's curly mullett
on March 4, 2004 at 2:07 pm
How do you guys like me?
I make Todd look like Steve Buchele!
The Real Jeff Kent
on March 4, 2004 at 2:08 pm
Everybody knows I broke my wrist when I fell down while masturbating.
Jeff Kent's Moustache
on March 4, 2004 at 2:08 pm
Anyone up for a ride?
Todd Walker's defensive range
on March 4, 2004 at 2:08 pm
I do not exist. Yikes.
Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Craig Biggio
on March 4, 2004 at 2:09 pm
We’ll draw straws to see who goes first, Jeff!
Rick Sutcliffe
on March 4, 2004 at 2:11 pm
It’s true, I can’t tell Carlos Zambrano’s leg from his arm.
Wow, I’m a dumbass.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 2:13 pm
I’m big on forgiving and forgetting.
I’ll never forgive Steve Bartman, and I’ll never forget it.
I don’t blame him for the Cubs not winning the pennant, but he is the poster boy for dumbassed fans who think they’re part of the game.
Samantha Ryan
on March 4, 2004 at 2:26 pm
Dave B
on March 4, 2004 at 2:27 pm
Dittos, Andy.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 2:30 pm
That’s Jimmy Anderson? Where’s the rest of him? He must have lost 40 pounds!
Quick, somebody tell Murph so he can accuse Jimmy of being on the ‘roids.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 2:31 pm
Who is Scott McClain and why is he on my first base?
Jimmy Anderson
on March 4, 2004 at 2:32 pm
They stopped making cream-filled ‘roids. Looked what happened.
Santo
on March 4, 2004 at 2:41 pm
Did I really just say, "I like the way bako runs, he’s quick"
Santo
on March 4, 2004 at 2:43 pm
I meant to say,"Neslte Quick gives me the runs."
Santo
on March 4, 2004 at 2:44 pm
I fall into the trap of comparing everyone else’s speed to mine. Next to me, they’re all quick.
Terrell Owens
on March 4, 2004 at 2:46 pm
Hi, I just got traded to the Ravens for a 2nd round pick.
49ers
on March 4, 2004 at 2:47 pm
2nd Round Pick…boy did we botch that!
NFL guy
on March 4, 2004 at 2:49 pm
A second rounder for TO isn’t that bad. The Niners wanted him off the cap and were going to let him go as a free agent until his agent screwed up and lost his free agency. So they end up with an extra pick for a guy they were going to let go away, anyway.
Jeffrey Hammonds
on March 4, 2004 at 2:50 pm
Man I get to come into the game after Michael Tucker. This team sucks.
Matt Herges is in; probably hung over after celebrating the Illini win, right BC?
The Great Derek Jeter
on March 4, 2004 at 2:52 pm
Did I hear my name?
TW
on March 4, 2004 at 2:53 pm
Pat just called Derek Jeter "The Great" Derek Jeter.
Excuse me while I stab myself in the ear with my pen…
Marcus Robinson
on March 4, 2004 at 2:55 pm
I’m sure TO and I will get along famously.
andy f
on March 4, 2004 at 2:55 pm
the best part was ron asking if nomar was as good defensively as jeter.
Mike Brown
on March 4, 2004 at 2:57 pm
Hey, Marcus,
Remember when Jeff Garcia’s first pass of overtime was to Terrell Owens, but went off his shoulder pads and into my hands?
That was AWESOME.
Jeff Garcia
on March 4, 2004 at 3:00 pm
Maybe I’ll sign with the Ravens now! I’ll forget that TO laughed when somebody referred to me as "the gay burn victim."
Rick Sutcliffe
on March 4, 2004 at 3:01 pm
Did I just say that the Giants turned their franchise around when "they moved their ballpark downtown?"
Did they pick it up and carry it down there?
Moran.
Mike D.
on March 4, 2004 at 3:03 pm
Rick Sutcliffe just called himself a moran.
Moran.
Jack McKeon
on March 4, 2004 at 3:04 pm
Anyone catch us squeak past the ‘Canes yesterday?
I think this shows we have a good chance of winning the East this year.
Francis Beltran was MVP of the Carribbean World Series.
He will not be the MVP of this game.
Jeffrey Hammonds’ rotting corpse just went deep for a granny off of him. 8-1 Giants.
Dr. Nick Riviera
on March 4, 2004 at 3:08 pm
Trey Lunsford sounds like the results of a failed cancer screening to me.
"Sorry, I have bad news. You have the Trey Lunsford."
Rick Sutcliffe
on March 4, 2004 at 3:09 pm
"When you walk a guy, it’s all about that first pitch."
Uh…don’t you have to throw at least four to walk somebody?
Isolated at work
on March 4, 2004 at 3:10 pm
I can’t even listen to or watch it, and Sutcliffe still irritates me.
TW
on March 4, 2004 at 3:14 pm
Did anyone catch this at the Oscars?
Seperated at birth: and
B.C.
on March 4, 2004 at 3:16 pm
Just back from my classes this afternoon. Nice to see the boys in blue back in action. I guess Dusty wants to see how the kids perform now because they’ll never see action under him in Chicago…
Everybody seems happier in Champaign-Urbana today, although it is raining cats and dogs (No, not literally) out there right now. I guess that means Jim Edmonds will be taking some of the raindrops to his "special" room later tonight now that I said the word "dogs" relating it to raindrops. Or something.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 3:16 pm
I had no idea that Jimmy Carter looked so much like Mickey Rooney.
Peterbilt
on March 4, 2004 at 3:17 pm
How is that all of our offense has consisted of one homer from Corey?
Chip Carey
on March 4, 2004 at 3:18 pm
The Hawk is out!
Andre Dawson
on March 4, 2004 at 3:19 pm
Yo.
Rick Sutcliffe on LaTroy Hawkins
on March 4, 2004 at 3:19 pm
"When you talk to anybody about him, the first thing they say is ‘gas.’"
Because you know, he farts a lot.
TW
on March 4, 2004 at 3:21 pm
Domo irrigato Tony Torcato.
Fade to black
on March 4, 2004 at 3:22 pm
Hello…ESPN…hello.
Is Ho Ho Kam under terrorist attack?
Mike Murphy
on March 4, 2004 at 3:23 pm
I can hardly wait until my show tomorrow, you better believe I’m going to be in full ass-clown panic mode. The Cubs have got to fire Hendry and Baker, blow this team up and start over!
Chris Patton
on March 4, 2004 at 3:25 pm
I never thought I would say this, but if Murph is going to be in full ass-Clown panic mode, maybe they should carry the Mike North radiothon over until tomorrow morning at 10 AM. Then Larry Horse can take over.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 3:26 pm
Sutcliffe on the Cubs attendance last year, "They almost drew three million fans in that little 38,000 seat ballpark."
Shulman: "That’s putting them in every nook and cranny."
Jim Edmonds: "Ooh, I can’t wait to play in Wrigley."
LaTroy Hawkins
on March 4, 2004 at 3:27 pm
"The media wants to make it a big…bad…bad…bad…they want to make it a big…bad situation."
Huh?
Oh, and Paul Bako is just as bad as ever.
Damian Miller
on March 4, 2004 at 3:35 pm
At baseballreference.com, the most similar player to Bako is Greg Olson. And that’s not the pitcher with 2 G’s, although I would imagine they would hit about the same. Steve Lake is on the list also.
Mike Murphy
on March 4, 2004 at 3:37 pm
Ross Gload is tearing up White Sox camp? How could Hendry have let him go? Fire him!!!!
Oh, yeah, he’s facing Sox pitching. Never mind.
Chris Patton
on March 4, 2004 at 3:39 pm
What’s the over/under on number of days into Ravens training camp before Ray Lewis attempts to murder Terrell Owens?
Paul Bako
on March 4, 2004 at 3:39 pm
The player most similar to Miller is Ramon Hernandez. Also on the list is Brook Fordyce, Ben Molina and Joe Gargiola.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. At least I run fast. Ron says so.
Andy
on March 4, 2004 at 3:40 pm
Nice shot of the guy spitting into his Miller Lite bottle.
Ronnie Woo Woo looks tired and he’s sitting right behind home plate. Perhaps a foul ball will squeeze its way through the screen and into his temple?
Ryne Sandberg
on March 4, 2004 at 3:41 pm
Ain’t this fun! I love Spring Training! By the way, we won something like 2 games in Arizona in 1984.
Ron Santo
on March 4, 2004 at 3:42 pm
I’m going to ignore the fact that every guy on my "similar hitter’s list" won’t make the Hall of Fame.
Similar Batters
Dale Murphy (875)
Ken Boyer (875)
Gary Gaetti (875)
Bobby Bonilla (868)
Brian Downing (866)
Graig Nettles (861)
Chili Davis (856)
Ron Cey (853)
George Foster (840)
Don Baylor (839)
1984 Cubs Spring Training
on March 4, 2004 at 3:43 pm
5-18
ouch.
2003 Spring Training
on March 4, 2004 at 3:44 pm
Anyone have any idea of my record?
Calvin Murray
on March 4, 2004 at 3:47 pm
Thank God for Dusty Baker. Last year, Goodwin showed up. Now, me. I can’t wait until I see Stan Javier, Darryl Hamilton and Marvin Benard.
TW
on March 4, 2004 at 3:48 pm
800’s isn’t that close Ron. It’s like comparing Barry Bonds to Barry Bonds of 1993.
Harry Caray
on March 4, 2004 at 3:50 pm
Seven runs to win!
Six runs to tie!
Tom Goodwin
on March 4, 2004 at 3:50 pm
I’m like the Candyman! You say my name and I show up with a two run double!
Here come the Cubs! 9-3 in the ninth, runners at first and second. No out.
Wait, Jose Macias is up. One out.
Rick Sutcliffe
on March 4, 2004 at 3:54 pm
I just said I like "Dream Job" and Stu Scott.
I need to be stopped. Please, somebody set my microphone, or beard, on fire.
andy
on March 4, 2004 at 3:55 pm
It’s official, the Cubs can’t serve beer at Ho Ho Kam anymore. They lost the opener.
Oh, I kill me.
Tony Gwynn
on March 4, 2004 at 3:55 pm
Rick,
Remember when Jim Frey left you in too long in Game 5?
That was AWESOME.
Jimmy Anderson
on March 4, 2004 at 4:02 pm
Hey Tony:
I lost the conditioning program you sent me last year. Can you send it again?
Idiot Sox Fan
on March 4, 2004 at 4:10 pm
Ha Ha, Cubs suck! You’ve got more spring losses than us!
Gary Matthews and Bob Dernier
on March 4, 2004 at 4:13 pm
Of course the ’84 team had a lousy spring, the Cubs didn’t trade for us until 4 days before Opening Day!
Porfi Altamirano
on March 4, 2004 at 4:29 pm
Didn’t I come over in that trade, too?
Johnny
on March 4, 2004 at 5:31 pm
How in the heck did McClain get invited to camp? I thought they were supposed to cross the dead guys off the list.
Looks like a wet afternoon in the Valley of the sun!
We’re about to start, and where is everyone?
Looks like words are really raining down. Thanks Tom.
Tom, I think your brother’s parole board just pulled your image.
Sorry for the technical difficulties, we’re back. And Sam Ryan just called Edgardo Alfonso, "Fonzie."
And, Sam Ryan is superhot.
And, a girl.
Mark this commment for October! It all begins this afternoon!
Sam is a girl. And not only is she a girl – she’s superhot.
I hate the traffic on the Sam Ryan…
I’m bitching that it’s dangerous for the players to be playing in this slop today, and the only reason the game didn’t get rained out is because it’s on ESPN. I apparently did have my irony chip installed.
Damn….There goes the no-no…
Hey, these seats are great!
Hey, I forgot, whenever I get rocked my groin starts to hurt…
…
…
oww!
OK, I’m going to get pounded today. Is that OK?
Does Sam Ryan have a dog? Or Rick Sutcliffe?
I’m (woo) freeloading (woo) at (woo) the (woo) game (woo)! Anybody (woo) want (woo) me (woo) to (woo) clean (woo) their (woo) windows? (woo?)
Jimmy, baby! I should have traded for you when I had the chance.
I’ll pound you, Matty.
Who is Ronnie Woo Woo trying to distract? I’m sure he thinks it’s Barry, but I’d think a large, toothless, moron jumping up and down in full uniform, right behind home plate could distract a pitcher.
Also some fat guy on a cell phone just stopped to shake Ronnie’s hand and Ronnie recoiled in terror like the guy was going to beat his ass.
If only…
Don’t worry, Marge, honey. I got custody of Schottzie IV. Or make that Schottzie XCIX.
Woof, woof, indeed.
Jim,
I think 69 is CXIX.
I am listening to the Gint’s station, KNBR. During the pre-game show I heard someone in the stands going "WooWoo". Can it be that Ronnie found his way to HoHoKam?
Go dressed to a Cubs game as Steve Bartman?
Have to sit next to the real Ronnie Woo Woo?
Death is not an option?
You can see Ronnie Woo Woo. He’s standing in the aisle about four rows behind home plate.
If only I had a rifle.
OK. It is Ronnie. I am turning off my radio
Please reapply me, I’m starting to run
"Sosa in midseason form with a diving catch."
Actually, if he was in midseason form, that ball would be rolling around the warning track.
My folks are there. I’ll call my dads cell and have Ronnie taken out.. bitch slap that bastard back to the streets
Hello! I suck!
Pat, I know I’m a veteran, but since when am I talented?
Todd Walker is number seven this year. In Georgia, Jody Davis just punted his TV…again.
Walker leading off.
Patterson hitting second.
Sosa third.
Just like opening day, right?
Just thought I’d do a little yard work.
Tied at one.
Did you notice that was the sixth pitch of my at bat.
I’m back.
George, I hope you enjoy paying Kenny Lofton $3 million
I don’t even hurt. Mark was just tired of reading all that stuff in the paper about how much money Maddux and Wood got.
Oh, and now might be a good time for me to remind you that when he got hurt, Corey Patterson was the best player on the Cubs. He still is.
That is all.
Just how creepy was that ESPN Videogames introduction of the Cubs defense?
Shudder.
The Rams just re-signed Sean Landeta. What, they can’t find a punter born after 1947?
Hey, Sam Ryan! You’re hot! Especially since your’e all wet. Hubba hubba.
I can show you my Achilles if you want to see it. I think it’s right here in my pants.
Actually, I always pictured Jody shooting his TV, like Elvis. Must be a redneck thing.
The least they could have done was invite me to spring training. I could have stolen a roster spot from Bako or Barrett. I KNOW this pitching staff. I’ve caught Maddux before.
Matt Clement had a pitch limit of 35 and Dusty let him blow right past it.
I don’t catch, or chase pop ups.
3-1 Giants.
OK. I want to see this Sam Ryan chick. I am stuck in my office with the radio on. Can’t see her through my radio and can’t find her anywhere on the net…
Radio Listener, search for "Samantha Ryan ESPN" in your friendly, neighborhood search engine.
I looked to. There are some not so pretty results.
Here I am!
![]("http://www.psu.edu/ur/presspass/images/Donaldson_Sam.jpg"/)
OK, maybe not.
Stay tuned! I’m going to give you my thoughts on the steroid problems in baseball!
They had steroids when I played and I used to wash them down with a Connie’s Pizza and quarter barrell of Old Style. All I got was fat.
And injured.
But Barry Rozner still loves me, anyway.
I want to go out there and kill the Giants! And the rain! And..no, that’s it.
Why am I jumping up and down on the mound? I’m all kinds of excitable, aren’t I?
Carlos Zambrano just knocked down another chopper with his bare hand. He does that a lot. Does he forget he’s wearing a glove on the other hand?
One of these days he’s going to break a finger and for you kids at home, that hurts.
"Michael Tucker stands in now for the Giants. The Kansas City Royals have made some nice moves this year."
Yeah, like getting rid of Michael Tucker.
My buddy Carlos with an easy 1-2-3 inning. He also fielded a chopper with his bare hand.
Sutcliffe’s steroid babbling was incohere, incomprehensible and interminable. Just like everything else he says.
Yikes, Dustin Hermanson? Really?
Carlos is batting lefty against him, and just got hit in the leg.
Big Z will lead the Cactus League in bruises.
I hope he drills Hermanson when he comes up.
My rotator cuff feels fine. But something else is tingling right now.
Man, you are hot.
I mean, how do we know Paul Bunyan wasn’t on steroids? Keep going back, that Samson guy from the Bible…. Just because some guys broke records their on steroids?
I’m Ronnie’s brother I’m stuck washing his windows without a radio on TV. Please keep me filled in on the game. Damn it’s sucks being poor!!
Shoot me dead.
I know "their" from "they’re". Really. And I broke my wrist washing my truck.
How do you guys like me?
I make Todd look like Steve Buchele!
Everybody knows I broke my wrist when I fell down while masturbating.
Anyone up for a ride?
I do not exist. Yikes.
We’ll draw straws to see who goes first, Jeff!
It’s true, I can’t tell Carlos Zambrano’s leg from his arm.
Wow, I’m a dumbass.
I’m big on forgiving and forgetting.
I’ll never forgive Steve Bartman, and I’ll never forget it.
I don’t blame him for the Cubs not winning the pennant, but he is the poster boy for dumbassed fans who think they’re part of the game.
Dittos, Andy.
That’s Jimmy Anderson? Where’s the rest of him? He must have lost 40 pounds!
Quick, somebody tell Murph so he can accuse Jimmy of being on the ‘roids.
Who is Scott McClain and why is he on my first base?
They stopped making cream-filled ‘roids. Looked what happened.
Did I really just say, "I like the way bako runs, he’s quick"
I meant to say,"Neslte Quick gives me the runs."
I fall into the trap of comparing everyone else’s speed to mine. Next to me, they’re all quick.
Hi, I just got traded to the Ravens for a 2nd round pick.
2nd Round Pick…boy did we botch that!
A second rounder for TO isn’t that bad. The Niners wanted him off the cap and were going to let him go as a free agent until his agent screwed up and lost his free agency. So they end up with an extra pick for a guy they were going to let go away, anyway.
Man I get to come into the game after Michael Tucker. This team sucks.
Matt Herges is in; probably hung over after celebrating the Illini win, right BC?
Did I hear my name?
Pat just called Derek Jeter "The Great" Derek Jeter.
Excuse me while I stab myself in the ear with my pen…
I’m sure TO and I will get along famously.
the best part was ron asking if nomar was as good defensively as jeter.
Hey, Marcus,
Remember when Jeff Garcia’s first pass of overtime was to Terrell Owens, but went off his shoulder pads and into my hands?
That was AWESOME.
Maybe I’ll sign with the Ravens now! I’ll forget that TO laughed when somebody referred to me as "the gay burn victim."
Did I just say that the Giants turned their franchise around when "they moved their ballpark downtown?"
Did they pick it up and carry it down there?
Moran.
Rick Sutcliffe just called himself a moran.
Moran.
Anyone catch us squeak past the ‘Canes yesterday?
I think this shows we have a good chance of winning the East this year.
The Big East
Did somebody call for me?
Not so fast, Jack.
Notre Dame Baseball
Oh well. Des Moines is beautiful in the summer.
Francis Beltran was MVP of the Carribbean World Series.
He will not be the MVP of this game.
Jeffrey Hammonds’ rotting corpse just went deep for a granny off of him. 8-1 Giants.
Trey Lunsford sounds like the results of a failed cancer screening to me.
"Sorry, I have bad news. You have the Trey Lunsford."
"When you walk a guy, it’s all about that first pitch."
Uh…don’t you have to throw at least four to walk somebody?
I can’t even listen to or watch it, and Sutcliffe still irritates me.
Did anyone catch this at the Oscars?
Seperated at birth:
and 
Just back from my classes this afternoon. Nice to see the boys in blue back in action. I guess Dusty wants to see how the kids perform now because they’ll never see action under him in Chicago…
Everybody seems happier in Champaign-Urbana today, although it is raining cats and dogs (No, not literally) out there right now. I guess that means Jim Edmonds will be taking some of the raindrops to his "special" room later tonight now that I said the word "dogs" relating it to raindrops. Or something.
I had no idea that Jimmy Carter looked so much like Mickey Rooney.
How is that all of our offense has consisted of one homer from Corey?
The Hawk is out!
Yo.
"When you talk to anybody about him, the first thing they say is ‘gas.’"
Because you know, he farts a lot.
Domo irrigato Tony Torcato.
Hello…ESPN…hello.
Is Ho Ho Kam under terrorist attack?
I can hardly wait until my show tomorrow, you better believe I’m going to be in full ass-clown panic mode. The Cubs have got to fire Hendry and Baker, blow this team up and start over!
I never thought I would say this, but if Murph is going to be in full ass-Clown panic mode, maybe they should carry the Mike North radiothon over until tomorrow morning at 10 AM. Then Larry Horse can take over.
Sutcliffe on the Cubs attendance last year, "They almost drew three million fans in that little 38,000 seat ballpark."
Shulman: "That’s putting them in every nook and cranny."
Jim Edmonds: "Ooh, I can’t wait to play in Wrigley."
"The media wants to make it a big…bad…bad…bad…they want to make it a big…bad situation."
Huh?
Oh, and Paul Bako is just as bad as ever.
At baseballreference.com, the most similar player to Bako is Greg Olson. And that’s not the pitcher with 2 G’s, although I would imagine they would hit about the same. Steve Lake is on the list also.
Ross Gload is tearing up White Sox camp? How could Hendry have let him go? Fire him!!!!
Oh, yeah, he’s facing Sox pitching. Never mind.
What’s the over/under on number of days into Ravens training camp before Ray Lewis attempts to murder Terrell Owens?
The player most similar to Miller is Ramon Hernandez. Also on the list is Brook Fordyce, Ben Molina and Joe Gargiola.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. At least I run fast. Ron says so.
Nice shot of the guy spitting into his Miller Lite bottle.
Ronnie Woo Woo looks tired and he’s sitting right behind home plate. Perhaps a foul ball will squeeze its way through the screen and into his temple?
Ain’t this fun! I love Spring Training! By the way, we won something like 2 games in Arizona in 1984.
I’m going to ignore the fact that every guy on my "similar hitter’s list" won’t make the Hall of Fame.
Similar Batters
Dale Murphy (875)
Ken Boyer (875)
Gary Gaetti (875)
Bobby Bonilla (868)
Brian Downing (866)
Graig Nettles (861)
Chili Davis (856)
Ron Cey (853)
George Foster (840)
Don Baylor (839)
5-18
ouch.
Anyone have any idea of my record?
Thank God for Dusty Baker. Last year, Goodwin showed up. Now, me. I can’t wait until I see Stan Javier, Darryl Hamilton and Marvin Benard.
800’s isn’t that close Ron. It’s like comparing Barry Bonds to Barry Bonds of 1993.
Seven runs to win!
Six runs to tie!
I’m like the Candyman! You say my name and I show up with a two run double!
Here come the Cubs! 9-3 in the ninth, runners at first and second. No out.
Wait, Jose Macias is up. One out.
I just said I like "Dream Job" and Stu Scott.
I need to be stopped. Please, somebody set my microphone, or beard, on fire.
It’s official, the Cubs can’t serve beer at Ho Ho Kam anymore. They lost the opener.
Oh, I kill me.
Rick,
Remember when Jim Frey left you in too long in Game 5?
That was AWESOME.
Hey Tony:
I lost the conditioning program you sent me last year. Can you send it again?
Ha Ha, Cubs suck! You’ve got more spring losses than us!
Of course the ’84 team had a lousy spring, the Cubs didn’t trade for us until 4 days before Opening Day!
Didn’t I come over in that trade, too?
How in the heck did McClain get invited to camp? I thought they were supposed to cross the dead guys off the list.
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