The winter was long, and mostly, it sucked. When the last memory of your favorite baseball team’s season includes a punchless catcher hitting a meek fly ball to left field while a 10 year old baseball team celebrates another pennant…well, that’ll ruin a winter.
Today, the Cubs, a team five outs from that pennant we all want so badly, take the field to start it up again. Few question whether or not they have the talent to hoist the pennant. But those things aren’t won on talent alone. You have to have a little luck.
The Cubs have had lots of luck the past 96 years.
Most of it, bad.
So we forgive you if you close your eyes and picture a limping Mark Prior. But just remember this. No great story was ever written in which the heroes didn’t have to overcome an obstacle or two.
Don’t think of The Franchise’s injury as an omen. Think of it as a plot device.
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Yesterday, ESPN Classic showed both the fifth game of the Braves series and the sixth game of the Marlins series. I watched most of the Braves game, and very little of the Marlins one. There are just some things you don’t need to relive. The misadventures of Steve Bartman and Alex Gonzalez are ones I’d just as soon pretend didn’t happen.
But hey, it’s not like anybody got it on video or anything.
Right?
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I don’t pretend to be a college basketball historian, but I can’t remember two more exciting semi-final games in any Final Four, than the ones we had Saturday night in San Antonio.
It didn’t hurt that the two teams I was pulling for, Georgia Tech and UConn both won, of course.
Didn’t it look like Georgia Tech guard Will Bynum spent the first 39:56 trying to lose the game and the last four seconds winning it?
Who knew that Charlie Villanueva wasn’t just freaky looking (we DID know that) but that he’s completely hairless? No wonder Bill Self wanted him.
Duke fans can piss and moan all they want about going the last four minutes (well, until Chris Duhon’s point-spread-breaking-half-court-shot) scoreless, but if not for the phantom second foul on Emeka Okafor, they might not have been within 15 points of UConn at all.
Billy Packer said he loves John Lucas III because even though he has bad first-halfs he comes through in the clutch. Hey, Billy, maybe if he didn’t play so poorly in the first half of games, he wouldn’t need to be so clutch at the end of them? Hmm?
Does your dog bark uncontrollably whenever Greg Gumbel’s hairpiece appears on the TV?
Based on the NCAAs, JJ Redick reminds me of every other white guy who can shoot. Once he dribbles, it’s over…for him.
What is with Coach K designating Chris Collins to be the halftime spokesman? Or did little Chris volunteer to do it just to slip Bonnie Bernstein the digits?
I think every dunk contest for the next ten years has to include Is’mail Muhammad.
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On Saturday, I caught a little Marlins-Mets spring training action on TV and Al Leiter got hit in the head with a line drive. The announcer said, “You hate to see something like this happen so late in spring training.”
So late? You mean, it’s OK to get skulled by a liner in late February?
Honestly, I think it was just the baseball gods getting Al back for his Fox broadcasting exploits last fall.
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Today, at 1 p.m., we get things cranked up with our first Desipio GameCast of the Cubs season. Be there, and bring your a-game, after all, starting today (or last night, or last Tuesday or whenever this dumbassed season started) it counts.
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Phil Rogers curses both Chicago baseball teams. Thanks, nitwit.
Expectations have never been higher for the Cubs. So what? They’re good. They need to play like it. How tough is that?
Kerry likes being the favorite. So there.
The Sox open in KC…again. That can’t be good.
Rick Morrissey says the Cubs better win without Prior or else. Wow, does anybody actually care what Rick says about anything?
Groucho says lots of stars “could” be traded. Big whup.
Dusty’s the man.
LaTroy is already stirring things up for the Cubs.
Peter Gammons goes nuts and picks the Cubs to win the World Series. And, unless I’m drugged, I could swear that in the last 12 hours I’ve seen him on TV playing guitar with George Thorogood and bartending to himself. Yikes.
Jayson Stark wonders what will happen if the Red Sox finally win it.
Milton Bradley is off to the NL. That ought to fire up the fantasy leagues.
HBO, which has a new great show in Deadwood is going to do on on Rome for next year.
America’s finest news source with a Charlotte man who just changed his position on stem cell research.
Just wanted to apologize to Jake for postponing Mike K’s celebration of his for all-time tournament wins record. I didn’t mean to outcoach him.
Dusty’s pre-season opening speech:
Dusty: Repeat after me: I…
Men: I…
Dusty: …your name…
Men: …your name…
Dusty: [to himself] Shmucks.
[aloud] … do pledge allegiance…
Men: …do pledge allegiance…
Dusty: …to Dusty Baker…
Men: …to Crusty Baker…
Dusty: That’s *Dusty*.
Men: That’s Dusty.
Dusty: Men! You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain nomination for the Manager of the Year.
Now go do that Voodoo that you do so well!
Hey, how’d you like my leadership the last four minutes! Nobody protects an eight-point lead like me!
But hey, if you had Duke to cover, I was the man at the end!
That speech seems awful familiar…
Dangnabbit! I said Sosa is near!
Excuse me while I whip this out…
AAUUGGH!!!!!
Mongo like Sheriff Bart.
How can I get my pen back in its holder without my secretary to think about? Oh yeah! I’ll just think of Moran Guy and Albert Pujoles’ poo-hole!
That was a very good suggestion.
You go back to town and get a shitload of dimes!
I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Jim Calhoun is smarter, better-looking, less profane, a better motivator, a more skilled/generous lover and a grander grandfather than Mike Krzyzewski.
With Ewing and Redick a combined 6 of 24 shooting—the Blue Devils were lucky to even be in the game. Praise be to Shavlik Randolph—–next year try showing up before April!
I can’t complain about Duhon’s game or his career. Would have much rather seen him driving the lane late than Redick… Just another dumb coaching move.
Andy, high-pitched Collins’ has been handling half-time duties for K during the entire tournament. The last couple of years it was Dawkins, and before that it was Snyder. I’m completely fine with my head coach leaving the halftime media duties to others, and am not sure why others don’t do the same… (see: ego)
But seriously—–can we put the "Duke gets all the calls" talk to bed for a while???
Go Tech!
Jake’s rooting for Tech?
Go Huskies!
Thanks for the kind words, Jake … oh, except the last thing.
Hop the bandwagon, feel pleased that you were eliminated by the eventual champion, and tell the young men at Duke to keep on flopping next year.
Yesterday showed my genius and why I’m in the Hall of Fame. Oh wait-
That will truly be a shining moment tonight when the winning team is denied the trophy because their coach isn’t a Hall of Famer. Stupid rule changes.
Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. That’s the sound of Calhoun working on his HOF induction speech.
Hey – where the white women at?
One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It is simply too painful to acknowledge – even to ourselves – that we’ve been so credulous. by texas hold’em