The Chicago Cubs are on the air!
Today it’s Kerry Wood v. Cory Lidle and the best news…the Cubs aren’t wearing those stupid blue jerseys.
Today’s lineup for the Cubs:
1. Mark Grudzielanek, 2b
2. Corey Patterson, cf
3. Sammy Sosa, rf
4. Moises Alou, lf (why?)
5. E-ramis Ramirez, 3b
6. Derrek Lee, 1b
7. Michael Barrett, c
8. Alex Gonzalez, ss
9. Kerry Lee Wood, p
For the pansy Reds:
1. D’Angelo Jiminez, 2b
2. Barry Larkin, ss
3. Sean Casey, 1b
4. Austin Kearns, rf
5. Adam Dunn, lf
6. Jason LaRue, c
7. Ryan Freel, cf
8. Juan Castro, 3b
9. Cory Lidle, p
The game is being televised by Fox Sports Chicago and ESPN, on the radio on WGN and you can watch the play-by-play at cubs.com
Nick Lachey just sang the national anthem, and Jessica is no where to be seen. Why?
Oh, and Dick Cheney will throw out the first pitch, so apparently "the bunker" is located in northern Kentucky.
The bunker is actually located in Chip Caray’s unibrow.
Mitch Robinson is reporting live from the Cubs dugout (on tape), and apparently he didn’t get the memo that "the wet look" went out about 19 years ago.
Gail Fisher is resplendent in red and black, apparently, like Chip she doesn’t have brains enough to not dress like the opponent.
Billionaire dumbass Carl Linder just handed the ball to the Veep for the first pitch. Cheney threw it from a good ten feet in front of the mound.
Not exactly "Big Time" if you ask me.
In case you’ve forgotten what this year is, well, we have this handy banner for you.
![]("https://www.desipio.com/images/2004-cubs.jpg"/)
Steve Stone has a Cubs patch sewn on his Fonzie jacket, and appropriately, Chip is dressed like Potsi Weber.
Funny, Andy.
I have to go. We’ve just directed the Department of Justice to converge of Durand, Ill. and dismantle a terror cell operated by an Andrew Dolan and a Karry Ling.
Hey, I’m hurt, so I’m not playing!
Rumors abound that this is Chip’s last opening day as a Cub, I think that’s an idea we can all get behind.
My dad asked me who the Cubs would get to replace him. I’m not sure what trained chimps are going for these days, but I’ll bet the Tribune Company can afford one.
Hey Andy, is there a direct link to the pbp?
You really think Chip is going to be gone?
Grudzie will lead it off.
Chipster is excellent. I can’t think of anyone who would campaign for his job.
The Cubs don’t have enough sense to not invite me back. Right?
Karry, you’re at Great America in Gurnee. Ask Rob Goldman for directions to Cincinnati. He’s probably trolling the junior high parking lots for dates.
Gruddy grounds to third to start the season.
Drew, you ought to be able to get the pbp right off the front of cubs.com.
Corey Patterson homers to deeeeeeep right field to make it 1-0 Cubs.
This just in: Corey’s good.
Atta boy Corey! Welcome back!
Pat Hughes gave one of the goofiest delayed HR calls just now as well…
Nice job, Corey.
Over on baseballprimer.com I’m sure they’re bitching that he didn’t take more pitches before the homer.
Sammy pops to second.
Chip should be ready to bitch that Corey didn’t get to "test his knee" by jogging around the bases.
Mo flies to left.
But after half an inning, it’s Corey Patterson 1, the Reds coming to bat.
Hooray for Corey!!!
WTF is a Ryan Freel and what is he doing in my Opening Day lineup?
I said on ESPN that Dusty didn’t really want Patterson to hit that home run. Dusty doesn’t want Corey to think he is a home run hitter. I am Satan himself.
In Canada, in the bottom of the fourth it’s Detroit 1, Toronto 0.
The Tigers didn’t score their first run last year until July.
I’m going to hit a homer every at bat this year. Screw Barry Bonds, I’ll catch Hank Aaron by next May.
There goes the no-hitter. Jiminez singles off the bag at second.
Barry Larkin’s rotting corpse is being gurneyed out to home plate.
Is gurneyed a word?
Larkin hits one at the bag (is there a magnet) and Gruddy takes it, forces Jimenez and gets the corpse for the double play.
Two down.
8 ptiches, 2 outs.
Chip,
Stop saying nice things about Sean Casey. You love ME and only ME.
Smooch,
Beege
Sean Casey is Kerry’s first K victim on a nasty knee high heater. Don’t worry Sean, he’s going to get 299 more of those this year.
In Canada, it’s still 1-0 Detroit and man, those Jays uniforms are some ugly crap. Wow.
Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
Top of the second:
E-ramis
D-Lee
Barrett
Steve and Chip are reminiscing about "The Horn". I like him a lot better playing for somebody else.
E-Ramis grounds sharply to third. One out.
Please make Chip shutup.
Lidle hangs up a 72 MPH curve, and Chip says "Good breaking ball."
Huh?
Lee’s first Cubs at bat is a whiff. Nice start. Where’s Hee Seop when you need him?
Steve says the Cubs hope Alex can improve on his .230 average from last year.
Well, he hit .228. And he’s 0-1 this year as he flies to left.
Three up, three down.
After one and a half, Cubs 1, Reds 0.
I’m so glad my guys are aggressive at the plate, none of that taking a pitch waste of time. Way to be aggressive K-Gonz!! Or, something.
Fernando Vina is playing second for the Tigers and Roy Halladay is making him look silly. Always fun.
Alex starts 2004 the way we remembering him finish 2003, by booting an easy grounder. E-6.
This just in–KGonz sucks ass. He picks up where he left off with an error.
When is Jose Macias coming back??
Hey look, K-Gonz made an error.
GAME 6 GAME 6 GAME 6 GAME 6 GAME 6 GAME 6 GAME 6 GAME 6 GAME 6 GAME 6
I would have been fine if Chip hadn’t insisted on calling me "The Horn." It creeped me out, and I couldn’t hit.
meet Alex S. Gonzalez’s face
Steve is babbling about Adam Dunn being developed by the Indians? Huh?
Whoever developed him, he wasn’t ready for strike three. One out.
Come on, make some more fun of Chip. I never get tired of mocking him.
I’ve got Pat and Ron on radio, ESPN providing pictures — no sound because we reject Satan unilaterally — and also the GameCast working here…America is a great, great place…
Jason LaRue is soooooo bad.
Don’t listen to Steve tell you he can hit. He can’t.
Is it a bad thing if we can’t score againt Jason Johnson?
2 DPs, 2 innings
Da Cubs will set the single game record for DP’s today.
LaRue makes two outs with one grounder. He grounded to E-Ramis who made the girliest throw ever to Gruddy at second, but they still turned two.
Chip says Kerry is on "some kind of pitch count."
Desipio has confirmed that Dusty will not use Kerry for more than 197 pitches today.
Screw that E-Ramis, it’s D-Ramis to you Dolan. Aramis has game.
Barrett smashes one to Lidle. Knocks it down and throws him out at first. Give Lidle credit, he’s got a wife and kids to worry about.
One down.
From: K. Wood
To: E-Ramis
cc: Gonzo
Re: Range
Please continue to take everything to your left and turn as many DPs as possible.
Michael Barrett does a really good Damian Miller impression. Ewww.
Hey, do you think I’m going to continute to have to drop out for half-innings at a time to make a stinky this season?
Are you watching teammates? I’m taking some pitches!!!!
I’m glad to see I’m still in effect this year
Kerry’s one of the few pitchers who actually digs in like he expects to get a hit.
Not this time. He grounds to Jimenez, two out.
It’s called IBS, Pat! You’ll have to get used to it.
Do it Corey!!!
Joe Nuxhall is still alive? Really? Yikes.
Really, is there more fun in the world than playing with a beach ball at a sporting event?
I didn’t think so.
Gruddy singles to left with two outs.
Emotional scene before the game in Cincinnati. The Reds took the Nazi flag down in left field, laid it on the field and Schottzie IX took a crap on it.
Kidd, shut up.
Do it Sammy!
Lidle hits Patterson.
The Farns is ready to throw down in the bullpen.
I’m not showing up for Wednesday’s game
That ball very nearly hit Corey in the nuts. Not a good way to start the season.
Passed ball moves Gruddy and Corey up a base.
Lidle walks Sammy, and Moises will bat with the bases loaded.
That shot of Reds pitching coach Don Gullet in the dugout sure looked like Don was weeping.
Whew Close Call!!
Chip: "Alou with two career grand slams would love a base hit."
I think he’d like a base hit, he’d probably love a homer.
Nitwit.
Here’s where I used to make teams pay.
And I still do!
Alou clears the bases with a double to the left field corner, and Sammy scores from first without a throw. Impressive.
Cubs 4, Reds 0.
Whatcha think about my boy!!!
69 is devine!
The Cubs keep bitching to Joe Brinkman about his big strike zone, but the Kerry on the mound and a four run lead, the bigger the better.
Those Bases look Dirty, Why don’t you clean them up Moises.
4-Nil Cubbies
Steve has spent three innings talking about how Kearns has no arm in right, and E-Ramis dumps a two out single in front of him and even Wavin’ Wendell doesn’t send Moises.
Whatever.
Go… Stop… Go… Stop…
Shit! I dunno. Guess for yourself, Moises.
I think FSNC has a bad radar gun. Or Lidle is going back and forth between 65 and 91 MPH fastballs.
Did Chip just say Andre Thornton out loud?
Shut up.
Sorry Wendell, I didn’t see you, a hot dog wrapper blew in front of you.
Lee grounds to short to end the inning, but the Cubs score three times on only two hits in the top of the third.
After two and a half, Cubs 4, Reds 0.
In Toronto, it’s Detroit 4, Jays 0.
Really.
Ryan Freel reaches on a dropped third strike by Barrett. Get used to seeing this…a lot.
Barrett’s a hack behind the plate, and Bako specializes in the dropped third strike as well.
So does that actually count as a strike out? Do I have 298 to go?
Freel steals second. Kerry didn’t give Barrett a good pitch to throw, but Barrett didn’t give a good throw, either.
Yes, Kerry, that’s still a K, and you actually only have 297.
Wood walks the great Juan Castro.
Two on, nobody out.
Lidle sacrifices the runners along, he’s out 5-4.
E-Ramis didn’t double clutch it, either.
Who knew?
Duh Dolan I knew that.
Jimenez singles in front of Patterson. Nice try by Corey, on the dive he lost his sunglasses, his hat and one of his stirrups.
4-1 Reds. Runners at the corners.
That’s an earned run for Kerry because the Freel dropped third strike was ruled a wild pitch. Had it been a passed ball, the run would have been unearned.
Just so you know.
Duh Dolan I knew that.
Gruddy bobbles a possible double play grounder and has to settle for the out at first. A run scores, it’s 4-2.
You know if not for my Michael Barrett fetish, we would have had Pudge Rodriuguez and we’d be batting now.
The Reds have scored two runs???
We are screwed.
Oh, wait, this is the new AND improved Cubs’ offense for 2004, I didn’t see we had four… Of course, I had just assumed we had zero, just like every game played last year.
And Jimmy Anderson would be starting tomorrow.
To: Sean Casey
From: Kerry Wood
I’m Rick James bitch!!!
Casey strikes out, throws his helmet and shows off his Moe Howard haircut.
The Reds cut the lead in half. After three it’s 4-2 Cubs.
Alex grounds out.
But Jim Hendry’s Barrett fetish triples into the corner.
Kerry singles off of Juan Castro and Barrett scores to make it 5-2.
Wood now tied for second on the team with one RBI.
Man, I’m handy with stats, huh?
Michael Barrett just hit a triple.
This might be the year.
Triples, schmiples. Let’s see this Barrett kid handle all those cutters.
Shut up Miller how many triples did you have last year?
Gruddy swings at a pitch in the Reds dugout and there are two out.
Bad.
It sure is cute how I bend over like I’m Mike Mussina every time, isn’t it?
The new grey Cubs jackets aren’t bad. They’re not good, but they’re not bad.
Corey takes a third strike and wonders aloud…why the hell shouldn’t I just swing at everything?
After three and a half, Cubs 5, Reds 2.
It’d be cuter Cory, if you bent over like Andy Clettitte.
Mmm.
I suck. That pitch to Corey was six inches inside. Everyone is right to hate me.
It’s never easy being an Opening Day umpire in Cincy
Bottom 7, DET 7, TOR 0
Kearns loops one in front of Corey and clearly, Corey’s playing to shallow.
Or something.
Hey Chip, there’s really nothing more insightful about baseball prospects than just reading a list of their names.
Kerry walks Dunn. Two on, no out.
WTF is up with the Cubs’ gray jackets?
LaRue takes a third strike.
Hee hee, he had no chance.
Maybe McDonough thought the retro look included the Civil War…Now, we’re the Gray…
Freel with a check swing dribbler to Kerry. Kerry forces Dunn at second. First and third, two out and the great Juan Castro is up.
I like the new jackets.
I’m on Hairoids…how else to explain that mop I’ve got up top these days…
We’re going to replay the Revolutionary War when the Cardinals come to town. Everyone is urged to shoot at anyone wearing a Red Coat…
I was just checking out ESPN GameCast and my client’s picture still has him in his Astro uni.
What is the deal? No digital cameras in Chicago?
Castro files to Alou in left. Steve Bartman is nowhere to be found.
The Reds waste two on and nobody out. After four, Cubs 5, Reds 2.
I’m over here!!
I think my gamecast picture has me wearing a Cubs hat… and a mustache and a pullover Cubs pinstripe jersey
Hey Pedro, I wish I had four hands!
So I could give you four thumbs down!
Kerry’s pitch count implies a 6-inning outing. Same old Kerry. If the kid ever learns to be economical with his pitches…
Sandy Alomar 2-run homer to give the White Sox a 4-0 lead over the Royals…
I need to stop rooting for teams in blue…
It’s Monday, I’m at work—–and everything sucks….
Presented to Kerry Wood
Sammy strikes out to start the fifth.
Sandy Alomar homered for the White Sux. He’s still alive?
Kerry Lee goes six…LaTroy goes two…Regular Joe closes it down…Rinse, repeat as necessary…
The 80s Maddux looks like a B-movie porn star.
Alou sends Kearns to the wall, but he flies out.
Two down.
Ahem. I think you may have ommitted someone from your rotation, punk.
The sad thing is that Lidle may not be able to be the #1 pitcher on my high school’s baseball team…
Which says a lot about the Reds. Or something.
Now I’m just confused.
It was me! I’ve got "mad" power.
E-Ramis grounds out to Larkin, who wheels over in his Rascal, fields it cleanly and fires to first in time.
I’ve got the power to spit when I get "mad."
B-movie p^&n star? No such thing. They are all A-movie p@#n stars.
Just who the hell greenlighted "The Whole Ten Yards"? The only reason anybody watched "The Whole Nine Yards" was because Amanda Peet got naked. We don’t need a new movie, that’s why God invented DVD.
Can someone fill me on on why the Sox are on WGN Opening Day?
I enjoy swinging.
Wily Mo Pena strikes out on a pitch that Kerry nearly threw into the upper deck.
He’s Wily No Pena.
Cory Lidle’s gone. We’re going to miss him.
I own Kerry Wood.
Fox Sports Net cut a nice fat check to the Cubs, they get a few opening days.
Chip says, "This is the kind of start the Cubs were hoping to get out of Kerry Wood on opening day."
I was hoping for a 90 pitch complete game shutout. But that’s just me.
Kerry can’t get Jimenez out. He’s 3-3.
One on, one out.
D’Angelo Jimenez does own me.
Here’s Barry Larkin to ground into a double play.
I look like B-movie porn star. The B stands for boy.
Chip: "Here’s Barry Larkin, an 11-time All Star, playing in the same league as Ozzie Smith."
What, they only pick one shortstop?
And didn’t Ozzie retire in like 1995?
Wait, I’ll call Royce Clayton and check.
Wood walks Larkin.
Chip thinks that if Larkin gets off to a .300 start, "fans will start clamoring for the Reds to resolve his contract for not only this year, but next."
Two things. One, his contract’s resolved for this year.
Two, fans can clamor all they want, but fans don’t sign players to contracts. Especially old, dead ones. Shut up, Chip.
Oops. Casey doubles in two and it’s 5-4 Cubs.
Kerry’s in my tank.
Kearns flies to center. Two out.
Kerry’s got to finish the fifth so he can get the win. That’s the most important thing.
Right?
Oooh, a Mike Wertz sighting! Bestill my heart.
3-2 pitch to Dunn. This is important because Casey will be running and he can score from second on a triple.
Dunn flies to left. Moises’ sunglasses are usefully perched on top of his hat, but he makes the catch to end the inning.
Kerry’s day is likely done, and the Cubs lead 5-4 after five.
Hey Barrett, don’t get too cocky, I tripled in Cincinnati last year too. I also drove in 6 of my 17 RBI’s for the year in that game.
John Riedling is the new Reds hurler.
Derrek Lee has his strikeout swing perfected. One out.
test – you miss me?
Christ, I drafted Lee for my fantasy league…should’ve taken Travis Lee…
Alex grounds one about three feet in front of home plate. He really hit the crap out of that one. Two out.
You should have taken me!
Barrett hits one about four feet in front of home plate. Yikes.
Get ready for the beginning of the Mike Wertz era.
After five and a half, Cubs 5, Reds 4.
Kerry,
You’re getting another one of me today.
Pat leaves early this time.
Man, Chip has the phony laugh going today. Wow.
Mike Wertz strikes out Jason LaRue. Now, let’s see how he does with a real Major Leaguer.
Hey, so we’re leaky! So sue us!
Wuertz strikes out Freel, so he’s gotten the first two AAA guys out.
I’m this season’s Joe Borowski!
I’m no Major Leaguer either
Who is on deck hitter Javier Valentin and why is he so fat?
Wuertz gets Castro to ground to second, and hey this stuff is easy!
We should have started him.
After six, Cubs 5, Reds 4.
This Major League stuff is easy!
Here I come in the 7th!
This year’s Todd Wellemeyer.
OK, I’m back.
It is really bad when I don’t recognize either the pitchers name OR the hitter’s. Wuertz??!!??
Detroit 7, Toronto 0, Final
The Tigers will not start 0-9 this year.
Sox 5, Royals 1, 4th inning
Phil Norton?
THE Phil Norton?
Oooh, scary.
You will feel my wrath.
I’ll be this year’s Lenny Harris.
Chip trying to be funny about the Tigers win says, "Whittaker, Trammell and Gibson played big roles in the win, I’m sure."
Well, Trammell’s the manager and Gibson’s a coach, so they probably did. Jerkoff.
Tom Goodwin grounds to first. One out.
Gruddy singles to Jimenez behind the bag.
I did a great job driving the team bus, thank you.
Casey forces Gruddy at second. Two outs, and Phil Norton’s day is done.
Leave the big pansy in to face Sammy!
Andy,
Where did you hear the rumor about me leaving?
Brian Reith in to face Sammy.
Sammy hits a six foot grounder in front of home plate. Man, the Cubs are good at that.
We go to the bottom of the seventh and it’s 5-4 Cubs.
We are knocking the cover off the ball.
OK, I take it back. I won’t be in.
Or maybe I’ll pitch the 8th!
Hey guys are you looking for me?
Kent Mercker in for the Cubs.
One out, he’ll try and solve the mysterious D’Angelo Jimenez.
Jimenez breaks his bat and pops meekly to Alex. Two out.
Recently deceased Barry Larkin is up.
Alright Farnsworth quit stealing my shtick.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Larkin grounds to Gruddy. That Kent Mercker is a stud!
Or something.
After seven, still 5-4 Cubs.
Let’s get some runs!
Wow, Matt Morris has quite the mullet going this year.
After half an inning, no score in StL.
I think Mark Prior is from Texas.
Ryan Wagner is the 19th Reds pitcher of the day.
Chip and Steve are having one of the most ridiculous conversations they’ve ever had. They think teams are drafting college closers because they’re "sure things." Sure, ask Billy Koch and Bobby Thigpen. OK, that’s two.
Ever.
I’ll get Brooks Kieschnick on the line.
Alou whiffs.
One out.
Anyone wanna buy an insurance run?
E-Ramis whiffs on a pitch in the Reds dugout. Oh, just quit it!
I’m coming in for the 8th.
Maybe Hawkins getting lit up in Spring Training scared Dusty away.
Chip: "Those Cardinals are going to be a dangerous bunch, especially lurking in the shadows."
I suppose Jim Edmonds is lurking in them. That’s always scary…for your rectum.
D-Lee walks.
College closers are great picks. If you need a game closed in Toledo, give me a call.
Whoops!
Havlicek stole the ball… I mean Dunn dropped the Ball! Dunn dropped the Ball! Dunn dropped the ball!
Gonzo flies to left, the ball hits Adam Dunn in the glove, then Ryan Freel in the glove, then the ground, then Dunn falls on it like a fumble and Lee scores easily from first.
Thanks!
6-4 Cubs.
Do I get credit for the hit and RBI on that one??
Eat that Miller!
Barrett singles to center and Alex scores. 7-4 Cubs.
Who knew?
Todd Walker to hit for Mercker. So Captain Tightpants will start the eighth.
Bring on Paul Wilson!
Am I a Captain or a Doctor?
Walker pops to Castro. The Cubs get two and after seven and a half, lead 7-4.
Muahahahahahaha.
How do you post a pic in your comment?
Hey guys, this is where I came in last year and would put out the fire! Now I can do it in Atlanta. I think.
Hey, I led off the first with a walk and stole second and third.
How come I never did that last year?
Pit 0, Phi 0, 1st
Mil 0, StL 0, 1st
Sox 5, KC 2, 5th
You should see the jheri curl on Lou Brock in St. Louis. He’s sitting in the first row, and dripping on row three.
Too bad we all struck out.
Wow, check out The Farns’ hair. He looks like Bret Michaels.
To post a pic, use the HTML tag img src="link to photo" and put it in between <>. If I put it in between them in the example you wouldn’t see it.
Farns gives up a single to Casey, but comes back to whiff Kearns looking.
Actually, I thought I was a Sir … which makes me a knight, right? zzzzzzzzzzzz
That’s what the ladies are going for Andy.
If I could get away with wearing a mesh Cubs hat, I would.
Thanks for the tip. How do I look?
![]("https://www.desipio.com/images/smartest-cardinalsfan.jpg"/)
Dunn pops out to Alex, two out.
The Brewers would have scored in the first, except Craig Counsell took off on a routine fly out to center and got doubled off to end the inning.
Nitwit.
Once a king, always a king, but once a knight is enough.
Steve is talking about the drug sniffing dogs who were hanging around the park because Dick Cheney is on hand. Chip got nervous because he has his daily dosage of Valtrex in his briefcase.
LaRue grounds out to end the inning.
After eight, Cubs 7, Reds 4.
Wow, those new urine colored Padres road unis are…blecch.
I’d let Matt Karchner close it out for us in the 9th!!
Sorry, Don, but that would be my trademark. Karchner, or Heredia, or Don Wengert
Homophobe Todd Jones is in to pitch for the Reds.
I’m never going to play, am I?
I think Rich Gossage can handle the ninth.
I’m not too bad at this hitting first thing…
Can I close?
I liked Marge Schott.
Tigers win today is first time since April 8, 2001 they’ve been over .500…Ugh…
Todd, you got to pinch hit. That’s something.
Gruddy’s three for five with that single.
Chip said, "Joe is up in the pen and throwing down the right field line." I hope he’s throwing to a bullpen catcher.
Hey, Corey walked! Seriously!
Uh oh.
hey I don’t spell maron like that! Who is that idoit?
Let’s see if that worked.
I’ll handle the ninth.
That Tigers’ stat is mind boggling.
Wow, it only took Steve eight full innings to use the word "preponderance". Blecch.
Sammy will be coming out of his shoes.
No love for me?
Dave — only if we’re going 23 innings would I let that happen.
OK. That first picture was right. That is me.
Sammy flies to center, Gruddy tags and goes to third. One out. Runners at the corners.
Worst double play ever…
YEAAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!
Now, that’s the Cubs I know.
Great baserunning to end the top of the ninth for the Cubbies.
I’m sure Wendell Kim was doing his job on that one. Yeesh.
Chip thinks the Reds just turned a triple play with one out.
Moises singles to center, only it becomes a fielder’s choice because Gruddy gets thrown out at home 8-2, then Corey tries to go first to third and is thrown out, so it’s a routine 8-2-5 double play.
Or, in Chip’s mind a TRIPLE PLAY!
Shut up, Chip.
I think Gruddy did it so Regular Joe would get a save chance in the ninth.
Our description:
Alou unknown into double play center to catcher to third, Grudzielanek out at home, Patterson out at third.
Moises, According to my Biggio lovin A** that was a triple play.
Could have been 2-5 with 4 RBI…Damn.
Terrible base running by Gruddy. He has to go half way because the looper wasn’t deep enough to tag on. Then, he doesn’t have to try and score, so he compounds his baserunning error by trying to score and getting thrown out.
He got no help from Wavin’ Wendell on that, though, either.
Worst…fielder’s choice…ever.
I just bought the Tribune and the Cubs. Chip you’re fired!!
Will I break 90 today?
Damnit, I meant to write Comic Book Moises as the "Name." Ruined my own lame joke.
I wish there was a way to find out when the last time that happened.
However, the old Cubs would have needed that extra run to go up 2 runs instead of 4.
Regular Joe in for the save attempt. The Reds have installed a thin pane of glass in front of home plate and Joe’s pitches are bouncing off it.
Freel flies to Moises for the first out.
God, I’m a dumbass.
You’d be surprised how many guys you can get out on a series of 65 mile and hour "fast" balls…
Two down…JoeBo…JoeBo…JoeBo…
Stare into my nostrils…
M-U-S-T K-I-L-L W-E-N-D-E-L-L K-I-M.
Joe’s 88 MPH gas is too much for Castro.
Two out.
Here’s the great Ray Olmedo.
Or is it Olmedo Saenz? Or is it Rudy Seanez?
Just throw a strike!
Joe walks Olmedo.
I was the official scorer last year for the great Beloit Snappers, the class A Brewers (with Prince Fielder and Tony Gwynn, Jr., and Rickie Weeks) and we had an 8-2 force play at home on the same kind of play. You don’t expect to see it in the big leagues, though.
C’mon Dusty, I can close better than Joe, I can bring it baby!!
Jimenez has been a big Ji-menace… Get it?
Damn, now I have to face some actual hitters.
I probably have one more hit in me…Hmmmmmmmmm…
How fast (or not) is Joe throwing on the radar gun??
Joe’s flirting with walking two guys with two outs and a three run lead.
Here’s where Riggleman would want him to give up a two-run jack to "stop the rally."
Instead, he walks D’Angelo Jimenez and the tying run is up in the corpse of Barry Larkin.
LaTroy is up in the LaBullpen.
I’m warming up in a sock cap…that’s brilliant!
How hard can pitching to a dead man be?
I’m trying to get ready as fast as I can!
Fastest so far has been 88…most around 80…
Maybe I can pick off one of the guys on first or second?
Just like I used to do!
Joe rallies to get Larkin on two 86 MPH heaters and an 80 MPH change up. At least it was probably a change.
Cubs win!
They’re 1-0 and in first place in the NL Central. Wire to wire, baby.
Whatcha worrying about! I like doing my Beck impression, pretty cool, huh??
Um, Joe was throwing at 92-93 last year, 86 is definitely worrisome. What’s the story here??
Who says you have to throw 90 to get guys out?
And to think I was worried! Well, actually, that instinct will be around for a long while!
The Desipio player of the game is Adam Dunn for all-around rally killing and his error in the eighth that gave the Cubs a nice cushion.
It’s called movement and control, Greg. I have neither.
I hear ya, Joe. I have no control over my movements.
I’ll be closing by the end of the year.
Wake up and get in line, white boy. Oh, and get some pants that fit.
Dateline-St. Louis
Opening day ceremonies were held up briefly today due to a security incident reportedly handled by President Bush’s Secret Service detail.
There was especially tight security on all vehicles of stadium and team employees parked at the stadium. The Secret Service detail on that entrance reported a disturbance when a man identified only as a Cardinals organization employee was alledged to have molested a bomb sniffing dog.
Secret Service eventually allowed the man to enter the stadium after a throrough search of him and his vehicle. Cardinal management persuaded the Agent in Charge that the alledged perpetrator is an animal lover and that his friendliness toward the dog was probably just misunderstood.
Let me tell you, Damaso Marte is going to be a household name …
He already is beloved in Kansas City
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I don’t believe in natural science. by texas holdem