The Chicago Cubs are on the air! Again!
It’s also good to see that since the Cubs are playing Pittsburgh that Chip is wearing a black and gold golf shirt. I’m not making this up.
The Cubs are going to raise the 2003 NL Central Division Champions flag, and then they’re going to run Steve Bartman up the other foul pole.
The Cubs are being introduced and everybody’s getting their named called, including Billy Williams, Ernie Banks and Ronnie Woo Woo.
OK, not Ronnie. Thank god.
Mark Prior just ran onto the field and he didn’t limp. So I say we get the big pansy ready for some bullpen work today.
Darren Baker is standing on the bench in the Cubs’ dugout and he’s not getting any taller from year to year. Does he have that Webster Disease?
And no, not the dictionary one that Chip seems to have.
Today’s lineups:
Pittsburgh
Tike Redman, cf
Jack Wilson, ss
Jason Kendall, c
Raul Mondesi, lf
Rob Mackowiak, rf
Craig Wilson, 1b
Chris Stynes, 3b
Jose Castillo, 2b (who?)
Kris Benson, p
Cubs
Todd Walker, 2b
Corey Patterson, cf
Sammy, rf
Moises Alou, lf
E-ramis, 3b
Derrek Lee, 1b
Alex Gonzalez, ss (why?)
Paul Bako, c (why? why?)
Greg Maddux, p
Nice shot of Moises with his hat over his heart and his hand down his pants during "God Bless America."
You watch, I will get at least 2 balls out of the infield today.
The Cubs have new video message boards along the right and left field grandstands (the ones they added last year are still there, and these, which are longer) and under the scoreboard in center. How about they just knock out the stupid AL scoreboard and put a big video screen up?
Can’t Sears hook them up with one?
Thanks for the reward for my great day, Dusty!
Bako, get your two balls behind home plate.
Well if I would have caught the game, there would be at least 2 passed balls.
When do I get my own Achilles watch?
And I don’t mean a watch I can wear on my ankle.
What a body that Julio Franco has, but it’s not as good as Beege’s.
Hey, my black and gold polo is sweet!
Did I just say that Candace Parker was the L-uh-noize girls’ basketball player of the year.
Wow, I’m a dumbass.
My stats last year for the AA Altoona Curve:
AVG .287
G 126
AB 498
R 68
H 143
RBI 66
2B 24
3B 6
HR 5
BB 40
SO 81
SB 19
CS 10
Put that banner up!!!
It’s windy again at Wrigley… Way to get the good weather up there in Chicago.
Shouldn’t I be batting 7th?
We don’t need no stinkin weather.
Passed ball.
Hey, I was just trying to hit Ronnie WooWoo and rid the world of his presence.
Bill Murray did his best Andy Pratt impersonation and threw the first pitch into the stands, over the backstop screen.
Was the only one who didn’t get goose bumps over the NL Central flag raising. It’s a division title for chrissakes, it’s not like we get those all the time around here. Oh, well. I’m spoiled already.
Could you try that on Chippie as well? and DON’T MISS!
Sure the kid’s wild, but when he pouts me out, I’m very intimidating.
Look out Iowa, here I come!
We will do our part to make this a pitcher’s duel. If the others get all hit-happy, we will strand them. Fear not.
Long time, first time GameCaster…woof, woof!
Man, Bill Murray’s pitch looked juicy. I would have taken a stab at it!
WGN certainly knows how to roll commercials. Yikes. At this rate it’s going to drag on like an NCAA Tournament game.
Name : Juan Castillo
DOC# : 50814
Facility: Ely State Prison
Location (bunk #, unit, etc): 6A, cell 8A
Address: P.O. Box 1989
City, State, Zip : Ely, Nevada 89301
Age : 22
DOB : 1-26-80
Sex : Male
Race : Hispanic
Physical Description:
Hobbies
Interests
Likes and dislikes
Education: I need 7 credits to graduate so figure it out
Interest in further education?
Trade : none right now because the prison is not letting a Hispanic work right now.
Religious or spiritual preference: Christianity
Date incarcerated: 8-27-95
Expected Release date: I’m still fighting my case, I won’t know until I go back to court
Charges (in for?):
1.) Are you interested in personal development? yes
2.) Do you consider yourself a caring person? yes, of course
3.) Do you see a need for change in your prison environment? yes they need to stop discriminating against Hispanics
4.) Are you presently working toward such change, by yourself, or in a program offered by the prison? I’m finishing school, then I want to study law to help myself and others
5.) If yes, is it effective? only if the courts hear what I or others have to say
6.) What are the programs you attend/participate? school and hobby craft because we are not allowed to work
7.) Are you interested in having such a program? yes but we need more
8.) Are you interested in working toward bigger changes, with children at risk, with families outside-the wall? yes
9) Do you have friends and family on the street? Yes
10) If yes, would they be interested in involvement in STS? I don’t think so (no English)
11.) Do you know other prisoners who would be interested in STS? I’ll look around
12.) If, yes, would you be able to sponsor them in membership, explaining the concepts and services of STS? yes if somebody’s willing to hear me out
13.) Would you consider leading a group of members, helping them, and representing the core to them? no but I could help with other things I say no because I don’t want to but because I’m working on other things
14.) Has your contact with Surviving the System been a positive experience? yes
15.) Would you like your own role to be a more active one? more active in what way? (yes)
16.) Would you like to see more communication and more understanding between the prisoners in your community? yes
17.) Is there any formal group in your institution that teaches or celebrates writing? not that I know
18.) If no, would you be interested in founding one of these groups? sure
19.) Do you feel that the drug laws are achieving betterment to society?no
20.) Do you feel that there are injustices in the prison administration?hell yeah
21.) Do you feel that the court system is an effective tool of social justice? no
22.) Would you be interested in seeing social change in our world, prison or otherwise? yes
23.) Would you and/or your family members be interested in participating in our upcoming documentary series? I would
24.) Have you ever considered putting your entire life story on paper, and if so, would you be interested in sharing it with the world at large?
I already did that. I sent my story almost if not 2 months ago.
I want Bill Murray to be my BP pitcher
Did Chip just say "Pittsburgers?" Make him stop.
How many Battling Buccos references do we get today? I’ll set the over under at nine.
Tike Redman strikes out…because he sucks.
Chip just used the word "Pittsburghers". Yuck. That should get him fired immediately.
Mmmm…Pittsburgers….
Jack Wilson singles and Chip is beginning to panic. What’s new?
Can we designate him for assignment?
Thant Kendall has a cute err nice body on him.
Steve: "Kendall would make the ideal number two hitter on a championship caliber team."
You don’t suppose he’s dropping hints at Jim Hendry do you?
Kendall flies to the fleet footed Moises Alou in left.
No, wait, he flied to OUR Moises Alou in left.
Two out.
Sorry guys.
Chip says that Raul is trying to fill the "power shoes vacated by Reggie Sanders."
Shouldn’t Reggie have taken his power shoes with him?
Can we get a closeup on those "power shoes"? I might be interested in buying a pair.
What kind of shoes did I have?
Oregon, Illinois’ Larry Young umpiring the game at third. Unfortunately, Larry’s terrible.
Been at Nickelodeon studios for a week, want to know a few things:
1) Phil Mickleson’s wife was not as hot as usual yesterday, right?
![]("http://www.alysonhannigancorner.com/galleries/random/whatilike112703/bynes-whatilike-02.jpg")
2) Who is still bitching about Candace Parker? If any of the other morans would have completed more than one dunk, they would have won.
3) Amanda is street legal, boy-ee!
7-0 Mets over Braves in 4th
2-1 Reds over Phillies in 3rd
Maddux walks Mondesi. What were the odds that anybody could walk Mondesi, much less Maddux.
I think perhaps Greg is not intimidated by the power of Rob Mackowiak.
And, of course, the Cubs’ announcers are talking about St. Louis, Houston, and Philly.
Seperated at birth…Dick Jauron and Jason Kendall?
Andy, you can just call me Rob Eyechart…..I know how you hate to type those kind of words
Nice one by Steve, "The Phillies will get a lift going into their new park. And they get Larry Bowa back from suspension. So it’ll even out."
Mackowiak grounds into a force at second and the Pirates do not score.
After a half, Pirates 0, Cubs coming to bat.
Thank you Rob Eyechart. Now that the Giants have AJ Eyechart I’m glad I invented this little shorthand.
By the way, Chip is still oblivious to Steve’s dig at Larry Bowa.
Uh-oh, I strained my groin. Secretly.
Chip apparently didn’t notice in the top half of the inning that Corey was scratched.
The new Cubs order is
Goodwin
Walker
Sosa
Alou
E-Ramis
Lee
Gonzalez
Bako
Maddux
or, if you’re scoring at home
Out
Walker
Sosa
Alou
E-Ramis
Lee
Out
Out
Out
Yikes.
excuse me! Mientkiewicz WAS my name…thought we covered this off
Yahoo is claiming that Tom Goodwin is coming in to play 2nd base?
Andy,
I’m 5-14 lifetime against Benson.
So there.
Goodwin flies meekly to short. Like usual.
Do I look like a second baseman, fool? This is McCarthyism.
I promise to heet at least one pitch today.
Doug Eyechart, 1b Minnesota
AJ Eyechart, c San Francisco
There were two of us, originally.
Walker grounds to first.
Two out.
9-26 against Benson, no homers
Thomas Goodwin! Are you now, or have you ever been, a second baseman?
Time passes on.
I’m 5-9 against Benson. Too bad I can’t play the field or catch.
Sammy singles off Stynes and then the broken barrel of the bat hits him while he’s on the ground.
Hee hee.
Somewhere Joe Buck just chuckled, "Cork!" to himself.
4-23 against Kris, no homers, no RBI
O don’t need no stinkin cork.
i get more annoying every damn game
Sammy breaks a bat… I bet a bad Joe Buck joke will be coming in the 7th inning of a Houston blowout of the Cardinals tonight because of it.
What’s with the gay little chest high hockey glass on the seats to the right field side of the screen. Is that so you can’t get hit in the chest with a liner, but you can get in the head?
THIS JUST IN:
The Braves suck. That’s all.
I don’t need no plexiglass!
here comes another double
I have begun my annual runs-giving. I just wanted you to think I was a big loss, and not just in poundage. You didn’t know I knew the word poundage, did you? But I did. I always knew that word.
Alou walks.
Chip calls E-Ramis a "doubles machine."
I call Chip a self-important gasbag.
I think its for when bases are loaded and the bottom of our order is up – keeps the puke off the field.
Benson walks Alou so the first thing E-Ramis does is swing at a breaking ball. Yeesh.
Yahoo Sucks
Time for the RAM!
E-Ramis strikes out.
After one, Pirates 0, Cubs 0.
anyone got the picture of Kris Benson’s wife from Penthouse?
Can we apply the CLAW machine to Chip Caray?
No, but I could apply the CLAP….
E-Ramis with what everybody but Steve Stone would call an error.
Well, except the official scorer too. What are these people seeing?
I am always happy to be alive but man I am missing the ballgame today and man I like to I swear to you I love to play but I am injured and I love the world and this is a great town but I am tired and injured, man. T’ank you, Chicago, I love you.
get me some shoes that i can walk in without fallin over
Yahoo does suck, I knew I should have called in sick today.
In Cleveland they’re introducing the Indians and the PA announcer is giving a friendly tidbit about each player. Wayne Messmer should have done that.
"Here’s a catcher who led the league in dropped third strikes in 2003…Paul Bako!"
"Here’s our shortstop, who fielded every grounder except the one that counted, Alex Gonzalez!"
Wilson singles.
Stynes flies to center.
Chip wonders if Chris Stynes is struggling because he left Coors. I think he’s struggling because he drinks Coors between at bats.
Tough start to the day. Between this and having no RBI yet, I am due for a good long sulk.
Sammy just hit the cut-off man!
Jose Castillo singles on a pitch that nearly knocked his helmet off.
Two on, one out. Kris Benson and his girly first name are up.
Paul Bako just threw a ball to second base Manute Bol couldn’t catch. Luckily Goodwin was backing up the play.
That was an invitation to sulk with me. Sulk with me, Chicago. Holy sheet, Paul Bako who can no hit jus threw a ball to Goodwin. I don’t wan heem on my team.
Damn – I though he was trying to steal center field. Me bad.
Paul Bako throws the pickoff throw into center, no advance. Paul just showing off his cannon! Or something.
Chip says, "Doesn’t Wrigley look lovely?"
First off, what man says lovely?
Secondly, yeah those dead vines in the outfield are really attractive.
I just walked the pitcher! Yeah, this is going to be a long day.
Somebody call my name?
But I was good during the dead ball era.
See, here, Greg is a teacher. He’s teaching your young pitching staff that against a mediocre lineup, with men on first and second, it’s smart to walk the pitcher with the .077 average.
Lovely, not Lovie.
Tike Redman flies to center. Wilson scores.
Chip just said "scamper."
Somebody bought him a "word of the day" calendar for Christmas, didn’t they?
Try pedantic, Chip.
I just tagged up and scored. Fear Mjolnir!
Unbelievable. Maddux walked the pitcher, who was trying to sacrifice.
And this was the guy named the #2 starter in the rotation even BEFORE Mark Prior was hurt.
We’re losing to Pittsburgh?
Jack Wilson doubles, a run scores. Runners at second and third.
Yes, JACK WILSON DOUBLES. Guh.
Miss me?
He fucks like he pitches. He’s all over the place.
This is just my way of making Clement feel better.
Kendall singles, two runs score.
Drive home safely.
When does Kerry pitch again?
Greg Maddux? I don’t care about him. I don’t want to talk about him. When I pitch, no one gets on, but if they did, I would kill the pitcher trying to bunt, no walk.
Boy, oh boy.
Well, it’s nice to know the game’s over before we even get to the middle of the second.
Who is this guy, and what has he done with Greg Maddux?
He’s certainly not tied up in my closet…..
Jason Kendall just scored from first after another terrible throw from Paul Bako.
Suckers, I cost you millions. That Mitre kid is better than me, and he’s playing for tacos.
Kendall steals second, the throw hits him so he advances to third and then says, what the hell? And he scores.
Nice lollipop throw by Gonzalez.
Mondesi pops to first.
After one and a half, Pirates 5, Cubs 0. Booo!
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue…
Put me in, Dusty!
Steve is obsessed with Jason Kendall’s tag of home plate. Yeah, that’s great Steve, but Tom Emanski’s been teaching that since mesh caps were cool the first time.
D Lee walks.
No, see, you all don’t understand. Greg is leading by example. He’s putting this out there, theoretically, and asking the young pitchers, "Is this good to do?" And if he’s half the teacher I think he is, they’re shaking their heads and saying, "No, when we pitch we should do something other than what you are doing, sir." That’s how much faith I have in Greg as an educator. He has an encyclopedic knowledge of pitching. For instance, he knows that his current ERA compares favorably to former Cub Amaury Telemaco’s ERA in 1997. Greg is studious.
This is the same team that I watched make no errors in 33 innings in Atlanta?
I’m gonna say that WGN doesn’t have the kinks worked out of the HDTV thing yet. Since they keep changing the size of the picture on my TV.
Gonzalez reaches on an error by Jack Wilson, Superstar.
Hey, Lee and A-Gonz have gotten on base. Just enough to make it feel worse when the bottom of the lineup strand them right where they are now.
See? I told you I would heet one ball today.
Paul Bako is up, and this just in, he’s terrible.
You know what the worst thing is? Even if Greg gets taken out early, Dusty will leave me in all game. Wait, that’s not the worst thing. It’s the best. Every fifth day is Bako Christmas.
Why is Bako even swinging?
Don’t worry A-Gon, I know you did what you could to kill a rally, I’ll pick you up and kill it myself.
i’m on base!
Oh my God, I got on base! Bako Christmas!
Damn Yahoo, what happened?
Chip: "I was sitting in the Cubs dugout with Kerry Wood one day…"
..and Kerry said, "Get the f@#$ out of here, the Astros are in the first base dugout."
Wilson makes another error, not helped by the "ooh, let me get my foot off the bag" play by Castillo.
Maddux grounds to Wilson, he fields this one, but Castillo makes an error. Two runs score.
Cubs trail 5-2.
The Pirates’ defense in this inning has been downright bad. Thank God.
Now Maddux can redeem himself with a grand salami!
So, the automatic outs did this:
Gonzalez: reached on error
Bako: reached on error
Maddux: reached on error
It’s your turn, Goodwin.
Steve, on 3-2 count with one out, "The question is, do you send Maddux?"
The answer, should be no. But Dusty does. Goodwin fouls it off.
Goodwin, who has not learned anything from watching the previous three hitters, hits it in the air, and Wilson catches it. Two out.
Steve Stone just said "Battling Buckos". Good God.
Steve just say, largesse. He talkin’ bout me?
why is patterson out?
Steve is obsessed that Kris Benson looks just like Tom Glavine. He just said, "I’d like to see if the back of his head looks like Tom’s!"
Walker grounds to first. The Cubs score twice thanks to some leaky Pirates defense.
After two, Pirates 5, Cubs 2.
Well, after all that, I think the lesson is that this game is still over, barring the Pirate defense making 15 errors.
There’s nothing wrong with the things I say, because I say them smugly, sarcastically, while Chip says them earnestly.
Patterson is out with a "strained groin" injury.
God, what a no-talent rag-arm I’ve become.
Maddux hits a guy. He’s quickly becoming the 2004 version of Shawn Estes.
Maddux hits the eyechart. God, Maddux sucks.
Chip just said footburger. I’d like to see somebody put a footburger in his assburger.
Not you, Beege.
No, Maddux isn’t me. I’m good.
That’s not my foot!!!!
Craig Wilson doubles off the wall. Runners at second and third.
Something stinks in Chicago, and it’s got Donovan Osborne’s old uniform on.
Is there any way I can go back in time and give Maddux’s money to Pudge?
Is home plate still 60 feet, six inches away? It looks so far, now.
At this rate, is there any way I’ll win my 300th in a Cubs uniform? I’m not signed through 2007, am I?
I can’t peech either.
Well, look, we can the Woody, Z, and Mitre starts. The Maddux and Clement ones are lost causes. That’s 3 out of every 5, and that ain’t bad.
Screw you, Hendry, I’m 6-1! This year! Go Tigers! Arriba!
What we have here is a failure to locate.
Sheet, I mean 5-1. I no learn my numbers good in Cooba.
Stynes pops to Walker. One out.
The great Jose Castillo is up.
Dusty is walking the great Castillo to go after Kris Benson and Tike Redman.
We’re losing to these guys?
Sheet, that’s because I from the Puerto Rico. I no learn my countries too good in Puerto Rico.
But man, can I ever heet.
You didn’t learn your geography either, Pudge. You’re from Puerto Rico.
I would not have missed that sign.
Paul Bako can only get outs when he doesn’t have to throw the ball and tag a guy who was coming home on a squeeze which didn’t work.
Well, he gets outs when he hits too. I forgot about that.
The squeeze is on…but Benson doesn’t bunt. Oops! Mackowiak is out at third and Bako did a weird shuffle behind him. It reminded me of the prison scene in the Sean Penn "Bad Boys."
Benson grounds to second, and Todd Walker forgets the pitcher is running because he takes the close play at second with Castillo and barely gets him. Maddux gets out of it, with a big assist from Benson.
After two and a half, still 5-2 Pissburgh.
anybody here from the desipio yahoo league?
Yea, but guys, I know the team’s record, and I know where I was born. These are the kind of intangibles…or, well actually they’re tangibles, but these are the things I give you that Pudge could not. My name is Paul Bako, and I am an American!
And now the politicians are in the booth. And they are not even the most unliked person or people in that booth right now.
Well, I’m in the Desipio Yahoo league, both of them actually…
Senatorial dumbasses in the booth with Chip and Steve.
When the Red Sox add new seats (like on the monster or the right field roof) the construction workers get to sit there on opening day. When the Cubs do it, fat cat dumbasses get them from day one. Nice.
Yay for censorship. I am a stupid moron with an ugly face and I am a fascist. Go Cubs!
Look, we all knew we weren’t getting the 1992 Maddux. Last year it to Greggie a half dozen games to settle down and start winning consistently. He will be the same this year. Give him a few more starts and you’ll get your money’s worth. Until then, buckle up because he’s going to get hit – hard. The defense rests.
Sosa walks!
Sammy walks.
Sammy drew a walk. Because if he didn’t those congressmen would deport him back to the Dominican. Or something.
Now they are talking about Hawkins’ signing. It’s a good move, but of course Dusty never uses him…
Yea, but let’s be honest, here. I suck. There’s no two ways about it.
We rested the last half inning.
Shut up BC, I’ve pitched four innings in six games.
Congressman Fred Upton has a combover and he’s not balding. Always a good look.
Moises flies to right. Sammy was running on the play and gave Mackowiak the "don’t throw it" sign on his way to first.
Sammy’s just being helpful.
The first time Aramis doesn’t swing at a first pitch this season will be the first time in his career.
I am, uh, from Michigan, but how dare you accuse me of being a Tigers fan! I am a Cubs fan, you idiot. Don’t you forget that, or I’ll ban you all from the airwaves. You indecent monsters.
I’m in both Desipio fantasy baseball leagues. Oh, and I’m about to win the basketball league. Go me!
And let’s not get into politics, please, let’s just whine about Maddux.
Hey, has anyone seen my pants? Derrek? Anyone?
Actually, I can be pretty patient from time to time, at the plate. Watch the game, maybe.
But, uh, you see, this is a gamecast live, and uh, we were, uh, in the booth, as you know, go Cubs, go censorship.
Chip is laughing for no reason.
E-Ramis makes two outs with one swing. After three 5-2, Pittsburgh.
I wish Chip would get a fine for inappropriate announcing. Or just a sentence to announcing the NBA again.
Tike Redman makes like Corey and files out on the first pitch.
One out.
Wilson singles to left.
Chip is debunking the rumor that Mark Prior needs Tommy John surgery. George Offman is yelling "liar!" at the TV.
Chip says that "Prior’s ligament is as solid as a tree trunk." Shouldn’t it be a little more flexible than that?
Gonzo turns a nice force play at second. Kendall to first. Two out.
Leave it to Chippie to get rumors about the Cubs from a New jersey website. What a moran.
Mondesi singles. Here’s eyechart!
By the way, has anyone seen This Old Cub? Pat and Ron keep plugging the damn movie.
Chip: "Greg’s not a power pitcher, he’s a feel pitcher."
I think Chip wishes Greg would feel him.
Everybody knows White guys can’t pitch to anybody named Wilson in cold weather.
I was just debunking that fake report from New Jersey. Remember when some New Jersey paper said Maddux was signing with the Yankees? If only that were true, huh? Debunking rumors is just one of the subtle nuances of the announcing game.
Mackowiak was out on a blown squeeze play.
Craig loves the blown squeeze.
I haven’t heard any of these rumors about Prior. I wouldn’t be allowed to write about them if I had anyway.
Honesty compels me to say that I just love "the Beege".
Maddux walks the Eyechart to load the bases. Sigh.
Actually the rumor started in New Jersey. Which, as we all know, is a baseball hotbed.
Now Craig Wilson comes up to put this game in the coffin for sure.
How things have changed. We’d all rather see Mike Wuertz pitching than Greg Maddux.
Maddux walks in a run.
It’s like a nightmare, isn’t it? It just gets worse and worse.
Pull the fork out of Maddux. He’s done in the fourth. He only allowed 14 baserunners.
Ewww.
You guys are funny – but a woman having a meeting behind me here at work just told someone that she has no trouble with the length. I love hearing only parts of a conversation. Just thought I would pass it on…
See.
Wuertz comes in to pour gasoline all over this Armageddon started by Maddux.
14 baserunners! Man, if the Cubs put that many guys on base, they’d get at least 2 runs.
Wuertz gets Stynes to ground out.
Yikes going to the bottom of the fourth it’s 6-2 Pirates.
No Estes? Big problems.
Good God that was awful. Let’s hope that is analomy rather than a scary trend.
Raul Mondesi does a Brant Brown…
And, of course, down four, Dusty tries to steal with Lee and he’s out.
Only 20 more errors to win the game.
Just what is it you’re studying?
Derrek Lee clanks one off of Raul Mondesi’s glove.
But then, down four, he takes off and gets thrown out trying to steal second.
Gonzalez pops to Kendall and this is just pissing me off, now.
Bako grounds out to end the threat. Between a pitcher who can’t pitch and a lineup that can’t hit, things are looking great!
What do they give you for that?
A BA? BS? BF?
Um, I was trying to say anomaly.
I guess I felt bad for Andy’s misspelling of golf earlier today.
I think the fact that I haven’t mentioned my manly love for Criag Biggio yet today is an anomaly. . .
Castillo singles off Will and Grace…I mean Mike Wertz. I couldn’t tell because WGN was still running their promo during the first pitch of the inning.
I think they geev you penecilin for that.
BC, leave me out of this.
Benson bunts Castillo to second. One out.
Jack Wilson pops out. See, somebody can get him out.
WGN just compared Jack and Craig Wilson’s current batting averages to what they did last year, because comparing an entire season to six games of another is really valuable.
Kendall doubles in Castillo…Redman to third.
This is ugly. 7-2 Pissburgh.
Now I know things can change…
But this team needs to get some good luck going or a .500 season is in doubt. The offense is still bad, and the pitching is inconsistent. And you never know what the managing is going to be like.
Sorry I was at lunchs so let’s pretend this was said about an hour and a half ago…
"See I told you I’d get two balls out of the infield today".
Hey, it’s time to get a rally started with Ramon EEEEEEEEEE. Martinez.
BC, your pessimism is a real surprise.
No, wait, it’s not.
BC, stick to Analomy and leave the empty headed analysis to us professionals.
Ramon, hitting for Wertz walks. Here comes the big rally!
Oh, wait, Goodwin’s up. Never mind.
The good news is that Benson’s pitch count is up there and it’s only the fifth inning.
The bad news is that I don’t think it’ll matter.
BC you fool! Once we get into that vaunted Pirates bullpen, we’re doomed!
Steve Stone’s voice just perked up telling us that Jose Macias will be back in a "couple of weeks".
I know this may offend Jose, but if a certain other starting pitcher can be back in a couple of weeks over you I will take him over you coming back then. Or something.
Corey Patterson’s "strained groin" is really another torn ACL! The Cubs are lying to you! Lying!
Wow, Greg Maddux really sucks! Hehehe….
Goodwin grounds to second, but Martinez advances.
Chip babbling about Todd getting on so Sammy can hit a liner somewhere.
How about Sammy hit an airliner?
I’m busting, Jerry! Bursting!
I’m bursting, Jerry! Bursting!
You Cubs are all pussies. What’s that I smell? Yet another sub-500 season after a winning season?? Yup.
Better work hard girls, you might not finish higher than 5th in this division.
Who cares what Sammy hits as long as it goes over the fence fair?
Of course, if it hit Bartman in the head that would be an added bonus.
I just want to announce that I’ve never been into analomy.
Walker flies to Mondesi, who actually catches it. Hey! Who knew?
Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We’ve only got one goddamned hit?
See that twinkle in the corner of your eye Dusty? You know what that is? That’s your career longevity meter. It just went into overdrive. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrr fired!!!
Sammy flies to Mondesi.
This one is not one for the time capsule.
After five, it sucks.
Wow, glad I don’t play today, don’t think I could be successful when there are so many other Cy’s in the game. Cy Wilson. Cy Acevado. Cy Benson. Whew!!
Wheeeeeee!
Kliner,
You’re in Busch Stadium. That smell is urine.
Well, I’m sure some of you will be happy to hear I’ve got to get off now. Since I’m a college stu… Blah blah blah you know the rest, Jake has let me know that you know that.
And, knowing my luck, either the Cubs will come back and win this game since I won’t be watching it, or they’ll lose 20-2.
Score?
Inning?
Wellemeyer in and he strikes out the first man he sees, the always dangerous eyechart.
Wellmeyer strikes out Craig Wilson.
Two down.
Top six, PIT 7, CUBS 2.
"Diminshed Expectations"–
This is an AP quote from Jim Hendry today, in a story offering that Mark Prior will not be back until June at the earliest:
"We’re thinking about getting back over. 500 this week and play well in April until we get everybody back,” Hendry said. "That’s our goal right now.”
Gee, big plans for the "World Series Favorites." LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shrubs lose again.
Gracias.
craig wilson looks like an ugly chick with that long blonde hair he’s got
This just in–Cubs will not catch the Brewers this year. 2004, meet 2002; 2002, 2004.
lol
Thanks for stopping by, Chuck.
Wellemeyer strikes out the side.
After five and a half, still 7-2.
It’s too high! It’s too high!
…and check out that new Jack McDowell CD.
Can anyone on our team hit? I mean, really, I’m serious. We are not good.
Moises grounds out.
E-Ramis grounds out.
Rinse. Repeat.
If I only had a dollar for everytime Alou weakly grounds out to third.
This just in, Cubs season over after one bad loss to Pirates. Petitte on DL after swinging bat, Cardinals flying high after tying Brewers for 2nd, Reds pinning pennant hopes on healthy Griffey, did I miss anything?
Seven runs will not win this game.
More groundage.
Chip just tried to be funny by listing all the things he doens’t know. He didn’t fess up with, "how to announce."
Oh, well. After six, this one is baaaad.
Speaking of bad. Mark Grace and THom Brennaman are doing the Rockies-D’Backs game on FSN Arizona. I’d rather shoot myself in the head with a nail gun…
The emotional return of Bobby Hill to Wrigley!
Or something.
Wellemeyer walks him.
Harry loved opening day for one reason…two little words…free beer.
Bobby?
Redman sacrifices Hill to second, E-Ramis made a nice play to even get Redman.
How great would it be if Bill Murray would just go off on Chip right now?
Wellemeyer walks Kendall, as Bill rightly bitches about the weird coded flags that fly above Wrigley.
They’ve got one for Chip, it’s "AB" for ass bag.
Mondesi singles in a run, it’s 8-2 Pissburgh.
"img src="https://www.desipio.com/images/bobbyhill.jpg">
Murray did take a shot at Blago on the radio. A subtle jab, but a jab nonetheless.
It’s become so bad on the radio side that the rotting corpse of Randy Hundley has joined Pat and Ron.
Damnit, let’s try that again:
![]("https://www.desipio.com/images/bobbyhill.jpg"/)
The seventh (top at least) mercifully ends.
PIT 8, CUBS 2
Nice shot of the brunette in the pink top with the big jugs, and did some guy just ask "Jenny Prom?"
A new low.
Gonzo bounces out.
Bako rolls out.
Rinse. Repeat.
this isn’t good…this just isn’t good.
Andy Pratt in…this is progress, it took him three pitches to hit the bricks behind home plate.
Plenty of good seats available at the Cell for all y’all who seem to be down on your Cubbies….
Pratt walks the first hitter, then hits the second one on a hop.
What time the bus for Des Moines leave?
Pratt walks another one. Who knew?
The bases are loaded…and I wish I was, too.
We’re ready!
My bags are packed! I’m ready to go!
Bet the mopes who paid $250 for a seat today feel pretty dumb.
I don’t know how these hitters are laying off these pitches
I’m 2-3 today Andy. Do you know who I am now?
I’ve got this loading the bases thing perfected…. oh, that’s not what a setup man is supposed to do. Crap.
Pratt’s gone. Mercker’s in and he just walked in a run. The second run he’s walked in this year.
The Cubs have yet to throw a strike in the inning.
Is that bad?
Wish we were there!
Is that good?
Well hell, it’s not our fault. We were supposed to watch Maddux and do what he does, right?
Redman flies out..hey, that’s one! And the ninth run of the day scores.
Woof.
That’s my 8th career RBI in 177 at-bats. I think that ties me with your starting catcher.
My mullet and I are still available.
I’m sure the umpires will appreciate the new stands behind home plate. There’s some very drunk, very loud fan giving it to the umps…in a 9-2 game.
Shut up.
Maybe the Cubs will trade for me before tomorrow’s game?
Mercker just needed a guy to get warmed up on…or something. The top of the eighth is over and that’s…good? Right?
PIT 9, CUBS 2
I weel heet a meeneenglis homarun in the nithe.
You know, the one’s with the helicopter blades on top.
My name is an amalgam of Lenny Harris.
Sammy does not hit a meaningless homer in the ninth. Just a double.
And I missed a run, it’s actually 10-2. Forgot the sac fly.
Regular Joe is up in the bullpen? What, we need him to protect the eight run deficit?
Alou grounds out to end the eighth.
Hey, at least the Cubs have two hits now!
The Cubs have tomorrow off. Maybe they thought they had today off?
Sammy Sosa: 2-3
Rest of team: 0-24
Some day Joe will work a 1-2-3 inning. That day will not be today.
Mondesi singles and JJ Davis will run for him.
Eyechart singles.
Good start so far.
Weeee! More runs for the Pirates! Hoo boy!
Joe gives up another hit. Whoever has him in a fantasy league should bend over and take this like a man.
Yikes.
Who had 13 in the pool?
"I aaaammmm the ghost of Joe Borowski’s fuuuutuuuurrrreeeee…."
Nevermind.
Who had 14 in the pool?
I am the ghost of Joe Borowski’s past.
15?
Joe throws some serious stuff to … oh, forget it. But at least the inning’s over.
After seven and a half, it’s the Steelers 13 and the Bears 2.
Make that eight and a half.
Thank god.
“Three miles an hour lower? Geez. This is the first spring I haven’t had to make the team. You’re going out there without any adrenaline. You’re just trying to get ready for the season. You’re not going out there with the intensity of the season. Adrenaline counts a lot for me. I didn’t know this was such a big issue. I could see if it was an issue if I was throwing 80 miles an hour. Three miles difference? That’s a … joke.â€
Finally, the Cubs offensive impatience pays off. It’s almost over.
Pitch one: E-Ramis flies to right.
One out.
Not watching but did Chippy make a comment/excuse about how closers aren’t usually sharp and/or focused when brought into situations such as these?
3 inning save time, baby!
Pitch five: Lee grounds to second.
I should have put the word "closer" in quotes.
Watch out, I’m on deck.
No, Chip was busy giving Harry Caray’s a half-inning long plug. And, a warning not to go there because he’ll be there.
Pitch eight: Alex singles.
Three hits! Whoo!
Here we go!
Pitch nine: Bako pops to short.
Wow.
Final score: Pissburgh 13
Cubs 2.
Drive home safely. Or not. Perhaps you’d like to drive into the median and try and kill yourself? It’s up to you.
Sorry guys!
This was the first ever regular season Cubs gamecast loss. And it was a doozy.
I already gave my best. I have no regrets at all.
Actually, this one was funnier:
![]("http://www.shophung.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/wk1506.jpg"/)
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