And so yet another great Cub is befelled (befelled?) by an Achilles’ injury? OK, so he’s not great, and befelled’s not a word, but you know what I mean. The Cubs put Mark Grudzielanek on the DL yesterday with a tear in his Achilles tendon (ouch). The great Jose Macias has been activated and the rest of the NL Central is cowering with fear. Or something.
On Sunday, after Cliff Floyd pulled a hammy, sage baseball mind Harold Reynolds opined on “Baseball Tonight” that the reason players are pulling muscles nowadays is because “nobody stretches anymore.”
That’s right, you heard it from Baseball Mensa Harold, nobody stretches. All players do is sit around, shooting each other in the butts with syringes full of steroids, then they lift weights, take BP and head to the hotel lobby to pick up groupies who they won’t be able to bang because the steroids have made them impotent.
Where’s Mack Newton when you need him?
This never happened under Mack’s watch. No, the Cubs never had bad Achilles when he was stretching the boys out. No sir. But now, everybody’s got one.
You know how women’s basketball teams will have their menstrual cycles synch up? Maybe that’s what’s happened with the Cubs and their Achilles?
I really want to stop thinking about this now.
Andy Pratt’s bus ticket will get punched today and frankly, I don’t care if he ever returns. He can take that weird pouty lip of his and go bounce balls off the backstops in the Pacific Coast League all he wants. The Cubs were still undecided whether to call up Francis Beltran or John Leicester, but really, could either be worse than Andy? Provided they remember which guy is the catcher, it’ll be an improvement.
The Cubs are 3-4 and some fans are dusting off the ledges getting ready to jump. This is where the soothing sound of baseball cliches come to your aid.
-You can’t win a pennant in April.
– They just need to take each game one at a time.
– If the Cubs went 3-4 in a stretch in mid-July, nobody’d notice.
– Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?
Wait, the last one isn’t a baseball cliche, although you say the word cow and immediately David Wells, Ray King and El Pulpo come to mind.
I find it somewhat humorous that the White Sox are being lauded for aggressive (actually, bad) baserunning. Ozzie Guillen wants them to have “fung” and play the game “roose”. Whatever that is. You just wonder how much “fung” the fans will have when Miguel Olivo ends a July game by oversliding third base?
Honestly, I think the Sox are running more because they’re the only team in baseball who still stretches.
For those of you worried about Greg Maddux, here’s something you need to take into account. Over the past couple of seasons Maddux has developed a pattern. Most of his starts are good. He goes at least six innings, he gives up fewer than three runs. But on occasion (which didn’t happen hardly ever in the good old days) he gets rocked. Check this out. Last year, Maddux posted a 16-11 record with a 3.96 ERA. But in his first three starts last year he gave up 20 earned runs in 12 innings. That’s not good.
Then he clipped along nicely and put together six good starts. He won four of them and all was right wit the world.
Then he gave up seven runs in four innings to the Reds. Bad.
Then six straight starts of good pitching including five of at least seven innings.
Then seven earnies in four innings at Florida.
Then seven good starts followed by a five earned runs in five innings loss….and you get the point.
If you get out the microscope and look at him this year you’ll be horrified at times. But if you back off and watch the body of work, it’ll be pretty good.
It’s like sausage. Just eat it and don’t think about how they make it.
Or something.
Besides, all we need is for Sergio to pitch like he did in…oh, never mind.
—
The Sox won their home opener and people actually went to watch it. Hey it happens! Once in a while.
Gruddy’s on the DL.
The new/old Comiskey’s renovations help cement the fact that it’s the third nicest ballpark in town.
John Jackson on the sad state of ND football.
Mike Kiley tells Cubs fans to stop panicking.
Norm Roberts is off to St. John’s. And I think we all know what a coup it was for the Johnnies to get Norm Robinson, or Nate Roberts…who did they hire again? Now who’s going to be in charge of combing Bill Self’s hair?
Maggs wants five years, and he’ll get it. From Boston, or the Dodgers, or somebody, just not the Sox.
The Cardinals are bad. It’s pretty fun to watch, actually.
Fox is going SpongeBob for Friday’s game between the Yankees and Red Sox. You can’t make this stuff up. “The talking baseball concept — using the voice of “SpongeBob SquarePants” — resulted from conversations with commissioner Bud Selig.” So many jokes…
Britney’s killing herself! Come on Brit, at least wait until you get a little older and fatter, then you can whack yourself and nobody will care.
Wait, David Beckham got a hooker to give him a freebie? Nice work, my friend.
Ooh boy, a Knight Rider movie!
America’s finest news source says that Don Rumsfeld can’t wait for Secretary’s Day.
Great dose Andy. I was curious how many airbags were inflated under the buildings of Chicago yesterday. But again you set the minds of the panicked back on track. Thank god I wasn’t one of the jumpers.
I find it humorous that everyone is blasting away at the start of the Cubs and throwing gobs of "Ozzie Love" to the South Side. The teams are currently ONE GAME APART in their records, and that Recess Bell Baserunning yesterday by the Pale Hose is going to lose more games than it will win.
I attended the Cubs’ home opener on Monday (more on that in an "Open Letter to…" in the near future) and I am just now thawing out. I guess I am still amazed at how people are panicking over this "slow start". It’s like everybody wants the season to be over already and the playoffs to begin. Christ, doesn’t anyone remember how great last September was, despite the fact that it was a month that seemed more like a decade. Relax, enjoy the season.
Oh, and The Rocket can wax poetic all he wants, but I’ll bet the Cub faithful won’t beat off and give him a standing ovation if he walks to the dugout with a lead in Wrigley. Screw him and screw the Redbird Nation.
If I read that Jose De Jesus Ortiz article right, Richard Hidalgo’s nickname is "doggy". Does Jim Edmonds know about this?
In my Fantasy Buzz today, I wrote this about Prior’s fantasy trade value and the date he takes the mound.
"If you can get a lesser arm, like a Jamie Moyer or a Greg Maddux or Esteban Loiaza, plus a mid round bat, that’s a good deal at this point.
I’m still thinking it’s 50-50 Prior doesn’t pitch at all this season."
Got my pictures back from the Cards’ Opening Day Parade…
Got my pictures back from the Cards’ Opening Day Parade…
…a double-post to kill the gag…
cue photo…
OK boys, I’m on the way!
They just interviewed Prior on the Cubs radio pre-game show. He did some long-toss in the outfield and threw off the mound today.
What is it with these clowns who write and talk about this situation almost as if they are happy to see it happen.
Prior’s LYING!
He didn’t throw off a mound. He threw up on the mound. Mike Kiley’s LYING!
Oops, have to go, my pants are on fire.
Anybody else notice that there’s an ad to a site advertising a cure for Achilles’ problems on the top of this page and it’s broken.
How ironical.
>>What is it with these clowns who write and talk about this situation almost as if they are happy to see it happen.<< It’s not so much that they’re happy as they’re saying "See, this is yet more evidence that Dusty beat his young pitchers like a pack of mules last year." Which proves that Dusty is a dummy, but we all knew that. Corey Patterson is out of the lineup again due to his groin. And Ozzie just kicked the south side in the groin with an ill-advised steal attempt by Juan Uribe. Score one for Dolan.
So far according to Yahoo, the Pirates have singled to first, and singled to shortstop. What the hell is going on?
Matt (or is it Abe?),
I think that catch entitles me to a night at Gibson’s on your dime, no?
CT,
Tike bunted the ball down the first base line and he beat Clement to the bag after I fielded it and threw to him.
Am I in the game or not? Pat Hughes just credited me with a catch.
Yahoo also originally had Goodwin starting in center, now has switched to Patterson. Can anybody watching the game tell me who’s playing? We need another game cast!
Yes Corey, you’re in the game.
Not that it did any good.
Corey,
I only look at the lineup card, not the field. Therefore, it took me until the third hitter to realize that Dusty had changed the lineup and put you in. Just like it took me three hitters Monday to realize that you were not in the lineup.
I’m too busy describing the Cubs blue jerseys with red numbers on the back.
Regards,
Pat
Go to mlb.com, they have a pretty good gametime flash scoreboard and play-by-play
Ozzie’s the best manager, who else would be smart enough to have me try and steal a base? No team would ever expect that!
I hit RBI buddies!
This just in: Stats, Inc. does not always provide the best real-time information. To atone for Monday’s last-minute Patterson benching, today the Cubs made him a last-minute lineup entrant.
Frank Thomas thrown out trying to steal. No, really!
I like to make fans happy. A double where I go to third on a bad throw tends to do that.
How many double plays will Wendell Kim saddle me with this year?
Maybe my dad needs a 4-11 third-base coach? Wendell’s from San Francisco…
I am Meester Clutch, not Meester Speed.
Okay, time to get spanked.
Assstros 5
Widdle Wed Birds 0
through 3.5
If Prior is out till August or has to have surgery, then they can criticize. But veiled speculation and baseless accusations is bad journalism.
I reign supreme!
Ow!! That hurt! I’m going to make a career of this, just like Chip’s boy.
You better buy more of me!
Boy, I can really make it down the line.
Boy, I can really pull!
"Veiled speculation and baseless accusations is bad journalism."
Welcome to my empire.
I thought I was going to be the new Ron Santo.
Well Chris…Here’s hoping your legs fall off.
Time for my daily growler.
You still play second fiddle to me, Pirate Boy…
Hey, my man Beege is 2-3 with a ribbie today! Would I like to see him in a CUBBIES uniform! Or out of one, I’m not sure.
Time to kill this rally.
Me play shortstop muy bueno!
Me play dos base muy bueno!
Me play tres base muy bueno!
Me play centro field muy bueno!
Me hit like shit!
That why me on bench all life!
Wow, and my Spanish is atrocious, isn’t it?
Hi Chip! Care to suckle?
Man, the Cardinals sure got a steal in Chris Carpenter. That Walt Jocketty is a genius.
Pressure’s on me…Miller had 3 hits yesterday…
Chew.
Chew.
Chew.
Barf.
Die.
I am the original, and it was my promting that signed him. I pushed for Lankford and Cedeno too. I am so smart I scare myself. Mensa Hall of Fame, here I come!
Fake to third, throw to first by Vogelsong
That move went out with high button shoes!
They don’t pay me for my hitting…I guess it’s for my pitching, but I’m not sure.
I can’t even but the bat on the ball can I?
Put
They pay me to sit around!
Pine, we’re going to spend a lot of time together this year.
Uh oh.
Hey Mark, hope you can regain your range at shortstop.
The speedy Tyke Redman is no match for me, but I can send Nunez to the DL for the rest of the year.
So what’s the over/under on the number days until Jim Edmonds demands to be traded to a contender?
When can I can I move here?
Hi guys, just thought I’d stop by.
You’re gonna have to swing at those if you want to play for this team, Jason.
You’re right, I’d just clog the basepaths with all my walks.
Dear bat,
I never actually hit the ball with you. Why do I even bring you with me to the plate? Do you hate me? Do I hate you? Why am I talking in all questions? Maybe I should go to Hendry’s office and volunteer to void my contract so he can get a good shortstop. Like Kevin Elster. He’d be an improvement. He’s only 40, right? Anyway bat, I hate you.
Beege just singled home a run. What a hitter. What a fielder. What a clutch player. What a hunk. 8-0 Astros.
I heet straight ball guud. I’m afraid of curve ball.
I’m at 200 now for Clement, aren’t I?
Now who’s the man?
I just threw the crappiest three innings of shutout ball anyone has ever thrown. That’s gotta be worth something, doesn’t it?
66 pitches in 3 innings. Just think what it would be without Maddux there to tutor him.
If I heet ball over fence, Wendell no get anyone thrown out.
Time to end this effectiveness.
Before we get too pumped about Walker, just keep in mind that he made a throwing error in the second inning.
He threw the ball too high.
To Derrek Lee.
Who stands at 6’5"
Nothing like driving up those pitch counts.
The key to this game is to advance the runner.
Maybe I can play short, too.
Glad that I got postponed until today…I think that exhibition on Monday was part of extended spring training…
How the hell did the Bears score on our vaunted defense?
Grud who?
I’ll add PAT shortly.
I already did, butthead.
Did I say PAT, I meant rouge…sorry…
Man Chin has an ugly pitching line….
TW, I agree, but the 0 runs is really all I care about at this point.
Four innings, two hits, two walks and five K’s?
E-Ramis on the season, two homers, two RBI. It’s almost Wilkins-esque.
Rick that is.
Are you trying to tell me I was worth both E-ramis AND Lofton?
Andy, I was thinking 4 innings, 80 pitches, 41 strikes.
Well, that…sure.
Top 9
Astros 11
Cardinals 1
If Washington DC gets a Major League franchise, won’t St. Louis want one, too?
That’s what I was talking about too. I gues that more his pitch breakdown and not his line though. My bad.
If I were still in town, I could get this game close again.
Hi Andy! Welcome to your gamecast!
MLB.com’s Gameday thing is actually ahead of Pat and Ron’s call on Gameday Audio. Very disorienting.
Desipio’s like a playground for you co@#suckers!
Eighty-five percent of the world is working and the other 15 percent are here!
cbs.sportsline.com is the most up to date.
Good times. Good times.
Something’s wrong with the gamecast. It said I doubled to left.
I’m sitting out the last few innings in St. Louis. At least now that Chip is back in Chicago I can sit down again.
Masur, take the top of the sixth, I’ve got to go uh…make a deposit.
That last post from the Beege was funny and all, but pretty unrealistic. There’s no way that Chip is the pitcher in that relationship.
If you had me Pat, all you’d need is a colostomy and you’d never have to leave the chair.
That last post from the Beege was funny and all, but pretty unrealistic. There’s no way that Chip is the pitcher in that relationship.
Tell me about it.
That’s ANTOHER error on Gonzalez.
Looks like the Sox are doing everything in their power to let the Royals back in the game. I’m sure tomorrow all the articles we see will criticize Ozzie Guillen’s reckless approach to management. Hmm, you think there’s any chance that Beltran guy would want to play left field for an NL contender next year?
You know, if I’m there, an 8-0 game might be a good opportunity to get me into a game instead of using a top set-up man.
Beltran would be huge in LF. Then we could start peddling our OF stockpile (Jackson, Pie, Kelton).
Since we have audio from Lee’s tirade, does anybody out there have the audio from my call of Barnt Brown’s foul ball?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
My ERA is under 4!!
I will now spoil the shutout.
God, I needed that!
God, I needed that!
See, I told you so.
You sure did Doc, you sure did.
Too warm for ya, Farnsie?
Hey wait, isn’t this 2002?
Not bad for a guy with a camel toe, eh?
Zzzzzzzzzzzz…
Somebody mention me??
Here we go!
The start of the Jose Macias era in Chicago!
Why, why, why me? Why does Dusty use me in these meaningless situations?
When you’re feeling the heat like I am, there’s no such thing as a meaningless situation. Little Darren prints out these Desipio chats and I cry after reading them.
Latroy,
It’s only 8-3.
It’s a day game.
With me in the field, "single to shallow left field" takes on a whole new meaning.
I suck.
Suck? Oh no, I’m more like a harmonica player combined with a thirsty, thirsty girl. Suckin’, blowin’, and swallowin’.
Dis ees no fung. You had quatro run lead, no? All gone. No fung.
No funging fung.
Quatro? No Ozzie, estaba unico tres. Y ahore, esta vayada.
I’m the Billy Koch of the Nortside today…
Good performance from Clement, except for the fact it doesn’t really help my fantasy team other than getting the win points. Oh well.
Lost in the joy of today’s game is my 0-fer, which includes four strikeouts. To all you youngsters out there, that’s bad.
B.C., what kind of league are you in where 7 Ks, 0 ER and a .83 WHIP don’t help you?
A bad one….
Did Chip Caray just confuse Francis Beltran for Joe Borowski?
Dear God…
I just put down my doughnut long enough to write this. I was responsible for hiring Ozzie, but now that the Sox have blown this game, it’s time for him to go.
I guess I’m the king of the confused reference… My fantasy team is currently 11th out of 13, and what I was trying to say is that my team sucks even with that good performance from Clement.
Am I just another overrated Cubs pitching prospect? How about that leadoff walk?
Let’s just hope Beltran pretends this is the Caribean League World Series…
I’m a Hispanic Andy Pratt. Hey Andy, like the corn?
Did Ron just say that Francis Beltran got married THIS MORNING?
At what, the Des Moines Motor Lodge/Convention Center?
I’m the Royals closer?
Sox win.
Throw a damn strike!
My ERA went from 2.20 to 8.31 today.
I need a nap. And for some skank to give me a beej.
I’m the caucasian Frankie Beltran! Five pitches…no strikes.
Double play grounder to me…
…base hit.
I’m ready to join your infield, Dusty!
Runners first and turd, no out. Carlos Lee…bunting.
I’m genius! This is fung!
Put that in your Andy Pratt and smoke it.
Not to brag BC [starts bragging] out of 50 possible pitching points, I’ve grabbed 45 in my league.
BTW, the point was to point out that it’s early and I assume neither of us are going to finish where we’re at now.
I deent swing at every peetch and now Ozzie mad conmigo.
Holy smokes, my average is above .300. This won’t last long.
Why deed Pena keep me in? My glove is a fashion accessory, not a tool.
Paul, you’ll always hit 1.000 with me!
I keel da Pirates manana. Keel!
True fact: I have Clement AND Leskanic going today in fantasy.
Cubs win 8-3.
Royals giving the White Sox back the game the White Sox already gave them.
I told you that the Ozzie was the right choice.
I told you that the Ozzie was the right choice.
5-3 is a nice way to be.
Good grief, both Royals’ pitchers in that inning looked like right-handed Andy Pratts.
Speaking of Pratt…Has anyone seen Rick Ankiel lately????
Dammit TW, you figured out my secret idenity!
What is it with these clowns who write and talk about my situation almost as if they are happy to see it happen?
Am I the worst division in the history of baseball?
Bar’s set at playing .500 ball most of the year then parlaying some salary dump freebies into an 88-win divisional title.
Oh-my-Gawd, I’ve only heard about Elia’s tirade second hand through the years, I’ve never heard the actual audio. I haven’t laughed that hard in weeks, thanks to the poster!!!
You should try hearing it while you’re smelling my breath.
NOBODY blows a lead like Billy Koch.
Except me.
Ahem?
Remember that no man loses any other life than this which he now lives, nor lives any other than this which he now loses. by texas hold’em