Tonight, Fox is going to have Joe Buck and Tim McCarver smarming their way through a very early season matchup at Fenway between the Red Sox and the Yankees. It’s April 16 and already Fox is ready to overhype a playoff series that might not happen this year.

But it’s still pretty cool that they are going to pre-empt two episodes of Cops and America’s Most Frightening Highway Impalements to show a baseball game on prime time during the regular season.

Why, it’s just crazy enough to work.

Lost in the excitement over the Yankees and Red Sox in Boston is the matchup in the NL Central of the Cubs and Reds. OK, maybe not. But the Cubs offense has come out of its coma, scoring 30 runs in the last four games (after scoring just 15 in the first five) and the starting pitching as been as solid as advertised. Even if the Hall of Fame new guy has sucked to an epic level.

In yesterday’s game the Cubs showed what an offense looks like when the third baseman and catcher can actually hit. It’s stunning really. It’d be nice to get used to it. But, those eggs should be counted right after they hatch. Or something.

On the south side, the White Sox have decided that when they have last at bats, they’re going to use it. Given the state of that bullpen, the road could be a lonely place over the long haul.

Isn’t it funny how the Chicago sports media are so excited about the 6-3 Sox, while they’re completely paranoid about the 5-4 Cubs? It’s just another reason to crack open the transistor radio and remove the ability to receive signals sent at 670 or 1000 kHz.

Speaking of ESPN Radio 1000, they hired Ryne Sandberg to be their Cubs expert. Ryne Sandberg? What, they never heard him do interviews when he played? He’s duller than dishwater. That’s like adding Edie Brickell to the cast of the Nick and Jessica variety hour.

Get ready for this typical exchange on ESPN 1000.

Dan McNeil: Good old number 23 joins us here on ESPN Radio 1000. You know Ryne, I hate the Cubs. What do you think about that?
Ryne Sandberg: Huh?
Harry Teinowitz: I like the Cubs!
Ryne: Huh?
Jurko : Only 127 days to Platteville!
Ryne: Huh?

Or…

Jay Mariotti: Don’t you think Dusty Baker should be fired? I mean really, they haven’t won a division title since September! What is wrong with them? I heard Mark Prior say that he expects to pitch until he’s 40! Don’t you think that means his Achilles and elbow thing will last for 17 more years? He won’t pitch again until 2021!
Ryne: Huh? What?

Yeah, that’s appointment radio.

—

Because you didn’t ask for it, and Matt did a nice job the past two days breaking down the Eastern and Western Conference playoff matchups in the NBA, I’m going to do it, too.

Eastern Conference First Round
1. Indiana v. 8. Boston
Last year I didn’t even have to think twice about any series with the Pacers in it. I just picked against them, because their coach was a sneaky, mildly intelligent douchebag. But this year, they’ve got a real coach and a good team. The Celtics? Not so much.
Indiana 4-0.

4. Miami v. 5. New Orleans
The Heat got the fourths seed? What, did the Carnival Cruise guy buy it? What, the? Didn’t they lose like their first 40 games this year? I’m confused. Here’s what I know about New Orleans. They’ve got Baron Davis who I love and Jamal Mashburn who will no doubt contract Lupus just before game two. They’re also coached by Tim Floyd. I think Tim deserves a playoff series win just because he had to watch the Bulls for two years. But how can you pick against Stan Van Gundy and a rookie who misspells his own first name?
Miami 4-3

3. Detroit v. 6. Milwaukee
If I didn’t loathe all things Wisconsin, I’d be pretty happy that the Bucks (the completely talentless Bucks) made the playoffs. Sure, they’ve got Michael Redd and they have Keith “The Next Eddie Bird” Van Horn…but guh. Detroit plays defense like nobody else and the Bucks might not score 320 points in the entire series. In fact, I’d wager they won’t. Hint hint.
Detroit 4-0

2. New Jersey v. 7. New York
There are no winners here. I hate Isiah, I hate the Knicks (even though the family owns them), I hate Jason Kidd and his mongoloid son. But how can you not love Lawrence Frank!?!
New Jersey 4-1

Western Conference First Round

1. Minnesota v. 8. Denver
I like the Nuggets. They’re fun to watch, their coach has a bad haircut and they wear UCLA’s old uniforms. But they’re not going to beat the Timberwolves. In fact, I don’t even see the T’wolves screwing around and letting them win a game. After all those years of one and done in the playoffs, I think KG and his boys punk Carmelo into hiding on the bench, Pippen-style, again.
Minnesota 4-0

4. Sacramento v. 5. Dallas
You don’t think the Mavericks were going nuts when Kobe hit those two shots the other night? they didn’t want to have to face Shaq again. The Kings are struggling at the worst possible time. Chris Webber has actually hurt them in his return (who knew?) and while the Mavs play no defense, they actually get rebounds now. I love watching these teams play each other.
Dallas 4-3

3. San Antonio v. 6. Memphis
How can you pick against Hubie?
This is how.
San Antonio 4-1

2. Los Angeles Lakers v. 7. Houston
Matt sees an LA sweep, but I don’t. Yao gives Shaq fits and Payton and Kobe don’t like chasing Stevie and Cutino around. Don’t get me wrong, the Rockets can’t win the series, but they’ll make some noise. But in the end, Kobe will bend them over a hotel chair and have his way with them.
Lakers 4-2

—

So there you go. Hop on a plane to Vegas and bet against all of my picks. You’ll be rich.

—

Jake sent this in. It’s the actual Web page from the UConn Dean of Students, trying to get UConn students to rat each other out for the riots after the men’s and women’s basketball teams won their respective national titles. Some of the photos are great. Like this one.

The kid’s got nice penmanship, at least.

—
Carlos shouted down the Pirates. Literally. How can you not love this guy?

Mike Barrett says it’s a privilege to catch Carlos. Just keep hitting homers pal and you can be as privileged as you want.

KC Johnson on the mess that was the 2003-04 Bulls.

Maggs is OK.

To me Chicago Baseball Xtra is a boring show full of uncompelling people. How am I supposed to give a rat’s ass what Ron Kittle or Joe Girardi think about anything?

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to plan Magglio’s escape from the south side.

Lacy J. picks the NBA playoffs.

Gruddy’s Achilles is healing. That’s nice.

Joe Novak is going to hang around DeKalb a little longer. Oooh, feel the electricity!

Roman on who’s coming back to the Bulls. I’ll bet none of them actually want to.

I’ve heard Mark Grace do a couple of D’Backs games and he’s OK. He thinks he’s funnier than he is. But then, Brennaman will laugh at anything because he’s a dumbass.

Porn stars with AIDS? Really? You don’t say?

Hillary says she won’t be John Kerry’s VP if asked. What that means is she knows he won’t ask.

A New York guy got a beej from a 14 year old…boy. Then shot him. Guh.

The world’s greatest newspaper insists an Amish horse and buggy has qualified for the Kentucky Derby.