Despite lighting up Casey Daigle for three runs on three hits (pathetic) in seven innings, the Cubs still needed another Alex Gonzalez ninth inning homer to get by the pesky Diamondbacks. In a game highlighted by Chip Caray’s overly excited bleetings about warning track flyballs and Richie Sexson separating his shoulder on a check swing–which was just, plain, funny–the Cubs got a solid, though less than stellar effort from Greggie Maddux and another “hold onto your butts” save from Regular Joe.
The Cubs are 13-8 and alone in first place in the Central thanks to the Brewers coming back from nine runs down against that always vaunted Cincinnati Reds bullpen. Or something.
The Cubs flew to St. Louis last night and as we speak are enjoying all that the fine city has to offer. The finest in toothless prostitutes, Budweiser products and houses with wheels on them.
In fact, Todd Wellemeyer and Mike Wuertz are both looking forward to riding up to the top of the St. Louis Arch. Let’s hope Wellemeyer doesn’t accidentally push Wuertz off the top. Or maybe we wouldn’t mind?
Chip was in rare form last night and has inspired us to create a new semi-regular feature (and Karry Ling knows all about being semi-regular) here called (drumroll please…)
In the fifth inning, Todd Walker hit a lazy flyball to right field. Before the camera angle changed to the fielder, you could see a disgusted Walker throw his bat down as he started to run to first. Chip thought the ball was going to be a home run, then said, “Walker thought he had gotten enough of it.” That’d be true, if it wasn’t so obviously wrong.
In the bottom of the fifth, Chip said that Maddux was pitching “another masterpiece!” If eight runners in five innings is a masterpiece then sure. And if having every lefty hitter rope line drives all over the park is a masterpiece, then absolutely.
In the fourth inning, Paul Bako (meter still set on lousy) had a prolonged at bat in which he kept fouling off pitches. I knew what Chip would say, and he said it about ten times during the at bat. “Bako is having a great at bat!” The problem with this, is that any time a hitter sees more than four pitches in at bat, Chip thinks it’s great. In this instance, and in many others, the hitter was not having a great at bat. Bako fouled off SIX different pitches that were clearly balls. He basically forced Casey Daigle to throw him TEN balls in order to walk him. Yeah, that’s a great at bat.
Late in the game Chip had this to say about the Diamondbacks bench. “The Diamondbacks are one of the few teams who carry three catchers. They have Hammock, Mayne and Bobby Estalella. They can do that because they have a bevy of switch hitters on the bench, which is like having two players in one.”
First off, Mayne and Estalella are useless. Mayne never could hit and Estalella was the Balco poster boy if ever there was one. Remember how ripped he was when he was playing for Dusty in San Francisco? Not so much anymore. Secondly, how is having a switch hitter like having two players in one? Sure it’s nice to have guys who hit both ways, but you can’t pinch hit a guy twice in a game just because he hits both ways. Having switch hitters on your bench has nothing to do with the folly of keeping three catchers. That has more to do with the fact that Bob Brenly was a useless catcher in his playing days and he likes to surround himself with like-minded folks.
Chip’s atrocious “that one has Major League yardage!” home run call on Alex’s game winner just proved, for the 1,018,234th time since 1998 that Chip is completely not up to the task of being a big league announcer. My ears still bleed from the way he mangled the Sammy Sosa 500th homer call.
Finally…thank God…didn’t Chip seem a little too excited when Luis Gonzalez hit that shot to the warning track to end the game? Besides that, how come he couldn’t see, like we could at home, that pretty early on in the ball’s flight that Corey Patterson was comfortably under it and in the field of play? I guess Chip likes drama for drama’s sake.
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Some other stuff from last night:
– Doesn’t Chad Tracy look just the like red-headed loser from American Idol?
– Over on DirecTV channel 642 the Brewers were coming back to beat the Reds and the crowd was going nuts. At least I think there were. The crowd at Miller Park was so small I could have fit everybody into my living room. The announced attendance (not actually butts in seats, but tickets sold) was 9,100. Hee hee.
– On DirecTV channel 647 the Cardinals were losing…again…to the Phillies and Steve Kline is looking shapely this year. He’s got Hector Villanueva’s old pants on, and he looks like he may have eaten Garrett Stephenson. Oh, and he can’t get anybody out.
– Jennie Finch was in the stands last night and Fox Sports Chicago only showed her twice. I’ll say it again, she’s pretty, but if you lined up the pretty girls in the state of Arizona, she’d be at least 1,000 girls back.
– Kerry Wood’s wife can give her tips on how to seem perky and nervous and excited at all times so the Fox cameras will dwell on her more.
– How’d you like this on your resume if you’re Casey Daigle? April 28, 2004, walked Paul Bako TWICE!
– Matt Kata wears eyeblack. Indoors. At night. He needs to be beaten with a fungo bat.
– In the ninth inning in St. Louis our pal Al Hrabosky
was telling the now familiar story about how when he was a kid Billy Wagner broke his right arm, so he taught himself to throw lefthanded and now he throws 100 MPH. Al said, “It’s not that big of a deal.” Nah, of course not Disco Al, that stuff happens all the time.
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Maddux had a rough second inning…again, but after that he was pretty good.
Dusty got a one game suspension (or time out as he called it) and Kerry Wood got five games. Dusty’s not allowed to appeal, but Kerry is. Dusty apparently got suspended because he incited Cubs fans to throw things on the field. Ironic that in the ninth inning last night Diamondbacks fans were throwing stuff at Corey Patterson. Will Bob Brenly’s mustache get suspended for that?
Dusty had never been suspended before, for anything. Well, except for not paying his taxes.
Let’s hope somebody in the Pratt family got a photo of him in his big league uniform, because he might never wear one again.
Rosey with another of his insipid “Out Loud” things. This one is with self-proclaimed “Bambi Guy” Tony LaRussa. He wonders, “how bad can we be?” Pretty bad is an option, there Tony. With that pitching, it might be the only one.
The Dorf met with Eddy Curry yesterday. Think Jerry was just getting hair styling tips?
Former Notre Dame AD Mike Wadsworth has died. No matter what he did (and he did a lot) he’ll still always be known as the guy who hired Bob Davie. Ouch.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to write yet another incomprehensible column. It starts out with him mocking whatever pansy fans supposedly called the league office to complain that Dusty Baker dropped a few dozen f-bombs at CB Bucknor. Then, Jay starts criticizing Dusty and Kerry for getting fired up in the first place. Oh, just be quiet.
Eric Crouch, the guy who quit the NFL because he wanted to be a quarterback, is back in Packers camp, trying to make it as a defensive back. Oh, just go away, dumbass.
Doc Rivers is going to be the new Celtics’ coach. Why, Doc? Why? Some people will do anything to get away from Al Michels.
The Bears have permission to speak to Tim Couch. Let’s hope they just wanted permission to crank call him. Tim Couch? What, now that Kordell’s gone we’re too thin at “quarterback who cries?” Check out this line from the article, “It’s conceivable that the Bears could be interested in bringing Couch in to compete with Grossman.” No, no it’s not. It’s inconceivable.
Paola Boivin (really) says that Richie Sexson’s injury might be good for Shea Hillenbrand. Not as good as a Shea Hillenbrand injury would be good for the D’Backs.
Intrepid reader Doug Selky pointed out this Flannel Boy hack job on next year’s free agents. Jim Hendry is dreaming of a slugging, lefthanded hitting left fielder for next year, not paying Moises Alou $11.5 million. This big year we’re getting from Moises? Let’s enjoy it for what it is. His career death rattle. And as Doug points out, E-Ramis is not a free agent after this season, he’s arbitration eligible. And he’ll likely have a new three year deal done with the Cubs before the season ends, anyway.
No more Oldsmobile? Wait, were they still making cars? Really?
America’s finest news source says that Tom Hanks is this week’s “guest president” filling in for Gee Dub while he’s on vacation.
Not only did we show the future Mrs. Daigle 7-8 times, we INTERVIEWED her during the game.
Please–
Don’t EVER let ME get in the way of a Rob Neyer article.
When I used the term, "Major League Yardage", I was referring to my new friend, Paco. He’s the towel boy at the Bank One Ballpark pool and he’s ever so dreamy!
I forgot to mention that I’m a genius.
Another great moment in announcing came from Jeff Brantley last night during the Yankees/A’s game. Gary Sheffield singled with one out, then was picked off attempting to steal second. Jorge Posada then homered. Brantley then tries to justify Sheffield’s attempted steal by saying "well, people are going to pick on Shef saying he shouldn’t steal because then it would have been a 2-run homer, but the guy was just trying to get into scoring position because there were 2 outs". Um, so that means Posada hit a 3 out home run? What an idiot.
Andy:
While I appreciate the notoriety, honesty compels me to correct you. I didn’t send you the Neyer link. I was too busy lamenting the Cruz- Pratt trade to read Flannel Boy this morning.
What, no smart assed comments from the peanut gallery, real or contrived?
Is the Evil Satanic Red Fowl in the picture dancing with, or beating down, the old lady?
Disco Al does not advertise!
Andy,
You could have written a whole Dose on Flannel Boy’s article.
Like how he points out that "The Cubs are blessed with three pretty good prospects who can play third base" Guuhhh?!?!
Just whom he is he referring to? Possibly the unproven Brendan Harris, who I believed is slated to move to 2B once his fragile, China-doll ass feels like it’s healthy enough to actually PLAY again.
That leaves, let’s see…Benji Gill? Bill Selby? West Tenn’s Jemel Spearman, he of the .218/.279/.273? Lansing’s Alfredo Francisco, whose presently going .094/.143/.113?
What complete jackass he is. He just assumes that the saberweenies will accept his word as Gospel when he’s simply making stuff up. Notice he provides no names with his "three pretty good prospects" lines.
Yeah. Let’s roll the dice with Francisco, because it beats our inconsistent Ramirez, who happens to be only 25 and yet has produced TWO 100 RBI+ seasons.
MORAN!
Jeff Brantley makes the Joe Bucks of the world look like geniuses. He must have some incriminating pictures of someone at ESPN, because he has to be the worst analyst they have during games. In the studio he’s average but he stammers a little much.
ESPN is currently doing a DayGame between the Phillies and the Cardinals. Let’s see if Saint Louis collapses on national TV as well this week…
Jeff Brantley’s the worst? I guess I didn’t get the memo.
Want to get pissed off?
http://www.uvmdudeman.com/rene.htm
Sorry, the Flannel Boy link was sent in by Intrepid Reader and resident Iowan David Bohnenkamp. I got about three e-mails in 15 minutes from Selky and got confused. Which, doesn’t take much.
Who were the announcers on the Expos-Padres game last night on the alternate ESPN station on DirecTV? They were craptastic!
So if complaining about obscenity can get a manager suspended, we should start making calls about the obscenity of the manager of our arch-rival St Louis Cardinals. Oh, wait, they have a better chance to win without him? Forget that … let’s go for our main division competitor, the Astros. But Jimi’s still there – that won’t help either.
Who did Rosenbloom piss off at the Trib? This "Out Loud" thing sucks. Or is it supposed to be edgy because we don’t actually get to see the questions that Rosenbloom asked?
Dear commissioner:
Jose Macias’ obscene language is very offensive.
So is Paul Bako’s.
Paul Bako utters foul language after every pitch is thrown.
Please suspend them for life immediately.
Sincerely,
T.J. Brown
The Cubs and Tigers traded left-handers Thursday.
The Cubs sent Felix Sanchez to Detroit for Jon Connolly and a player to be named later.
The Tigers picked Connolly in the 28th round of the 2001 draft. He spent the 2003 season at Class A West Michigan where he went 16-3 with a 1.41 ERA in 25 starts. He was selected as the Tigers "Minor League Pitcher of the Year." He began the 2004 season at Class A Lakeland and was 2-2 with a 3.68 ERA in four starts.
Sanchez appeared in three games for the Cubs in 2003 and had a 10.80 ERA. He started the 2004 season at Double-A West Tenn where he had no record and an ERA of 7.11 in seven appearances out of the bullpen.
Jose Macias and Paul Bako make me use foul language too.
Does Jon Connolly wear rose-colored glasses?
…having to explain a joke with another post.
amust?
Shit, how many games would Bob Watson give me?
Actually, I confess, I was once a promising major leaguer, but I could not hold my temper the first time I was called out on strikes.
After Bob Watson tallied up the obscenities I spewed, it was determined that I was basically suspended for life. So now I write software and put out a third-rate blog.
Sloth, my friend, your blog is one of the best blog spots I’ve visited. It’s easily second rate. Don’t sell yourself short.
I didn’t retire, Watson just got around to finally suspending me. He gave me 487 days.
I’m not sure how many of you are watching this, but I’ve singlehandedly killed every extra inning rally the Cardinals have mounted. This came after Jason Isringhausen gave up a game-tying two run jack to Ricky Ledee.
Yes, Ricky Ledee.
Hmm, I wonder if Lee would come to Wrigley Field to sing the seventh inning stretch?
We’ll give out unemployment checks to the first 15 percent to arrive.
I can give you a scouting report on Jon Connolly since I observed him many times during last year as he toiled for the West Michigan Whitecaps.
Interesting, to note that the Whitecaps wear blue caps, not white ones.
Jon Connolly is a hard throwing lefty in the mold of Rick Ankiel and Andy Pratt. Despite a complete lack of baseball and bowel control he led the Midwest League in three important categories, 1) innings piched, 2) lowest opponent batting average, 3) number of STDs caught from opposing team’s "ballgirls."
He’s a handsome man, and the West Michigan media guide had a lovely headshot of him that I practiced my moneyshot techniques on, during many a lonely night in a seedy motel on the road.
I want to tell you guys a great story about my time so far in Montgomery where I’m the voice of the AA Montgomery Biscuits, an affiliate of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
Just a few days ago we were in Birmingham, Alabama facing the Barons, our arch rivals. I had just bought the brand new Biscuits sweater vest (available here for the low, low price of $46 http://www.biscuitsbaseball.com/cgi-biscuitsbaseball/quikstore.cgi?category=Active_Outerwear) I parked my Nissan Stanza in the remote parking lot, because I didn’t want to risk having it’s metallic purple paint job scratched by a foul ball. It was an overcast early evening and it was hard to see well. Wow, is it almost four already? Damn, I’ll have to cut to the chase.
OK, I was mugged, anally raped by at least four men (and possibly some sort of barnyard animal–I couldn’t hear well over the sounds of my own sobbing) and I haven’t been able to successfuly prevent a bowel movement for nearly two weeks.
Thanks again.
Love the site,
Jim Tocco
I don’t stand a ####ing chance.
They’re trying to kill us all!!!!!!
Drive home safely folks.
Frankly, I’d rather have the Deadbirds come into the series with a win, so they’re not too hungry.
Of course Woody’s going tomorrow so it shouldn’t matter (knock on wood).
Go Cubs.
Way to go, Jim. We’re mighty scared right now.
The Regular Joe got another save last night for us. I was wondering, does everybody sweat as much as Borowski does when you watch him pitch? That guy blows on his hands so much, you would think he has A D D.
That would be more like OCD.
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