Sure they got their little feel good moment yesterday when Jim Edmonds hit a walk-off homer to beat the Phillies yesterday. But that’s kind of like putting a pretty new sweater on a doll made out of cow dung. Something still stinks.
And, it’s the Cardinals.
That’s not to mean that the Cubs will have an easy time of things in the world’s most famous septic pool, Busch Stadium, this weekend. No, the Cubs themselves played atrociously in Arizona, and have always found creative (game losing homer to Kerry Robinson, anybody) ways to lose games down there in Hillbilly Holler.
But just like the series that ran from August 31-September 3 last year, the Cubs are better than the Cardinals. So this should be fun.
Will it be combative? Sure it will. Kerry Wood will no doubt fire up the Evil Satanic Fowl tonight by buzzing one, or maybe six Cardinals hitters. Carlos Zambrano is sure to start some sort of international incident on Sunday and who knows what kind of fun stuff Dusty Baker will come up with.
This we do know. Jim Edmonds will throw at least three tantrums in four games. Tony LaRussa will accuse the Cubs of two of the following…a) throwing spitters, b) intentionally throwing at Cardinals’ hitters, c) stealing signs, d) throwing too hard or e) disliking banjo music. Tony Womack should be back in the lineup tonight and we have first hand knowledge of just how hard he really sucks. Matt Morris will get lit up and spend the entire postgame press conference saying how nice the Astros are. Steve Kline will eat the rosin bag and then reiterate his hope that Mark Prior takes a line drive off his forehead.
By the way, Steve, Mark will be on hand June 7-10 in Wrigley, so giddy up. That is, of course, if you still have a job in June.
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The Cubs are set to recall the great Glendon Rusch from AAA today and send Mike Wuertz off to check on the Iowa corn planting season. This might not be the folly it seems. Here were Glendon’s numbers last year in Milwaukee:
As a starter: One win, 12 losses, 19 starts, 7.36 ERA, 77 strikeouts, 41 walks in 100.1 innings.
That’s pretty bad. That’s 2003 Detroit Tigers bad, actually. And why the hell would you give 19 starts to somebody getting lit up that much?
As a reliever: Zero wins, zero losses, one save, 2.35 ERA, 16 strikeouts, four walks in 23 innings.
That’s postively Mercker-like! Which, might not be a good thing, actually.
Of course, both the Trib and Sun-Times have articles today that mention that maybe the Cubs will make Rusch a starter. Excuse me while I poke my left eye out with the antenna of my cell phone.
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Yesterday on a typically uninspired edition of Boers and Bernsie on the Score, the two deep-thinkers came to an agreement that the Bears should trade for Tim Couch of the Browns and that they should trade Rex Grossman for him. My God, how do people this dumb even remember to breathe?
Just what about Tim Couch’s five year NFL career to this point makes you think he ought to be the number one quarterback on ANY team, much less the one you root for?
Is it the snazzy 67 interceptions to 64 touchdowns? How about the career QB rating of 75.1? Maybe it’s the fact that the Browns kept giving the job to Kelly Holcomb?
Look, it seems like a good idea to bring Couch in to be Rex’s caddy, especially given the state of the Bears turnstile offensive line. It might even be good for Rex to have a competition for the starting spot, but is your QB situation really improved if it becomes Couch, Quinn, Krenzel instead of Grossman, Quinn, Krenzel? I didn’t think so.
One good thing about Tim Couch though, he’s great with the media. Nobody takes criticism better than Tim does. You have to love it when your quarterback gets booed during a game that he’s single-handledy losing, gets asked one question in the postgame presser and starts to cry. That’s how you win Super Bowls!
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John Jackson’s TV/Radio column in the Sun-Times is an absolute freakin’ mess today. Let’s examine.
Executives at WMVP-AM (1000) were pleased with the growth their station showed, especially at midday, where a new local show with Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti debuted a few weeks into the ratings book.
”We are calling Jay’s first ratings book a solid double off the wall,” program director Len Weiner said. ”We’re psyched with what we see from Jay. The growth from last year is really good.”
First of all, how about some actual ratings? Like what’s Jay’s rating compared to say the Score at the same time? Second, he cut off the best part of Weiner’s quote. I have it here.
“We are calling Jay’s first ratings book a solid double off the wall, and we hope he gets thrown out trying to make his fat ass leg it out into a triple.”
After being dropped from CBS’ ”The NFL Today,” Mike Ditka has been hired by ESPN. Ditka will make weekly contributions to ESPNews’ ”Monday Quarterback” and will appear regularly on ”NFL Live,” ”Monday Night Countdown” and ”SportsCenter.”
”Mike is the complete package,” said Bob Rauscher, ESPN’s senior coordinating producer for NFL studio shows. ”He possesses all the intangibles we look for in an analyst. He has lived the game and knows the intricacies of the league.”
Look, we love the coach as much as anybody, but why do people keep hiring him to do TV? He sucks. He’s always sucked. He talks too fast, he doesn’t finish his sentences, he has no insight into anything…wait, he’s Chris Berman! Oh, I know why ESPN hired him. Never mind.
The Heat-Hornets game, which started at noon, had a 1.0 rating and was followed by a Pistons-Bucks game that drew a 1.6.
This just in, the NBA has never done good numbers in games not involving Michael Jordan, the Lakers or the Celtics when they were good. This is not a newsflash. It doesn’t help that those games were on TNT, during the day. Unless you were looking for a Matlock rerun and found the NBA by mistake, you probably didn’t even know they were on.
Denver Post columnist Woody Paige, after flirting with joining Max Kellerman’s new show on Fox Sports Net, is remaining on ESPN’s ”Around the Horn.”
That was a tough choice for Woody, did he want to get paid to be on an ESPN show that nobody watches, or get paid to be on a Fox Sports Net show that nobody will watch?
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Thanks to all of you who make it a point to click on the annoying Google banners. Please keep it up. We appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.
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Kerry Wood says he doesn’t expect the Cardinals to pull any “stuff”. Well, they’re going to. They always do. Just plant a fastball in Albie Pujols’ neck in his first at bat. That’ll send a message.
Glendon Rusch, superstar.
Ed Sherman has the ratings numbers and the Score thinks that we “love” their guys. Love isn’t the word I’d go for. Loathe is more like it.
Lovie says he likes his guys. Maybe he loathes them?
Phil Rogers has a satellite dish! Big whup. And is it any shock that he likes the Astros? Hmm?
Toni Kukoc is still playing, and still not showering.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to rehash quotes from last year. Great?
The White Sox broadcast games on the radio? Really? You don’t say!
Bob Ryan on Doc Rivers and the Celtics.
A great story here on just what a dickhead AJ Pierzynski is, and how his Giants’ teammates already hate him. Think about that, they could put up with Jeff Kent, Benny Santiago and Barry Bonds, but not AJ. Hee hee.
Hank Blalock seems like a cool guy.
This is not good news for Bob Huggins.
Stewey takes a tour around spring practices. He’s an electric personality, isn’t he?
America’s finest news source has a column by Condi Rice!
So? So, let’s dance!
Behold my Genius!
Don’t forget, we also thought that trading Kerry Wood straight up for Hank Blaylock would be a great idea too, because Wood hasn’t proved that he’s any good yet.
I can never be overlooked at Old Country Buffet.
Also don’t forget — I told you in 2002 that David Kelton was clearly the better first base prospect over Hee Seop Choi.
Even though I had never seen either of them play.
While I anticpated great things out of Kevin Orie and Eric Zeir!!!
Officer, it’s not my fault. I swear I saw Tom Gamboa sitting in the car!
http://www.grandforks.com/mld/grandforks/news/nation/8559293.htm
Phil Roger’s headline should have been "Mariotti For A Day", since he didn’t leave his house to report on anything and sat on his ass and watched the television. Good gig, if you can get it.
There’s no way Mariotti can succeed on the radio here. If he does, I’ve lost any sense of civic pride that I’ve had (then again Fathead North and Braindead Buffone’s success ought to embarrass all of us). The only good thing Mariotti has going is good interview subjects, but even that can’t overcome his nasal whine, and the utter fact that, although he’s been in town for 11 years that he simply doesn’t have a clue about the culture or citizenry of Chicago. After all these years, he still thinks that the majority of fans are an SNL skit. But hey, when you never leave your office above the Chicago River, and actually walk about town, how could you think otherwise?
Remember yesterday when I said "EEEEeeee EEEEeeee EEEEeeee. Too drinky! Gay! Pud-pounder!!!"
Terry,
Yesterday? I always figured that it was any day that ends in "Y".
No love for me anymore? Not even for the big series?
I used to be big here!
I still think Fredbird is pounding that old lady over the head with a sock full of pennies.
So for those of you who watch Curb Your Enthusiasm…
Have you seen the new Miller commercials campaining as the president of beers? Notice who the presidential candidate is?
That’s right, it’s Porno Gil from the first season.
If you subscribed to the Desipio Insider (free to join at http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/desipio/) you would have received this brilliant usage of the word "moran" in your mailbox today:
Your bonus link is a handy reference guide to what do you call a
group of…
Examples
apes — a shrewdness
crows — a murder
penguins — a colony
cardinals — a moran
http://www.npwrc.usgs.gov/help/faq/animals/names.htm
Love,
andy
Nice one.
A pace of asses? Yummy.
ESPN just posted the funniest "Chat Wrap" of all time. It’s Joe Morgan, and it’s hilarious.
When Joe and I were at go2net.com together back in 1996-97 he used to piss off the editors because he had to dictate his "columns", which even they had to rewrite to make them coherent. I’m sure he does the same on these chat things, only today, he might not have gotten the right intern.
Here’s the real link, though I have a feeling somebody at ESPN will be "cleaning this up" sometime today. http://proxy.espn.go.com/chat/chatESPN?event_id=5181
Enjoy this. And along the way, try and figure out when Edgar Renteria played for the Giants and who the hell Bailey Concepcion is.
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Moderator: Hey everybody, Joe will be joining us a little early this morning. We’ll get started in about 10 minutes. Send in those questions and away we go!
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Chris (Bowling Green, OH): With the solid start the Reds are off to, do you think they can keep playing well and have a shot at the central this year?!
Joe Morgan: Well, I think a lot will depend on the health of Griffy and Kearns and Dunn. But it’s great to see the Reds off and running.
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Al Morgan (Little Rock, AR): Good morning Joe! I really appreciate your expertise and precision on the game of baseball. What do you think the early struggles of the Giants are attributed to? I mean the scores seem to be competitive but never enough to win. Do you think that the organization is going to have to make some more moves this season in-terms of acquiring another bat and maybe a pitcher?
Joe Morgan: The Giants struggles … they’ve lost Kent and Reggie Sanders and Renteria. Now it’s a one horse team. It’s all on Barry’s shoulders. I think it’s going to be a tough season for the Giants. I don’t expect it to get much better.
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Josh (Miami): Why is it that Barry Bonds is getting so much positive press these days? Of course he’s putting up monster numbers, but at the same time the allegations that he has used steroids seem to have tremendous circumstantial support. Shouldn’t we all take a wait-and-see approach to Bonds? After all, if he has used steroids to generate extra power then his numbers are grossly exaggerated. He has great hand eye coordination, and a very quick bat, but minus the power that probably came from steroids, he’s really closer career-wise to Paul Molitor. Still a great player, but clearly one that doesn’t belong in the "greatest player ever" conversation.
Joe Morgan: I think you don’t understand baseball at all if you are calling Bonds style similar to Paul Molitor. Bonds has one MVP awards six years ago. You’ve been reading the paper too much. Bonds has taken drug tests just like everybody else. To pinpoint Barry is not fair at this point until the allegations are proven, I"m going to reserve my judgement. Either way, to call Barry Bonds, Paul Molitor is not real knowledgable.
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chad (chi): don’t you think kerry wood suspension was too much! how will they do against the cardnial,
Joe Morgan: The reason pitchers get five games is because they only pitch ever fifth day. So, technically, you’re only causting him one start. If you suspend a pitcher for two games and he wasn’t going to pitch that day anyway, you’re not hurting him.
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Adam, Minnesota: Hey Joe whats crackin? The Twins are 14-7 and that is one of the top 5 records in the Majors but, no one ever talks about them….it is always about the Red Sox, Cubs, or Yankees….How come my Twins aren’t getting any love???
Joe Morgan: The Twins are not glamour team. They go out and get the job done year in and year out. The Twins have had low payrolls and they’ve won. I guess Billy Bean gets more credit than the GM in Minnesota, but really , they are very similar. I agree with you, the Twins deserve more credit for what they do each year.
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Gregg Conley(Jackson, MI): What do you think about the Tigers being over .500, and what do you think about the additions they made in the offseason?
Joe Morgan: For a team to lose as many games as the Tigers did last year, a lot of this is the "bounce of the ball" so to speak. Not only did they add a crop of new players with a winning attitude, but they were due. They were never as bad as their record was, and for all that, they are getting some better bounces of that ball this year.
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Brian from Boston: With many of the Red Sox stars on the last year of their contracts, even if the Red Sox are on pace to make the play offs at the trade deadline, do you see the Red Sox trading one of their stars away?
Joe Morgan: Why are we worried about next year. Enjoy the fact that your Red Sox are in first place and probably the best team in the East. I think the Sox have a very good chance at going to the World Series. I’m only watching that right now, we’re worried about next year after that. Things have a way of working themselves out over the course of a year.
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Dan Milwaukee : hey enough with the reds and tigers…how bout my brewers ? i think we got the best out of that sexton trade!
Joe Morgan: I’ve always been a fan of Junior Spivey, I’m shocked that Arizona let him go. I think he had so much potential, but I guess the D-Backs got what they wanted — a power hitter to go along with luis.
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Chris (Bowling Green, Ohio): Joe, what is with the amazing hitting of Sean Casey as of late?! He is on fire! Ted Williams once said that Sean Casey will win a batting title someday. Do you think this is his year?
Joe Morgan: Sean Casey has always been a pretty good hitter, he’s had some big hitters to his hands, that’s a tough injury to recover from. But he is off to a great start, none of this is a fluke, he is better and older and more mature at the plate. We’ll see what happens.
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Ben Spinner (Bound Brook, NJ): The Phillies just don’t seem to be flourishing the way people thought. Their offense seems to have a lot of holes and the starting pitching isn’t playing as dominate as they can be. What do you think seems to be the missing key in the puzzle?
Joe Morgan: I haven’t seen enough of Philly, but I think it’s all consistancy, their hitters are hot, then all of a sudded their bats go to sleep. Same with their pitching, they will be hot and on top of their game, then go into a lull. But, if they find their groove, I think they will certainly do some damage in the East. They should anyway.
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Kerry (boston, ma): Is Byung-Hyung-Kim going to be a legitimate starter for the sox? Arroyo has been doing really well so far, but is it a good move to put him in the bullpen and have Kim as the five?
Joe Morgan: If Kim is healthy, then I think he should be the starter. It all depends on his health. I think that is what they are basing their decision on at this point, too.
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Shrevie Wonder (Mesa, AZ): Who was the best shortstop you ever played with?
Joe Morgan: Bailey Concepcion
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Dave (Houston): Hello Joe Did you see Andy Pettitte pithch yesterday. pitches 6 inning and only 1 hit. is this going to be Andy we will be watching for the rest of the season.
Joe Morgan: Well, you can’t judge anything based on one performance. I mean, he got knocked around the first time. See how his arm holds up.
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Seth (Boston): Why don’t more teams play smallball? The glamour factor is down, but the last 3 Series have been won by teams that bunt, steal and rely on sacrifice flies to score runs. You’d think that more teams would catch on, but everybody just looks for power nowadays.
Joe Morgan: I’ve been saying that for three years. It’s cyclical. Right now, things are leaning power hitters and homeruns. Eventually it will swing back to manufacturing runs through hitting and running and moving guys around the bases efficiently. l
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dave az: is the dback pretty much done for the season?? Are we going to lose the big unit to evil empire.
Joe Morgan: I have no idea where that started that Randy is headed to New York, but as I’ve said before, I wouldn’t be surprised.
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Omaha, NE: Do the astros have enough firepower on offense and with their pitching to win the NL central over the cubs and cards? Kyle
Joe Morgan: They definitely have enough hitting — Bagwell, Kent, Hidalgo! They have the bats. The will be relying heaving on production from their pitchers.
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K-Dog (Deerfield Beach, FL): First of all, I am a HUGE fan… I know it’s early in the season, but what do you think of the OTHER team in Chicago? Guillen appears to have this squad re-energized, and playing very similarly to his former squad, the World Champion Florida Marlins. Few "experts" had the Sox winning their division, but if they keep winning the one-run games (7-1 and best in the Bigs)how can you not like their chances? Also, what would you consider an area of need for their continued success? The bullpen still scares me, but so many teams can say that.
Joe Morgan: I think the White Sox are a very good team who needs a little more from their starting pitching and a little more consistancy from their hitting. Loiza is 4-0, but other than that. I guess I worry more about their hitting than anything else. It’s not good to put up a ton of runs in one game and then not score for two days. But they do have all the other pieces.
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Sean (Washington): Joe, what’s the worst hitting slump you ever went through? Did it reach 32 AB?
Joe Morgan: Yes it did. I went 0-35 once. Mine was different b/c I wasn’t striking out. I had a lot of runs scored and walks missed in — but I was still 0-35! I broke my streak with a home run off of Nolan Ryan. We won that game 1-0. I was fine after that.
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Jon Ny, Ny: What have you herd about the Giambi Hudson trade?
Joe Morgan: I read about it in the paper out here in the Oakland paper. I don’t think the A’s are looking to get Giambi back. I’m sure the Yankees would love to have Hudson, but I don’t think the As would make that trade. I mean, they wouldn’t pay Giambi before … why now?
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Matt (LA): Who do you think the best team in baseball is at the moment?
Joe Morgan: Right at this moment, in the AL I’d say the Boston Red Sox — and they are probably the best overall too. I think the Angels, along with the Yankess have the abiltiy to be right there with them, but not right now. I don’t think there are any teams in the NL right now who are better than any of those guys.
Joe Morgan: Hey folks, thanks for all the questions, I have to run. I’ll talk to you next Friday, same time. Have a great weekend.
I tried my best to do a Seinfeld bit today when I accused Mike Gilligan of not knowing how to prepare cereal correctly, in order to keep it from getting soggy in milk.
I explained that you need to have the milk distributed evenly by adding just a little at a time, and as it was going nowhere, my voice trailed off as Gilligan interrupted me & changed the subject.
Makes you pine for "EEEeee EEEeee EEEeee."
My favorites from that chat exchange.
The Giants losing Renteria is hilarious, but who did he really mean? Rich Aurilia? Somebody in Bristol thinks Richaurilia is Renteria? Hilarious.
This whole thing just makes me laugh. Where is he going with this? And can you read the paper too much?
Joe Morgan: I think you don’t understand baseball at all if you are calling Bonds style similar to Paul Molitor. Bonds has one MVP awards six years ago. You’ve been reading the paper too much. Bonds has taken drug tests just like everybody else. To pinpoint Barry is not fair at this point until the allegations are proven, I"m going to reserve my judgement. Either way, to call Barry Bonds, Paul Molitor is not real knowledgable.
This answer, just ridiculous: For a team to lose as many games as the Tigers did last year, a lot of this is the "bounce of the ball" so to speak. Not only did they add a crop of new players with a winning attitude, but they were due. They were never as bad as their record was, and for all that, they are getting some better bounces of that ball this year.
Yes, they were EXACTLY that bad! They were 119 losses, bad. They EARNED it!
Dr. Joe Morgan, no doubt: Sean Casey has always been a pretty good hitter, he’s had some big hitters to his hands, that’s a tough injury to recover from.
Are they bulimic?
Joe Morgan: They definitely have enough hitting — Bagwell, Kent, Hidalgo! They have the bats. The will be relying heaving on production from their pitchers.
And, Sox fans, I’m sure you’ll agree with whatever the hell this is:
Joe Morgan: I think the White Sox are a very good team who needs a little more from their starting pitching and a little more consistancy from their hitting. Loiza is 4-0, but other than that. I guess I worry more about their hitting than anything else. It’s not good to put up a ton of runs in one game and then not score for two days. But they do have all the other pieces.
Thanks Joe, you made my day. You dumbass.
I think there should be a similar chat session on Desipio. First, Andy could drink a fifth of Jim Beam, and then everyone could send in a bunch of stupid-ass questions for him to answer. Then, we could compare Andy’s chat session with the Anti-Christ’s, and see whose is more coherent!
I’m always ready to do that kind of chat session!
Wow, what the hell was Morgan freebasing when he did that chat? Lighter fluid and human pee? I DESERVE MY OWN SHOW, FUCKEN CRETINS!!
I’d like to wipe the floor with Joe Morgan’s DNA.
If you put a gun to my head, and forced me to choose to spend a day with either: Joe Morgan, or a Sux fan, you’d have to pull the damn trigger.
Aw, hell, maybe I’d go with the Sux fan. He’d let me bang his sister if I gave him enough starter fluid and cold medicine.
I think one of the best aspects of the Joe Morgan chat is that the Renteria/Giants reference is immediatly followed up by Joe accusing the next guy of not knowing what he’s talking about.
Actually, my name is Bob Odenkirk. I was on the best show of all time, Mr. Show with Bob and David.
And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re a moran.
Quick question: If the majority of you hate the Score/Boers and Bernstein, why do you continue to listen? Your radios do not come with tuners?
Why Gonzalez bunting? Why the "hit and run" in the middle of the game? Why the headcase Farnsworth over Hawkins to start the ninth?
WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I agree with B.C. on this one. Why is Gonzo bunting? We beat ourselves this game. When is Baker going to get over the fact that number one, we can not run, number two we can not bunt, and number three, paul bako is a worthless piece of mold on the bench(I had to take a "I’m pissed off about the loss punch at someone.")
One more thing- Kyle Farnsworthless’ time is ticking away as a Cub. Hendry should get real and cut the ties- He will be good for Montreal or Colorado. Don’t let him continue to bring down this great team you assembled this year.
Once again, as far as the bullpen goes, IN JOE WE TRUST.
I just don’t understand. No matter how hard I try, Joe’s still full of sh!t.
I like to get sports updates on my lunch hour…For example, on Friday I wanted to know if Beltran or Worse was being sent to Iowa. But, while waiting for the 1:30 update, I was forced to listen to the cereal bit. Although it was entertaining to listen to it bomb.
Once I get my scoreboard updates, I’m done & back to 105.9.
this Cubs-Cards series has consisted of three things from the Cubs- great starting pitching, bad hitting, and horrendous bullpen pitching. we have to get rid of Kyle Farnsworthless. that guy is a born loser. there are only 4 Cubs players from the 2001 roster(Wood,Sosa,Patterson, and Worthless)on the team today. Besides three players, we dumped all the dead weight since then and have been successful. Worthless is the final piece of the so many losers that needs to go.
Hendry please, I speak for all Cubs fans, get rid of that worthless piece of —-.
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