There are somethings that just aren’t funny, and should not be mocked. So I won’t even attempt to make fun of the fact that yesterday the construction worker from The Village People got out of his SUV near the corner of Clark and Addison and got into a fight with a guy who hit his SUV with a miniature baseball bat. According to witnesses, the guy with the mini bat broke the bat over the construction worker’s head in the scuffle and then the construction worker pulled out a gun and shot mini bat guy.
Remember the good old days when the only guys to leave a ballgame and start bleeding were Bill Simonson and Paul Wilson?
Any murder is senseless, and this one takes the senselessness cake. But Chicago’s a big city. People get shot. Things happen. How is this the Cubs’ fault? Was it “Hard Liquor and Handgun” day at the ballpark? Wrigley Field is surrounded by bars. There are crowds there who go to get entertained, have some beer and try and get laid. Just like Summerfest.
For those who think the Chicago Tribune buried this story in the Metro section to “protect” the Cubs image, let me see if I can find where I left my mini-bat.
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Derrek Lee used a full-sized bat yesterday to full effect. He went five-for-five with four RBI and hit a three run homer to break the game open. I’m not going to take credit for the fact that Lee is 11 for 22 with two homers and six driven in since we started our little Good Trade? banner. No, I would never take credit for such a thing.
Matt Clement is 5-1 and this is encouraging because as good as he’s been this year he’s still just the fourth best pitcher on the team. That’s a good thing.
The Cubs recalled Damian Jackson from AAA to replace the broken arm of Alex Gonzalez. OK, it’s not like they’re going to install Jackson onto Alex’s arm, you know what I mean. We contacted one of our scout friends to get the skinny on Jackson and here is his report.
Damian Jackson sucks.
See, we have the best contacts. We did call Jim Tocco but he hasn’t seen Jackson play 100 times so he wouldn’t comment.
My favorite part of Alex’s broken arm isn’t the fact that he’s gone for six weeks (that’s just a bonus). It’s that he got hit on the arm and broke it and the home plate ump didn’t believe him. Alex stood at home plate and argued with him and you could tell his arm hurt. I was hoping he’d pull his sleeve up and show him a bone sticking through the flesh. Instead, it was strike two, and then the next pitch was strike three. Break your arm and strike out all in the same at bat. You don’t see that every day.
Yesterday’s Cubs’ game included an inning where three of the four Diamondbacks’ infielders made errors. What’s wrong with Alex Cintron? Isn’t he a team player? Couldn’t he have thrown one into the stands just to make Matt and Shea and Chad feel better? By the way, Chad Tracy who according to Chip Caray plays “great defense” has made six errors in 12 games. And the proper pronounciation of his last name is Trace-E6.
So the Cubs beat up on a guy named Elmer yesterday? After being beaten into submission in previous games by a grown man named Casey and a knuckleballer, it was nice to finally beat a guy who is very nearly Major League caliber.
By the way, think about the word knuckleballer for a moment. It just sounds painful, doesn’t it? I thought so.
Phil Rogers’ favorite team, the Colorado Rockies are in town. They were Phil’s sleeper in the NL West, and he knows his stuff. After four weeks of playing baseball, the Rockies are five games out of first.
Shawn Estes returns to the Wrigley Field mound where last year he was a key cog in opponent’s attempts to beat the Cubs. He was 3-6 with a 5.90 ERA in 14 starts at Wrigley last year. He comes into today’s game 4-1 with a 5.60 ERA. He’s not exactly fooling people lately. In his last two starts he’s given up 22 hits in 11 innings and allowed 12 runs. So he’s peaking at just the right time.
However, the last time Estes hurled a pelota in regulation for the Cubs, it was a sight to see. Let’s reflect on his improbable shutout of the Reds in the last week of the regular season last year. It was the night when we all realized “Hey, we’re going to win this damn thing!”
So even though he pissed us off for about 180 days last year, he left on a good note. Now let’s hope he adds to our fond memories of him today, by giving up nine earnies in about three innings. We know he can do it. Hell, we’ve seen him do it.
Before my daily Google ad banner plea, I’m going to take a moment to review another pathetic job by the guy the Sun-Times claims is a baseball expert, Chris DeLuca. Just get a load of this pile of crap he wrote today about possible replacements for Alex Gonzalez.
Orlando Cabrera, Expos: The 29-year-old will be a free agent after this season, and the last-place Expos have Josh Labandeira waiting to take his spot. Cabrera is earning $6 million — a salary the 29 major-league owners, who control the Expos, would love to dump. But that’s a lot to spend on a six-week replacement.
Uhh…he wouldn’t be a six-week replacement for Alex you dimwit, he’d be the new starting shortstop. Name one thing that Alex can do better than Orlando? I put together a list that included hit, hit for average, hit for power, drive in runs, steal bases and field his position, Orlando was better at them all. The two things I’ve found that Alex can do better than Orlando are pop up a bunt and strike out.
Jose Valentin, White Sox: The veteran is on a rehabilitation assignment, showing the Class AAA kids how to strike out — he has 13 in his first 27 at-bats, getting one hit over that span. Valentin will have a tough time keeping his job when he returns from the disabled list in the next few days because backup Juan Uribe has shown a more consistent bat and steady glove. The Sox would love to dump Valentin’s $5 million salary, but his spotty defense would drive Cubs pitchers nuts.
Jose Valentin? What, Scotty Fletcher’s not available? This was actually the coherent part of De Luca’s column. Check this out…
More likely, the Cubs would tap minor-league infielders Brendan Harris or Richard Lewis. Harris, who is coming off arthroscopic knee surgery, is hitting .160 at Class AAA Iowa. Lewis leads the West Tenn Diamond Jaxx with a .349 batting average, but that would be a big jump from Class AA.
First of all, Harris isn’t a shortstop. Secondly, THEY ALREADY CALLED UP SOMEBODY ELSE WHO HE DIDN’T EVEN THINK OF IN THIS ARTICLE! Nice work Chris. No go have some yogurt.
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Not to be outdone, the Tribune’s national baseball expert chimes in with this lunacy.
Just read this from Phil’s horrific effort today: Alex Gonzalez is among the best shortstops in the major leagues at making the routine plays—picking up ground balls, throwing strikes to first base. It’s not something many people talk about when it’s being done, but man, is it ever a problem when it is not.
You mean, he’s great at fielding anything hit right at him? Wow, that’s tremendous! You know who else can do that, Phil? About 25 other starting shortstops in baseball and probably about 70 guys in the minor leagues. That’s very exciting.
It gets worse: Consider this: The Cubs were 47-47 before the All-Star break last season when their pitching staff allowed 45 unearned runs. They were 41-27 thereafter when their pitching staff allowed only 19 unearned runs.
I’m going blind. Before the All-Star Break Cubs pitchers made FIFTEEN errors. FIFTEEN! Carlos Zambrano lost a game to the Cardinals only because he threw a bunt down the right field line that let the go-ahead run score. The Cubs defense was not helped by Lenny Harris (three errors) or Mark Bellhorn (six errors) playing third. Guess who led the Cubs in errors before the All-Star Break last year?
Any guesses?
ALEX GONZALEZ! He had seven of his ten errors by that point.
Plus, we all kind of remember one he made in the playoffs, too. So Phil, don’t let the facts get in the way of your little point. Whatever the hell it was.
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By the way, keep clicking on those Google ads! You knew I had to get that in there.
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D Lee is red hot. Let’s keep it that way.
Some chucklehead paid $100 to sit in the new seats. He says it’s worth it.
Clement finally got his head out of his ass about halfway through the game.
Ed Sherman thinks Steve Kerr is John Paxson, presumably with a better haircut.
Every injury brings us this much closer to Jose Macias’ .057 batting average finding it’s way into the lineup more often. Ewww.
The Trib’s take on mini bat man and Village People construction worker.
Oooh, the Damian Jackson era! Feel the excitement.
John Jackson says ABC made a mistake in hiring Lisa Guerrero. Gee, you think?
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to be a day late, and a dollar short. That pretending he was in Greece thing yesterday must have tired him out.
The Wizard of Roz tells Cubs fans to not worry, and as always, there’s an Alex Kaseberg bomb scare at the end of the column. Is that guy ever funny? Ever?
Sports Guy on the NBA playoffs.
I didn’t know Bob Greene was ever mayor of Portland?
Ted Casablanca’s gossip-fest.
America’s finest news source with some interesting info on the porn industry’s anti-HIV improvements.
WCKG 105.9 FM has been playing a promo for Bob Sirott’s weekend show. Even though Bob’s pretty annoying (though he does get marks for being a legit Cub fan), they were plugging this weekend’s show with Jeff Garlin, the fat comedic actor from Chicago who plays Larry David’s bumbling manager on HBO’s "Curb your Enthusiasm"
Anyway, in promoting the interview, they played an advanced clip, and Garlin can be heard heard–on the commercial–talking about his upcoming appearance at Wrigley Field for the 7th inning stretch,
Garlin said that everybody on the broadcast would do well on "Curb" –except for Chip, who he said could never be on.
"Stoney would be great on ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’", said Garlin, "Chip, though, I don’t think so. he’s more of a ‘Full House’ kind of guy"
"Full House"!?!?! That’s great. Chippy getting zinged from 2,500 miles away.
I now profess my undying man-love for Jeff Garlin.
Dolan, you no good Tribune apologist hack! You know they tried to bury that story!?! Because you know that if they put that on the front page, Wrigley Field would be empty today! And that would be a terrible thing, what with CAZAM pitching today.
I think my favorite part of Murph’s broadcast today was when he blamed shooting on the fact (that’s what he calls it) that in the suburbs, nobody is taught that pedestrians have the right of way, because nobody in the suburbs EVER WALKS! Jesus, what a dumbass.
Does it make me a bad person if I though "Boy, I sure hope it was Paul Bako" when the news broke last night?
To quote the Dusty one (from the Trib), "I feel very fortunate that we have Ramon," Baker said. "A lot of teams don’t have a Ramon."
A) Uh Dusty…I can name 4 other teams with a Ramon.
B) Is this a good thing?
Isn’t this like saying, "I have Ghonnorea but at least I have a lot of penecillin. A lot of people don’t have penecillin."
The Padres have a Ramon on their bench. Me!
Speaking of the Padres, the team that was the bastard fly in the ointment of the 84 Cubs, has anyone noticed who’s making an improbable run in the N.L. West this season?
Just how improbable is it that a team with Brian Giles, Phil Nevin, Trevor Hoffman and Ryan Klesko is in second place in the West? I’d say they’re good enough to win a bad division, just by playing at their level.
What about me?
My money’s on an off-duty cop.
Why else has his name not been released as suspect?
He was nabbed right away. CPD officers were a half-block away. Why no name?
It would be improbable, Bruce, because you’ve had 3 of the 4 guys (Nevin,Klesko,Hoffman)for several years and still finished last. Take your props like a man a quit worrying about semantics.
Andy,
Do you notice, also, how I provide no ratings numbers to back of my steaming pile last week about how Mariotti’s radio show is kicking ass?
C’mon…Tell me the truth.
When you first heard my name as a Padres draft pick (or unsigned Cubs pick), how many of you thought I was black?
(raises hand)
I should know better than to use html tags to fram a response here (reason for blank post). Probably just ran Andy another .03 cents. Off to click the banner twice as pennace…..
When I was a journeyman Cubs minor league OF, how many of you thought I was Jewish?
Seeing as how I spend the majority of my workday aimlessly surfing the net, why not throw a couple of clicks Andy’s way. As it turns out, this charity (sorry-I meant consumer interest)has been eye opening. While perusing the Cub’s Ticket Ad, I saw a Madonna link and decided to investigate (purely for scientific purposes)what kind of financial pull she might still have. Have I finally gone blind from years of self-abuse or does it say that good floor tickets in L.A are selling for $1000? The cheapest is $120. Just to hear her sing! I would gladly pay this much to have her disappear and promise to never,EVER, try and re-invent herself, but to hear her sing live…
This used to be my playground…..
Kahlil,
I expected you to resemble me.
Let’s put three things together for this weekend series against the Rockies:
1)continue with great starting pitching
2)explosive offense with Lee continuing his streak
3)have the luxury to use whoever the hell you what out of the bullpen because we are killing the Rockies so bad they couldn’t possibly come back, not even on Farnsworthless
note: this series we will see paul bako and i predict the meter will go to god-awful
To those of you who haven’t seen me with the Memphis Redbirds…
I’m pink-skinned!!!!
And yet another talentless Cardinals minor league hack.
U.L.,
Where’s the toothpick?
when did alou declare his pissing habit? was it before or after his hitting slump?
why couldn’t the guy just put some type of powder on his hands to dry them out?
makes you think, what’s in the dip that is in his mouth?
hey, i’m available and could play shortstop. give this old rat a try.
How many of you thought I was Latin? And straight?
remember us- we were a sweet double play combo when ryno and dunston went down back in the day.
we’d like to play shortstop, but mike & paul are actually happily married now living in san franciso. they’re playing with each other’s giant, not with the giants.
And when you heard my name for the first time, you knew I was a professional athlete, right?
You’re straight?
Golden shower..anyone anyone?
Have glove, will return to Wrigley.
Jesus Christ, Hendry! Give me a call!!!
Dammit, I used to live across the street from that "Belmont Area" police headquarters.
Show Roscoe Village some love, Trib.
Hey Moises,
I know a doped-up skank who will give YOU a Golden Shower if you give her a Cubs pin.
No game cast today?
No! I want to give someone a golden shower.
IT wasn’t the driver, but whomever was riding shotgun, pun intended, that blew away the souvenir-wielding Sux fan menace.
And, yeah, I thought it odd too that no names have been released, and there haven’t even been any CHARGES, although 7 zillion people saw it happen.
Methinks it might be progeny of high-ranking political officials. Does Ed Burke have any more living children?
If the Wrigley incident had happened outside of Yankee Staduim there would’ve been an ESPN Outside the Lines devoted to fan violence aired already.
Hey, Andy, I see Moises missed his hands and pissed all over your column. Are you ever funny? Ever?
I expected Lyle Overbay to look like my spawn.