We are a pretty sorry lot, by pretty much any definition.  Whether it starts by choice or by birthright, we all end up at some point deciding to stick it out with the most hapless of all professional sports franchises.  We are just simple farmers.  People of the land. The common clay of the new west.  You know.


We have chosen to hitch our wagon to the Chicago Cubs.  Can you think of anything more pointless?  We’re Sisyphus and they are the boulder.  Or maybe it’s other way around? Regardless one of us gets pushed up the hill and then just rolls back on down.  Over and over, time and again, for eternity.

Occasionally, the Cubs tease us with a new toy.  Some shiny new thing that gets us all excited and because we are on that eternal quest for something to cling our hopes to, we buy it.

It’s like the Cubs are Lucy and we’re Charlie Brown, but instead of Lucy just pulling the football away as we go to kick it, she kicks us in the balls repeatedly.  Then asks us if we’d like to re-up early for a chance to do that next year, too.

And while we lay on the ground in full-Nomar, we answer her.  “Yes, of course.  Could you grab my credit card, it’s in my back pocket.  I’m trying to hold my testicles in and I’m afraid to let go.  Thanks.”


For the last few years we’ve had it pretty easy.  There are actual adults in charge of the baseball side of the team, and they very smartly set the roster ablaze and embarked on a damn the torpedoes full speed ahead charge to rebuilding it.  For three years we knew they were going to suck, but it was for a reason–for once it served a purpose.

But today is opening day.  Or night…whatever.  And it’s different because the rebuild is over.  The Cubs are putting a real team on the field again.  Oh sure they are young and a lot has to sort itself out over the next two or three years, but there’s no denying that they’re supposed to be pretty good right now.  Maybe not a playoff team yet, but not the hold your nose and try not to wretch rosters of the past few years.

And so we chase the rock back down the hill, and get ready to start pushing.

We’re Cubs fans, it’s what we do.  Some day this will all be worth it.

It will, right?

You know what?  Never mind.  We don’t want to know.  It’s too late to worry about that now.

For whatever reason, we love these assholes.

We might not be the “Best Fans in Baseball,” but we’re the toughest.  If we weren’t, there wouldn’t be any of us left.

Go Cubs.