I may have written this for the Ivy Drip, and instead inspired Sam’s cartoon. Â So, if that’s the case, this is recycled content.
What are you complaining about? Â Don’t cost nuthin’.
When fans aren’t complaining about whatever Starlin Castro has just done, Cubs fans fill their days complaining that 38-year-old, career mediocrity, David Ross is the backup catcher.Â The Cubs front office believes strongly in Ross’ intangibles.Â But what are they?Â Here’s just ten.
- Has memorized all four of Jon Lester’s pitches and uses different finger combinations to communicate each one to Jon during the game.
- Owns his own catching gear.
- Can show the other players where the showers are located in every Major League clubhouse.
- Always has gum.
- Knows the number to use to get an outside line on every bullpen phone in the league.
- Owns the Port-a-Potty franchise that bailed out the team after the fans pissed all over the concourse on Opening Night.
- Knows the other things Theo Epstein used the gorilla suit to get out of.
- Cubs hoping his presence will inspire Miguel Montero to stay healthy all season…because, you know, the Cubs are pretty much screwed otherwise.
- Helps set the defense, including moving Chris Coghlan to various parts of left field where he won’t have to touch a flyball that hasn’t hit the ground yet.
- Gabor Bako wouldn’t return their calls.