Pitching matchup:
SF: Dustin Hermanson 1-2, 4.67
Cubs: Greg Maddux 3-3, 4.44
Lineups:
Giants
Dustin Mohr, rf
JT Snow, 1b
Marquis Grissom, cf
Pedro Feliz, ss
Edgardo Alfonso, 3b
Michael Tucker, lf
Neifi Perez, 2b
Yorvit Torrealba, c
Dustin Hermanson, p
Cubs
Tom Goodwin, cf
Todd Walker, 2b
Moises Alou, lf
E-ramis Ramirez, 3b
Todd Hollandsworth, rf
Derrek Lee, 1b
Ramon Martinez, ss
Paul Bako, c
Greg Maddux, p
DL is no option for me. Unless I have a bladder problem. I hit ball very hard and far.
So I start against the lefty, but not the righty?
I hope my knee hurts today or I’m coming after your Toothpick.
I wonder while I fill in here if I’ll actually get to play?
I filled in last year and I didn’t get to play. So screw you Dubois!
You won’t need me here.
Jason you might need me though
BTW, I posted the Cubs draft picks from 1980-2000 in the Dose, who they took and who was still on the table. It’s amazing to think of the team that could’ve been put together if someone had the know.
We had pretty good drafts until Jim Frey fired me. Then, things went to hell until Hendry came around.
You can pretty much blame every bad decision from 1984 to 1998 on Jim Frey and Larry Himes. Thankfully Ed Lynch had Hendry to bail his ass out.
I picked Palmeiro and Grace and Maddux and the list goes on.
I like the black type better than the blue, but I’m not a big fan of the bright red links.
You’re welcome.
Paul Bako gets to move the meter to God-Awful this afternoon, right?!?!?
I’ve never faced Dustin Hermanson before.
Santo said he’s going to have to talk to future first ballot hall of famer Greg Maddux as to why he doesn’t use a slide step.
Why do I look like I’m 100 yrs old? Did I also fight in the Spanish American War with Albert Pujols?
How come I’m not playing today? We could have been the most god-awful lineup the Cubs ever fielded.
That line-up whould include me at third base.
Hang out there Jose, I’ll do the job for you.
I would have to pitch though… I can’t make the ball go 60′ what makes you think I’m going to get it there al the way from Iowa.
I love the pitches on the ground?
Has anyone even noticed that I haven’t left my apartment since we returned from SD?
I would love to face Andy Pratt.
Everyone working?
I’m not working.
Wellemeyer were you in San Diego?
Yeah, I’m here.
Damn it! Where are the Pat Hughes throwing a deuce jokes?
How come nobody noticed that Chip and Steve talked about me last night? Damian Jackson made an error just behind the infield cutout and Steve said, "The first player who told us about the ridge there was Craig Biggio."
All you could hear then for a few moments was the sound of Chip’s fist pumping up and down and some newspaper’s rustling. It was disturbing.
I’ll be along in the top of the sixth and I still can’t tell a fastball from a curve.
Hey, I got my first hit since April!
Gotta fear that Ramon, Bako, Maddux third of the lineup.
I just said the reason Kerry went on the DL is because he’s only 95 percent and they want him to be 100 percent.
On a sliding scale, let’s just say that I think my right leg is about 75 percent.
The left one’s about 67 percent.
Gone.
I thought I hit a double last night?
The Giants fear me!
Intentional walk! That ought to be worth upping the Bakometer to SUCKS!
We can’t keep up with all of Derrek’s safeties.
Another Intentional Walk my OBP is sky rocketing
I had an egg salad sandwich along with a bowl of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom at the press cafeteria before today’s game, boys!
The Clueless One might be along to do the 4th, 6th, 8th, 9th, and entire postgame.
Career Intentional Walk #27!
Who’s batting in the 9th spot?
one for four with a double.
Oh, for christ sakes, I’ll just do it myself.
Or, maybe not.
That other me must have been drunk?
Do you think Bako giggles to himself when he’s intentionally walked?
We’ll be making an appearance today!
Nothing gets us going more than Paul Bako getting on base.
Paul, what the hell was wrong with those pitches, he gotten swing the bat. Those were classic meat balls.
Hughes how you put me in the booth with you?
My underwear today is a deep, rich, dark brown on the back, with red splotches mixed in.
I have a bright yellow spot on the front, which has run through to the front of my britches, as well.
Wait a minute, is this right?
Did Ron Santo’s son make a movie about Ron’s life?
Why haven’t I heard of this before?
Now this is news!
If I have to read that This Old Cub promo one more time, I’m tossing that old Cub out the freaking window.
Yeah, that means you, stumpy!
I’m still in shock about my IBB. Doesn’t any team I face do ANY scouting whatsoever?
That’s ok. I desigend Ron’s prosthetics to go with Pat’s limp wristed throwing style.
Paul Bako? I thought you said it was Paul Bunyan.
I wondered where the big, blue ox was hiding.
I have to admit I taught my nephew about the peeing thing.
He caught me peeing on his aunt one night, and I told him she liked it, and that it made her tougher.
Innocent mistake.
Feliz Navidad!
1-0 Giants.
You cannot stop Pete Merry!
I’m umping at third base? I thought I was dead?
I’d have caught that, but I suck.
2-0 Giants.
How "wild" was the wild pitch?
No sooner did I turn on CBS Sportsline, then single, single, single.
I turn off CBS sportsline, OK
OK, I go back to CBS Sportsline
God awful, anyone?
Better move the Bakometer to God Awful
Good thing I’m leading off the next inning, you know I’ll get on base!
I’m getting cramps. This is gonna be a good one.
I’m here! Let’s play 3 (as in toes)!
![]("http://www.sacredheritage.com/normita/images/sloth-3.jpg"/)
How’d I get in that picture?
Which one are you, John?
Where am I?
Why am I paying attention to this game?
Hey, Cubs O!
You’re MIA with me.
Worst. Gamecast. Ever.
Did Ronnie say bringing the infield in puts more pressure on the hitter?
Interesting….I always thought it was easier to get a ball through a frawn in infield…
No E for me, buddee.
Who’s the Giants third base coach? He’s worse than I am.
Or drawn…..
I hit the pitcher. Really?
Oops, I hit the pitcher. Now he wants to fight me. I guess I’ll just have to hit him with a pick off throw, now.
TW:
Why the hell are you even listening to Ronnie? I would rather get game information from Hub the Shlub than Ronnie.
When you pull the infield in you add .100 to the hitter’s average. So Bako and Goody are both pushing .300!
Only three in a row, JT? You suck.
"I love to eat Salmon." Is that good for my bowels?
69 pitches thru 4, looks like only six for me today. Wind blowing out, don’t put in Mike Worst.
Hello, Greg Maddux’s fastball.
That’s no fastball. That was the pitch I taught him. My "Slider Of Death!"
I made contact! Move that meter!
Am I really this good?
No, Dustin. We suck so bad that our pucker in inside out.
I know I’m not this good. When 4/9 of the lineup is made of Martinez, Bako, Goodwin, and Maddux, I can’t take much away from this start.
More two out magic on the way…
Anyone else notice how I only take my "smoke break" during the away half-innings? That’s because of my inherent Cub-Karma.
Do you think we might hit the ball better if I played some real players?
Nah.
So the deal I made with Hermanson is working out pretty good today huh?
Dont use the other field
Actually, the deal I had with Dusty was to go 4-2 on the West Coast.
Muw-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I’ve got wheels. And a $20 in the umps pocket.
I’ll be killing this rally right about now.
250 is Ramon’s batting average and my IQ.
I better not be hitting if it gets to me.
Aw, crap.
Why am I still in the game???!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!
That’s not a strike.
Time for my first Cubs homerun. Boy that’s bad.
I’m a hero! … (for San Fran fans)
See, at least my pitching is funny.
Imagine that. I made an out.
Anyone have any tips on how not to suck?
is going to god-awful
I understand that with injuries Ramon is the best alternative. But you can’t field a lineup with him Bako and Goodwin. It’s just a complete joke to be losing a game against a Bondsless Giants team.
I’m Maddux’s personal pitcher. He can’t work without me!–after all, I return the ball quickly!
I ain’t taking any backstop but Bako. And bench Goodwin for the only guy who can strike out on the first pitch?
…is wide open, baby!!!
Here’s the pticth. The pitch is taken for a strike. The next pitch is a ball. Here’s the pitch…It’s a strike.
Do I really have to pitch tomorrow?
Meat Tray, if you sneeze you might tear your rotator cuff.
Damn, I thought I was getting good?
Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
2 runs per game against the Jints? I could do that myself!
Better huuuur-reeeeee and nab meeeeeeee. Or I’ll be a Paaaaa-dreeeee!
Hows that?
I wish Scott Eyre would misplay a ball so I can say, "Eyre made an err."
I wish Paul Bako would step in front of a train so I can say "Paul Bako is dead."
I wish Chip would step in front of a bus…
Here’s a new game..Hide Ron’s legs
Okay Buddee, I tie game no problem.
My legs are still longer than that noddle between your legs, Chip.
Suck that, daddy.
That looks nice.
Yes!!!!
Urine makes your schlong hard? I thought it was us. Maybe we you should bleed on the bats.
You guys sticking around to do a Lugnuts gamecast for me?
Ah, my beloved Lansing Lugnuts… you’re working for them permanently, right Mark?
But I wanted to tie the game with my first home run as a Cub. Damn Alou is such a gloryhog.
Steve, I love lansing your lugnuts.
In preparation for this weekend’s blockbuster series against the Cardinals, I just wanted to remind everyone early that Albert Pujols will win a gold glove someday.
Francis, of course. He’s in the game now.
Nobody drop more "s" when he talk than me. And that include Harry.
Not only do I signify future deaths on Star Trek, but I’m also what Chip wears when the Cards come to town.
Beltran doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo that the bullpen has to walk a few runners each inning.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Take cover immediately, the Bak-o-meter https://www.desipio.com has officially been moved to Godawful. That’s a grade one, yellow alert. It means stick your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.
The alert was triggered by Bako’s impotent at bat with the bases loaded in today’s game. But it’s really just a compilation of complete suckery.
That is all.
Is that a predictor of Chip’s demise? One can only hope…
Hello, Beltran. I don’t like the rest of your team, but you’re okay.
I’m starting to get the hang of this big league pitching
I am the baby Lawnmower! The pushmower if you will! Now I just need to learn to scream at opponents.
I’m so glad the Pirates wanted Bobby Hill and not me.
With the intensified alert, we need to get the evildoers who were responsible for putting Bako in today’s lineup.
So today, I have ordered our armed forces to invade the homes of Dusty Baker, Jim Hendry and Greg Maddux.
Francis,
Perhaps you haven’t been told by Chip to "fear the Pirates bullpen" we didn’t need you, we have Solomon Torres and Brian Boehringer, we didn’t need a 23 year old who throws 97 miles an hour.
Besides in six years you’ll be arbitration eligible and too expensive for us.
This is going to be in about 15 minutes!
That should say "be me".
Give me a break, I’m only five.
Only 800 homers to go!
I’m glad the Cubs signed Maddux and all, but I’m not sure the trade-off is worth having Bako start every 5 games.
Let’s hope so.
Ramon, Bako, Pitcher spot and Goodwin. Pray for extra innings, cause we ain’t winning in 9.
You could just have people in the dugout seats call and complain about Bako’s language. That’ll cost him 5 games.
Actually, why not organize a campaign to have people call in and complain about Tony LaRussa’s offensive language next week?
I’d like to bat for Bako in the bottom of the ninth.
How about my double chin?
I wish Piersynski was a pitcher so I could say "He Peers-in-ski to the catcher for the sign."
Shouldn’t I be in school?
Before I bat, let me help out our troops.
Hey, Frankie walked a guy! Now he’s one of us.
What’s next on the list?
OK, Frank! You need to balk now!
If you out Darren on a leash, J.T., give me a call. I love being in pictures, y’know.
Why am I pulling a Farnsworth?
"Two walks in a row. Not good." – Ron Santo
If you could win a Darwin Award for broadcasting, Ronnie would win it.
Here we come
just rose 5% w/ Slow joe’s arrival.
Let’s win it here because I heard Mazur say he’s not doing the top of the 12th.
I suck!
I suck.
Corey
Hey guess what?
I popped out
How did the 1-2 punch of Bako and Corey in the 9th fail to produce? Maybe I should’ve had Jackson pinch hit.
I WANTED A WALK OFF HOMER! NO FAIR NO FAIR NO FAIR!
I wanted an infield nubber! I QUIT!!! I QUIT!!!
"Nubber??"
Are you talking to me, Bako?
I said, "Borowski is back to being Borowski. Believe that."
Okay, but the mexican league shitty Borowski, or the 2003 Borowski?
Joe walked Tucker to get to me, didn’t he?
I’ll show him. I can ground out to second base, every time!
I mean, uh, I’m wearing my hitting shoes!
PLEASE QUIT BAKO!!
This thing says "Perez homers to right." That can’t be right.
Losing to the Bondsless Giants on a dong from Neifi Fing Perez
I’m back to being Borowski all right. I suck.
But I don’t have any blown saves!…yet.
My ERA is a comfy 6.35 now. Aaaaah.
Joe, "blown?" Are you talking to me?
See ya!
Just reversing 98….
You know, catchers get hurt all the time. Barrett’s going to go down sometime soon and then you’ll get me every day!
I can still blow this!
I’m sick of the hate! How about a Joe Bo meter? Or a Corey meter? Why does everyone root for my failure? :,(
Herges, "blow?" Are you talking to me?
The Giants are a team that the Cubs should have swept.
Cubbieblue’s diction strange it is.
But we swept the Padres! 1 sweep a month is the quota.
That sucked.
At least if Aramis gets on, I get a shot. Oh, wait, I’m still hitting down here.
Eh, there’s no shame in getting wallopped by Neifi Perez. Good ball player with a lot of pop.
…since 2002 is on the way!
Hello Meat & Rusch!
Drinks at The Tumble Inn are on me tonight!!!
Don’t be hate me, guys. The Cubs are still somehow only one game back. Hey, Dusty, let me play in all three St Louis games and maybe I can change that to 4 back.