F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said, “There are no second acts in American lives.”  But what did he know?  And besides, if the Cubs had brought E-ramis Ramirez back for a two and a half month swan song, E-ramis is Dominican, so we can ask Colin Cowherd if they get second acts.

Whatever, it would have been pretty cool to have Aramis Nin Ramirez back for a final go-around with the Cubs.  Sure, he doesn’t play great defense anymore (he never actually played “great” defense, but it’s worse now), but he can still hit (.352 with a . 922 OPS in July).  I’m sure the Cubs dismissed the idea because he can only play third base, and that would require Kris Bryant to play left field every day that E-ramis is in the lineup, and that would endanger Ironman Coghlan’s league best consecutive game streak.

Besides, if Coghlan’s on the bench, it probably just gives him more time to do this:

Theo and Jed aren’t paid to be sentimental.  They’re trying to build a championship team.  I get that.  But I do think E-ramis would have helped.  He’ll damn sure help Pissburgh.

E-ramis is, one of the best Cubs ever.  I mean, if you like having a third baseman who hits for average, a high on base average and a high slugging average.  For nine seasons.  He took a lot of needless shit from fans because for whatever reason Bob Brenly had it out for him.  We all remember E-ramis gutting it out on a bad quad in 2009 and Brenly bitching about him not running hard enough.  E-ramis missed 80 games that year with a separated shoulder and that quad, but still put up a .905 OPS.  Whatever.  Tell your hilarious “yes dear, you’re right…” joke another 47 times this year.

E-ramis, party timeI know, I know, “clutch” hitting is not a thing, but E-ramis was pretty damned clutch.  He hit the only grand slam in Cubs postseason history.  He turned the 2007 division race around with one glorious swing of the bat off of Francisco Cordero.  He was the only Cub who hit in September 2004 (.333/.419/.602/1.021 with 9 homers and 18 RBI) when everybody but him, Carlos Zambrano and Greg Maddux folded like a cheap suit as they somehow missed the playoffs.

So I’m sure he won’t come back to haunt us in Pissburgh or anything.  It’s not like the Cubs and Pirates will most likely play a one-game, winner take all wild card thing in October.

For the Pirates, it must be pretty cool to have him back.  Their trade, to the Cubs 12 years ago yesterday was one of the worst deadline deals they’ll ever make.  For the Cubs it was one of the best.  They traded a 25-year-old third baseman who had already posted a 34 homer, 116 RBI season for them, and who when you added his Cubs and Pissburgh numbers together in 2003 ended up at 27 and 106.

I’m sure Jed and Theo have bigger fish to fry than 37 year old, two month rental.

But it would have been pretty awesome to have him back.

Best of luck E-ramis, especially against the Cardinals.

Oh, and E-ramis’ career numbers against the Cardinals?  .308/.362/.518/.880 37 homers and 144 RBI.